Why say so many horrible things after a break up?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I broke things off on a bad note. He ignored me for a few weeks. Once we were on speaking terms again, he said a few things that were completely disrespectful. He said he wasn't going to let me think I was 'better than him'. I never said a single insulting thing before or after the break up (besides call him a jerk). Why do some people do this? Suddenly lash out verbally with insults after breaking up? Why would he throw every single thing I shared with him in secret, in my face to purposely hurt me? Why attack someones weakness that I trusted him with? why pretend to accept me just to lash out? Has he always thought these horrible things? or was it said out of anger? I feel as though everything was fake now. Why would he act like this?

[lollipanda]

A lot of people respond to hurt by hurting back. It's not really mature, but dealing with the pain of rejection is so hard, and for some people it's just the natural, defensive response.

It is possible that he's just a jerk, but chances are he'll feel bad about it later.

After my breakup a month ago, I purposely had to avoid my ex for a week so that I wouldn't lash out at him because I didn't want to hurt him - I wouldn't have been able to control it, probably. It doesn't mean that one person hates the other or has always thought these things - it means that they aren't really capable of dealing with it.

[Anonymous]

I'm going through the same right now my now ex of almost a year into a argument as usual this time his dad and younger brother got to him and messed with his head and he said some hurtful things. He realized what he did and is to the point of depression and angry at himself because he said he lost me and for the way he treated me because he loves me and wants me back. Every chance I get I curse at him call him names and its been a week since we broke up but I'm to the point of beyond hurt and when I feel that hurt I tend to lash out just out of anger even though I love him and want to be with him.

[Anonymous]

I assume you're the one who dumped him? I assume he is hurt and this is his way of "defending" himself and dealing with the pain. When you say he ignored you a few weeks, do you mean you attempted to contact him, or did you mutually ignore each other?

[Asker]

He ignored me. I called because I wanted to apologize for the way I abruptly ended things. I wondered if I over-reacted and should've valued the relationship more.

[martyfellow]

HIs feelings are hurt because of the way you broke up...so he wants to 'get even.'

He knows you can be hurt if he brings up these intimate details from being together and uses them to make captious criticisms of you that he doesn't even really think are valid himself.

This behavior is a sign of immaturity...and sort of confirms it was a good idea to break up!

[martyfellow]

Sorry you're going through this; thanks for the best answer, anonymous!

[TheUglyOne]

Raw emotions, hurt feelings, not thinking clearly. Petty and pointless, but alas we're all only human.

[GAG1989]

rejection hurts, so people rationalize rejection with revenge

[Asker]

but I didn't reject him

[GAG1989]

breaking up is a form of rejection

[Asker]

He did what he did... that caused me to end the relationship. He wanted it to end, or else he wouldn't have been so careless with it.

[GAG1989]

yes, but you're asking about what happened after the break up, not what caused the breakup. I'm telling you, revenge is a rationalization of a rejection

[Asker]

Oh.. okay. hee-heee. Rationalization of rejection. got it. srry. he needs to feel better bout bein rejected so he puts me down to lift himself back up. and never learns anything.

[Asker]

i was in a relationship with just his ego... and he never had any true feelings for me?

[GAG1989]

whos to know...its over now, move on

[Asker]

I like to learn while moving on. Learning takes understanding. An answer from your personal experience would be most helpful. "Whos to know" not so helpful.

[GAG1989]

i don't talk to the dude

[Asker]

haha. is it fair to say that if you ever cared for someone genuinely, you wouldn't react this way if rejected. Do you think there is a difference between a bruised ego and bruised heart?

[gahlaktus]

Not necessarily. Like someone said, this way of lashing out is a defense mechanism.
There have been studies done to show that "anger" is a natural defense mechanism to physical pain... as well as emotional.
And to be fair, one can only really feel rejection and pain for someone they care about.
In other words you can only be hurt by the ones you love and vice versa. Sometimes emotions will hit such a boiling point that people burst out in anger and say things they don't necessarily mean or feel.
Often times the receiving party of this anger will use it as justification for the breakup when in fact it was simply a result. Don't let an angry moment erase all the good memories you once shared.
And as for the OP, hey threw every special moment you shared with him to your face because they ARE special moments that belonged to BOTH of you. When you dumped him, he probably felt you no longer felt those memories were special-- and that it would be too painful for him to keep carrying by hims