Do all break ups have to mean you hate the other person/ex?

[Anonymous]

Like can you still support them and wish them the best with no intentions of rekindling what y’all had?

[LifeHitMeandRan]

Your question and the little description are actually three separate things.

1. No, breakups do not mean you have to hate your ex. In fact, having any ill will towards your ex once the dust has settled actually shows immaturity. Yes, in the immediate aftermath emotions will be strong, but past a certain point you must come to term with reality and realize what is done is done and move on. Holding any hate long term only hurts you.

2. It is ok to wish your ex the best. Sometimes things just do not work out. In the best case scenario, you just mutually agree to depart and end things amicably. In the worst case, things end bad for a bit. However, despite how things end, at some point you loved each other and the relationship helped each of you grow a little bit. In the end, no matter what happened, you should forgive and wish each other the best. FORGIVENESS does not mean what they did was ok. It means you will not let the resentment it caused rule you.

3. SUPPORTING an ex is very iffy at best. When a couple breaks up, they end all obligation to each other (unless kids are involved, but that's a completely different matter). In most cases, having ANY relationship with an ex is detrimental. Doing so keeps you from really moving on. The point of a breakup is that you COULDN'T provide the support you each needed. That support then becomes the job of whoever comes after you. So, in most cases, I say supporting your ex ends with the relationship. To do otherwise makes things messy.

[OlderAndWiser]

I agree with most of what you said, except for "having any ill will towards your ex once the dust has settled actually shows immaturity." In most breakups, that might be true, but imagine that the relationship ended like this:

your ex hurt herself while intoxicated, then called 911 and accused you of domestic violence.
You were arrested and held in jail overnight, ultimately needing months to get the charges dismissed.

Do you think having residual unleasant feelings is a sign of immaturity in that situation?

[LifeHitMeandRan]

@OlderAndWiser Something like that is different. My response was assuming a normal breakup (being cheated on, feelings fading, etc.). Any form of harm is a completely different matter.

[Finchie40]

Not if you both broke up on good terms and you both have a mutual understanding , and you are both on the same page. People only get mean and angry after a breakup mainly because they weren’t on the same page with things , or one of them betrayed the other , by cheating or lying. Why it’s important to be honest with each other , when you are in a relationship, if you can’t be honest with your partner? Then you will not be happy in your relationship because your relationship is nothing but lies. You are basically stringing them along because you are a selfish person that only cares about yourself and what you feel is best for yourself , Not only are you wasting your time? You are wasting theirs as well. So not all relationships have to end badly , I am still on good terms with my ex , we both agreed we weren’t good for each other because we constantly butt heads , I don’t hate her , just not in love with her anymore

[Katelina99]

No, I've broken up with past boyfriends because we are just incompatiable. We both agree to this and choose the best course of action, which was working it out and if it didn't work out then breaking up is the last resort.

Although, I will admit. There was 2 who harboured a lot of resentment towards me because I broke up with them due to incompatiability and we were going in different life directions. One wanted to be religious, the other wanted an easy life - I am spiritual but not religious, and I am ambitious but I dont wish for an "easy" life. Hard work pays off long term, easy is just hating your life slowly as you get older and realise you need money for an easy life.

Overall, depends on the person. If both parties agree to mutual reasons, no hatred, but disappointment.

[DishLady]

No, not at all, however some people’s actions lend themselves to making them undesirable to address — some go so far as to make vicious comments that do lead to things like blocking and abrupt disillusionment of any future line of communication as friends or even acquaintances.

[AviatorTom]

Of course not. My divorce after 20 years of marriage was very amicable. Though we are both remarried, we still stay in touch, wish each other Happy Birthday and see each other at family gatherings.

Though some breakups are about hate, most of them are just the pair deciding that they are not right for each other. I've never hated any of the women I've dated in my life, and eventually broke up with.

[OlderAndWiser]

My last breakup was rather acrimonious but my other breakups over the past 20-30 years were mostly amicable, civil, but also final with no contact being maintained post-breakup.

[sheenagwapa]

no. i take pride with my personality that i love hard but can let go. in my opinion two people are in a relationship because of love and so if one doesn't feel the same way anymore i don't see the point of hating the person if he just doesn't feel love towards me anymore.


i remember getting mad when i learned he went to see a movie with some female friends. i plead him that he not date again for the meantime that i have not still move on. i keep asking for forgiveness but his anger is tremendous. i don't even know what i amasking for forgiveness for so i thought i will just ask for forgiveness for making him feel so negatively...

[RingOfFire]

Of course a breakup doesn't have to mean you hate the other person. Every breakup I ever had ended like that... Without hate. We just went our separate ways and moved on. With the important relationships of my life, I kept in touch. There's one I keep in touch with that I haven't been together with since I was a teenager. I've always wished them well and I'm happy to get good news about them and their families.

Hate means you still have feelings for a person. It's not the opposite of love. The opposite of Love is indifference. If you hate someone you still have strong feelings towards them.

Indifference means you don't hold a grudge because you don't care one way or the other. That's the opposite of love.

[Lliam]

Break ups absolutely do NOT have to mean you hate the other person.
I liked all but one of my exes after we split. I still have fond memories. One of them I loved with all my heart and still do, even though we were not destined to be life-long partners.

[SugarSugarplum]

Once you figure out it's a bad match, it's important to lock out the possibility that the other will ever think you would take him/her back.

You don't want to waste your fertile years on a man you know is wrong for you. So if bitchiness is what it takes, then that's what it takes.

NOTE: It's not cool to ruin his life with false accusations, it's just important that he sees you as too much trouble to consider again.

[D_Bone_Steak]

Not at all. Sometimes shit just isn't working out between you two. You still like each other, but the sex and commitments stuff is just not going to work.

