My boyfriend has a dog with his ex. They're gonna meet each other and talk about who's gonna get the dog. I'm stressing, what should I do?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend has a dog with his ex. He decided (for me, because I have panic and anxiety disorders and when they meet to exchange the dog, I almost always panic like shit) that it's not gonna work that they both have the dog so next week they'll decide who gets the dog when they meet. I've been panicking and being anxious each time they meet, also now I'm scared as fuck and stressing so much. The ex is a lying and treacherous bitch, so I don't like that she insisted on seeing my boyfriend on talking about it. Now I'm just pushing my boyfriend away because I feel so bad. What the hell should I do?

[May10th1994]

Aside from talking to your therapist/finding a therapist... I can give minor advice based on my own panic disorder. I get real bad weeks where I don't sleep more than 2 seconds and can't be home alone without flipping out.

Take deep breathes, pace the room, do squats, bounce up and down. This for immediate coping.. I have some sleepy time tea called, Extra Sleepy Time Tea by Celestial Seasonings. It has Valerian Root, which is sedating and calming. Use two tea packets in 1 cup of hot water, soak for 10 minutes, it will help.

Exercise a lot. A LOT. I know "neurotypical" responses tell you to exercise for anxiety, but it is a proven method. You need to move when you are having anxiety if you can, when you feel it coming, when it's gone. Move move move move move. I have taken up dancing. I don't even know how to dance, I just move all over my living room like a crazy person.

I also take Xanax.50 mg for very bad attacks but of course I am not going to tell you to get medication since that's not my business. <3

For the pushing your boyfriend away part... I understand this. Along with coping mechanisms, remind yourself he loves you, you deserve his love, and ask him to hold you, or make your tea, or take walks with you.

[Asker]

Thank you SO MUCH for all the tips!💗 I already have 15 mg Sepram in everyday use, and then actual sedatives for the worst moments.

I'm already doing sports each day and I feel like my body is getting enough of it, but it might be that this tip of starting to exercise right away when it's coming, could be the way of coping with them.

All in all I feel like such a bad person for doing all this, but I can't help it. Sometimes I really feel like I shouldn't even be with him..

But really, many thanks once again, you're an angel!💗

[btbc92]

Breakup. Someone like you who have these psychological issues should not be dating until you get help and that it's completely out of the way. You can't blame your boyfriend. The problem here is with you. He has to handle his own affairs while you need to, no offense here, mind your business and be concerned about yours. This is between him and her and they need to settle their dispute like adults.

You have the choice to trust him or not. And if you see that you can't, then you owe it to both of you and him to end it. At least he told you what his desires and decisions are. The dog doesn't deserve to be treated like less of important. But your extremely unhealthy and need help. That is a whole another story between him and his ex. If he says it's over, then it's over. Either trust that it is, or let somebody like her who shouldn't have much importance to him control your relationship. Sorry if I sound too blunt, but I'm being honest. Being nice is not going to change what is going on in your relationship let alone in your life if you continue to handle it by fearing to step on eggshells. That is not a relationship.

[Asker]

No worries, it's good you said the things straight to me: I really appreciate it! I can notice that you said some things which my boyfriend has also said to me. I'm currently on meds and going to therapy, sometimes it's like I'm completely happy, and sometimes I feel like I have the weight of the world on me. I've had severe depression before so it's not as bad as it was back then, but still annoying enough..

There's a lot of factors which make me feel this way of his ex, although my boyfriend has tried his best to make everything as easy to me as possible.

That's the major issue, that I'm just not able to not have her control my life like this and it sucks ass..

[btbc92]

It's best to just let the relationship go. Your stage of depression has everything to do with this relationship overall. you did not give yourself enough time to have a break for yourself and to grow more as a person. because instead of this relationship helping you to grow is causing you to be stagnant.

[Asker]

That's the thing, I could say I was depression free 1.5 years ago, but now I've had a lot of things going on at the same time, like graduation, moving, stressing out to get a job..

I know it's not a reason to be a bad human being, but the whole case of his ex is making me go nuts if he has to contact her somehow. I've been able to live with it before but I never liked it.

Also, I feel like my current boyfriend is the one, and I could really see myself spending the rest of my life with him if this ex/dog thing is sorted out..

[btbc92]

Well, there is no such thing as the one. You chose him for yourself. But the thing is, is that there won't be a future if you allow your fears and insecurity to control it.

[Asker]

Yeah I agree with you. That's why I'm going to therapy to fix all my problems once and for all.

[Anonymous]

I think you're panicking for no reason. He's with you for a reason and not with her. Dogs are furry babies. Of course he's going to take custody of it seriously. Relax.

[Asker]

Thank you!💗 I know that but still it's hard to relax.. I really hope he'll get the dog.. but it also means that she is gonna see the dog every now and then..

