Why can't I get over her?

[Anonymous]

I was with a girl for seven years and she ended the relationship two years ago. I've done everything to move on since then; hobbies, the gym, a new relationship, even cutting off contact with her. But I still can't stop thinking about her. I obsess over her every day even though I know I can't go back. I love my new girlfriend but this lingering feeling won't go away. Why can't I forget my ex? Is this normal?

[Finchie40]

Why did you both break up to begin with? If the reason for the break up was mutual agreement then it’s normal to still have feelings for that person but not normal to hold on to that person , An ex is an ex for a reason , if they truly loved you and cared about you they wouldn’t be your ex period. So you are just holding on to the good memories you had with them and overlooking the not so good memories , overall you can still love and care about someone without being with that person. That’s why you aren’t over her. But you are best to focus on your current girlfriend and put your ex behind you as much as possible

[Anonymous]

Yeah this is common. I had lingering feelings for “the one who got away” for a longer time then I like to admit. I was mainly very hung up on how things ended. I knew it wasn’t going to work out at the time but what she said to me at the end haunted me for years

You are doing the right thing. But here are two things you have to keep in mind:

• You have to accept that this feeling will never completely go away but you will get better at managing it.
• Some people have an addiction to fantasy and this reminiscing can feed into it. Fantasy can go both directions (both positive and negative) There is actually anon group I attend called SLAA (look it up). This helped me tremendously.

Anyway you are not alone in this. I think more people have this problem then don’t nowadays. Reason being fewer people are getting married and dating more. This leads into “what if” thinking with exes.

[RedHigHeels]

Because you're not giving yourself more things to do. Pushing yourself is always hard... we're never going to NOT be pushing ourselves as long as we're alive so you have to choose you and find distractions. It is the most annoying and heartwrenching things that make us the impressive future selves if we learn to adapt and accept. It'll never be easy but it'll always be worth it and that take it one day at a time line we've all heard is true no matter how frustrating it is... just know you will get over it... find things to focus your mind on even if it's not all consuming and sit with yourself and allow you to feel everything until it feel less than you need

[Nikki1989]

Even though you've moved on and are in a new relationship, there might be some unresolved emotions from your past relationship. It happens.

[bongo]

Yes, it’s normal seven years is a long time, and deep emotional bonds don’t disappear overnight. It sounds like you haven’t fully processed the loss. Cutting contact and distracting yourself helps, but true healing comes from facing your emotions, not suppressing them. Ask yourself: Are you missing her, or just the familiarity? Try journaling or therapy to unpack these feelings. If you love your current girlfriend, focus on the present, not the past. Healing takes time be patient with yourself.

[Asker]

Thanks for the advice! You’re right, I probably haven’t fully processed everything. I’ll try to focus more on the present and work through these feelings. Appreciate your help.

[fairytale]

It’s not fair to your new girlfriend to be stuck on someone who left you two years ago. You’re holding onto a fantasy, not reality. If she wanted to be with you, she would be. Obsessing over the past is stopping you from fully embracing the present. Maybe you never truly processed the breakup therapy could help. But if you keep living in the past, you’ll lose what’s in front of you. Let go, or you’ll end up alone.

[Asker]

I see your point, and I’ll work on letting go of the past and focusing on the present. Thanks

[lightbulb27]

Were there regrets and how did she align w your childhood parents and traumas. You are holding on to something because got chopped off and there are feelings thT need concluded. Do that by finding the value you learned about yourself so you can grow …then its not a loss but a win. Time to do some introspection therapy and trauma study. Might have to be honest w her about where you are at so hopefully she can be supportive of therapy…

[Sevenpointfive]

that's totally normal. that goes for any situation where you didn't get closure. it will haunt you for the rest of your life depending on the trauma it caused you. the hardest part of life is forgiving yourself. if you can ever figure that out let me know.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/MzCLLHscMOw

[dream]

It’s understandable that you’re struggling, but holding onto these feelings isn’t helping anyone. You can’t move forward with your current relationship if you’re still living in the past. You need to confront the root of these emotions and fully process the breakup. It’s unfair to both your ex and your current girlfriend to be caught in this emotional limbo. Focus on healing and breaking the cycle of obsession. If you keep holding on, you’ll miss out on what could be a healthy future.

[Asker]

You’re right, I need to face these emotions and stop living in the past. I appreciate your perspective and will work on moving forward

[exitseven]

You still have unresolved feelings. Maybe you do not know why she dumped you or maybe you cannot understand your way of coping with loss.

[MoonFace2]

Because you’re not over her. I suggest staying single for a while.

[LiamJHayden]

A lingering case of One-itis. You should really seek help.

[Cheerfull009]

Means you are not satisfied with your new girlfriend, otherwise no reason to think too much for Ex

[Asker]

Actually I love her but the thing is; some of my new girlfriend's behaviors remind me of her

[Crazzyyworld]

I can help u to get over. Get over here for a blow job

[Anonymous]

That's not normal and you should consider seeing a therapist.

[BriannaLidle]

Why can't you get over her if I may ask?

[Anonymous]

Get a life

[Keyboardkat]

That's dismissive and unhelpful. It is useless to tell someone that they should not feel a certain way when they obviously do. It is also useless to tell someone that they should feel a certain way when they do not! I've been there and I know.