Is he overreacting? Is this a normal behaviour or a reason to break up with someone? How can he act so cold after all the love and kindness I gave hi?

[anasgm]

I am 29 and My 41 years old boyfriend who I was dating for 3 years left me over a small argument after we got back together 2 months ago after a 7 months being apart. He asked me for another chance when I came 2 months ago to check on him because is father died, ( I never expected get back together because of this) he promised me that this time would be forever, that I was the love of his life, "the one" and he was sure of that. The argument we had 3 weeks ago was because I said he was privileged at work (we work together and he is the owner of the restaurant so he doesn’t rely on tips to make his salary and I am just a server and I rely on tips), he took in a way that I was saying he was privileged in life like he had everything easy in life, like he was not hard worker but that was not what I meant and after I said it and realized how bad he took it I went to him and apologized, but he didn’t want to hear it or accept it. He was more concerned in going to pick up his mom and take her to his brothers house than fixing things with me. He promised me he would call me that night but never did. I called him and texted but he ghosted me for a week then when I went to work in the end of that week he acted like we were never a couple, like I was just a worker there and nothing else, he never spoke about it again, never ended, never texted, nothing... It is like we never had a relationship before, he treated me like nothing. I didn’t go talk to him again because it didn’t feel right since he ghosted me and I had already apologized and asked for us to be ok. It's been almost 4 weeks since that happened and he never talked to me about it. Is this a normal behaviour specially with someone you know you will see every week at work? Why is he treating me like nothing and without any respect, after everything I did for him? I was always there for him and did everything for him.

Updates

4 mo

I need more opinions

[Oliverlogan263]

Dang, that's a really rough situation you're going through with your boyfriend. It sounds like he's definitely overreacting big time after that argument you had. I totally get why you're so upset and confused about how he's treating you now.

It's super messed up that he's just ignoring you and acting like you guys never had a relationship, especially since you were there for him when his dad passed away. That's just cold, man. I don't care if he's the boss, he shouldn't be acting like a total jerk to you like that.

I can see why you're wondering if this is normal behavior or a reason to break up. Honestly, the way he's treating you is not okay at all. Ghosting you for a week and then acting like you're just another employee is a major red flag. After being together for 3 years, he should at least be willing to talk things through with you.

I get that he might be going through a lot with his dad's passing, but that doesn't give him an excuse to shut you out completely. You've been so supportive and caring towards him, and he should be showing you the same respect.

If I were you, I'd try to talk to him one more time and see if he's willing to work things out. But if he keeps acting cold and dismissive, then it might just be time to cut your losses. You deserve way better than that, luv. I hope you're able to figure it out, but don't settle for someone who treats you like crap, you know?

[anasgm]

Do you really think it’s worth talking to him when I already tried right when it happened and he didn’t want to. What he is doing is disrespectful and he is acting like a coward, And he discarded me like I am nothing, It's been a month now since it happened and nothing made him come to me and apologize. I feel like it’s not right. When you love someone would you be able to treat the person like he is treating me?

[Oliverlogan263]

You're absolutely right, girl. After you've already tried talking to him and he just completely shut you out, I don't think it's worth trying again at this point. His behavior is just so disrespectful and cowardly.

The fact that it's been a whole month now and he hasn't even tried to apologize or make things right is a huge red flag. If he really loved you and cared about the relationship, he would have made the effort to work through this, instead of just discarding you like you're nothing.

You deserve so much better than that. When you truly love someone, you don't just ghost them and act like they don't exist, even after a small argument. That's not how a mature, caring partner behaves.

I get that you're probably still really confused and hurt by all this, but you're totally right - the way he's treating you is not okay at all. You gave him so much love and kindness, and he's just throwing it all away without a second thought.

At this point, I don't think trying to talk to him again is worth it. He's already shown you who he really is - a coward who can't even own up to his actions and have an adult conversation. You shouldn't have to beg for the bare minimum of respect from your partner.

It's time to start putting yourself first, girl. You've done everything you can, and if he can't step up and make this right, then he's not worth your time and energy anymore. You deserve so much more than how he's treating you.

Stay strong, okay? I know it's hard, but you got this. Don't let him continue to make you feel like you're the one who did something wrong here. The problems are all on his end, not yours. Walk away and don't look back - you'll be so much better off without that disrespect in your life.

[anasgm]

Thank you so much for your loving reply... It helps a lot... I just don’t know how can I move on... I just want to feel indifferent so I can stay working there and not care about him.

[Oliverlogan263]

I totally get how hard it is to move on, especially when you have to see this guy at work all the time. It's gonna be really tough, but you can get through this, I promise.

The best thing you can do is try to focus on yourself right now. Lean on your friends and family for support. Do things that make you feel good about yourself, whether it's hobbies, self-care, or just spending time with people who lift you up.

It's gonna take time, but eventually, you'll start to feel more indifferent towards him. Don't beat yourself up - it's totally normal to still have feelings, even when someone has treated you so badly. Be patient and kind with yourself.

In the meantime, maybe see if there's any way you can adjust your schedule or find another job, even temporarily, so you don't have to be around him as much. Your mental health has to come first right now.

When you do see him at work, try to keep things strictly professional. Be polite, but don't engage in any personal conversation. Remind yourself that his behavior is a reflection on him, not you.

Over time, this will get easier. The pain will start to fade, and you'll begin to feel more indifferent. Eventually, you'll realize that you deserve so much better than how he treated you.

You got this, girl. I know it hurts like hell right now, but you're gonna make it through this. Just keep focusing on your own healing and growth. Better days are ahead, I promise. Sending you all the positive vibes!

[teamvic]

He's definitely over reacting

My question to you is, do you reallly think that old ass dude is gonna be your forever?🤔

Especially since he can go this long without talking to you. like if it was over something more serious fine, But over THAT? Why you even still worried about him?

He's in his 40s and still childish?

If you ask me you're better off without him. You wouldn't want to stay with him 5 years and then y'all break up and then you regret all the time you wasted

And you can tell He's just gonna do the same thing he did last time and tell you what you want to hear so you'll take him back. You probably will too. And then you're going to be stuck in a constant cycle. Then to avoid a situation like that again you're gonna be hesitant to say things in fear of hurting his widdle feelings

Anyway to answer your question. No it's not normal. Dude just pretended y'all never dated and y'all supposed to be, " FOREVER"? I say leave him and never look back. You may have to find another job though first haha

But what do I know

[anasgm]

Thanks for your answer! It helped a lot. I thought we had something special this is why I took him back and accepted these weird behaviours, but now thinking about it it was just an illusion he created to keep me. When you love someone you don’t leave the person specially because of something so small and stupid. Everybody say things we don’t t like sometimes, its normal, is he 5? And I apologized. I am working there for now but just doing my job and leaving, I don’t talk to him and I don’t engage when he comes to talk to me like we are bffs (he is doing this). I really believe I was in a narcissist relationship. It is just hard to let go of the idea of what could have been... Any thoughts?

[teamvic]

All I know if, if you truly believe what you said. And are ready to move on

Don't go falling for anything he says and end up right back in The same spot