My boyfriend did almost nothing. Did I have the right to get mad?

[ragequeen]

So I work late nights as a bartender. I usually take an electric scooter from the city to my home (which is about a 20 min ride) when it's too late for buses and trains. But tonight it was POURING and they were all unavailable. I didn't know this so I called my boyfriend crying and asking for help. I asked him if he could call a taxi for me because I had no internet and he said "I don't know how to do it, don't know what else to tell you, man..."

I said ok I will figure it out and hung up but was SUPER disappointed. Called everyone I knew and only a guy colleague answered and helped me out. If I had to walk it would be almost 2 hours in the rain and I was already soaked and crying.

When I came home at 3am my boyfriend was in the bed, all lights out and sleeping. I got pissed and told him I was disappointed in how he acted and that he didn't even try to help me. Explained that he knew I was alone in a big city, soaking wet and exhausted from a long day at work with no internet nd he doesn't even try to help me out. He just says "don't yell at me" and "well you should have called me twice" and "I didn't hear you were crying"

I told him as my boyfriend he should MOVE MOUNTAINS to make sure I got home safe that late at night. Be awake for my return, make sure I got safe in a taxi etc. But nothing. Also said I got help from a colleague and he made sure I was okay and he says "then why don't you marry him?"

I got pretty pissed at him. Did I have the right to? Did I overreact?

I said I wouldn't be as mad if it was summer. But the fact that it was fucking pouring and I was alone at 2.30am in a big city, exhausted just ticked me off.

I am now sleeping on the couch lol.

[Tamera952]

Well, #1) don't know why you were crying in the first place, don't you know what time you get off work? I mean you could have worked on getting a ride during your shift.
#2) What kind of "big city" doesn't have 24 hour transit?
#3) Why couldn't you call a taxi/uber/Lyft? So you have no internet, big deal? Walk over to somewhere with WiFi.
#4) Even if you had to walk, oh well... suck it up - that's where you work, & you kind of assume the responsibility that goes along with it. It's not his fault there's no scooters, or you got soaked, or are having a melt-down. I mean, what do you do all the rest of the nights after work? How do you usually get to & from home? Maybe you should get your own electric scooter on Black Friday?
#5) Your description of your pleas for help & your depiction of your boyfriend sounds borderline manipulative. I don't know if he's as uncaring as you make him out to be, or what. Maybe this was a one-off, or not... I can't tell. He does seem a bit aloof, but we'd need to know more context to figure out where his head is at (like did he work that day, or did he have to get up early, etc. etc.)

[FunkyMonkee]

You have EVERY RIGHT to be SEVERELY pissed and, if I was you, HE'D at LEAST be on the couch if not out the door on his fucking ass!! If he's staying at your place, you'd do well to kick his ass out and never see him again!!! If you're at his place, you should pack up and leave!! He has JUST shown you how much he REALLY cares about you!!
If he COULDN'T even be BOTHERED to lift a finger to get you a fucking cab, he should've at LEAST stayed up to make sure you got in safely IF he actually loves you and cares about you (which I SERIOUSLY doubt)!!
About half a year after I started seeing my future ex-fiance, she was staying the night at my place and got pissed at me for not coming up to bed before 3:00 a. m. (I think I was trying to put the finishing touches on a recording project) and she got up and left my house saying she was just going to walk back to her place, about 18 miles away! I went out after her to try to talk some sense into her head and she just refused to listen and we both ended up walking at least 3 miles (me in my bare feet!!), where she got into a jitney intent on going home the rest of the way in that car. Had I not been madly in love with her and cared about her safety, I would've just let her go on her own but, NO! I would've walked barefoot the entire way back to her place with her, if that's what she ended up doing, just to see to it she got home safely!! We both got into the car and went back to her place and, shortly after we got there, she came to her senses and we both went to bed together.
What you've got there doesn't sound like a boyfriend, to me! That sounds like a BOY!!

[FunkyMonkee]

Addendum: Someone as pretty as you should have NO trouble finding a REAL man to share your life and love with!!

[Andres77]

Boyfriend/girlfriend is a marriage starter kit.
Doesn't lock you in but it sure is an indicator of commitment.
If you were a male friend and needed help I would have come to get you.
If he's your lover... hell yes he should have come to get you.
Leaving someone you love to fend for themselves is proof that the love isn't real.
Looks like it's time to reevaluate the relationship.
He's already declared his love of sleep and comfort over your safety.

We were coming home from a long road trip with the kids. They were little. It was 1 am. Freezing outside.
I was 15 miles from home and had been driving 16 hours. I was tired.
I saw a car in the ditch.
I stopped, helped the girl out of her car.
She'd been stuck inside for about 20 minutes and couldn't get out.
Her phone worked, she'd called her boyfriend. He said he couldn't help her and hung up. The look of absolute despair and rejection was painful to see. Poor girl. She had a warrant out, that's why she didn't call 911. She knew the guy that had fixed her car, I went to his house. He got up and helped her. I had babies in the car and I needed to leave but I couldn't just ignore a stranger in legitimate need.
I'll never forget the look of disappointment on her face though.

