Why is he still subtly touching my leg or arm after breaking up?

[Anonymous]

My (now ex) boyfriend broke up with me 2 weeks ago, we were dating for..what, 3 weeks or something? Really not that long. I don't know why, but I can't get over him. Personalitywise we really didn't match, we could talk a bit but we didn't "goof around" or no serious talks as well. Maybe it was more physical than emotional "love". Anyways, every time I see him, my knees get weak, I get a "punch" in my stomach and I get nervous. I try to hide it, have fun and laugh a lot, you know, the "I'm totally over you" vibe. He wanted to stay friends, which is kinda hard for me since I still have these really unwanted feelings for him. So when we see each other we say hi and bye and what's up, you know. But every time he comes over to say something, he puts his hand on my knee or my leg or my arm or my shoulder... Why is he still doing this? It still gives me butterflies...

I don't even know why I'm not over him yet, I mean, we really didn't have a future together, but he's Mr. Popular, goodlooking, partyanimal, confident, ... things I wanna be and a person who, physically, I wanna date.

Anybody have any ideas why he still "subtly" touches me? Or tips on how to get over him?

Or am I looking into things too much and it really doesn't mean anything?

[Orion]

He's doing it because he can, he can probably tell it's making you melt and making you a little weak in the knees. Maybe it's his way of also trying to maintain a level of intimacy with you, possibly with the potential for getting you to drop your guard and either get back together or just getting you to fool around with him. Or he could just be a touchy guy and he thinks it's all harmless comfortable touching that friends do.

I'd probably tell you to ease away from so much contact with him. I don't mean push his hand away when it happens, I just mean try to avoid getting in positions where he can touch you, or straight out tell him it makes you feel a little uncomfortable if it really gets bad. And start thinking about other things don't focus on your break up focus on what you can do with your free time now and the potential for new friends and experiences with other people besides him.

[Asker]

He told me that maybe in the future we could be together, well, not in that many words, but that's how I got it. I don't wanna tell him, I wanna come over as "I have no problems with you, because I'm totally over you", I hope I do. It's not like he puts his hand on my knee for 5 minutes or something. He comes over, puts his hand on my knee, gives a kiss on my cheek to say bye and leaves, it's all subtle, you know?

[Orion]

Yeah I know, it's the subtle stiff that sticks with you longer. He's definitely trying to keep you close with these actions trying to butter you up so you might consider getting back with him probably, Whether it's just the way he treats girls or something sincere I can't say, but it's obvious he wants you thinking about it if he's doing things like this and being a gentelman the whole time.

[Asker]

Yeah but he's not talking to me that much. He knows my friend from when he dated someone she knew, and he's talking to her most of the time. Maybe I block him away for small talk without knowing.

[Frostie]

Sounds like a guy who knows how to get in a chicks pants. Lol, I'm more trusting of the quiet crazy people than the popular 'fun,friendly' people.

Just know that, if/when he f***s you, you're going to think you're 'in love', due to chemical production in the womens body of oxytocin and you're pretty much going to be screwed. Rather than being with someone you want to be like, distance yourself, get over it, move on, find a different guy, work on your own confidence/selfesteem.

[Asker]

That's what I'm trying. I'm not texting/calling/Facebooking/...him, I don't see him during the week and when I don't see him, I'm perfectly happy. I do think about him but that will fade, I hope. It's just when I see him that my body reacts to him, making me feel nervous and in "love". I know I'm not in love with him anymore, if I ever was in love with him in the first place. I just wished he'd disappear :')

[Frostie]

Hormones are a bitch,aren't they?

[Asker]

Ugh, yea, I wish I had an "off"button

[Frostie]

Haha tell me about it :).

[normalice]

did you have breakup sex? this is why you have breakup sex.

[Asker]

lol, no. But while breaking up he said he's still in love with me but it just doesn't work out. But he "said" it, could be a lie too

[normalice]

it's probable he just wants you to be a friend with benefits, but he doesn't want to date you. This is true of all guys, but only the confident, good-looking, and popular guys can get away with it. If it's cool with you, just propose it to him directly. It may change his attitude towards you if he says no. But, be prepared for him to say yes.

[Asker]

I have no problems with the friends with benefits thing, but not with him. Would make it so much harder to get over him. We only dated 2 weeks and I'm still Miss Pathetic "boohoo I want him back" :/

[normalice]

well, in that case I suggest making it some other guy's lucky day - or week even. In any case, distance is essential.

[Asker]

I know, but we live in the same small town and go out to the same bars and clubs :/ so I see him every Friday night -_- if I wanna go somewhere else, *bam* he's there too :s it's like f'in ...I don't know, Murphy's law?

[normalice]

don't go out for a week. Once I helped a girl with this. It was really awkward but it worked for her: basically, she wanted me to read to her while she attempted various forms of sex with me. I kept drifting in and out of interest in the book, so it was mostly oral and I never actually 'got off,' but apparently she just wanted to confuse her association of sex with her ex's voice. I guess it made sense, but I don't really talk a whole lot during sex - I guess her ex did?

[Asker]

lol, that's weird, but if it worked, great! , yeah, I only go out on Fridaynight, maybe I'll stay in for a while, exams are coming up so...