Am I wrong for ending my long-distance relationship over no clear future plan?

[Anonymous]

I’ve been in a LDR for almost 2 years with an online friend I’ve known for over a decade. We take turns visiting each other every month. About a year ago, we had a plan to relocate in between together. Long story short, he wasn’t financially ready for months and wasn’t transparent about it. This caused a huge ripple in our relationship. I forgave him and moved out of my parent’s house and got an apartment with my best friend since I knew things weren’t moving yet. We signed the lease 5 months ago. He recently got another job in his hometown bc he wanted benefits and it pays a few dollars more. Since last year, I’ve been asking him for another timeline but I always get shut down. He said he doesn’t know when with a ‘that’s just too bad’ attitude. It’s resulted in arguments almost every time we bring up this next step. This has made me significantly insecure in our relationship and wonder if he’s as serious as I am. A couple months ago, my roommate brought up the idea that she might move in with her boyfriend next year. I bring this up to my boyfriend and suggest him moving in with me by then. (By next year, we would be nearly 3 years into the relationship). He is still unwilling to give me a plan for next year. Not even a yes. This made me come to terms with not wanting the same thing. I had a heart to heart with him with the undertone that this wasn’t working out. Suddenly, he wants to plan for next year bc ‘it just came to him.’ I think that’s bs. Just the day before he shut me down about any planning or idea for next year. I broke up with him and I’m really hurting. He’s pissed. He’s asking me to wait until next year bc he’ll move in with me and IF he doesn’t he’ll leave me alone forever. I don’t know what to do.

Updates

1 mo

We are in our mid 20s*

Updates

1 mo

He apologized for coming off aggressive bc he doesn’t want this to end. He said he’ll be here bu next year if I let him bc he can’t see a life without me. Otherwise, he can’t hold the breakup against me and he’ll always love me until the end of time

[HollyK21]

Ultimately, I think you made the right choice. His sudden change of heart didn't strike me as a genuine, sincere choice and instead came off as somewhat of a conditional, even manipulative, panic offer. Correct me if I’m wrong but it sounds like he shut you down with a "that's just too bad" sort of attitude for like an entire year. He only offered a plan when you explicitly checked out. I feel like he’s following a typical but toxic relationship pattern: he didn't wanna do the work when you were hurting, but he is willing to promise anything now to avoid the discomfort of a breakup.

His promise to move in next year feels pretty manipulative, and that caveat of “if I don’t, I’ll leave you alone forever" is, in my opinion, designed to force you into a corner. It forces you to waste another entire year on an "if”. It’s like you’d be gambling your life on someone who has a proven track record of financial hiding and even stonewalling.

LDR’s requires extreme transparency to survive. The fact that he hid his financial unreadiness for months during your first plan to relocate shows a fundamental lack of honesty & respect for the timeline you want or are at least trying to create.

To me, it sounds like you’re a woman who’s proactive when it comes to planning, security, and growth in a relationship. He prefers stagnation and gets defensive or pissed when held accountable. Even if he did physically move next year, the emotional resentment and communication deficits would be an ongoing issue.

All this to say, trust your gut and leave this guy alone. In my opinion, he’s just a future faker, promising a silver lining down the road to fix a crisis in current time. By leaving you aren’t ruining a relationship, but choosing to stop accepting a situation that made you feel deeply insecure. You deserve more and can do better.

[Asker]

This is 100% spot on. Even on the things I didn’t directly mention. Points like defensiveness, resentment, etc. no relationship is perfect, but everything else about us is good. But this one issue overshadows everything and it sucks. The feeling of rejection and repetitiveness caused me to check out. Doesn’t make it any less painful. He’s definitely committed to me in every other way. I feel it and everybody else around me does. I think he has to mature.

[HollyK21]

I get where you’re coming from for sure, and why it hurts so much. It’s totally possible for someone to be a loving, committed partner in day to day ways, but still be completely unready and/or unable to give you the future you need. That’s what makes breakups like this the hardest — when the love is there, but the alignment isn't.

I think you can love him & recognize his good qualities, while still accepting that this one issue is a dealbreaker. Have you heard of the 90/10 rule? It basically means that a relationship can be 90% great, but if that remaining 10% is a fundamental breakdown in transparency, planning for the future, and emotional safety, it will eventually erode the rest. I feel like you shouldn't have to wait for him to mature at the expense of your own life and security.