Yeah, that's not a "boyfriend". Hers or yours.
A pathetic excuse for a human.
You need to step up your game and dump him.
I hope you find what you need.

[pink_and_inlove]

This is the sad truth

[t-8900]

PREACH! PREEEAAACH! I got emotional in the post. I could only think if this was my girlfriend or daughter. Sometimes I can't control myself with these low tier trash boys. ALWAYS protect your woman. You are their shield. that is your biological role. If you aren't willing to be a shield for your woman than kindly dont breed because we dont need more of that weakness in society.

[Andres77]

@t-8900 👍👍👍

[lilyanony1]

If he drives and it could have taken him 20 mins to get to you sure I'd hope he'd come pick me up.
If he doesn't and had Internet he could have looked up a taxi number and forwarded it. You're kinda expecting him to have been awake and alert, it's not like you said you were being chased down or something.
It's really not that big a deal. (it may sound odd since I know I'd react the same)

I do think because you were cold and wet.

That made your reaction move from feeling tired and desperate to instant rage.

But in all honesty I'm judging you've been working their a while, you should have a plan b.
Honestly the way you reacted was due to your feelings. I'd apologise to him.

And ask him how maybe next time he could better help you. Bearing in mind if he's sleeping he's probably not thinking straight and may require a second call.

Know the person you're with, we'd like to think he'd wait up but a lot of people don't think about danger and harm happening.
It's unfortunate but true.

[lilyanony1]

Thanks for mho x

[daml2075]

What I'm missing from your boyfriend is some level of compassion and empathy. His excuses for why he didn't care more are... let's say not very good. I don't know how this conversation went exactly and if you overreacted or not (you probably did a little bit, I have an experience that women usually downplay the situation after it's calmed down just to not look crazy). That doesn't mean your anger wasn't justified. What you boyfriend showed is not a behaviour of a loving person. I don't know about "moving mountains", I think that kind of thing is just a little bit outdated in today's relationships. But that doesn't change a thing that your boyfriend ignored you when the situation was dire for you. Nobody says he should have sent a police squat with toy unicorns and a cheesecake for you, but ordering a cab? That's the least he could have done. Waiting 20 more minutes to be sure you arrived safe home? That's also nothing. If someone consider these as annoying things to do, then you don't really care for the person. He didn't seem to be afraid even in the least about your wellbeing... for a person that in the morning should ve waking up next to you? Oof, I wouldn't like that

[MrOracle]

As much as it can be a pain in the ass to get that call, the right thing to do is to get your ass out of bed and get the job done. If he didn't have a car to come get you himself, then at least he could have gotten a taxi or Uber for you.

I've been called in the middle of the night by girlfriends, family members, and friends, and I always head out and rescue them. Once I had to make one of those calls and I know how much I appreciated being rescued myself.

You are absolutely right, and he was just being lazy, but you also should not have let him off the phone the first time. You needed to stand up to him right then, because your safety was at issue. But he was an ass and you have good reason to be upset.

[SnakeBoop]

meh, its YOUR job not his. You're aware the hours you work and that its late. He can't control the weather, and thats also something YOU can plan for.
No, he's not obligated to stay up when again, its YOUR JOB.
But sure, it wouldn't have been too hard for him to look up how to get a taxi for you. That was still shitty of him. But not enough to rage at him like you did.
So sit down like actual mature adults, and talk through it. Perhaps offer to see about downloading a uber or such app and talking/showing him how to use it for future emergencies so he can help you.
As his girlfriend, you also shouldn't be blowing up shit like this when it is still your choice to work there for those hours, and you should be able to plan your own way home/check the weather too.

[Joeshamo]

Damn. How does he not care at all? If I was your boyfriend I’d worried be sick about you walking home that late every night in a city. He has no concern for safety at all. I would try to work an extra job like uber or something, so you don’t have be outside that late. He might’ve been more kind at the start of the relationship then his real self showed it’s self later. I really hope you can find someone who appreciates the work you put into the relationship and risk your taking everyday going out late and potentially (god forbid) getting hurt. I respect bravery. You’re good girl and put a lot of work into the relationship. You’re young, so there’s plenty of time find someone who appreciate and respect you as an individual.

[t-8900]

Oh God hun that's grounds for instant break up! Go ask my girlfriend how freaked out I get for her safety on the reg. I wouldn't ever tolerate that shit! If you were my daughter I'd have grabbed his ass up by his chicken neck, slammed him into the f*cking wall and told him he's never seeing my little girl again! He's a failure of a man! GTFO!

A man should ALWAYS protect his lady, period. I dont want to hear about some beta, simp, white knight bullshit. NO if you can't protect your woman you dont need a woman you punk ass b*tch!

[AndrewMG]

I literally arranged a taxi home for a girl who was upset and crying today as part of my work (long story but I work for an insurance company and I was asked to help out by a member of staff), I felt enough guilt with a girl crying that the least I wanted to do was calm her down and make sure she was home safely.
So I'm not judging your boyfriend let alone knowing his circumstances but even if he's not paying for a taxi maybe the decent thing is to keep in touch with you until you are safely at home.

