Is it unhealthy to be too strict on principles, after breakup?

[Kenngu]

Just broke up with my partner after 6 years, the breakup was healthy and mature, no drama, not even disagreement of anything. We did it with respect, empathy, accountability, understanding and very supportive. We own 50% each of our apartment, we both are stress free about the finacial part. I had no hurry for her to move out, and wanted to be financally supportive, if she wants to move out. And she thought same, if I wanted to move out. We both got sick on the thought of dating again, and wanted least 1 year. Before even the thought to maybe start dating. The breakup was almost too perfect, that I feel a lot of regret, that I might lose this one rare person forever. What I mean is, she aired the idea of maybe we could try to see each other again, after we healed and fixed personal issue that led to the breakup. My life principles which has been working for me my whole life, is when I make a deciscion. Its forever, no going back on my words, execute and take 100% accountability for that deciscion.
After talking with my parents, they also suggested the same as my partner. That maybe we should see each other after we fixed our personal issue. This conflicts with my princible, I am now wondering if this princible that has worked for me my whole life. That is part of my identity, is one of the very personal issue that I need to fix. That I might have been too stubborn on this, and should at times diviate. This conflict creates self doubt, and I am mentally breaking. I am afraid that if I break this princible, I am losing a part of me. That in the future, I would find it easier to break promises and going back on my words. Should that be the case, I don't think I am deserving anyones love. My common sense tells me that if I am to improve as a person, and this is truly one of the issue I need to adress. And I do it, I'll break this pattern and find a long lasting relationship and be happy. Should it be with my now ex-partner or new partner.

[Anonymous]

This is a relationship, the important part of our lives, the important decision what impact us for life time, not a business deal or any other ordinary decision.

So there can be exception in this matter, as it's about the most important decision about your life.

But before reaching to any conclusion, you first need to clear your mind. You should not take any decision in blurry or hazy thoughts.

I would suggest you to sit down first, make your mind calm. Then note down what were the problem in your relationship earlier, can you both short out together? Why should you try that relationship again? Why you should not get back? Make a list and analyse with rational mind. Whatever would be the final conclusion whatever you feel have more weight. Follow it. Even if it goes against your this principle it's fine.

As it is said, everything is fair in love and war. There is no such strict principal.

[Kenngu]

Thanks for your input, it absolutely made me thinking more rationally.
I think I now also regret not doing what you suggest, just sit down and make list with her, and analyse before breaking up.

I think I am having a harder conflict too with the principal because for the first time, it feels not in place, not quite right, more like I did it just because I've always done it like that.
I'll reflect more on your input, and have a conversation with her on this.
Again thank you so much for the input

[laraWM]

If it helped you to move on, it could be good

[Kenngu]

Thanks for the input.
Do you mean as being strict to the principal could be good, if it helped me move on?
Or deviate from it?

[laraWM]

I mean what helps to move on could be good. I think it's bad to stay focused on old stories

[Twalli]

The way you two were meant that you weren't compatible the ways you were. If you both change and focus on your issues that lead to you two breaking up it's possible that getting back together would be successful, this time. Too often people don't fix their own problems before trying to restart a relationship. They assume that they were perfect and that the other person fixing the issues they had that lead to the breakup would make a new relationship successful.

[Kenngu]

I am willing to and have been focusing on my issue. What I am afraid of is that if she also is, and one day we both manage to fix our issue. Then me and my stubbornness of my principal won't give us an another chance. And I would make my biggest mistake of my life, that I would regret rest of my life.

[Sevenpointfive]

you might know the issue but we don't. you aren't sharing your principle that must not be broken

[Kenngu]

My principle that must not be broken is to not go back on my word, and decision. In this case we have said and agreed to breakup, and I said it would be permanent because of my principles. Where she wished to maybe we could see each other again, after we've fixed our issues.

[Sevenpointfive]

i get it. great. you have principles. but you can't say principle and expect that to have a definition. there are many reasons to have them and maybe you are seeing it in a very close-minded way. i am very stubborn, rigid, and disciplined to the point that i have many principles. these are rules we live by and it's not always right. it really depends on the principle in question.

[In_Trance]

You need to be single for a year and figure yourself out

[Kenngu]

Thanks for the input, I do have this in mind that it might be the healthiest to do.