Positivity only: Which works better for actually getting an ex back: remaining friends or no contact?

[Anonymous]

I want success stories. I want hope. I want advice!!

Remaining friends

No contact

[OlderAndWiser]

You want hope but you need a dose of reality. You tried it and it didn't work. One of you (I assume it was him) wanted to end it; that is his way of saying, "I'd rather be alone and maybe start looking for someone new than stay with you." In his mind, it didn't work. Why would you want to be back with someone who does NOT want to be with you?

Be honest. You don't want to be friends with him. A friend would be happy for him and congratulate him when he starts seeing someone new, and a friend will be happy when they hear that he and the new girl are spending nights together. A friend will be happy to hear that he and the new love are engaged, and will gladly attend the wedding. You don't want any of that.

What you want is to hang on to him with the hope that he will change his mind. But when he meets the new girl, she is going to be very wary when she hears he is hanging out with his ex. And then he'll probably push you away and you feel hurt again, just like the first time he pushed you away. And in he meanwhile, instead of you resolving your feelings, learning some lessons, and moving forward. . . you'll be stuck in a time warp and your life will go nowhere.

No contact is what you should do, but not because that will make him come back. He probably won't. You should go no contact so you can start resolving all of these feelings, getting enough strength so you can crawl, then walk again, and eventually run and enjoy your life again.

If, by chance, you do reconcile, you will discover what most couples discover: after the initial honeymoon phase (which won't be very long,) everything will be just like before and it will soon become obvious why you broke up the first time. The only difference the second time is that it happens much quicker, and you feel even worse about yourself for what you have done.

I know what I am talking about from experience. I reconciled a relationship and, the second time, she cheated on me.

[Guy13]

For me, neither. Simply state what your feelings, intentions, and desires are and then I will trust you again. Otherwise, it is obvious and I will stay away. Most would manipulate you into back-up girl or fallback Ex.

[strateguy632]

.2th

[MikeTheBartender]

Why get back?