Asexual and finding a partner?

[Anonymous]

Hi, I came here to talk about some things, get some opinions, and maybe find people in a similar situation.

I've been single for my entire life, rarely gone on a date, and struggled in general with meeting people. I sometimes have those little bursts where I re-download a dating app or try a new one. I always include that I'm asexual in my profile because I don't like the hassle of throwing it into a conversation and to be honest, how does one bring this topic up? Being straightforward with what I want and don't want is also something I like to do, so this just feels like the right way.

The problem is, most people skip me because of that, and I get it, that can be an important topic for some. The people who aren't 'deterred' and do message, are either there to insult or 'convert me' and that's just a big no. If I try to message someone, I get ignored or the same thing of insulting or converting happens.

It is so frustrating to experience and I quickly delete the apps because I don't need that in my life. Having a relationship would be nice. I love cuddling and spending time with people I care about. Sex is just not a big topic for me.

So if anyone has some advice, some encouraging words or even a dating app that is a safer space, I'd appreciate it.

[SotiCoto]

The majority of people obsess over sex to a degree that I couldn't possibly begin to understand. Furthermore, they don't tend to believe Asexuality exists at all in many cases, probably because they personally obsess over sex so much. I've heard all the nonsense before... all the "you just haven't found the right person" and "maybe you're gay" or even "have you seen a doctor about it" ... But generally they will dismiss it and then act all surprised and affronted if you don't instantly want to fuck them.

Plus there is the flip-side. That a lot of Asexuals are also Aromantic and don't relate to even wanting to partner up with someone at all. Plus there are different levels of Asexuality from the absolutely sex-averse to the merely sex-apathetic, and those from different sides of that divide don't necessarily see eye-to-eye on things. AND Asexuality of any sort is sufficiently rare that even when you do get Asexual people together in the same space, most of the interacting just consists of being surprised that someone else actually has similar experiences... and such environments aren't particularly conducive to pairing off.

Anyhow... this probably sounds weird coming from me, not that I expect anyone to have been paying attention, but I'm a bit of a pervert. I just don't see it through to the end. Or maybe I just behave ultra perverted due to some subconscious fear of being judged for having basically no libido. Who knows? In any case, I gave up on relationships because I don't need sex and the actual process of trying to find suitable women only for them to ditch me because I found their constant need for validation tedious... was exhausting.

[Kaneki05]

Many people are dumb and see sex is needed for love. But it's not and you'll find someone smart eventually hopefully.
I'm not asexual but I would take cuddles over sex any day and would happily date someone asexual.
I'll be a rare one but there will be for sure a sum who agree and of course other asexuals yet they are also rare. Though I think most people with good individualism all feel it's rare to find someone like them.
We get punished for not having the same views of average joe's who lets be real aren't the best critical thinkers.

[_Maya_]

There isn't really much you can do. You can't change other people as much as they can change you and your mind on the topic. If sex is something important to them then they are going to move on from you. That is their right just as much as it is your to move on from someone that doesn't meet your standards. So if no sex is important to you then stick to your convictions and hope that you can find someone that has similar values. Will that be easy? No. Most couples want to be intimate. It isn't impossible to find someone that shares the same values tho. I don't know how religious you are but being brutally honest it sounds that the church type or christian... etc... might be your best bet. I know I am stereotyping here but the very devout seem to have similar views on sex. Don't take that the wrong way though... many are just waiting for marriage and do want a family.

[PBandJ_Nerd]

I'm not sure how much luck you'll have with it, but there is the dating site called AsexualCupid. I wouldn't listen to the people who say you'd just want a friendship, you clearly want a romantic relationship with someone. Maybe finding someone who's also asexual (or on the spectrum of it) would work better for you. But I hope you find the person you're looking for.

[RespectfulGuy]

To be brutally honest, why enter a romantic relationship when you have no interest in sex?

There are many forms of "relationship" that doesn't require sex.

Typical is a business partnership where two or more friends startup a business and hope to make $$$. No sex is required.

Of course, joining a chess club, programming class, vehicle service, pottery,... A lot of social clubs... Doesn't need sex. And great platonic friendship can be formed there too.

Not forgetting helping in charitable organisation, join a church or other religion don't need sex. And you're sure to find friends there. No need apps at all.

To conclude, distinguish romantic relationship from non-romantic. Choose the latter. It's much easier than the former. Have fun, outside the bedroom.

[Berethor]

Sex is important topic not for some but for most, asexuals are a very small minority of people, and most of those people are women it seems, as men tend to be more sexual than women, also I don't think that it true that it not a big topic for you, if sex was really not a big deal to you then you would had agreed to do that, most asexuals who are in relationship are having sex, because almost no one is going to stay in a relationship without it.

https://allthetropes.org/wiki/Lie_Back_and_Think_of_England

[Anonymous]

Theirs probably a few good reasons why you were single your whole life, maybe you're ugly or guys don't have it in them to give someone like you a chance, if you think you're struggling now you're gonna struggle later in life when you're alone because no guy wants to be with you.

[In_Trance]

If you're asexual all you're really looking for is a friend. That's not too hard to find

[Anonymous]

You can’t have a relationship being bisexual basically you’re just friends, bro buddies

[Opinion Owner]

Oops sorry I mean asexual

[noohair]

Please Define what asexual means to you.