It makes total sense that you checked out, feeling rejected and dismissed for so long. But please give yourself some grace right now. It's okay to mourn the relationship and mourn the version of him you loved, even if you know walking away was the right choice for your future.

[HollyK21]

Per your update, which would you say is most important, words or actions?

[Asker]

I said that I value action. However, I’m not sure how an action would prove this at the moment given our circumstances. He sent that 24 hours ago and I have not yet responded..

[Asker]

Or don’t know what he could do now to prove it.

[HollyK21]

If you don’t feel like he can do much to prove anything in current time, would you agree that looking at his previous actions could be a fair point of reference? Why or why not?

[Asker]

I super agree that his previous actions speak for themselves. He did make the point that bc the love is there, just not aligned that suggests there’s more work to do. He admitted to being the problem before... It just seems like he wants to work through any hurdle we have bc ‘his purpose for living is to be with me.’ I’m unsure how to approach that option. The option of making mistakes and building with somebody? I feel hurt and vulnerable. I haven’t responded to him because really don’t want to face him or make things official. He’s just making it harder than it is. I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself by going back and nothing holds up. But if I left, I would look back wonder if things would’ve worked out if I didn’t leave.

[HollyK21]

Fear of the unknown is fair for sure, but that’s why it’s best to judge a situation off of what you DO know. He seems to have a way with words, especially when talking to you, and I get that for the most part it’s a good relationship. However, you have to consider yourself, the future you want, and his track record of showing you what you’d have to look forward to. If he’s consistently shown you an inability to move things forward, vs him just saying things will change in a year, then I’m not sure it’s beneficial to invest that much more time. Of course you have to do what feels right, and no judgement from me if you give him another shot. I’d say to just walk into that knowing what to expect, because he’s already shown you.

[Masie]

There isn't a reason to think or say that you were wrong. You did it based on something that happened and felt like it changed the relationship. There is nothing wrong about that and probably what I would have done too.

If he cannot give you an answer and commit, signing a lease with a person is not a good idea. What would stop him from changing his mind in the next year or even worse after you signed the lease? I think it is best to cut your losses.

[ArrowheadSW]

Well, you two wanted different things. He seemed to be complacent with the monthly visits and of course you were not content with just that. Understandable. I think you did the right thing by breaking up.

My favorite past girlfriend and I were in a similar predicament. After dating for a couple of months I got relocated with the company that I worked for. So then I lived 2 hours from her. Not that bad but we also had conflicting work schedules and often I had to work weekends, or she had to work weekends. We couldn't see each other that often and it just didn't work out so we split up. There were some conflicting long term life goals also so it wasn't just the distance and work schedules. I missed her and the relationship but it was just time to move on.

[ohsheeT]

Ok so wait your in a LDR but you moved to his town so do you see each other since you now live in the same city .

And he's still holding back

If so he's not committed at all

One of the best part about an LDR is there is a connection like no other because it not physical its energy the real you between each other its 10 times more powerful than physical anything and the moment you moved to the same city you should have moved in something is wrong with this picture


No you did the right. thing

[Asker]

We do not live in the same area. We are still LD. But I’m willing to plan for next year (2.5 years together) to close to gap and he was unwilling until the relationship was threatened with a breakup. Not sure if I should give him another shot but he’s asking for one.

[ohsheeT]

Well you would know him better than us so you have to ask yourself has he ever given you a reason to not believe him

And then of course you have to weigh your side are you willing to wait that long and why is he waiting so long to do this anyway

[AviatorTom]

If he knw you were looking long-term, and he didn't support that, then of course you are okay to end the relationship.

Best of luck finding someone for long-term.

[Anonymous]

Beware of this Buyer---he is a Liar... He is stringing you along... He may have feelings for you but in this LDR, he cannot commit... maybe not to you or anyone even close to home... Play it safe and be careful... You are getting hurt already by this character...

[Opinion Owner]

Play it out a little longer but if you see any more problems, move on...

[Anonymous]

you spent 3 years on this guy? you could've found someone else who actually took you seriously. Chances are he sees you as a backup option where he will keep you on hold while he goes to look for someone better. He's probably cheating on you all throughout these 3 years too. Its way easier to cheat when you are in a long distance relationship than if you are living with your girlfriend.

