How do I escape from this Trauma bond?

[Anonymous]

I had been into a LDR relationship for 8 months. Well I didn't realize but my ex was actuallv abusive.
.
I realized she used tactics like DARVO , bread crumming , gaslight and triangulation.
[I realized after breakup]
After the breakup, I am suffering from trauma bond. Its been 2 years since breakup and still having the trauma bond.
.
How can I escape this?
.
I keep feeling that I am the issue and she is in a new relationship now. And I feel envy that she in a new relationship. And her new boyfriend is better than me.. I dont know why I feel this..

[ToastWithEggs]

Hey man, sorry to hear about your situation, I assume you're still young given the age range displayed. I would also like to think that this might be your first relationship? Or at least one of your first.

Many people experience toxic relationships especially early on. For example, high school relationships tend to be incredibly toxic filled with jealousy, manipulation, over attachment and so on. This mainly stems from insecurity and immaturity; among others, that one tends to experience during that period in life.

My suggestion; and I know it's easier said than done, is to entirely block her out of your life. You stated that you're aware she's in a relationship now, that means that you still have access to her ongoings (i. e. through social media and what not), you need to block this out.

Secondly, you need to start dating. Once you start seeing and experiencing how smooth and stress-free a relationship can be if you're with the right person you'll naturally start to forget.

Third, start analyzing this past relationship from an outside perspective. What I mean by this is you have to try to recall and scrutinise certain events that you feel were of importance but detach yourself from the situation (imagine that it's your friend and his girlfriend as opposed to you and the ex). How would you advise him? What would you pick up on? What were the early signs of a manipulative personality? Where did you legitimately go wrong? By doing this, you'll be able to spot similar red flags in future relationships. You'd also be able to identify areas where you could do better.

Detaching yourself emotionally is also a good exercise in curbing the romantic fixation that you still harbor when it comes to her and that relationship.

[Asker]

Thank you for the advice.
I am 19 and your right I am young.
I am not willing to date anyone since I dont wanna remind of my ex when my new girlfriend doesn't reciprocate the same efforts of love.
I am willing to detach first before jumping to a new relationship.
I really loved her.. and planned a future.

[ToastWithEggs]

Seeing people does not necessarily mean diving into another committed relationship, there's nothing wrong with putting yourself out there and meeting women casually over a cup of coffee. However, I can fully understand and respect your decision.

Trust me, you're lucky things didn't go as you had planned. Imagine being in a long-term relationship whilst constantly being gaslit and manipulated. First loves are hard to get over but wounds heal with time my guy.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Just follow what your therapist advises

[Asker]

Thank you, I am in therapy. I don't know how you got to know..

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

I figured if you weren’t, you oughta be

[Asker]

I am in therapy.. its hard to handle the trauma bond myself.