People who tell someone getting over a breakup to, “stop crying and just move on," why do you do it?

[silvermoon84]

I had someone say it to my face today and it was a friend of mine, and she’s been nagging me about finding another man since the day after the breakup. I’ve also seen people say it on here. Is it that hard to understand that healing isn’t linear? Is it that hard to understand also that dating someone else while still processing a breakup isn’t healthy or recommended? Yes, some people (like my friend) have an “out of sight, out of mind” mentality and can get over someone quickly and that’s great! Good for them, but that gives them no right to invalidate or dismiss someone else’s pain and grief. “Just move on already” is neither supportive or comforting, especially when the breakup is still fresh. It’s cold and dismissive. If you can’t show that girl or guy some compassion when they’re expressing hurt, maybe take your own advice and “just move on” yourself and don’t say anything.

[Anonymous]

Probably due to difference of sorting out feelings.
Men are known to have a goal in mind with any step or action in their life, unlike women who may literally just wander around.

So I think it is normal to have to sort out your feelings there, it certainly means to take some time. Especially if breaking up came suddenly or unexpected, or you had no clear goals/boundaries back then.
Your friend probably is
1) Just having fun unlike you, so breaking up is easier for her.
2) Or maybe she had her own boundaries so sorting out feelings and grasping the situation is already done as she reached that point.
• Idea: I think you get what I mean; she is coming from an already-established mental or emotional ground.

So take your time.. to make peace/understand/learn from what you got through. After that, yes it is time to quietly move on even if you cry here or there and miss some feelings as part of balancing accepting good parts while being decisive that you did the main part of breaking up.
I think friend should not not be pushy, rather encouraging to make a better try and support along with recent experience gained. Still push to move forward in concept.
As some said, good advice but less tactfulness.
So I think maybe bad timing/understanding others' situation or capabilities or needs. Which rather turns an advice to an order or a sought result.

Hope it makes sense.

[Finchie40]

People that say that are just trying to help them get over it and to help them move on with their life , Even though it’s not always the best thing to hear right after a break up , your friend doesn’t really see what’s going on inside of you , so all she is trying to do is cheer you up as soon as possible and letting you know you will find someone better eventually. An ex is an ex for a reason , if they truly loved you, they wouldn’t be your ex period. So moving forward as soon as you can is the best thing to do , whether you meet someone else or not , that comes down to when you are ready to do so. But your friend is right , by telling you to move on and not hold on to someone that didn’t hold on to you

[abbyjgriffin98]

I think a lot of people who say things like this mean well. I think they really are just trying to help you move on. Of course, it's still pretty insensitive to someone who is just going through a break up. Just don't take it to heart. For me, my advice would be to take some time. Don't date for awhile. And, eventually, you will remember what it's like to be single and even enjoy being single.

[MasterKS]

@abbyjgriffin98 very strong point, kudos for it.

[rosemilk]

those people have repressed their feelings (and were probably raised like that), don't become like them. you need to heal. they have no idea how to heal. they just push it down and move on. which actually turns into a BIGGER problem down the line. all while, because you felt your feelings and cried it out, you're better off and more mature than them.

[DishLady]

Bc crying and whining about it doesn't change anything. If you want to chat with a friend about it then OK however you must ALSO just sit stewing in your own kaka. You need to move on. There's no other option.

[OlderAndWiser]

I respond, "Tell me how to switch off my feelings, because I don't know how."

[Crimsyjo]

I need to use that response!

[TheDraconianJester]

I could say that maybe your friend is probably bad at saying that she hopes you'll move on and find comfort in someone else, but just the idea of her not getting to your level to sympathize is pretty awful.
I totally agree with you overall, though. Moving on is harder said than done when you've truly felt a connection to your previous partner. Take the time to emotionally and mentally heal, and maybe consider looking into possible red flags within that friend, like flags you may have missed previously. If she's not willing to see how you're grieving a previous relationship, I wouldn't consider her a good friend to talk to when it comes to relationships or personal matters.

