Married women: is my husband’s spotless second home a red flag?

[Anonymous]

Say ur 18 year husband has an out of state job and a house he owns near the job. He goes back n forth weekly. But on occasion like 3 to 6x a year you go there instead of him coming home.

Everytime you go to the out of state house its impeccably clean. He has a bi weekly maid but still. Every time and you arrive different days and times of the week.

Would you even notice or consider it? Or do u just blow it off as a good intention for the place to be sparkling clean for you?

Updates

9 d

He has a history of cheating

[molonski2]

Needs it clean for all this lady friends , can't have g-strings flowing everywhere.

If he's not like this in the other place you know the answer , I don't like the word " cheating " it's BS , he entertains many..

What a spare place for otherwise?

[Asker]

Notice all the woman saying its a nice gesture. Lol.
His business is there. He moved me and the kids 1500 miles away he's was starting another business but the funds fell through. We are staying here its way cheaper. he's trying to sell his businesses

[molonski2]

Well , let's see what happens after the business sells..
You didn't answer my question? Is he super clean like that at home?
1500 miles? Sounds convenient, plus I know how guys think.

[Asker]

Yes he's pretty clean so I dont see why he has to have the housekeeper every single time. Its not like id every walk into a shambles dirty house

[molonski2]

Well that's kinda interesting , but he's really clean if you all live together? Like perticulously clean? If so.. Why does he need the cleaner?

[Zack-Bann]

Honestly if he only goes to work that means he doesn’t spend a lot of time there, plus with the maid keeping it tidy, he could end up with a spotless home without necessarily cheating.


Now because he has a history of cheating that’s where the issue is.


Because you will never fully trust him again, and you will always find reasons to jump to the cheating conclusion.


What’s worse is: maybe you’re right. Maybe he is cheating.


That’s why when the trust is broken it’s best to walk away

[sage2021]

I think that the house is cleaned the day before so when you come over, you're not walking into a dirty house.

But the cheating thing is a whole different story.

His cheating is going to destroy your mind and what's left of your life. You have to get away from a person like that. Period.

[Asker]

Welp I found blonde hairs in the broom bristles so yep I was right

[sage2021]

I'm so sorry! 😔 You're a smart lady!

My husband cheated on me right after I had our baby son.
I was young when it happened, but it ended our marriage.
The hurt in my heart stuck with me for most of my life.
We got along so well that I was completely blindsided by it.
I wish you the best! I know this isn't easy at all for you to get through.💕

[TrueConfection]

I would expect anyone living alone to have a clean home, especially if they have a maid! However, my husband leaves a trail of everything he touches and if he has a clean house I would be very suspicious.

[Asker]

Right. Mine is pretty clean too. Im jist wondering why he has the housekeeper clean the place like the day before i get there. Every time. We're married 25 years

[TrueConfection]

I don’t know your situation, but I would LOVE it if my husband made sure theto house was clean for my arrival. When we were dating, he used to get his car cleaned before he’d pick me up and if I went to his house it would have been cleaned. He hasn’t cleaned anything in 25 year’s. 🤪

I’d take it at face value, that he wants it to be nice when you get there. If you find women’s hygiene products, then there is a flag.

[spartan55]

@asker
Hey pink anon, maybe he just wants the place clean for you... na that couldn't be it...🙄 /s

[Asker]

Well thats why hed clean it right? To be rid of any female signs like hair etc. He changes the sheets every single time before I arrive. Its odd. he's clean in general so I dont understand the professional cleaning every time I arrive

[spartan55]

You don't trust him, so, why are you with him?

[TrueConfection]

I didn’t even think of hair. I was thinking panties, makeup, perfume, jewelry, etc.

[spartan55]

It's like talking to a wall. Keep worrying about stray hairs lady.

[TrueConfection]

Another way to look at this is if you walked into a mess every time you went to visit, you’d either feel like a maid or just not want to visit. Maybe he just wants the place to be clean so you don’t think he’s gross.

