My ex-boyfriend just emailed me?

[Anonymous]

So I'm sure we've all had exes who have contacted us out of the blue...

Well, I just received an email yesterday from my ex, asking me how I was doing, how he really really hoped I wasn't still upset with him, blahblahblah. Then he said he was thinking that maybe we could be friends again...if it was okay with me though. Then he asked, "Is it okay?"

I'm not sure how to respond, he and I were each others firsts, haha. But honestly, I don't want to be friends with him after all the hell he put me through. It's been a year since we broke up and he's been with his new girlfriend during that time, they both seem happy. He was the one who broke up with me and told me to drop dead, and I made it clear that I didn't want him to contact me ever again, and he agreed. So I see no reason for him to email me, but I guess maybe he really does want to see how I'm doing? He and I used to be best friends, so maybe he misses the friendship, but I don't miss it at all, not after all the emotional abuse he put me through.

I was fine yesterday, but now it keeps bugging me and I can't get this situation out of my head. It's frustrating and I'm a little confused. I decided to delete the email, but now I'm tempted to reply just so I won''t look childish or rude. At the same time though I feel like giving him a mean reply and telling him to buzz off! I'm just so confused since I never expected him to do this, and I hate the effect it has on me since I'm thinking too much into this. Please help? :( Answers are appreciated, thank you. <3

[Anonymous]

gosh!!! my ex email me just now. its a big deal for me because i have been thinking about hime more often in the last two days than i usually did. howeve its an inconvinient truth to me that its been one and a half years but i have not spent a single day without thinking or mentioning his name. sigh. this is his e-mail " Hie man hows life its been long complements I wanted to wish u a birthday but you cut communication if u dont mind u can email me your contacts chris here cheers" so now i changed my contacts because he left me, i did not want to see him or his lifestyle on social media so this is why he did not have access to me except for the email address which he never used, like ever. i dont know what to do. i loved him, he was bad for me maybe i enjoyed it i dont not have a logical answer for the reason why i still find him as a part of me. maybe the good times were way more better than the moments he was bad for me. maybe all relationships have the goodness and the bad side. other than that, my only reason for not responding seeing that i haven't, could be my fear of knowing that all he wants to do is to just say hie, that to me is devastating, i deserve more than just subtle communication... i dont know what to do, somebody email me out there and help me wonderful700worldathotmail. com :( i miss him i do but where and what will i get myself into? sigh...

[Phoenix52]

The best solution to this:

Don't reply to him. Just don't. No matter how much you want to give him sh*t, you gotta be tougher than that. He may send more emails, but you can just laugh at each one and save them up to share with your girlfriends.

He wants to be 'friends' again = I call bullsh*t. He wants to start the emotional abuse again, round 2. His new girlfriend = if he is still with her, then this is an attempt to cheat on her. And he's most likely doing it because he's putting her through emotional abuse, and she's getting more distant with him.
If he is NOT with her, then he's trying to reel you in again. He may lie about it and say they're still together, but he's thinking of calling it quits.

Despite whatever you think, this "how are you doing?" email is a sh*t-test. He's wondering if you're with someone else or not.

I don't mean to bash this guy (because I don't know him), but I think you're better off without him.

[Asker]

Gosh, thank you so much! Everything you said...it all just sounds like something he would actually do. You're right. I am definitely better off without him, and to reply to him would be giving him attention, and I don't want that. I'm not going to reply to any of his emails. :) Thanks again! What you said was a HUGE help. :)

[Skygirljenn]

On spot Phoenix52, I could not have said it better myself! :)

[cathars]

Wow. I did this myself. I broke up with a girlfriend I really like. It really hurt and I was thinking back to the previous girlfriend I broke up with and thought how much I hurt her. So I e-mailed her to say sorry, cos I thought it was like karma payback time. She replied and said she was doing OK. And she wanted to meet. We had dinner. There was always chemistry between us and this time was no different. We hugged, said goodbye. ;-) She reminded me she was engaged. And I think there was peace in the universe. Then she e-mailed me and said we can't communicate anymore because she told her fiance and thought he'd think it was just a catch up (which it was. Honourable intentions) He threatened her and we haven't spoken since. I can understand his point of view. I think it was a litte bit of closure for both of us. Mainly me being a selfish bastard trying to get over the breakup.

[Anonymous]

If you have no interest in being friends then do not reply. It will only cause you to think more about him and force you to continue to stay in contact. He doesn't really sound like he deserves your friendship anyway. I am somewhat in the same boat, my ex contacted me for the first time in a year and it has thrown me a little too! Only difference is we were not horrible too each other after the break up but I am still not sure if I am going to reply. The past is the past and I think it's always better to look forward than look back!

[PeterConroyShow]

EMail him back, tell him you need to move on and that although you'd like to be friends you just feel that isn't possible for you at the moment... that should curtail him, and then if he emails you loads of rubbish (for want of a better word) block him (black list his email address, or send them to a different folder).

That's probably the best and simplest way.

[Anonymous]

I have been thinking about emailing an ex of mine we split up a year ago this week. We were such good friends before we became an item and part of me misses that friendship. Our break up was pretty nasty on both sides but emotions were raw and living together at the time makes it difficult in that situation. And so reading that over a year you still weren't happy to hear from your ex may have just stop me doing it. haha

I think you should email him back but take your time wording it. Try and get your thoughts down as to why you don't want to hear from him again that might help you clear your mind but I feel that you are still concentrating on your emotion from the break-up so me fair to yourself and him. If his intentions were purely friendship could you see that friendship adding to your well being?

[martyfellow]

I thik it will bug you until you fin dout what's on his mind. You were friends before, and people almost never totally lose that connection.

So let it be, and contact him and see what is happening. Probably the new girlfriend didn't work out...

[Anonymous]

Seems like you still have a lot of feelings for the guy. Due to what I'm going through at the moment I say email him. You'll never know. It could be a start of something new, something better than before.