In the meantime, I wish you luck on your self-healing journey. It'll be hard to move on, but when you start piecing yourself back together, you'll feel whole again. 🫂

[Prometheus89]

Come to menzil sect

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

"Because it's embarrassing for them and they wanna protect themselves"

- Anon1903

"some people (like my friend) have an “out of sight, out of mind” mentality and can get over someone quickly"

Which may indicate two things here, either they're so detached that nothing comes in or comes out, either they didn't relate to someone, when there's no one to relate to, a break up is very easy to experience lol.

"Just move on already” is neither supportive or comforting"

Yep, that's the part where many people suck at basic psychology. And I think your friend deserves to hear some inconvenient truth. But hearing it and making sense of it won't be the same thing. That would be too easy

[silvermoon84]

I mean, my friend got dumped via text by a guy she dated for over a year. She called the guy, chewed his ass out over voicemail and then immediately went right on the dating app. I told her to go ahead and cry and let it out. Her answer was “I’m not crying over that mother fucker or any other man. I’ll just find someone else.” Within a week she was dating someone else. It’s been a year now and they just got engaged.

Some people have that ability. I don’t and I told her this and she’s basically like “I know, but you’re going to change that because I’m going to force you to change it”.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

Personally I don't think it's an ability of her, more a disability, and this disability is expressed when she says: "I’m going to force you to change it"

Because saying this means she has no idea about how psychology works, at all.

She may have some sort of survivor mentality where she rushes in life like people around don't really exist? I mean it's her thing, but projecting that onto other people is really misguided lol

[snowboarder720]

Some people have no idea what grieving is really like after a breakup. It’s okay to grieve. Those who are agitated from you looking for support and tell you to “move on” sound like jerks. I’d cut them out of my inner circle, personally. If they can’t understand how to support you when you’re at your lowest then they don’t deserve you at your best.
I’d at least let them know how they are are insensitive and belittling how you feel during a challenging time. No ‘friend’ should ever say “just get over it” or “just move on”. None of that is even support. If one of my wife’s friends told her that if she lost a family member they’d get an ear full of me cussing them out lol

[snowboarder720]

Truth is some people do not know how to be supportive. They are too dumb to be empathetic.

[MannMitAntworten]

I have heard people talk about this … from what I can gather it is because they themselves are tired of hearing the individual lament again and again so they cone to a point where they had enough of hearing about it so to end hearing about it ‘again’, they tell them to get over it essentially.


I have a friend who is like that but boy does he like talking about a certain woman of his interest - who shows zero in return - a lot. For me, I have approached the matter from several different directions explaining why he should not allow her free rent in his head. It is slowly working. I know the, “get over it approach” only serves to draw things out and is of zero help for ‘them’ even if the ‘her’ subject is beaten into ad nauseam. At least he kind of laughs and jokes about it now more than gets demoralized over thoughts of her.


Anyway, it is going to happen. People just lose patience over a drawn out subject. Even the ones that actually care about you.

[Anonymous]

Are you truly asking? Or just venting? Because I'll answer if you're truly asking. But my guess is you won't be very pleased with the answer.

First rule of being on the internet, never share anything in less you're fully prepared to recieve a wide range of responses. Yes people should be nice, people should be respectful, and people should be compassionate. But EVERYBODY has delt with this subject at least one time. And for some people it's habitual. And what is worse than heartbreak? Heartbreak and not learning from it.

[AMS700CX4u2]

They don't comprehend to amount of emotion that is breaking your heart and it makes them uncomfortable to hear you cry because it compromises their self control. Actually you should cry it out. The fact that you do is a point in your favor. It indicates you are not superficial.

[dustybiker2]

You have to feel to heal or it only takes longer to get over something.

People who listen to this behavior from those around them end up extending the process creating baggage or worse keeping you in a rut. Feel the pain and distract yourself in between. Then get out again when you are ready.

[exitseven]

I never say that to people. I know what a big deal this can be. Everyone processes it differently. Some people can just push it down into a little corner of their mind and go on with their life. Others need time to mourn.
Just try to be kind to yourself and try to remember that there is nothing wrong with you and you will come out on the other side.

