Should I say a proper goodbye or just slowly lose contact? please help.

[dreamerx3]

i have been talking to this really nice guy (he is 21 I am 20) for four months. he said he did not want a girlfriend and all but I thought hey he might grow to like me. after his first major heartbreak, he went out with girls for a week or so and would I guess loose interest. with me, it lasted this long so I thought he might be actually into me.

well about two weeks ago, he started getting super weird. he would be distant when we would talk 24 7. I finally asked him what was up and he said he told me he did not want a girlfriend and he felt I was getting attached and being lead on. I lied and said I was not. after that we texted a little but he started stopping the convos. I did ask if he wants to end it and he said no..but his actions are saying differently.

he basically wants me there in the moment..while I wanted it to lead into something. we are on different pages and I really do like him. I just think it is unfair for me to stay with someone who does not want to be serious. I think he is emotionally unavailable.

so I asked a guy and a girl yesterday what I should do



the guy said : if I were to get a text from a girl saying goodbye, I'd be like whatever ha ha. but if she just stops texting me, then I would be worried.

the girl said: text him what you want to and end it like that. that is when he will realize what he had.

i have no idea what to do. I mean either way I need to leave..i just don't know what my gut wants.

[LadyStark]

I vote don't do a big goodbye. A big goodbye is for your ego. It's so you can have a few dramatics, and he can win you back. The REAL test is if you stop texting him. Then you get to see how often he thinks of you and how often he misses you, and how much effort he's going to put in to keeping you. A goodbye text is a challenge. You're not going to get to see anything but his competitiveness. Slowly weaning him will show you much he cares for you - but you may not get the answer you want.

Your other option is to tell him, "It's over. You can't win me back. But I'm not closing any doors. If you still want me when you can devote the proper time to me and when you're over your ex, then give me a call... but not before."

[dreamerx3]

i agree. I feel like the goodbye is for my ego. I just don't want him to get away before I get away you know? like he has not been texting me for two days but this has happened before..he comes back ifear that he wil just stop this time and I will never have my chance to end it first. do you think I should ignore him cold turkey if he does text?

[LadyStark]

lol why does it matter who leaves first?

[dreamerx3]

it shouldn't matter at all. but I feel like I devalued myself when I continued talking to him knowing he did not want a gf..and this is my way of saying..hey you want that I want something else and I need to value my morals a little because I lost sight of them. I don't want him to think of me as a girl who did not respect herself.

[LadyStark]

Then just cut contact. If he thinks he did it, what does it matter? You'll never see him again anyway. Guess what, if he's so insecure that he needs to think he ended it, he'll do it. Even if you stop talking to him, he'll say to himself, "Clearly she doesn't like to start the conversation. Whatever, I'm not even going to bother. She'll figure it out eventually."

You are never seeing him again. It does not matter what he thinks of you.

[Kimin]

Agree with what you say but wouldn't go with your second option. If I'm that guy and I'm just stopping convos because I'm confused, as I didn't want another girl just to get another heart broken but I do like this girl, I would have this "please show me you're worth it, show me you're not ditching me right away because I'm a bit down" thought.

I'm just saying there are more possible reasons. Right now, you'll want to be a good friend. Mirror him but be loose about all that emotional stuff

[Anonymous]

If you care about this guy at all then you'll tell him that you want something more serious and you have to move on basically say a proper goodbye not having closure and wondering about what couldhave been is one of the worst feelings ever if you really think he's a nice guy please saygoodbye that's what I would want if it was me

[dreamerx3]

thanks for your input. I honestly have not decided yet. :/ I wanted to and my friends all persuaded me not to do it because they say he does not care for me as much as I do so he is not going to really understand..he will only be like "ok whatever" about it. I do agree that the closure is good for myself though that's why I am stil lthinking about it.

[stubbsy]

become distant with him, only return his text, don't send any, this will make him realize what he stands to lose by him becoming distant, and if there's any chance for the two of you, he will start making more of an effort towards you,x

[dreamerx3]

thank you. I wrote a long goodbye text but I feel like that would be too dramatic and show I care a lot. I think this way is better in a way. it will make him wonder why I have not been texting right?

[stubbsy]

Absolutely, and because you are showing a attitude that's not needy of him, he will become needy of you through fear of losing you, so keep calm and play it cool, if he thinks anything of you, he will start making an effort, he won't want to lose you to someone else, so answer his calls but never make one, your be surprised at his change of heart when you treat him like this,x