[Taranis_Thunor]

Women so the backup option thing. Men not so much. If these are the kinda men you're familiar with you're going after men above your league so that's why they always one night stand you.

[Opinion Owner]

@Taranis_Thunor

Men above their league don't bother to date girls they don't actually want for 3 years.

[Opinion Owner]

@Taranis_Thunor

Only guys who can't get girls would date girls they don't actually want. Cuz they know no one else wants them

[Taranis_Thunor]

Men above their league usually take advantage & one night stand them which is worse then what you're saying. If the internet is making women more narcissistic because they have more simps chasing them, imagine what the men who get the ladies chasing them are gonna be like?
I'm not judging as someone jealous as I reject Marxism & believe that people should strive for greatness not equality anyway.
A lot of men can't get girls because girls have high standards. You gotta be tall (like me), have an income and have social intuition, which men struggle with, especially if you're an autist like me.

[Opinion Owner]

@Taranis_Thunor

Men in high leagues don't tend to date a woman they don't want for 3 years

That's something only ugly guys do cus they can't get anyone

[Opinion Owner]

@Taranis_Thunor

Go for an ugly girl if pretty girls don't want you. Sorry but it takes a High value man to get a high value girl

[Taranis_Thunor]

Okay so since you're only seeing this in black and white I'll explain the naunce.
The mid tier girls (plenty of them) are not aiming for the mid tier men, theyre going for the high tier men so that now even mid tier men are struggling with constant rejection. Clearly you haven't been following any of this stuff because even average height men who work out at the gym are struggling to find women.
If a woman gets ditched in 3 years because the man didn't want her its her fault for simping for him for 3 years to begin with where she would never give many other men more her tier of attractiveness the same attention.
At most he becomes emotional support to hear about ex partners that cheated in her etc and she might even sit in the fence whether to date him or not. If she does she'll be in her 30's by then, less attractive & less fertile whilst men sometimes become more attractive as they she & mature.
He'll still have to be with her knowing he was never "the one", other men impressed her more & wonder if she's thinking of other men when she's banging him. That's if she doesn't outright cheat on him which women do a lot more then you'd think.
Now that I've typed this I'm wondering if there was even any point since I rarely come across women that give a fuck because it works to their advantage and they hate men pointing it out.

[Taranis_Thunor]

Also why is it that ugly women can still get dick but a large amount of ugly men can never score pussy & die a virgin?
That proves my point further.

[Opinion Owner]

@Taranis_Thunor

Maybe you are over rating your own looks. Most average looking girls date average looking guys. If an average girl doesn't want you, there is a good chance you are not average.

People only have high standards when they know they have plenty of options. Those with plenty of options don't tend to be unattractive.

[Opinion Owner]

@Taranis_Thunor

[Also why is it that ugly women can still get dick but a large amount of ugly men can never score pussy & die a virgin?]

Why do you think men pretend to be in a relationship just for sex?

[Taranis_Thunor]

"Maybe you are over rating your own looks."
No because I am not a average height man who lifts weights (setting a gym up in the office I just built though).
For me what devalues me from women the most is my autism as women do not like spergs. That just proves I wasn't using me as the "average" at all here and I am using other men for my reference and if they're struggling I have no chance.
"People only have high standards when they know they have plenty of options. Those with plenty of options don't tend to be unattractive."

The point I am making this whole time is that the internet has accelerated women's access to men simping for them online and have accelerated their own standards to be out of their league, then act surprised when the Chad they sleep with finds a prettier princess and leaves her as a one night stand (and this is why women develop a hatred for me despite this being a small percent of men that they just happen to desire).
"Why do you think men pretend to be in a relationship just for sex?"
Because if she's attractive enough but he's getting loads of other girls flirting with him then he's going to gatekeep which girl he gets to marry and the others are just "conquests". Women like men who are desired by other women because it makes them extra special if he chooses her as "the one".
Women gatekeep sex from men because we desire that so men gatekeep romance from women and he's hardly going to want a wife who is not the most attractive he can get.
A lot of women these days can even be seen as sexy but not good wife material that he'd yearn for.
Women are good at knowing how to turn men on but they don't often do a lot to make us yearn for them.

