I can't forget her.. no idea what to do ?

[sourabhrockz]

There was this girl I was in a relationship with. Everything was perfect and then all of a sudden she dumps me. I tried to get her back but she wanted me out of her life. I backed off.

I have tried everything in my power to forget her. Nothing helps. Its been 6 months and I still love her the same way and miss her a lot. I can't forget her. What am I supposed to do ?

[DishLady]

Okay, so here's the nerdy version of what happened to you -- it happens to anyone who's had a physical relationship, so you're not alone... Here goes.

You have a hard time forgetting her because you have a "neuronal memory" of what it is to be with her. So when you're walking around and suddenly the memory of a moment (physical, verbal, whatever) hits you like an intense replay, that's your body indicating that you want her -- or rather reminding you that you wanted her at some point. It's challenging, but you can "remap" (this is actually the technical term for it). Your body is wired to remember the things you liked and the things you didn't like. When you meet someone new, your neurons "remap" or reboot to accommodate the new experiences with the new girl. Some of them you'll like, some of them you won't. Your working memory will try to sneak in a few of the old moves you had with the old girl while you're with the new girl. Why? Because it made you happy and your body tagged that memory.

When people use the expression "it's just like riding a bike, you never forget"... it's something to take literally. It's all about mapping, dude, so break out your GPS and start looking for the new gal.

Sigh. There's a lot of bravado, but understand that most of us here know heartbreak. It's not easy. A good thing to do is to find your way to an activity or place that makes you happy. Your body will remember "happy" and your mind will be triggered to seek happiness in other ways, including relationships.

Hugs and prayers to you on your quest for the Holy Grail (Love). ;-)

[sourabhrockz]

thank you so much for your advice dishlady. but seriosuly as I said to debipie up here.. I have tried everything.. I even dated other girls. but nothing seems to work. in fact the new girls were even more beautiful and frankly had a better nature than my ex.. but I don't know why my heart still seems to hang on to her.. tried everything to let go.. the girl's memories still keep haunting me.. I go through the same magnitude of love and pain and hurt as I did 6 months back

[DishLady]

The emotional healing process takes time -- and WILL happen in time! -- but there is a degree of the relationship that won't be forgotten. It's not about dating someone more bubbly or beautiful, though. Your body will "tag" different memories at its own speed.

You have to be patient with yourself. It is definitely a process because when you *consciously* trust a person by going into a relationship you *subconsciously* allow your mind to open up to them, and so you're more likely to have ==>

[DishLady]

==> memories that "stick" with you. The neurological process isn't one you can control in any absolute sense, and it leads to all the emotional pining, etc.

A dating sabbatical and a perhaps a few conversations with a professional (psychological) counselor can be helpful in purging some of the backwash of your unfortunate relationship and enable you to enjoy future relationships.

Rooting for you!

[sourabhrockz]

VOW.. are you a scientist or something ? maybe researching on this stuff ? because you really talk like one :P

anyways, thanks for the advice.. I guess I'll have to go with the flow.

[DishLady]

Sort of. A lot of research is being done on this stuff and I worked with someone who was interested in all this.

It's just important not to beat yourself up over this stuff. Everyone needs time to heal. It's just not the same length of time or process for everyone (like a hangover, lol).

[sourabhrockz]

lol.. I feel you.. thanks anyways :)

[chanti]

Aaaw bro, if she hasn't contacted you within those 6 months you haven't seen her, then I think it best you try to find some closure by either:

1) Contacting her and see how she's doing. Talk with her. Friend level ONLY.

2) Move on and forget everything about her, find another girl who can treat you better and can be more honest and communicative to you. Plenty of fish in the sea, don't put false hopes in someone who obviously ended it and most likely it seems does not keep up the effort to contact you and see how you're doing. You deserve better.

Choose out of those options for yourself. If you were to go back to and date again and she agreed, be careful because you don't not want to be hurt again by her.

Think about it.

In my honest opinion, I really think you deserve a better girl who can be with you and make you happy. Not all girls are like your ex. I just think you should stop making yourself hurt and miserable by believing this girl may have feelings back (which I'm sure you hope because you feel like that for her) and deserves to be put on a pedestal when in reality it might be the opposite, so it's a waste of emotional strain on your part.

The ball is in your court buddy. All the best and Good luck.

P.S I've been there.

[sourabhrockz]

i know chanit. thanks for the awesome advice. but I've really really tried everything. ofc I hope she'll contact someday. but I've even tried and succeeded in believing that she hates me now and wouldn't come back. but that doesn't help. dated other beautiful girls. still doesn't help. I thought time will heal everything but my feelings haven't changed a bit since 6 months :(

[chanti]

Hmmm I hear ya bro. Feel sorry for you. You just have to question yourself whether your ex is really worth thinking about in that way. Your feelings for her must be till lingering on somewhere in your heart which is completely understandable. But it's affecting you in a negative way. I don't believe in that saying where 'in time you will heal'. Not even time is enough. You're just gonna have to go through the process until you are over her and ready to put your whole heart out to another girl.

[sourabhrockz]

hmm.. you're right. but I did question myself and I know she is not the perfect girl for me.. I even met better girls than her.. but my heart only seems to like her and no one else.. guess I'll just have to go through it

[chanti]

Haha well it's normal to still have feelings for your ex's. I broke up with my boyfriend two years ago and I still think about him and do care for him but not in the way in which I would want to get back with him. If you are wanting to get back with her, that's kind of desperate and you'll have to go through it. If you just care for her but don't want to get back then you're on your way of fully getting over her.

