I found out my mother cheated on my father 14 years ago....what to do?

Question

My parents have been together for over 30 years. I recently found concrete evidence that my mother cheated on my father over a span of 2 years with 3 guys regularly roughly 14 years ago.

My mother is a homemaker and has never worked a real job. My father is disabled but still provides for the family. I honestly don't think they'd be able to make it without each other.

They swear they love each other and I have no clue if my father knows or not. I'm not sure how to handle this situation. Any ideas/suggestions?

simplythebest · Accepted Answer

I know how you feel to a certain degree. I hated my father becos he did something really bad, far worse than what your mum did. I found out my father molested my cousin and many other memebers of my family. I hated him for it I got over that feeling after he died which was a relief cos it meant I didn't need to see him anymore becos I was constantly reminded of his crime and I felt helpless becos my mother was extremly devoted to him and I felt like I was protecting her. she alos had low self esteem and she relied on him a lot, he also made her feel sh*t to control her.

My situation is far more worse than yours, your parents seem like they genuinely love each other don't ruin something beautiful but try to understand why your mother did what she did. 14 years ago was a long time ago and you were very young. Her relationship with your father might've been strained in order for her to play away. I suggest you speak to your mum first, like a friend try to be non judgemental, really listen to what she has to say. If you need to, which I know you would speak to a close friend who can offer you comfort because you definitely need some support as well.

Things will fall into place eventually you just need to hold on a little tightly and wait for the storm to blow over. Just remeber to keep love and understanding by your side in all the time you deal with this.

Good luck!

And If you need any more advice don't hesitate to hit me bak.

Peace.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Maybe talk to your mother about it. I wouldn't tell your father because that's not really your place. Also, if it was 14 years ago and hasn't happened since, it might be best if he doesn't find out (provided he doesn't know). Maybe there were problems in the marriage that made your mother do what she did. Maybe those problems don't exist anymore. So why open a can of worms and cause your father pain (again, assuming he doesn't know) and possibly cause problems with the marriage.

But yes, I'd definitely talk to your mother about it. Perhaps she can explain some things to you.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

my dad cheated on my mom 7 years ago and basically wrecked the mentality of many. now he has a son I've been keeping a secret for the past 2 years. they swear they love each other and rather then drive everyone into an emotional super massive black hole I rather suffer and take therapy.

i wouldn't tell but if you have to tell one of them, tell your mom.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Talk to your mum about it. You might understand the situation very differently after hearing what she has to say. Don't tell your father, though. It was a very long time ago and I can't imagine anything good coming from it.

I do think it'll hurt you in the long run to keep it to yourself, though, so that's why I'd suggest talking it through with your mother.

madhatters4 · Accepted Answer

I'd talk to your mother. Find out if she ever told your dad. Then find out why...why she never told, why she did it, does she really love your father the way he thinks she does...

I don't know if it's worth risking your parents relationship without talking to your mom first.

TheGodEmperorLeto · Answer

You go "typical woman" and move on.

Har har, I kid.

But seriously, I dunno.. it was a long time ago, but this is pretty disgusting stuff. I think it might be OK to discuss it with her and wonder why, but I do kinda think the father deserves to know. He shouldn't have to spend his life with a cheating ho if he doesn't want to (sorry if that offends you, all cheaters are no good to me, don't care if they are family or not).

yopyopyop · Answer

You should keep it for yourself. She's still there, so she made her decision 14 years ago.

Besides, you father might know it already.

Anyway, it's something very old. If it was happening now, I would encourage you to say it. But it's an old story.

It's absolutely not your business, and it can only do harm.

All you can keep from it is that you should never trust 100% anybody.

Shyscot · Answer

If you need, to talk to your mother about it.

Trust me your dad must know. My ex wife had a couple of affairs and I knew each time.

Your dad has chosen to live with it for whatever reason, don't go picking at old scars, and bringing the pain to life again. Your dad obviously has a lot of pride and is doing the best he can by you and your mum and would probably like to think that you don't know about it.

MochaKisses · Answer

Here is a news flash: This is your parents' business, not yours. You are not responsible for fixing anything. Focus on yourself.

Ron601 · Answer

Sometimes not knowing is the best thing. If I was you I would just forget about it, we have all made mistakes in the past and it's not worth tearing your family apart.

beerY33 · Answer

If it's bothering you, tell your mom or a counselor. Telling your dad won't do any good.

MiaChan · Answer

i suggest you don't tell anybody this especially your father. I mean what good will come out of it? unless you want them to fight and your father to get hurt or worse, get divorced.

Yaoi-Anime-Fangirl1 · Answer

I would talk to your mom about it and try and convince her to tell your father if she hasn't I think its best for things like that to come from the person and not someone else if it can be avoided.

Prof_Don · Answer

I would tell your mom if this knowledge is eating away at you ...but don't tell your dad.  I don't see any positives about doing so.

jacquesvol · Answer

14 years ago?   And it's none of your business.

Vandal · Answer

I'd tell either your dad or both. He has a right to know. *notices no women suggest telling your dad* ...How predictable. *chuckles*

gravygirl · Answer

Either let it go or talk to your mother.  Don't torture your father with this.

Anonymous · Answer

Act like you don't know. If you know about it, more than likely he knows as well. Stay in your lane and stay out of it. that's their business

Anonymous · Answer

What kinda of women cheats on a disabled man! That's terrible!

MasqueradeMassacre · Answer

Confront your mother.

Shadoww · Answer

Tell your mom you knoe..

Anonymous · Answer

...who cares, what's in the past is the past...

Anonymous · Answer

You don't say a word

I found out my mother cheated on my father 14 years ago....what to do?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

I found out my mother cheated on my father 14 years ago....what to do?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

We're glad to see you liked this post.