[ChicoFromThe305]

I think it's how the world is going right now, lots of stuff going on, people are becoming sanitized to breakups, mostly when its from the third perspective but that's of course not considering your feelings, you'll heal and be okay, sucks to hear things don't work out, also id say remain a distance from your friend for a while, until you feel better, in moments like this, those are the friends you least need.

[loveslongnails]

I tell them to take time to grieve, then consider what you think you lost. When things are calmer, you'll find things look very different. I don't tell someone to "move on" unless it's been a very long time and they're just wallowing in their own misery, or looking for company to wallow with.

[Nikki1989]

It really depends on the context of the situation. Some people do need to grow up and move on after things go wrong for them, but some people are terrible at moving forward. Giving it to them straight can be a wake-up call.

[silvermoon84]

You make a fair point. I get it if the person is still crying over the relationship a year later. That’s the needed wake up call. It’s insensitive though if it’s only been a few days. In my case, the break up was still very recent. I’m better than I was on the day of the breakup, but I still have a way to go

[lorenzomichael]

Because what else are you gonna do just think about it all the time? That will kill you inside and it doesn’t matter how good of a time you had with that person if it’s over then it’s over leave the pieces where they lie and get over it its that simple like a Band-Aid just rip it off.

[lightbulb27]

because they are impatient and unwise... don't know how to communicate, can't handle the sadness when they are pmsing?

some people don't know what to say... definitely talk to someone else.

[Still-alive]

this doesn't sound like a very good friend. you don't just 'move on' form a breakup it takes time to feel all the emotions and heal.

so id ignore any 'advice' from her from now on

[FreyaRed]

I tell them always if "She/he would really love you they wouldn't leave" and then come the phrase about getting rid of their pointless emotional self-pity

[molonski2]

They say it because it's good advice , and you know it's good advice , it may not be possible to accept the advice but it's how it is and completely acceptable.

[ProbablyClueless]

I think the hope is that you'll see that your ex wasn't much of a loss.

It's kind of a presumptive and insensitive thing to say to someone in mourning though.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

If I say that it’s because I’ve been hearing them cry about it for months and I’m emotionally burnt out

[fonduegirl]

Because it's embarrassing for them and they wanna protect themselves

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

[BarryLiverstone]

Either that’s said because they don’t care about you, or if they do care it’s motivational if they think enough time has passed for you to move on.

[silvermoon84]

I get that. It’s fine when it’s said after a certain amount of time has passed and it’s said with care and a strong dose of tough love, but I’m talking about when it’s said right after the break up.

I love my friend to death, but she’s a dating drill sergeant. I want time to focus on myself and what I get from her is “nope! You’re getting right back in the saddle and you’re going on a date with this guy I know who’s perfect for you!”

[BarryLiverstone]

If your friend has seen a pattern of you breaking up then her drill tactics could be beneficial. However if you came off a long term relationship as you say it takes time to heal

[Anonymous]

because some people cry for years over their ex with no signs of recovering. thats when everyone around you gets impatient and just tell you to get over it. sounds rude but you gotta do it

[Bklynbadboy12]

They say it's to motivate you but is no very motivating you have to surround yourself with friends and family and get back to doing the things you like and just get back into life

[BigSwingingBalls]

i hear what you are saying but sometimes people linger too long and its not healthy for them

[Kingofkings1992]

She’s trying to be helpful, but she’s not very good at being tactful

[Anonymous]

I never had a breakup, but on the other hand, I was never in a relationship :(

[itsannalee]

Because crying doesn’t solve your problems

[silvermoon84]

Agreed but sometimes it does make the person feel better. Sometimes you have to feel whatever you’re feeling and grieve the relationship in order to move on.

[WonderingManII]

Yeah it's cold when they say that.

[WhitneySnow]

They’re not very empathetic

[Jamie05rhs]

I completely agree with you.

[qwerty2469]

Because its the best advice

[Light_beam]

Stop crying and move on please

[eagle1951]

Life goes on

[silvermoon84]

Very true, but when you form an attachment to someone and that relationship ends, some of us actually have to grieve the severed relationship and process the breakup in order to fully move on.

[MasterKS]

Old school.