[Truthatanycost]

You already know this guys character because 6 months ago I see you were complaining about him. Therefore this is simply the consequences of you still entertaining a bad relationship. You need to figure out why you stay with someone that doesn't care about you. But as I've seen many times throughout life, nice guys are the least in demand when it comes to dating and relationships...

[Honestguyopen]

Him being your boyfriend is not an automatic decree that makes him responsible or required to move mountains for you. That being said, his lack of concern for your well being speaks loudly about your relationship in many red flag ways. Any decent human being would help you in this situation no matter your relationship. No woman, especially a bartender should have to walk in the rain, putting her in a vulnerable position that some psycho might take advantage of. You may have over reacted a bit but in the heat of emotion. As a human he should definitely see why you might be upset. As a boyfriend though his lack of concern for your well being is not a good sign for your relationship.

[Levin]

Fuck dude, it always shocks me how women can make such poor choices in men, and them even doubt themselves and sleep on the couch too.

His response about why don't you marry him are beyond puerile.

You're right. I would have done all those things for my girlfriend. I'd do it for any friend. It's called being a decent human being

[Anonymous]

You're a grown ass woman.

Children learn how to get home. I don't know what your excuse is. But I do know that if you actually needed help you should have told the boyfriend and not just pretended you could figure something out.

You obviously had phone credit. Don't know why you couldn't call directory enquiries or something. You don't need internet to get a taxi.

Seriously your boyfriend acted like he thought you were a competent woman. You're acting like a helpless child. Be pissed if you want but learn some adult skills and how to cope in life. And tell your boyfriend that you're a child who needs to be taken care of, since he clearly doesn't know.

[YHL6965]

I completely agree with your reaction as it feels he did not care about you, your well-being or your safety. I don't think that's normal to treat your girlfriend like that.

A little side note though, don't expect someone to move mountains for you as that's a lot to expect out of someone so you set yourself up for disappointment.

That said, I think he should have done more, at least called a taxi for you and keep his phone on until you come back. I understand him going to sleep because it was late and, if he is working or studying, he might needed to get some rest, but I would have personally told my girlfriend keep me updated and to wake me up when she gets home so that I'm sure she gets back safe.

The "why don't you marry him?" reaction was also pretty stupid and it feels he cares even less about you.

[Daniela1982]

You have a selfish clown for a boyfriend. Does he have a car? Any imbecile can figure out how to call a Taxi. He was just lazy. Now, why is you like this guy again? I must have missed it.

[Anonymous]

What a dick! He seems selfish! If I was him, I would have called the nearest cab company, send him to MY house, so I could go with him to get you to make sure you got home safely.

I get it's late and he probably wanted to sleep, but that's just selfish and unacceptable.

And YOU'RE sleeping on the couch? HIS selfish ass should be sleeping on the couch. If this is the same boyfriend you posted about before, you should've dumped his sorry ass a long time ago. Don't have sex with him and dump his ass.

[DevikaButts95]

That's kinda... like indicative that he doesn't care about you, at all. He also didn't apologize it sounds like, nor take responsibility for his actions.
I rarely jump to this conclusion, especially after reading a mere one instance, but like, dump him. Like, there's kinda like stupidity or like situations that play out where your SO is less than ideal, and those are fixable through communication and whatnot, but that just sounds like he does not care about you., you can't fix that.

[Lliam]

You're 100% right.
If you were my girlfriend, I would have gone to you immediately.
The fact that your boyfriend not only didn't lift a finger to rescue you, but wasn't even worried, tells me that he doesn't give a fuck.
Why are you with him?
If I were you, I'd be looking for another guy and kick your worthless slug of a boyfriend to the curb without a look back.

[Finchie40]

My question to you is Why are you still in a relationship with him? He didn’t know how to call a taxi or an Uber , He didn’t offer to pick you up? You are with the wrong guy girl , that right there just shows he doesn’t really care about you and that he only cares about himself. Time to really reconsider being with a guy like that

[DaveJord]

Yes you have the right. He seemed very unempathetic... I would think any dumb ass can Google and find a taxi service. Or get you an Uber.

If its a 20 minute scooter ride, I'd had come and got you myself... so I assume he doesn't have a car. If he does then he's a complete ass hole.

I don't know if I'd break up with him over this, but honestly he should be on the couch.

[Whatthefluff]

There is no excuse for his selfish behavior. In a relationship, you have to care for one another especially in terms of safety and health. That's setting the bar at a bare minimum- he's not even treating you as well as a dog or cat.
You do what feels right, but consider your worth vs. what he thinks your worthiness level is.
On another hand, what had he been doing all day? Was he home all day?

[Miristheiss]

1 I would have come to pick you up myself. He should have just driven to pick you up and bring you home.

2 Why would anyone want to date a girl out until 2 am working in a bar? He should dump you and find a girl with a relationship safe job... not some girl out until 2am who waits on drinking men all night looking to pick up women and a girl who is traveling through the inner city late at night. What a nightmare situation.

[Wiredone]

You have every right to be upset. If I was your boyfriend I would not be able to sleep until I knew you were safe at home. I don't know if your boyfriend drives or not but if he does, like me, I would have come to pick you up. What he did was rude and uncaring.