Ex-situationship and hard to end things?

[Anonymous]

I was in a situationship/friendship with a man for about 9 months. I fell in love with him. He’s a textbook example of an avoidant attachment style, and the push-pull dynamic was really strong throughout these 9 months. A month ago he completely cut me off after a stupid argument and said he didn’t want to be in my life anymore. An hour later he sent me another message saying that maybe we could talk someday, but he needed a few weeks.

A week ago I asked him when he’s going to pick up his stuff from my place, and he replied “in a few days” and added that he’s not ready to have a conversation yet, he needs more time. Since then I haven’t heard anything from him — basically I’ve heard nothing from him for a month except for those messages.

Why is he postponing picking up his things? He’s really cold, avoidant, and immediately unfollowed me on Instagram. If he doesn’t want me in his life anymore, wouldn’t it just be easier to get his things and move on? I’m completely heartbroken over this — it’s been 9 months now and I just wish this whole mess was over already. I just once want to understand his behaviour, it's been mixed signals whole 9 months.

[HollyK21]

As of right now, hanging onto his things is just you hanging onto the last bit of connection you have with him. He clearly isn’t worried about his items and equates picking them up to having a face to face conversation with you, which he doesn’t wanna do. If I were you, I’d either give him a deadline to pick up his things otherwise they go to the goodwill; or I’d pack it all into a box, put it in storage and move on with my life. In either case though, I’d be moving on.


You already know he’s indecisive as shit and wasted nearly a year with this push/pull scenario trying to accommodate it. At some point you’ve got to let go of the future you wanted with him and accept what you’re actually getting which is nothing. No more waiting around hoping he’ll have some epiphany and pick you, that’s so degrading.

[ManOnFire]

Tell ya what: if he doesn't come pick his shit up by the end of next week, go ahead and throw it all out. It doesn't need to occupy your space. He might even be delaying it as a way to use it to keep you holding on to him, or as some kind of tactic where he thinks he can just walk back into your life later on. He sounds like an awful guy and not somebody you'd want to spend the rest of your life with.

[Anonymous]

What the hell is a situationship?

[Anonymous]

LMAO

[In_Trance]

Yea ok