[sourabhrockz]

i want her

[chanti]

Well good luck buddy, if you really want her, then keep pursuing her and just see how it goes :)

[DebiPie]

I am sorry that this has happened to you. After 6 months and no contact from her, I would say that she has moved on. It's best not to call her. I will only make you do one of 2 things...Or both, and neither are good. 1. Beg her to come back or 2. Blow up at her. I would strongly suggest you don't call, you'll end up regretting it. Just let it go.

If you feel the need for closure, write a letter then tear it up. Yep! Tear it up. Have your say, put down your feelings then burn them. Then move on.

Only way to do that is to know that you loved her, you learned from that relationship, and you will find love again. You still feel it in your heart because you really did love her. This has been a life lesson for you. Use it to your advantage in your next relationship. It is how we grow.

I'm sure that you will find a lovely woman in your near future that you will love even more deeply who will be your life love. Get out with your friends, keep busy & open your mind & heart now so that you will be ready for her. The pain & hurt will lessen every day. I promise.

Good luck to you.

[sourabhrockz]

well thanks for the advice but you really think that after all the pain I've been through I haven't tried to move on ? I did try every single thing you said up there and more. I tried to be busy, occupied, hang out with friends, go out of town for a few weeks, spend time with family, date other girls.. nothing seems to work. I seriously thought as you said that with time I would forget her. but frankly speaking its been 6 months and I still feel the same way in the same magnitude.

[DebiPie]

Well, I never said that you would forget her. You won't ever do that, nor should you. It will just lessen. It's true, time heals all wounds. I don't know how long you were with her, but I can tell you from experience, I never thought I'd be able to move on from my divorce. Married & tog. 34 yrs. I still love him, not the "him" that he is today, but the love is still there. But time does help. You just have to make yourself "move on." And I HATE that term. Hate it! "Move on" I use to get so mad

[DebiPie]

when people would tell me to do that. I didn't believe them either. But I did it. You just fake it til you make it. Then one day, you realize it hurts a bit less than the day before. I just stopped listening to any music that I liked because it reminded me of him, stopped going to the old places & things we did together. It makes it a lot easier. Not that it is easy.

[sourabhrockz]

lol.. "fake it till you make it " ? Nice.. okay, will give it a shot. Thanks :)

[DebiPie]

Hey! Works for me! Most of the time...:-)

[hellojeremy]

Hey man some girls don't know what they want when there young. same thing happen to me but my story has more messed up thing that happen its been about 6 months for me too and after all the bad sh*t she did to me I still wanted her back. she would say no and keep saying it. I had to fight with my self to push her out of my head I know it hard but in the end you won't even rember what she did to you get rid of her number block her etc. know I can talk about my x and not cry or have someone bring her up and get mad or sad it was hard for me to over come stuff only because all my so called friends were hooking up with my x well she lived with me I only have a few friends liek maybe 3 I can trust and they helped me out forced me out of the house to go play pool, eat, etc. just go to your friends but true friends man. friends are there to help and it never hurts to date just don't leave your heart out and go to fast...sry I was ranting but hey I feel you tho just stay up and don't do anything stupid!

[sourabhrockz]

that wasn't ranting. that helps. but really dude. tried and tested everything. even dated new girls. nothing seems to help.. feelings are the same, the hurt is the same. even the magnitude of the feelings and hurt is the same.. m f***ed

[martyfellow]

Why did she dump you so suddenly? Is she mad? If she's really mad, then you need to get some new interests, hobbies, a new circle of friends that don't know her...

If she just wanted some freedom, then try again to contact her; maybe six months is enough.

Tell her you love her and miss her; what have you got to lose?

[sourabhrockz]

i can't contact her. she changed her fb profile. changed her number. changed her email-id. asked our mutual friends not to talk to me. and the f***ers agreed. I'm so fcking screwed up

[onemoreplease]

Sounds like you feel blindsided and want some closure, but if you can't get her to talk to you then you're gonna have to close the door and walk away from this on your own. The thing is, If she ended it, then it wasn't actually 'perfect' or 'out of nowhere.' And if she refuses to give you any sort of explanation, that's the type of person she is and it would be healthier for you to be angry at her for not having more respect for you, rather than idolizing her after she dumped you without even telling you why.

If you've tried everything to get in contact her and have gotten no response, it's time to let it go, stop putting her on a pedestal, and meet someone new (and better) for you.

[sourabhrockz]

i've tried ya. tried to be angry. not putting her on a pedestal. met someone new. actually a few girls I dated. better ones. but I still seem to like her. nothing's changed

[Kamila]

What was the reason of the break-up ? Was it something you did ? Or didn't she feel the same way anymore ? Maybe those answers can help you get over her.

[sourabhrockz]

well its a long story but I'll try to summarize.. she loved me even after the break-up. she only said that its not working out and she's not happy. I asked the reason why but she couldn't say. I told her to stay with me and I'll do anything and everything to make it right. but she didn't. so I backed off in a polite way. but my love for her was too strong so I tried to get back after a couple of days. and it came as a surprise for me that she started yelling at me on the streets. I don't know y

[titoloco]

alcohol is Man's best weapon in those cases.

[sourabhrockz]

drinking everyday man.. helps till I drink.. then its back to this

[titoloco]

then therapy dude & gym.