Should I worry about my boyfriend taking his dog to his ex-girlfriend to watch when he is out of town?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I have been together for 7 months and have a great relationship. He lives about an hour away, but is from the same hometown as I and we see each other on the weekends. Problem I'm having is this issue with his ex. They were together for 5 yrs. (also lived together), they have been broken up for 3 years now, but he still takes his dog over to her place for her to watch when he goes out of town, or when he comes in town and needs a place for the dog to stay.(I can't have dogs where I stay, so me watching him is not an option) They bought the dog together and he trusts her to care for him. He also brings him to town for her to take him to the groomers every 6 weeks and vet appts. He says the dog is used to the groomer and he doesn't want to look for a new place. He doesn't have any children so this dog he treats like his baby. He tells me he doesn't have any feelings left for his ex, that she's crazy and he is just on good terms for her mostly because she does him this favor for the dog. I want to be mature about this, but shouldn't cut ties with his ex if he's in love with me? It makes me uncomfortable and not as secure as I want to feel. Any thoughts or advice would be appreciated.

[crystallinegreen]

It's easy to become very attached to dogs, if my boyfriend and I were to split up and I didn't have regular access to our dog I'd be heart broken. To a lot of people their dogs really are like substitute children, and it sounds as though they cared for the dog in that manner. I think that he maintains contact with her and the dog is a little bit like how people agree to share custody of children.. it's probably an arrangement they set up when they parted ways and have maintained ever since. Why specifically do you find this to be a problem? If it had anything to do with their reluctance to part ways.. well, they could have gotten back together any time in the 2 1/2 years they spent apart before you met. I know it can be hard when a partner has shared commitments with an ex, but I guess it's just one of those things we have to accept if we love and want to be with the person. If you could care for the dog instead of his ex, it doesn't mean to say you'd have the right to freeze her out of the situation, or that your boyfriend should necessarily want to. The more you come to accept it as a shared responsibility they took on together and continue to undertake, the easier it will be to deal with. I think it probably speaks highly of him as a man if he has an amicable relationship with his ex and continues to behave considerately and responsibly toward her.. these are positive traits he'll bring to your relationship too, doubtless, except you'll also have his heart. Hope this helps.

[zalew]

I can feel your pain from confusion, does the ex know you exist?

If she does then chill out and enjoy your relationship, I think they both take responsibility for the dog as if it was their child, its good they have been open and mature as few couples are after a break up.

If you are kept hidden for any reason at all then be worried and walk away.

[Asker]

I asked him if she knew about me and he said he didn't know. He says he just drops the dog off usually when she's not there and they don't chat that much, especially about personal things. He claims if she asked, he wouldn't deny he had a relationship.

[zalew]

He sounds open and honest about his contact with her... and he sounds like a good guy... it will play on your mind regardless of what he tells you that's just what we women do! Unless there are red flags warning you, I would think of her as his sister type friend, or you will spoil what you have with him if you can't.

[thisusername2]

I don't see the big deal. Some people see pets as family and your boyfriend and the ex seem like those types of people. This is all about the dog and not them or their past.