And no I'm not saying one night stands are good. Despite the internet being the worst cause, many of these problems would go away if we got rid of contraception & made sex before marriage taboo because then women would have to be smarter with the men they fuck and vice versa.

[Taranis_Thunor]

If sex before marriage was taboo it would also reinforce the patriarchy because the thing that men gatekeep from women would come first.
It also means women would feel more like her man is in control of the relationship and he would have to appreciate the relationship more.

[Opinion Owner]

@Taranis_Thunor

I will say this again to you. Plenty of Average looking women dating average looking men. If you can't get an average looking woman, it means you aren't average looking. Sorry man, attractive guys will always be more appealing than ugly guys who think are average looking

Women enjoy having sex with hot beautiful men too. Even If it Is a one night stand. Don't assume women don't like one night stand.

And as for the "high value" man that sleeps around. High value men are not man whores or have STDs. So if you are a very attractive man who sleeps around, you are not high value. These are bad men with bad values and not raised correctly. Good men are men who know how to commit to a woman, is family oriented, stays home to read than go to strip clubs. Not all attractive guys are man whores. There are attractive guys who know how to commit, values family and treat women well. Looks are not a determiner of good or bad person. There are plenty of ugly people that are bad and plenty of attractive people who are good

[Opinion Owner]

@Taranis_Thunor

If you love to have sex with beautiful woman, what makes you think women wouldn't want to have sex with a beautiful man?

[Taranis_Thunor]

🙃You're not even reading what I say are you? Why engage with the conversation back?
As I keep saying I am using other men as my example and you keep making this about me.
I barely even got the opportunity to meet many women in the first place because it takes men to approach women to begin with unless they're extremely attractive which I never claimed I was. But those types of men are the only types of men women really desire and aim for whereas average men often dream of having a girlfriend like it's something out of their reach.
You still failed to address why ugly & average men become incels whereas ugly women still lose their virginity early in life on average. That means women are all pushing above their tier and it's a disparity.
"High value men are not man whores or have STDs" a lot of them actually are but they're hardly gonna tell the women simping for them that. Also men cannot really be "whores" because the more women desire them, the more desirable they become (as odd as it sounds if you pay women to pretend to flirt with you other women are actually more likely to flirt with you because of women's competitive flock mentality).

[Taranis_Thunor]

If women rack up a high body count she becomes less desirable. Whilst this is true for men women don't mind up until he has a ridiculous body count whereas a woman just sleeping with 5 other men is gonna be a big problem for her if she wants to find a romantic partner, as not even the incels want a wife everyone has smashed.
"There are attractive guys who know how to commit, " Okay but they can also afford to not appreciate the individual women he has to choose from as much is my point. When you have more options and things you appreciate them individually less.
"There are plenty of ugly people that are bad and plenty of attractive people who are good" Most ugly people are bad thats why they're dysgenic to begin with and they become spiteful mutants. Not everyone who is undesirable to women is just because theyre ugly.
In my case it's because I'm autistic. Being smart like me usually works in your favour, but if you lack the intuition of normies to give off the "mystery aura" women will hate you & see you as scary and severe (I know because they tell me that).

[Taranis_Thunor]

"If you love to have sex with beautiful woman, what makes you think women wouldn't want to have sex with a beautiful man?" Except we men are generally more then happen to settle for less whereas women always aim for the man of their dreams and dont have to settle for else thanks to her raised perception of her self because of all the men on the internet simping for her & validating her.

[Opinion Owner]

@Taranis_Thunor

Listen man, none of what you say are true. All of the stuff you are saying comes from red pill woman Hating groups that claim high value men are the ones who sleep around and don't want commitment. That is a lie.

Good women want men who don't sleep around. Only bad women want man whores. People with good values pick others with good values. Couples with improper values don't align

But here is the thing you don't understand... women lie about their body count ALL THE TIME. Men don't tend to lie about their body count because they don't believe they are ever judged for it. Once a good woman finds out he sleeps around, his value goes down by a lot. Only women who sleep around want men who sleep around. Sorry but that's just the truth

Lastly, guys who sleep around usually tend to be the worst in bed. The guys that give the best sex tend to be the guys who have been in multiple long term relationships. I know this from experience

[Opinion Owner]

@Taranis_Thunor

If you are autistic then go for another autistic woman. Sorry man, but attractive guys will always be more appealing than ugly guys. Just the same way men will pay a lot of money to be with an attractive woman even if he knows it will leave him broke.

