How to get over an ex?

[Anonymous]

I've been dating this guy a little over 3 months now. He will not stop talking and thinking about his ex. I let him vent to me a lot. Just about everything, even her. It didn't bother me about her at first because I thought he was going to be like one of those people who vent about something so much that it finally gets out of their system. I asked was it helping, he said, "no." I told him once how I didn't like him mentioning her. He apologized but that went in vain.

I know he still cares about her and that doesn't bother me one bit; as long as it stays at a friendly/family level. They have known each over of a decade, so how could he not care?Sometimes I feel it is a bit more that. If it wasn't, she wouldn't have so much influence in his life. I feel bad because I want him to forget her. She was like a cancer to him. I feel like "who am I, a new comer," to tell him that when its been some he's known for so long. At the same time, he's not with her now, he's with me. So I don't know. I do know that I don't want to break up right away. This is really his only major con in my eyes.



So yeah, I do I help him get over her? How did you get over yours? How did you help someone else ( family, friend, partner)?

[Sammy6618]

When was the break up? If it happened less than a year ago give him some time. Especially if the relationship lasted for more than a year.

First and foremost, try giving him a day or 2 to rant about everything involving her. And I mean everything. Tell him he can say anything that needs to be said. Let him get a good chunk of it out of his system.

Then,

Try distracting him. Spend time with him, go out, discuss other things...

Try telling him how you don't like it when he mentions her. Tell him how you feel about it and tell him it makes you feel like he's not over her.

Have an open conversation about his feelings for her and try to figure out what they are. This may be a difficult conversation to have but it's important to remain calm and collected.

My boyfriend and I got together less than 3 months after his last girlfriend and he ranted to me a lot about her. He even went as far as making comparisons (i.e "Woah, you can't cook? ____ cooked all the time." or "I wish you listened to this band too. ____ and I used to listen to them all the time") and telling me about the wonderful experiences they had together(yes, sexual experiences too).

Naturally, I was less than happy. But instead of immediately breaking it off I had a few conversations with him about my feelings on the subject. It turned out the only problem was he didn't realize that it bothered me because I stayed so calm. The secondary problem was that he simply had nothing else to talk about since most of his memories from the past 2 years involved her in some way. It took a few talks but eventually he stopped mentioning her. And when I say a few, I mean 2-5. Think of it like a habit that he needs to break.

Hopefully this helps :)

[Asker]

Yes this helps a lot. He does the same thing your boyfriend does. I'm glad it worked out between you two. Thank you so much with this.

[Sammy6618]

You're welcome :) and I hope it works out between you two as well

[Asker]

It is:) I took your advice immediately and things are going better. So I'm happy , so thanks x 100!

[Anonymous]

Only thing that will help is time. Trust me I questioned the same thing and tried every suggestion given to me.

[Asker]

I'm willing to do that because I want to make us work. I'm just a little afraid that I might be the rebound, because of how much he talks about her, which is just about every day :(