If my boyfriend broke up with me because I decided to wait until marriage do I have the right to be mad ?

Question

fatalcharm · Accepted Answer

Don't be mad at him for not wanting to wait until marriage. That is his choice just as wanting to wait is your choice. If he tried to pressure you into sex after you told him your views, then you have a right to be mad but if he was simply stating that he wants a relationship that includes sex before getting married.

Sometimes love just isn't enough for a relationship to work. You need to want the same things out of life and be going in similar directions too.

I am sorry to hear that it ended badly. It is a shame, but at least he was honest with you. I can understand you being angry because you are hurt but you can't really blame him. He may love you but some people feel that sexual compatibility is important in a relationship and want to find out if they and their partner are sexually compatible before making a huge commitment like marriage.

Next time you date someone, try to be upfront about your views about sex before marriage. Unfortunately a lot of guys will leave after hearing this, but it is better to find out sooner rather than later. There are plenty of guys out there who do share your views and will love you for them.

Darkfairie17 · Accepted Answer

I think if you feel upset, you have a right to express that. But I would think of it this way, at least you found out that he only cared about sex or at least made that a big priority in his life now rather than later on. It can hurt when someone rejects you because you have made a choice about your life. But it's better that you keep your convictions than give it up to him and then have him leave you eventually because you two are different people.

I would just take this moment to discover more about yourself. And take it as an opportunity to meet new people. Leave the past in the past, someone who will be a better match will come along. It's just a matter of time. Be happy that you found out now about your differences, than dating longer and not knowing until you two made significant committments (ie. Marriage).

I have had many friends who got engaged or were living together and had kids and then found out they were too different. It's just much more messy that way.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Concerning your latest update: you shouldn't say it when you introduce yourselves hahaha. I mean in every relationship there are things that need to be talked about at some point, as in at some point before things become serious but after you've realized that there is potential for more. I think you will feel when the moment is right. As for how to say it, I don't see why that is a problem? I think you're really young still so maybe that's why you think it would be awkward. But you can simply tell the guy about your beliefs and your decision. Explain to him that you feel this way and why you feel this way.

Ugliness · Accepted Answer

This is tricky. I am generally against anger towards one that you pretend to love. I mean, if you love a person, you do NOT get angry with them. The two concepts are not compatible.

That said, if you broke up with your boyfriend then there was love lost somewhere, either by you or him. Still, if you wanted to wait until marriage - that's your right. If he loved you at all he should honour that. But he didn't. And therefore he didn't love you enough. In part, at least, he wanted you for sex. That's normal - at least for a guy - but still selfish on his part.

If you love him, anger is not the answer. But you can still acknowledge that you two are not compatible enough to sustain a relationship. Frankly, if he is the one who robke up with you as you have indicated, I'd say it's his loss - not yours. I can almost guarantee you that there is someone out there who will love you as you are - and honour your need to, as you put it, wait until marriage. That is the person worth finding.

TheEmperorofMankind · Accepted Answer

No one has the right to be mad. He didn't make a false promise of marrying you after sex which is a felony. If he took away your virginity he has the responsiblity of marrying you or paying your father a dowry.

He sounds like an idiot. First of all, I can detect a virgin within the first date. It's called mating signals. There are virgin signals and non virgin signals. This is a fact! The sonuvabitch sounds like he's willing to go on a hymen popping spree so he doesn't deserve to know the difference. I hope he marries a whore and his daughters are whores.

aly-marie · Answer

From the way you explained it, it seems like you just kind of sprung that information on him (that you were waiting) and he had no idea during the 3 months you were together. That can be a hard thing to deal with in a relationship. Many people are not willing to wait, especially when they're so young and probably not even thinking about marriage yet.

I don't think anyone needs to be mad in this situation. You guys just found an irreconcilable difference; it was a young relationship anyway. He may really care about you, but it hasn't developed into the kind of love that takes years to grow - that isn't anybody's fault.

Anonymous · Answer

I don't know about angry, but I would be insulted I suppose. I mean, let's face it though, you are young. It would be worse to keep going on and get married young just because you won't have sex. It's better now than later.

I guess you feel like he didn't care about you enough to wait and it hurts. But the reality is that what he did at your age makes sense.

Stay strong to your beliefs, I think you would feel worse if you STRONGLY wanted to wait until marriage and gave it up for him than if you lost him over your beliefs. Because at the end of the day, if you violate your beliefs for someone else you'll feel like crap.

Anonymous · Answer

It's fine for you to want to wait - especially considering your age. Personally, I'd not want to be with someone who doesn't want sex because to me that is an important part of a relationship. Without it, it would not be a relationship to me. So no, you don't really have a "right" to be mad. You can be upset but you should be aware that to lots of people sex is an important part and it has nothing to do with you or with waiting for you if they leave you because of that. You made that choice and that's fine, but be prepared to deal with the consequences.

BirdofParadise · Answer

Everyone has needs in a relationship, sex was something he needed and waiting was something you needed. If you didn't break up, he would have pressured you and become frustrated when you didn't give in... and you would have felt disrespected.

Breaking it off is the best thing for both of you. Now you can find someone who can wait.

TedStar · Answer

No, not at all. He want sex, you don't. You both just have different preferences and beliefs and it would be unfair to both parties to stay together if you don't have the same standards and requirements for a healthy relationship. No one is right here and no one is wrong, you just need to find someone with similar ideals and beliefs to yours.

Anonymous · Answer

So basically, you dumped him a second time and you want us to tell you it's okay to be mad at him? Do you ever maybe, oh I don't know, consider HIS feelings and needs in any of this? Like maybe does he have a "right" to be mad that you have no plans on satisfying his sexual needs anytime soon? Or at the very least that maybe he has the "right" to pursue happiness with a girl who DOESN'T share your views?

Do you want this to not happen in the future? If so, be up front right from the beginning that you plan to wait until marriage. That way, the guy has fair warning and can make an informed decision as to whether to stay with you or not. You'll save both of you a lot of time and drama.

kheserthorpe · Answer

No.  He wanted a sexual relationship.  You didn't.  I hope you both find what you're looking for.  Neither of you gets to be mad about it - he doesn't owe you a sexless relationship, and you don't owe him sex.

Anonymous · Answer

Absolutely you have a right to be mad. I would be more upset that he thought that little of me. IF he really loves you he will respect your decision and wait for you not pressure you. If a guy doesn't see you as worth waiting for he's not worth your time or giving "it" up for him. Save "it" for some one that truly loves and respects you and you won't regret it.

shroedinger · Answer

Why mad? He now knows how you feel about sex and you know his stand on it. Be glad that you both understand one another and move on. A guy that won't accept that is not gonna be a good partner for you anyways.

CuriousEddie · Answer

Are you referring to sex? Why would you be mad?  Did he lie to you?  If he didn't, then it is part of learning in a relationship.

Hades · Answer

Nope. You clearly just have different beliefs. Take it from me, there is no point getting angry or upset over things can't change.

Anonymous · Answer

Did you let him know at the beginning of the relationship ? if so yes He might have been just a player. Hope you find a guy that respects your beliefs :)

starlight124 · Answer

Yess you do

If my boyfriend broke up with me because I decided to wait until marriage do I have the right to be mad?

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