Should I go to my ex boyfriend's mother's funeral?

[rn116]

My ex boyfriend who has been basically ignoring me called me Fri night, drunk to tell me his mom was dying. She ended up passing away last night and I was told by his sister not by him. Let me tell you a quick background...She had been sick and on home hospice since 2007, I met and started dating him in Dec 2009. He has 3 older sister's who all participated in her care. Well, he being the only boy did not feel comfortable nor did she with him doing her personal care, changing her adult diapers, etc. Well, I happen to be a registered nurse specializing in home care so when I met her and fell in love with her I offered to help out. I helped take care of her for about 2 yrs. She was an awesome lady but I hadn't seen her since the break-up 3 mos ago which I already feel guilty about but he has been so bad towards me it would not have been a good situation. I hope she still cared for me until the end as I did her. So now I don't know what to do?Go or just send flowers. A friend of mine said it shouldn't be about him or me that this will be a celebration of her life and since I was a big part of it I should go. I texted him today and told him I was sorry about her passing and I did get a response "Thanks" is all I got. Any advice?

Updates

+1 y

Update: I didn't go. I sent flowers. He had called me two times and said I should go because his mom liked me and I took care of her. He says that but fails to remember it when he only focuses on the bad in me. I just couldn't go because being there alone wouldn't have been the same as being there by his side. His sisters told me they understood. See, half of me wants him back and the other half(the smart half) doesn't. I am starting complete no contact today. I have to do this to move on.

Updates

+1 y

I spoke to his sister this morning and I guess he totally broke down at the service and cried his eye out. I wouldn't have been able to see him that way. I just hope one day he realizes what he lost and that hanging with his buddies is getting old. That is why he broke up with me...said I was too controlling and wouldn't let him hang with his friends every day. I hope by the time he misses me, it will be too late and I will have moved on and I can shut the door in his face like he basically did.

Updates

+1 y

Anyway, thanks for the advice and I feel okay about my decision not to go. His mom knew I loved her and she would understand because she never passed judgement on anyone. She even told me one time..."My son needs to get down on his knees and pray to whoever it is he prays to that he has you because he doesn't deserve you!" Every time I start to boo hoo over him I will try to remember her words. I just can't stand the fact that he can just toss me after almost 3 years and forget about me!

[LoveJewell]

Yes, I think you should go for the mother who died. It sounds like you liked her a lot so I think it would be good to go. One day you might regret not being there for her. You don't have to talk to your stupid ex. Besides this is the mothers funeral if you talk to your ex his mothers death could have changed his attitude or even his out look on life(for better or for worse I don't know). It also sounds like you talked to his sisters a lot so you could go to support them in there time of loss. A funeral is a funeral and each person only gets one so people can remember the good things about them(even if funerals are morbid) so go to the funeral tell people stories about the little time that you knew her. No matter how funny or sad the stories are the family will appreciate them. Hey and if you want to you can be the better person and talk to your ex like your old buddies. You could even comfort him. You may still be hurting because of him but fact is his mommy just died and even if while she was dying he didn't take care of her he could have been afraid of her death or it could have really hurt him to see her so sickly. He probably really regrets not spending more time with her. If he is indifferent to her death he's got a heart of stone that's when you can really be mad at him. I also think you should go for all the good memories you had with him. I'm not saying don't be mad he ignored you because you have a right to be mad ,but really think of what would be the right thing to do.

[Anonymous]

I was in the same situation with my ex husband years ago, we had been divorced about a year and his grandmother passed away. I loved his parents very much. I didn't hesitate to go to the funeral, and I'm so glad I did. It made me see my ex couldn't control what I did anymore and if I wanted to be friends with his family still that was my decision. If you loved this woman and was close to her PLEASE don't let an ex make or break your decision. Go, pay your respects to this woman. I'm sure you will be so glad you did.

[rn116]

I really want to go but believe it or not...I'm thinking of him...Not that he has cared how I have felt the past 3 months but I don't want to ruin his day either, he will be upset enough. Plus all his stupid friends who influenced him and encouraged him to break-up with me in the first place will be there. I think I might just send flowers so at least his sisters will know how much I cared for her!

[Opinion Owner]

Well, make sure whatever your decision is the one that makes your heart happy about the situation.If you absolutely don't want to go, then yes at the very least send flowers, a card, and maybe go see his mom and sign the guest book at the funeral home. Best of luck.

[QueenBeatris]

i wouldn't go,she is gone ,u said goodbye when you left 3 months ago..u sent condolences so I would just leave it that way, nothing you do or say will make a difference anyways.

[ryanontario]

i don't know its a tough call , is it a small town ? I'm wondering if a lot of people be there . anyways if you knew her well there is nothing wrong with making an appearance and signing the condolences book but not going to the actual funeral

[Anonymous]

It's not a tough call. My mother recently died and my x girlfriend was like a daughter to her. She went to the funeral. Go

[Opinion Owner]

I am trying to not judge and do not want you to feel guilty but you should of gone. This had nothing to do with your x bf

[Anonymous]

I think you should go. It's about celebrating HER life. Not about your relationship with your ex. Will you regret it if you don't go?