Is it "low value" to stay friends with an ex on social media?

[AnikaMehta]

My friends say I should block my ex and delete every photo to move on properly. I don't hate them, but seeing their updates definitely stings. Does "No Contact" mean total deletion, or is it mature to keep them there but just ignore the feed? What’s the move here?

[blueonblack22]

“My friends say”. Why is it women always have to take advice from their friends as the “gold standard” to go about their lives, especially in dating? You are also seem more worried about other people’s judgment (another female quirk…. no offense) then you are worried what’s best about your own mental health and well being

Anyway you are a grown woman. Make your own decisions. The only time you should really take your “friends” advice is if you are really stuggling with something serious. That doesn’t seem to be the case.

Who cares if you are still friends with an ex on social media. Not every relationship ends with trauma. Of course if someone cheated, was legitimately abusive, etc. then get rid of them as quickly as possible. But in other cases you can still be friendly (but that’s NOT the same as friends). This is someone you spent a notable time in your life with. Cutting someone completely out like they’re cancer as quickly as possible while trying to destroy ALL memories of them (both good and bad) can be cruel both to the other person and yourself.

I’ve had someone do this to me very abruptly and unnecessarily years ago. I think she was trying to self justify her decision to break up by seeing as scum of the earth. That hurt. Hurt a lot. But now I look back and realize that said more about her than it said about me.

But this is where the danger hits with social media connection. There really is no such thing as a “mutually accepted” break up. There is usually one person (almost always the person getting dumped) that has some lingering hope. So staying connected on social media can be bad for someone’s mental health. At some point at least one of you will get together with someone else.

Someone is not going to like seeing that. Just saying. But quit worrying about what your friends think.

[Orion84]

Ultimately, it's up to you, but two phrases jump out at me, from your question: "move on" & "not seeing his updates stings."

If you're concerned about their updates, then it sounds to me like you're not moving on, because you're not over them. It sounds like you're clinging to something that doesn't exist anymore. I'm no psychologist, but that doesn't sound emotionally healthy to me.

It's nice that you don't hate your ex, but I don't think you'll ever truly be able to move on in you're constantly watching their updates as a way to keep at least part of them in your life.

[HollyK21]

I wouldn’t say this is about maturity, but self preservation. When you’re trying to heal and get over someone, the worst thing you can do is having them right in front of your face on an app you frequent every day. It would be different if you were totally over him or didn’t have any inkling of hope, but you’re struggling with both. You can’t worry more about preserving that connection or how he’d feel about you deleting him than you worry about your own mental health. Deleting him isn’t personal or spiteful, it’s what needs to be done so you can move on. Out of sight out of mind.

[drummerdude25]

Exactly right.

[cherrytreeblossom]

you can usually change your settings on what you want to see in most apps and you can dump all your photos into one large folder that you hide somewhere on your computer or in the cloud, so you dont see what you dont want to see every day.

i think both is fine, i just wouldn't be surprised if your future boyfriend finds it weird why you haven't at least mostly gotten rid of your ex' influence on your life. you gotta concentrate on the now and in your life, not someone else's life from the past. that's what i've been told.

[serious]

It can be both also. Means it would depend on the person as to how they understand the meaning of "No Contact".

Well, to some people it means total deletion and just minding their own business. Whereas to some people it would mean having their number but still maintaining the boundaries, the distance and just ignoring them. Both are fine.

[HighValue]

Any contact with an ex is cheating if in a relationship with someone.

Also, the majority of women can't handle social media and at the very least emotionally cheat on their partners. If they were actually loyal, they would get rid of their smart phones.

[Nikki1989]

I always stay friends with people I was once friends with. I talk to all my exes regularly except one. This is what mature, civil people do.

[Nikki1989]

PS: The ones that can't do are the kinds of people that should have never been in a relationship in the first place. in my opinion.

[Subtle_Luminescence]

It's always leaving things open for troubles. You don't know what their intentions are after the break up.

[Spencer10]

Same as the last question you asked... trust your gut. Its different for everyone in my opinion how to handle an ex.

[Danzigdawson]

Using the expression "low value" is kind of "low value", as far as I'm concerned.

[dudeinohio]

Total deletion is best. It also helps you to move on.

[queenofcardio]

Maybe you should block if it's still painful

[aceleon]

girl what kind of people still follows their exes? especially while they are with someone.

[jazzy34]

Did the relationship end on good terms or was it a nasty break up?

[DextroShade]

Maintaining any form of contact with your ex makes you a low-value woman.

[Anonymous]

Why bother keeping them around if you’re not going to talk to them?

[MereAnarchy]

Are you really 32 years old and asking this?

[lilBigPotato]

Depends on why and how you broke up.

[jahaims]

Only immature people stay friends with exs

[blackeagle007]

Your call

[In_Trance]

Yes it is