[ImACowgirl]

Chill. Let him handle it. Don't out that stress on you.

[Asker]

I will, thanks! It's hard tho..😓

[ImACowgirl]

Yeah I know but it feels a lot better after. Practice and you'll have it down. Try to keep yourself distracted.

[ImACowgirl]

And remember she's the ex... Not even something to get anxious over lol

[Asker]

Yeah but to me she looks a lot better than me.. but my boyfriend has said that I'm the prettiest one he's ever had so I shouldn't be stressing about this either.. but they were so long together and my boyfriend said it was a bad relationship.. if it would have been bad, they would never had stayed together for that long..

[ImACowgirl]

Girl, never ever compare yourself to your guys ex. You shouldn't even think of her at all. He chose you for a reason and broke it off with her for a reason. People break up because they're not right for each other. It doesn't matter how long they've known/been with each other. It doesn't change the fact that they're just not meant to be together.

[Asker]

You're right, you said the things so well! This helped me a lot, I will try my best to let it go. Thank you!!💗

[ImACowgirl]

You're most welcome :) Best of wishes girl.

[dannymexico]

Get a grip and stop being so insecure. You think if he wanted to talk or bang his ex, you would be able to stop it? It's really pointless to worry about. My exes always worried about me, even when I left in the morning for coffee! I was faithful and that shit gets really old after awhile.

[AlexBlack007]

First of all, calm down. Take deep breaths, listen and childishly dance to some cheerful song if needed.

Second, explain what exactly is the problem. What do you fear is going to happen? What exactly are you imagining that's making you anxious?

[Asker]

Thank you!

I don't trust his ex at all, and me and my boyfriend have both concluded that she's not completely over him. I trust my boyfriend but somehow him seeing her makes me wanna just panic and pass out.. They were together for 6 years, but my boyfriend said it wasn't a good relationship, and that he should've realised that earlier..

In other words, my problem is him seeing her! If he gets the dog he'll let her have the dog every now and then so they'll keep on seeing each other also in the future.. I also feel like I look like shit compared to her, although my boyfriend told me I'm the prettiest girlfriend he's ever had..

[AlexBlack007]

You shouldn't be worried. Your boyfriend knows it was a bad relationship, he realized it all by himself. Trust him, he'll stay away from her I'm sure about it. Even if his ex tries something, you can count on your boyfriend to stay away from her. That girl is his past, you are his present, and it's obviously not just looks he cares about if he's​ dating you after dating that girl. You shouldn't compare your own appearance with anyone else's. You look your best when you're confident.

You're imagining too much about it all. Don't worry now, your relationship is fine, it will be fine. Just don't ever lose trust in your boyfriend okay? Now sit back, relax and have some tea or coffee or whatever cheers you up. Put on some good music too, it makes the beverage more enjoyable. 😁

[Asker]

I just want to say: thank you!! Your words helped me a lot!

The thing is that I know all this that she's his past and he has chosen me, but I'm scared he'll do something just to get the dog.. His ex is a really difficult person and has gotten used to get what she wants, so I'm afraid he might do anything she wants.. I know this sounds freaking stupid but this is what is going inside my head.

But really, thank you so much. I'll try to remember your words and move on, it's for my own good after all.

[Asker]

Also, we ended up in a huge fight with my boyfriend yesterday and haven't talked since. I feel like I should text him but I just can't..

[AlexBlack007]

Go ahead and text him. You'll both be alright. Also, if you think it'll help, discuss this situation with him. He'll appreciate it if you try to work things out together. Don't worry about the doggy, love the doggy as if he's your baby. They're very cute! :) 😁

[Asker]

Yeah I guess I should.. But when he called me and told me about the thing that they're gonna meet, I just lost it and had a panic attack, when he asked me to be supportive.. I feel like I failed him and that's all I did now. I don't think he'll appreciate it cause I will have more things to ask and so on. Yeah, by the way the dog is awesome, sometimes annoying but cute af😁 and gets along with my own dog as well!

[AlexBlack007]

2 dogs!! I love fluffy little doggies and I can't even get one!!!

Oh and just be normal with your boyfriend but do talk to him okay? From what you say he seems like a calm and sensible person so he'll understand. Give your doggies some hugs on my behalf please 😁. Glad I could help!

[Asker]

Okay will do! Again, many thanks for your help.🙂 Your hugs were delivered to 1 out of 2 doggos!😁

[AlexBlack007]

Thank you very much for the MHO!!! 😁😁😁

[Asker]

My pleasure🙂

[MajinTalon]

Go with him. she's using it as an excuse to see him.
This literally just happened where my best friend cheated on his gorgeous current girlfriend who is one of the nicest women ever.
Immediately demand to be inserted into the equation.
Its not your man you need to be worried about, its that woman he wants that d back.
The dog is merely a prop to her.

