Break Up & Divorce

Should I tell my abusive ex I am sorry for hurting him when getting a divorce?

We were together for six years. He was very controlling from the start, but I was so certain it would pass and he would accept me for who I am eventually. If I did everything as he said, we had peace at home, but the price was giving up all of my dreams and aspirations, hobbies, friends and family. Since I hate conflicts and confrontations, I also quit my university studies to become a stay at home mom, which was his and his mother’s dream for our family. He chose what I wore and encouraged me to throw away my makeup, because he said I looked like a “street whore” when using even the slightest bit of it. When we had children, he was always out with his friends or playing video games, leaving every chore and responsibility regarding the children on my shoulders. I had to give my salary to him all these years, because he wanted to control the finances.

I wrote his BA thesis for him, since he promised then he could provide for our family while I took care of everything else. Still he was asking for money from his mother, who then expected favors from me. I always apologized for and sugar coated every mean thing he said or did to other people. Mostly I was drained and embarrassed, BUT. I still feel bad for leaving him. I would have left earlier, but wanted for him to be more independent before the separation so he could manage everything in his own life. I feel bad for hurting him.

Even though I am feeling emotionally so much better and lighter, I’ve got this feeling that I did injustice to him when filing for divorce. He is so much different now, takes care of the kids when they are with him and started to cook, clean and do the laundry for the first time. Should I tell him I am sorry and that I wish him well? He wasn’t always mean to me and we had good days. How do I tell him that?

Should I tell my abusive ex I am sorry for hurting him when getting a divorce?
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