Why do people only do effort after they get divorced?

[Greek_goddess_Iris]

I was watching cartoons with my daughter about a mermaid and a shark, they are a couple. The mermaid stop giving attention to the shark and he started exercising after she left to make himself look better, but it was a misunderstanding and she loves him very much. Kids stories always have happy endings lol

So in real life, when a couple get married, the woman tends to let themselves go, especially after pregnancy. Some don't even put on a little mascara or try to loose the extra weight. Then the man's eyes start wondering and when he cheats, he's the monster. And this can go both ways, I'm just using this version as an example.

Anyways, so they get divorced, the man is the monster, and suddenly the woman start exercising again to get back in shape and make herself look attractive.

Why don't they (or you) do that effort DURING the marriage for the person they chose to marry.

I know marriage isn't about just looks, but attraction does play a role too. Even in nature, the female bird won't chose to mate with a male whose colors isn't bright enough.

[TrimmedTip]

Because sometimes people take love for granted until it’s gone. Comfort breeds complacency — and loss breeds motivation. It’s not always vanity; often it’s regret, self-reflection, or the shock of realizing what they’ve lost.

But you’re right: the best relationships are ones where both partners keep choosing each other — every day. Not just when it’s too late. 💔✨

[OlderAndWiser]

Some people do make that effort, they stay married, and it never is brought to your attention.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Damn girl, your ex must have fucked you up to believe that any of that is for the purpose of getting a partner and not coping.

[Greek_goddess_Iris]

No no. This is not based on me. This is based on relationships I have observed around me. When I did online dating there is always men who want to cheat, and I said no. But I always ask what is wrong there and go through a little therapy session with them. One of the main reasons is either they are bored, or theirs wife's just don't even try anymore.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Yeah, I imagine their wives ended up gaining weight becauss they struggled to find time to take care of themselves on top of their job, taking care of the house, and the ungrateful husband who decided to cheat rather than help and make life easier so she can keep the figure he misses so much. 80% of all divorces are initiated by women because their husbands are garbage.

[Greek_goddess_Iris]

That's true as well. Some women and men are in marriages where they have to do everything, and finding balance including time for themself becomes almost impossible.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Yeah, so they don’t suddenly “put in effort” when it’s over. They finally have time now that they’ve been relieved of the burden of their already shitty marriage. Don’t blame women for “losing” their husbands when it’s very obviously the husband being a piece of shit

[Greek_goddess_Iris]

I did not blame anyone. You'll see in my question I asked "people", not women. And in my description I make it clear that this can apply for both genders bc it can go both ways.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Tacking on “I’m just using this version as an example” at the end of a statement where you make it abundantly clear that the appearance of the woman is at fault for her cheating husband doesn’t negate your very obvious bias in that being your first choice in explaining why people cheat.

[Ariesman81]

Good observation. Most women see the wedding as the end goal. Meaning, once she's got the ring, she's safe.

Complacency and comfort is nice, but is an attraction killer.