[spartan55]

@TrueConfection
Impossible! He's a cheater! /s

[TrueConfection]

@spartan55 Both could be true at the same time

[OlderAndWiser]

Why don't you ask whatever question you are trying to suggest by innuendo?

[Finchie40]

Then he is still cheating for sure

[Asker]

I think so. Im just curious if any other women would notice. But to have the maid clean the day before I get there or morning of the last 5 times I've gone to that house, was it weird to think that. Or would any other woman think that.

[Finchie40]

Not weird to think that at all , and you have every right to think that way especially since he cheated on you before. Can I ask you why you took him back after he cheated on you? Once cheating happens in a relationship or marriage , it’s over , so by you giving him another chance is basically telling him that it’s ok for him to cheat on you , he isn’t going to change , all he did was try to cover his tracks more , why you should never give a cheater a second chance period. Understand you deserve way better than that in life and you deserve true love from someone. So if I was you , I would start making your plans to leave his ass whether he was still cheating on you or not.

[Masie]

No, that doesn't mean much if he infrequently uses the house and has someone coming biweekly to clean it.

If anything, I would expect it to be clean all the time. I think the bigger issue here is you seem to have some trust issues from what I can tell.

[Asker]

he's in that house every week sun night through Thursday then comes home. Sometimes he's there almost 2 weeks.
he's frequently there.

[Masie]

I still don't see how that automatically means he is cheating.

[Calyptomaniac]

If the history of cheating wasn't a red flag each time it happened, then what else possibly could be?

[Asker]

We went to therapy etc. Im just wondering if the maid cleaning the house everytime the day prior to my arrival means he's been up to something

[Calyptomaniac]

It's why you don't take back the cheaters. A clean house is suspicious. It won't ever end.

[Anonymous]

Perfectly understandable from his view point. First home with you and the kids he could care less if it's a dump and gets trashed BUT the second home his safe haven home away from you and the kids it's his peace and sanctuary away from the chaos and bullshit

[spartan55]

Why are you with him if you don't trust him? You sound like you are trying to spin anything towards him cheating... smh.

[LazerBean]

I don't think it would ever occur to me to be suspicious just because of that

[Asker]

What if he has a history of cheating

[LazerBean]

If He had a history of cheating, then I wouldn't have married him

[Asker]

No he had an affair i stayed he broke it off. So now im wondering because the last 5 times I've gone to the 2nd house the maid has thoroughly cleaned it the day before or morning of

[DonaldDarko]

Men are like that sometimes. When I have a place to myself it's very clean and orderly. Kind of dead though like a robot lives there.

[exitseven]

I would imagine that he is hiding something or maybe he just has something going on with the maid.

[Just_Ken]

I have other properties. If im paying a maid it better be spotless.

[andreasderjuengere]

What could be wrong about a clean home?
Hmmm... assuming that you take care of your 'main home'... which one looks better? 🤔

[LiamJHayden]

Works and has a second home out of state and has a history of cheating? That's multiple red flags irrespective of the spotlessness of the second house.

[bowenw]

It is a red flag and a reason to investigate your fears further.

[Smileygirl2000]

If you're having doubts why not just talk to him? Isn't that what a marriage is about? Communication

[Pterodon]

Well that 60 Minutes reporter Charles Kerwalt I think led a double life and wasn’t exposed till after his death. So you tell me

[jahaims]

You wouldn't have to worry if you didn't pick a cheater

[DirtyOldMan777]

He doesn't live there. He uses it to sleep and relax a bit. it's not lived in like your home.

[Anonymous]

Hope you don't believe he keeping the house that clean No man would do that plus a man is a slob and lazy

[Nikki1989]

Nope. Not all men live like pigs.

[Iron_Man]

People don’t get married at 18 teenagers

[DryGermanGuy]

She's marred for 18 years, mate...