And I actually know of A LOT of attractive men that are in relationships or married to average looking Women. So your shit talk about attractive guys is just cus you're jealous

[Taranis_Thunor]

"Hating groups that claim high value men are the ones who sleep around and don't want commitment. That is a lie." I didn't say ALL my point is that they can afford to. Also both men & women cheat a lot, but it's the men who have access to the most women who do the most cheating because they have the most simps after them.
It's the same reason why if you raise a child & hand everything they want over to them, they appreciate things less & become bratty. That doesn't mean every kid who gets given a lot grows up to become a brat though does it?
"Good women want men who don't sleep around." I'm pretty sure all women want that but they naïvely convince themselves they're something special because of all of the men chasing them online, a fact you're still failing to acknowledge.
"People with good values pick others with good values" I WISH THAT WERE TRUE BUT GUESS WHAT? It's not. I am identifying why breakups, cheating and incel culture happens so commonly today and even have a solution for it (taboo of sex before marriage and ban in contraception) but women do not want these solutions because it means removing women's monopoly over sex, which they like & desire because it gives them more freedom & power over men at the expense of men.

[Taranis_Thunor]

This is why every Civilisation with strict marriage customs thrived & dominated (like the especially patriarchal indo Europeans) dominated and the groups with lenient sexuality (like the inbreeding polygamous Neolithic Farmers) tended to get destroyed & enslaved. A great modern comparison is how Islam is managing to out populate the west & form their own ethnic "no-go" zones across western countries meanwhilst the native white population growth rapidly collapses.
"Once a good woman finds out he sleeps around, " Yeah and I bet your definition of sleep around is a body count of like 10 women whereas a woman only needs to sleep with even 1 other man for my attraction towards her to start dropping (though it's not like we can afford to be fussy about it). Its just the instinctive reality that men's sexual interest judges women's body count more then men's. Thats actually why women lie about their body count and men don't feel as much need to, to begin with.
"The guys that give the best sex tend to be the guys who have been in multiple long term relationships. " What do you mean specifically? In what way?
"Sorry man, but attractive guys will always be more appealing than ugly guys." You couldn't have made the fact you find me unattractive clearer which feels more like a petty dig at me then addressing my actual argument as if I'm arguing in bad faith based on personal traumas when in reality it's women who do that because women argue based on their emotions first and only rationalise things later, whereas men rationalise first and only have emotions afterwards (both comes with strengths and weaknesses actually).

It's interesting you presume autistic women would be better into autistic men when the reality is that women hate autistic men generally because autistic men in the wild are supposed to kidnap & enslaved these foids.

[Taranis_Thunor]

This is an entirely separate topic but look up Mannerbund/Koryos, compare it to Berserkers and Ulfhednar. We were those outcasts that dressed as wolves, burnt down villages & enslaved people. Therefore even the otherworldly Wyrd-bound outcast woman (the "witch") wouldn't like the otherworldly Wyrd-bound outcast man (the "man-wolf", a reference to his predatory savage nature). The word "Wyrd" is where "word" and "weird" comes from today and means something like fate.
"So your shit talk about attractive guys is just cus you're jealous" why would I be jealous when the effort it takes for me to become attractive is to just jog & lift weights (like I used to) as I am 6'4'', blonde and have a strong jawline. I'm blessed with what most men haven't been given its just my autism and fitness that holds me back. It's interesting you presume someone like me has even bothered to try and get women because an autistic like me wouldn't know how without appearing as creepy, so I just have to make myself more attractive and hope they take the initiative which is something most men are never going to have the choice to do.
It's still an absurdly toxic dating scene all men have to put up with that's totally in women's favour.

[Taranis_Thunor]

If I was the type of person prone to jealousy I'd have become a leftist dipshit whining about how the poor aren't giving me their fair share. Right wingers like me aren't jealous we're just realistic and yes this topic for me is political so thats why I bring this up.