[exitseven]

I broke up with somebody who lived halfway across the country. After 4 years it was apparent that we would never get to be together. There were just too many things against it. I finally broke up with her over the phone. The last thing I said to her was that I loved her and she said she loved me too/.

[DanicaPhoenix]

No, sometimes you just find that your not right for another person. They can be awesome but just not right for you. You don't have to hate them to not want to be with them. Sometimes you only find your not right for a person when you tried a relationship.

[dragoblack]

No. It all depends on why & how you both broke up. If it was because of abuse, then yeah, obviously don't go around him or keep in in your life. If the breakup was just a matter of falling out of love, then yeah, you both can just be friends and be on good terms

[Account]

No. I don't hate any of them.
I wish them well, I hope they are doing good, but I feel nothing for them.
I think if I felt hate, there would still be something there because hate is a very complex emotion.

[MisterWack]

You can break up on good terms like, “this isn’t working out”(priorities changing, shifting wants & needs that conflict with one another, changing times, long distance getting you both down, etc.)

[ArrowheadSW]

Breaking up does not necessarily mean that you hate the other person. You can break up and still like the other person. Sometimes things just don't work out.

[Alexandra_Ramsan]

Absolutely, you can wish them well and hope they find happiness. Some people just will not be compatible and that’s fine. If you ever cared about them in the first place, then this is just normal behavior. Harboring hatred and resentment only hurts you, just move on and forgive the past. Look forward to your future instead ☺️

[HawkPerception]

2 of my breakups actually ended up on okay-ish terms.

With my 2nd ex, I tried being friends with her for a while. Did not work out at all, because I still liked her.

[happyfoetus]

Ofcourse. Ex can be good friends. Even if they still love you, you can act normal around them. That is maturity. But being angry or upset or giving silent treatment shows you aren't over.

[SeriouslyNotSerious]

Of course not. But I also don't suggest befriending them. My ex just won't leave me alone for years.

[Luv2BRealExotic13]

No. There are amicable break-ups. Sometimes you drift apart and realize you don’t want the same things.

[dustybiker2]

I've never had a relationship end badly. We just ended up wanting different things and respected each other for owning it.

[CindyRuns]

I don't think I actually hated anyone I broke up with... I just didn't want to waste my time in a relationship that wasn't going anywhere !!!

[RebelinSteel]

No it does not, I’m friends with a couple of my ex’s. I’m lucky in that I have not had bad argumentative breakups, all have been fairly breaks.

[molonski2]

Quite obviously a big NO , and its completely nave to think it would be any other way.

[ProbablyClueless]

I don't have any animosity for my exes.

I don't appreciate the way they treated me, of course, but I only wish them the best in life.

[itsannalee]

No I don’t hate my ex.
But some of my ex hate me.

[TonyMetal___86]

Like why would you hate them, aren't women in general who initates the break ups and divorce? 😄
You don't hate them because maybe they had done nothing wrong to you, let's hear about what YOU have done to them so they hate you 😏

[itsannalee]

They cheated on me because i have never cheated and I don’t cheat and I will never cheat.

[TonyMetal___86]

If your claims are true than you have all the rights to hate them!
Why would you like someone who had cheated on you?
Bravo! Stay like that, a good girl who never cheats, one day you will find a man just like you who will never cheat, cheating is a sin! They will pay the price!

[itsannalee]

Why would i lie to you, i'm not flirting with you, so nit like trying to impress you 😂

And i don’t know why they’re cheating, the first ex who cheated on me was cheating with my maid. And the 2nd one was cheating with a cop. If you asked me why they hate me, maybe because I made them paid for what they have done.

[TonyMetal___86]

It's good if you're not lying!
No need to flirt with me or impress me, i'm just a stranger whom you know nothing about and living thousands of miles away from you, it was just a simple answer, comment and a reply 😏

Glad to hear that they have paid the price!

[Nikki1989]

Not at all. You can break up and remain friends. One of my very best friends is an ex.

[rosemilk]

breakups can be mutual, respectful, and understanding. not all end in hatred/ill will

[TheLovelyWoman]

No. My husband and my ex are friend. I still keep touch with my ex.

[TonyMetal___86]

Maybe to others yes, but personally nope! I don't wish her luck nor support her, you say that i hate her yes, i don't like to hear her voice and i don't like to see her or remember anything about her!

[Peridot25]

Absolutely not! There are few reasons why people hate their exes. However, if you broke up on good terms, no reason to hate.

[DextroShade]

You don't necessarily have to hate them (although there is nothing wrong with hating them) but they should no longer be a part of your life.

[clampfan101]

There’s a lot of reasons you might break up. Some can go back to casual friendship, and maybe even end up with a second chance.

[LiamJHayden]

Not one of mine has ever been that. All of my exes are great, and that did not change just because the romance failed.

[lorenzomichael]

Never you should never hate each other. Just because it didn’t work out. Besides you might need a booty call once in a while

[Luckycharms12]

Nope not really I still talk to exs we are still friends. Just some things made it not workout we both seen that and said goodbye

[Jay-_-]

Yes because even tho we don't talk I still wish my ex the best

[Anonymous]

Great question.
I'm late 50s
Married 20 years
Stopped having sex and no interest in my wife
Do I have to separate now?
It will be expensive
I don't hate her. But we had a major row. I'm still not talking to her.

[luvstoned4him]

Not at all. Some couples break up amicably

[DrPepper12]

For petty, immature snowflakes yes.

[Likes2drive]

Not all, I don’t really hate my exes

[Charliefretz329]

Should be able to remain civil

[Ladsin2]

Nope

[Pterodon]

Nope

[noohair]

No, not at all.