[Asker]

Yeah this is what I mean!! Although I trust my boyfriend, I don't trust that bitch AT ALL. She can do anything but I think my boyfriend is able to take care of it in a way that I shouldn't be worried. Still, fuck..

[Asker]

He'd never let me go with him, I know that.

[MajinTalon]

Make it absolutely clear then about your concerns. Tell him your exact suspicion. Its not him its her, people use animals, posessions and sickly children.. to worm their way back into people's lives.
Especially if that person dumped your partner, they likely realized the mistake and will literally push themselves onto that ex with next to no hesitation.
I really hope it works out ok for you!

[Asker]

That's a brilliant idea, I never knew how to express myself in a way that he'll get it that it's not about him but her. Thanks man, you're amazing!!

[MajinTalon]

No worries. It comes from first hand and second hand experience.
You're only nervous because you know how other people can think. You aren't paranoid, you're aware.
How you deal with it, will depend on the bond and concerns you express with your partner who by the sounds of it (I read your other comments) sounds like a mature person that will listen to you and will take it in strong consideration.
However.. that ex won't share that thought. Its not a matter of might not. I've met hundreds of people like this that think "I had them first! They're mine" kind of mentalities.
These are the people responsible for causing others to suffer mistrust and anxiety by taking what they want because they know they can through manipulation tactics.

[Asker]

I told him that she's just using the dog to get to him, but ofc he didn't share my opinion.. anyway I think it's gonna be okay, I talked with him so yeah.

I agree that those kinda of people are able to do anything when they want to

[ShaeNielson]

Stop stressing and let them figure out who gets the dog, you are not making anything better by doing this, you're stressing him out too.

[Asker]

True that. Thank you!👌🏻

[hotstuffSRD]

Everything happens for good cutie
Just calm down
Maybe ask him that you'd like to join but won't say a word?

[Asker]

Yeah well he would never let me go with him, I know that already..

[hotstuffSRD]

Why's that?

[Asker]

Because he doesn't want me to meet his ex, or her to meet me..

[hotstuffSRD]

Wtf?
Like seriously?

[Asker]

Mmm yeah.. I get it since his ex is a fucking difficult person, and full of herself.. The fact is that I've seem her few times at school😅😅

[hotstuffSRD]

Is she really like that?

[Asker]

Yeah.. I've been helping my boyfriend to sort out this whole dog thing, and the first thing she did was got mad because because of one thing, she found out that my boyfriend and me are moving in together..

So yeah, I've seen her messaging him and she is really a narcistic person.. if you'd see her instagram you'd believe me😅😂

[hotstuffSRD]

Oh ok
I think you should let him solve this?

[Asker]

Yeah I know I should.. but it's hard cause the ex is so freaking unforeseeable..

[hotstuffSRD]

Do you trust you guy?
If you do then nothing to worry about

[Asker]

Yeah I trust him, but I somehow feel like there might be something..

[hotstuffSRD]

Then you don't trust him I guess

[Asker]

I've had a lot of trust issues before, and I think it's reflecting on this.. I'm just fuckig scared that something will happen

[hotstuffSRD]

You seriously need to calm down your tits
Just chill ok?
If you'll be like that then he may not wanna deal with it

[Asker]

Yeah I will try, thanks!💗

I know he's not gonna want to deal with it if this is happening every fucking day..

[hotstuffSRD]

It's fine gurl
Always here for ya 😂

[Asker]

I notice, you're awesome😁

[hotstuffSRD]

😂 ok ok
Love you too 😜 lmao

[Asker]

😂😂😂👊🏻

[hotstuffSRD]

😂 lol

[sloves1]

Tell him you are scared of the dog, insisting he give it back to the ex. (That way if his ex wanna him to keep the dog, your boyfriend would think she s a mean person who wanna hurt you)

[sdx01]

I will give you a very simple solution , if you are so stressed out why don't you go with him?

[Asker]

He won't let me😒

[manspreader]

Kids... this is what happens when you go raw doggy style. Girl pops out a litter. Doggy support ain't cheap.

[FaithfulGuardian]

If he leaves you so easily why the fuck you want him anyway? Think about it

[Anonymous]

Nothing really you can do. You have to trust him.

[DiegoO]

For how long ago he brake up with his ex?

[Asker]

Soon a year ago. Before that they were on/off many times.

[Pizzalover101]

Ether like or hate but decide

[whycantipickaname]

ditch him for a puppy? puppies are fun you know.

[Ali55sven]

liv bi da swod die bi da swod

[Anonymous]

it is not a big thing dont overthink about it

[Anonymous]

Relax the chance that he fucks the dog are slim.

[Anonymous]

WHO ON EARTH HAS SEX WITH A DOG? XD

[Anonymous]

stop being a coward