[Opinion Owner]

@Taranis_Thunor

you sound like you have a lot of mental issues, potentially depression, a lot of hate, bitterness. I'm gonna tell you something: no amount of hating women, trying to make women look bad, making fun of them, claiming they have high standards is gonna make a woman want you.
You can hate for the next 20 years and you will still be single broke, angry and bitter.

But what is true is that a woman who gets all the guys online chasing her, is likely not unattractive woman. She can be picky cuz she knows she has plenty of options. Once she wants to settle down, she can settle down with any one of them. She doesn't have the problem like you are having. So worry about yourself. At the end of the day, these women are doing well. You aren't. So stop talking about them.

And the advice you don't want to hear: if you want a woman, improve yourself. No amount of complaining will get a woman to like you. If women still don't like you, then either stay single or lower your standards. Sorry but this is what it is.

["Good women want men who don't sleep around." I'm pretty sure all women want that but they naïvely convince themselves they're something special because of all of the men chasing them online, a fact you're still failing to acknowledge.]

ok. maybe these women are special? at the end of the day, these women don't have it hard. If any one of them decide to settle down, she can do so easily by just picking one of her simps. If she want to stay single, then let her stay single. These women aren't miserable like you. They don't have it hard. So why are you trying so hard to make them look like they are sad?

[Opinion Owner]

@Taranis_Thunor

You're complaining that average looking women get a lot of simps online.

ok. so what are you going to do to change that?

how can you change that?

you CAN'T!

women will always get more desperate men than vice versa. DEAL WITH IT.

[Taranis_Thunor]

"making fun of them, claiming they have high standards is gonna make a woman want you."
Well of course that's where the autism plays into it. If someone is blunt on their view's like me then people get offended and don't like me. But I believe honesty to be a virtue and I think women could do with having more of this honesty. A great example is how men struggle to know what women want because women want it to come naturally to him otherwise she won't find it as appealing if he had to ask. Well I think that if women were more open & shameless with their thoughts things would be a lot better. The reason women are not is because they're insecure & think people will judge them for speaking their mind (which people will because normies exist unfortunately).
"You can hate for the next 20 years and you will still be single broke, angry and bitter." Lol if I was still single broke & angry in 20 years what makes you think I'd even still be around? I already made a serious [censored on G@G] twice recently.
"But what is true is that a woman who gets all the guys online chasing her, is likely not unattractive woman"
flat out wrong. Look at the statistics. Even a fat woman in her 50's will still be getting some men sending her messages but this doesn't happen in the reverse. You're coping by pretending it's equal and fair when it isn't. Actually is anything in nature ever equal? No. You just want me to stop complaining about something that's always been true but the reason I complain is because the internet & Liberal culture has accelerated female narcissism so that womens hypergamy is worse then it ever was in the past.

[Taranis_Thunor]

"At the end of the day, these women are doing well. You aren't. So stop talking about them." No because I plan to spread my ideas online further, perhaps even on the YT channel I'm gonna set up to promote taking away women's rights so they stop voting for these stupid things (the worst one is actually that they support inviting 3rd world rapists into their country out of suicidal empathy). We need more awareness not less.

"And the advice you don't want to hear: if you want a woman, improve yourself." Oh hear we go the advice that only ever worked for boomers and proves once again you don't understand the subject. "JUST BE BETTER" well guess what?
Men are CONSTANTLY trying to improve themselves non-stop and its still not enough for you lot.
Don't want to hear it from someone who can't empathise with these problems to begin with. There's a reason why half of the "redpilled" Chuds are hitting the gym & trying to get a high position in society and it's still not enough. The Boomer's go to "just be better" meme is so real it's untrue. Its obvious being better helps but it can only get you so far.
"these women don't have it hard." They do actually get karma in the end because these women end up sleeping with multiple different men, being disappointed with all of them & sometimes cheated on. These women end up becoming single middle aged cat ladies that adopt radical feminism & demean men whilst promoting a girlboss career lifestyle to other women.

