My bf's ex sends him gifts occasionally. I put my foot down after the second time he got something from her. I know they talk frequently...a few times a week. He used to talk to her in front of me or give me the phone and read the text she sent him. But lately, he has been doing this behind my back. She lives very far away and there has been no physical contact between the two of them in about a year and a half...meaning they haven't been in the same room together. I feel that the gifting is disrespectful to me and I don't know what to do. I do care that he talks to her behind my back and not in front of me. He told me not to make her into something she is not but I can't help but to think that he is keeping her as an option. Any advice would be appreciated!
Most Helpful Guy
Honestly, gifts don't matter that much to guys. We're not like girls in that way. Gifts and cards and what not, are highly transient things. The average guy will bin a card he receives (even his girlfriends Valentines day card) in a shockingly inappropriate short time, where as girls can hang on to cards and gifts for decades. I've seen it happen myself.
A friend of mine still has a little porcelain dog I bought her as a gift more than 20 years ago. It was a couple of bucks at most, but she's kept it through 4 house moves and a marriage. And believe me, she doesn't harbour any unresolved romantic feelings towards me. Girls just see gifts in a different way to guys.
I think the boyfriends comment is quite valid here : don't make her into something she's not.
He means, don't make her into a threat or a rival. If you start acting like Queen Bitch of the hive, and he still talks to her a few times a week, he will wind up telling her about the problems between you two. And that puts his ex in the picture of being a shoulder to cry on. A comfort. And you don't want that.
Let him have his texts and gifts, and let your attitude be known by calm words - like "Isn't it sad, she doesn't have a man in her life that she can divert all this generosity towards?"
Don't start attacking him, and whatever you do, don't try and lay down some ultimatum. It's the fastest way to get a guy to dump you.2