Polls: Break Up & Divorce

We’ve been married for over 8 years. I haven’t been the best husband all these years. I’ve gotten violent and verbally abuse at times. She’s been verbally abuse as well. You can say we’ve been toxic towards each other this whole time. She recently came to me saying she wasn’t in love anymore and wanted to separate. I couldn’t believe it, so I looked into our phone records. Found out she’s been seeing someone from work for the last 3 months. I forgave her because I still love her. She says she doesn’t want to work things out and wants to leave to her moms. I don’t want to give up on our marriage so I’ve changed my attitude and been doing nice things for her to win her back but she only get angry when I do. She also hasn’t apologized for her affair. Says she isn’t ready yet. So confused. We still live together and get a long. Sleeping in separate rooms. Asked her if she wants me to let her go. She said she’s confused is probably just used too me.

A good example would be Shakira Shakira getting dumped by her younger pro athlete husband for a woman half her age. Demi Moore dumped Ashton Kutcher for a younger hotter woman 20 years younger. Cameron Diaz dumped by Justin Timberlake for a younger woman. Courtney Cox dumped by younger David Arquette for a woman 20 years younger than her.

On and on it seems thar this how these relationships held up as the you go girl cougar romances ultimately end the same way.

I started “seeing” this girl a couple months ago and it took a while but we started to hang out and have lots of sex. Talked about things that are more serious such as our past and what we’d possibly like for our futures individually or together. But I always saw in her that she was not very serious in actually getting to know me or be with me. She just had fun with me and pushed away anything that was below the surface, mostly. Then after a while of having sex, and meeting at our places and having few dates to bars or restaurants - she voiced her loss of interest in different ways and it hurt me and made me feel less than and at fault for being too serious or not enough, etc. So then I tried for about a week or maybe a bit more here and there to talk to her and make changes and scale back so that we can still see each other and have sex without expectations (basically I was willing to settle and sell myself short of what I really wanted/needed to feel good with someone). She still pushed me back and said we should split ways. I let her go. She then added me back on snap me a week later and tested all kind of stuff relating to having sex and how she misses me and wants me inside her and cuddle her, even started saying that she’s in love with me and asking me if I am in love with her. Etc. then I called her and found out that she was drunk and a little high. She was out of town for family Christmas. She told me that few weeks from now she wants to see me when she comes back. The next day was Christmas Eve and I called to wish her merry Christmas and all that. No answer. So I went no contact. A month goes by but she was still on my snap. Watching my stories. But she would never post none or had me restricted from seeing it. Then she started posting pics and I saw one where she was back out of town with some guys. No idea who they are. I still didn’t contact and stopped watching her stories. Then she deleted me after posting few more pics and I didn’t watch her story.

I’ve had to break things off down two women in the recent years (one was a marriage was possibility) and still deep down respect them. That is I didn’t blame them for my decision and it was agonizingly difficult decision to make. They were decent women and did nothing fundamentally wrong (e. g. cheating, abuse, lying about major issues)

But I think hard before major decisions and I knew there would be likely major trouble with both women in the future. So I knew they would be heartbroken but I did everything respectfully as possible. I did everything face to face while making eye contact and telling them they didn’t do anything wrong as a person. Told I respected them and I meant it. But it was the decision I had to make.

But I never had woman give me anything remotely close to that kind of respect when I got dumped. Instead I was once told straight to my face by a girl who I casually dated (and considered making it more serious) that “When I like someone I well tell them”. She decided to break it off with me and inferred she never told me she “liked me”. She then had f*cking nerve to ask if we could still be “friends”. I told her fuck no of course.

I also was (initially) respectfully dumped by another girl who a few weeks later literally told me “tough luck you’re an ex” when I informed her about a serious health issue I had at the time.

I’ve also had another girl completely ghost me after almost dating for a year after a minor argument (the relationship was getting rocky but still).

Obviously 99% of the time you will never actually “like” anyone you break up with. Rare exception is some sort of kind of tragic romance where you break up with person you “like” because you are pledged to marry someone else.

However you can respect someone you break up with if they never did anything to intentional harm you (abuse, cheating, etc). But from my experience women usually equate likeability with respect.