[Taranis_Thunor]

This is because they've become spiteful, bitter hags that aren't desirable anymore, so she missed her shot at establishing any descendants. She gets to watch young mothers enjoy happiness knowing she'll soon die alone so that's why she doesn't want more traditional families for other people.
"she can do so easily by just picking one of her simps" Women either find simps repulsive or they use them as emotional support when Chad fucks another woman or she wants to bitch about her exes.
"women will always get more desperate men than vice versa. DEAL WITH IT." By promoting taboo for extramarital sex & banning contraception I am dealing with it. For men in general actually because even if I did have a girlfriend I'd still say & advocate for all these things because I actually listened to what Incel's are struggling with despite the fact many of them tell me I can't be an incel because I'm too tall.
Also I'm not sure why you want me to drop my standards and get with some fat ogre woman unless you're obviously trying to subtly call me ugly.

[Opinion Owner]

@Taranis_Thunor

[This is because they've become spiteful, bitter hags that aren't desirable anymore, so she missed her shot at establishing any descendants. She gets to watch young mothers enjoy happiness knowing she'll soon die alone so that's why she doesn't want more traditional families for other people.]

single women can have kids on their own, you know that right?

only men need to find wives in order to have kids. women do not

i am planning on having a child as a single woman in a few years.

After I have my child, I can date in peace knowing that I already have kids and have no need to settle for a man.

[Opinion Owner]

@Taranis_Thunor

but in all honesty, I didn't read anything you wrote, you seem like you have a whole host of mental heath issues and like you desperately need therapy. you're definitely someone I'd stay away from. Bitterness, mental issues is not attractive to women at all. I suggest you get rid of that if you want a woman

[Taranis_Thunor]

"single women can have kids on their own, you know that right?"
Yeah and as someone raised by a single parent I have to say I don't wish that level of responsibility and constant maintenance on anyone. I don't know why you would actively seek to be a single parent.
I already know you weren't reading but it's still worth sending my argument for anyone that does.

[Opinion Owner]

@Taranis_Thunor

grandparents and family can help out. If she has the money, she can even hire a babysitter.

it's better than dying all old, lonely and neglected and without family.

[Taranis_Thunor]

That's if the grandparents are willing in a hyper individualist culture where people aren't expected to live with their parents.
I wouldn't trust random babysitters my mum didn't trust strangers near me.
It's for more ideal for two parents. Also if you have boys it can fuck up their development and single parent male children either get bullied (for not being tough enough) or grow up to commit crimes because they don't have a masculine role model, so they express aggression through violence (not that that's always a bad thing actually).
A stable family unit has two disciplined parents present in the household, because order makes sure people know their place & stops the parents arguing.

[Opinion Owner]

@Taranis_Thunor

we actually have many presidents and successful people who grew up without fathers.

kamala harris grew up without a father, so did JD vance, barack obama, bill clinton, Andrew jackson. Even president george washington grew up without a father.

[Taranis_Thunor]

"kamala harris"
Kamala Harris is very low IQ and likely slept her way to the top.
"barack obama" Then president who didn't really do anything except be black. I guess his administration deported more illegals the Trump's first term at least.
"bill clinton" Bill Clinton is a deranged paedophile who lets his wife control him & was born with a silver spoon in his mouth.
Most American presidents are awful examples tbh because it's not a genuine meritocracy.
I'm not saying that having a single parent stops you from achieving anything in life I am saying that men from single parent backgrounds usually struggle to control their temper & get involved in crimes more, aswell as lack discipline more often.
A teenage boy can argue with his mother, even if she's strict she can't really do anything to enforce her rules against him, he has to consent to her authority.
It's different with fathers because there's an intimidation factor in it and you don't want to get into a fight with your dad.
If you research this stuff you'll know I'm not just making it up. Use a language model (AI) to find these trends.

[Opinion Owner]

@Taranis_Thunor

I think it's not uncommon for kids born to single moms to succeed in life. We already have plenty of proof of that

[Opinion Owner]

It's just that society loves undermining kids born to single moms. We have PLENTY of most powerful leaders in the world born to single moms

[Taranis_Thunor]

I was a kid born to a single mum who had to live off welfare. Society didn't undermine me because of that, I undermined myself because of that. Society undermined for being an autist.
That's because apparently we have to treat people with eccentric personalities like they're a disorder & lump them in the same category as retardant people.
Then because of that, you must be highlighted & groomed by the school to be different and mess up your ability to process instructions. Nobody who went through that is gonna have friends so you can't blame them when they grow up wanting to "burn the whole village down" 🔥

[Opinion Owner]

@Taranis_Thunor

kids born to financially well off single moms do well in life. kids born to poor single moms don't tend to do well in life. this is also true for married parents as well. Rich kids always do better in life than poor kids

[Opinion Owner]

@Taranis_Thunor

you are going to have to befriend and date other autistic people. You can burn the whole village down, you will still be miserable angry and depressed. Look for ways that will make you happier instead. You don't want to die this same miserable old man

[Taranis_Thunor]

There's not really a way to meet Asperger's women.

[Opinion Owner]

@Taranis_Thunor

I saw a few groups on meetup. com in NYC where i live that had one of those. Or you can go to a disabled community or talk to a therapist that specializes in these populations and ask them if they know anyone who is looking for friends

[Taranis_Thunor]

When someone is high functioning autistic they're not really "disabled" and therapy doesn't help with anything. Also I would prefer to overcome problems with action then talking about issues to a therapist because talking doesn't solve anything. Been there and done that a million times over.

[Opinion Owner]

@Taranis_Thunor

when there aren't that many high functioning autistic people out there in the world, you can't be picky. you really do not have that many options when it comes to dating

[Taranis_Thunor]

Which is why the ➰ option is still on the table. There's a reason why Chud's like me have no hope yet everyone blames us for it

[Opinion Owner]

@Taranis_Thunor

I do blame you for it. because you are constantly aiming higher than your own league.

[Opinion Owner]

@Taranis_Thunor

If you just dated women within your own league, there wouldn't be a problem at all.

[Taranis_Thunor]

What makes you think I tried dating much to begin with? You keep turning the argument personal.
My ex online girlfriend was a psychotic emotional vampire, but I guess even she was out of my league huh?
Never spoke to her again.

[disappoint3d]

This is incredibly similar to a situation im in. Im sorry it happened, but ultimately both parties have to be in it %100. I wouldn't block him or shut him out, leave a line of communication open unless things do change. But dont wait for him to move on with your own life either.

[genericname85]

you moved out of your parents house at 36+ jesus. good for you; was high time to don't you think? if there's no reasonable plan to ever be together, i think it's reasonable to end a LDR.

[Asker]

I put in the updates that we’re in our mid 20s lol

[genericname85]

lol why'd you lie about your age at account creation tho? i guess that makes it less weird then xD. the lie is still a bit of an elephant in the room tho :P

[Staximus]

I don’t one why people continue to set themselves up for disappointment with this long distance bullshit. If you want a real relationship then find a guy that is close enough for you two to see each other whenever you want

[Interstate]

It sounds to me as though he didn't know what he wants.

[katiesmuff]

I can certainly see your reasons and yes I think you made exactly the right decision.

[exitseven]

It sounds like he has a lack of commitment. It's a big step to move to another town and try to find another job.

[Nikki1989]

LDRs almost never work.

You just wasted 2 years of your life.

[Ariesman81Nshiiit]

Is the job in his hometown better than the one he was going to get near the new apartment?

[Asker]

I can assume not. He lives in a small town of like a few thousand and people. He has to drive almost an hour to work and it’s all rural and farmland. We were looking at cities to live in. I live in a big city with a lot of opportunities and better pay. Any job can be far less of a commute as well. He said he got this job out there for the better pay and for us. But I think it’s mostly for himself and the benefits. To get a career started over there.

[Asker]

Also bc he decided himself that he wants wants us to get a house when we break the distance before ever even living together.

[Ariesman81Nshiiit]

Well, trust his judgement or don't. But making assumptions doesn't help either of you.
Personally, living in small town and commuting has been more cost effective. Small town affordability with big city wages.

[AngryCarl3]

Fuck that guy (not literally). Life is too short to spend with douchebags.

[Premium2002]

Definitely not wrong, especially where you stand; it sounds like he would have had you as backup.

[Nicolette1103]

No not wrong can’t wait for what get their 💩 together.

[Abbycado]

No, LDRs never work anyhow.

[queenofcardio]

Sounds like you made the right decision

[slatyb]

No. You e already given it a year too much.

[Taranis_Thunor]

Clearly you don't love him much.

[Taranis_Thunor]

I wouldn't trust him either.

[LiamJHayden]

You likely did the right thing.