Polls: Break Up & Divorce

I recently left while my spouse was at work because I had a gut feeling I was no longer safe and wouldn’t get another chance to leave. There were many reasons I left and had packed a “go bag,” but it still hurts…. I still feel like I didn’t give him enough chances and like maybe I was the manipulative one or somehow mucking things up… I just… felt like I needed to leave… I checked into a hotel under an alias and left the area and only texted him twice—the first to say I went on a mini weekend getaway and the second to say I was taking an extended time away. I flew to my mom’s and have been no contact directly with him since. Every time he speaks to my family (who reached out to settle a few things on my behalf), he tries to say I was just so mentally unwell and that I’ve stuck him with *soooo many bills.* For reference: my family and I pay the entire rent still, I paid off any bills that are in my name that we were handling jointly, and have been working on getting my phone and car insurance separate from his. The only new thing he has been responsible for is buying his own food—otherwise, his expenses have gone down. He has been telling others that this is why he’s “had to work so many more hours” (again for reference: he was working 30 hours and I was working 50-55 hours a week).
He also has been moving his guy friends all into the apartment and they stay there for weeks at a time despite that being against the lease.

I guess… I just… am I being stupid? Did I muck up something I shouldn’t have?

ok, so I have a friend who recently her and her ex just got back together over the summer. they broke up somewhere between April or May. after they broke up my friend had hooked up with one of the ex's friends and they lasted about a week and after she told me she was thinking of someone, and it was her ex. her and the other guy broke up in June and she started talking to her ex and then they got back together. recently she posted Friday that it was her and the ex (current boyfriend) 9 months and I am confused. do the months of them dating before still continue after she broke up with him and got with another guy and got back with the ex after?

Have you ever been in a position where your relationship broke down, and you wandered to where the grass seemed greener, only to realise it wasn’t as green?

Maybe that person doesn’t handle things the way your ex did, they’re not as attractive or as intelligent as your ex. But it takes you months to a year to realise what you thought was better isn’t actually better? I’ve done this.

Let’s say you’re with someone new, do you purposefully avoid your ex? Or do you just go about your daily business not caring?

Let’s say you see them either in a photo or in person looking really good and happy, does it make you question if your breakup was the right thing? Does it make you miss them?

I’ve been with someone new for about a year now and I’d say things are getting serious. But I still cannot face the thought of ever facing my ex or bumping into him. Like I don’t know if that would shake me up or something.

Is that normal?

Regardless of how the relationship ended, would you want to know? What if you were in a new committed relationship? How would hearing about your ex being hurt/dead impact you?

So. We broke up and he knew I was pretty heartbroken. When he said about his friend’s wedding I asked if he was taking the new girl he’s seeing to that wedding with him. He said ‘No, should I?’

I just thought - are you having a laugh? We’ve just broken up and you’re asking a question as stupid as that. I never said that but, the audacity.

Why on earth, after a year long relationship that we both hoped would last, is he asking me something like that? Knowing fine well how hurt I am.

Let's call my ex boyfriend for LUKE

Yesterday me and my best friend were texting about work and she suddenly texten this👇, but I tried to play it cool=

She= By the way, would it be okay if I come in contacted with Luke again? I don't want to do it behind your back, that's why I'm asking☺️

Me= As friends or a date?

She= Friends

Me= I was going to say that no matter what, you don't need my permission for that. Sure it's uncomfortable, to be honest, but I would never stop someone from being friends or anything with someone.

She= No, I know that! But I still wanted to ask you because I didn't want to go behind your back, you're still my best friend❤️

Me= That's my honest answer. Well thought out, that's my honest answer anyway.

She= And if you had said no, I wouldn't have contacted him

Me= Cute, but it's okay

She= Okay, good to know❤️
Me= yes

Story = so in 2023 me and this guy Luke dated from May- August, but broke up because he says he had issues with his family and work and is so stressed and can't jungle everything rn or give me the kind of man I want rn. So I thought that I should not be a burden and just accept his excuse and break up. During the first week we were dating , I had asked my friends if they knew him. my best friend sayd she knows him and that they had a small crush on each other when they were teenagers and he had kissed her on the cheek and run. I felt uncomfortable and even tho I had began to like Luke a lot, I was ready to end it, but then my best friend sayd that I don't need to end it because they don't have feelings for each other and that I should not let it come between me and love. So I trusted her words, but still felt uncomfortable and wanted to hear Luke's side of the story too if he likes her or if they were together of something long ago. He sayd no and a assured me that it was just a small crush back then and he doesn't feel anything for her. So I trusted him and felt less ucomfortable.

God I was blind...

For context, this man was married to his wife for like a good 12 years. A few years back he was in a car accident due to reckless driving that has ended up in almost complete paralysis of his legs. Last year she eventually left him, and they share four kids under the age of 9.

He said things were rocky prior to the breakup with her saying some particularly nasty things and blaming him for his accident etc. They started to argue a lot and the relationship collapsed. She’s now very bitter toward him, however, I think she’s been hoping to get back together and fix things with him, but he is refusing her advances and saying he’s moved on.

He’s keen to meet up with me. However, I know exactly how his ex feels in her position. I know exactly how it feels for the person you love to move on with someone new when all you want to do is fight for your relationship. I understand she may have left the relationship, but they share 4 kids together. And maybe she is having some regrets. I don’t want to be that woman that swoops in and gets in the middle of that sort of thing, especially where young children are involved. What are your thoughts?

Who has ever unknowingly initiated a rebound relationship? Maybe as a way to move on or get over a previous ex? How long did the rebound is and when did you realise you were in one?

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So my boyfriend and I had huge fight, he felt unappreciated and taken for granted by me so he’s asked for some distance. He said he’s okay with texting but he also needs some space. I’ve given him space and haven’t texted him to let him cool down.

But back then when he’s asked for space before, he used to say that he wanted me to reach out first. So I’ve been thinking to give him the entire 24 hours alone, then I’ll send him a care package with his favorite food the next day. I won’t text him, I‘ll just write him a letter acknowledging my mistakes and my commitment to make it up to him. I feel like there’s no pressure to respond back if it was a hand written letter. What do you think?

So I recently saw his ex posted a photo of them acting all cozy at a wedding together (the wedding has the exact date from last Sunday) and this raised my suspicion that there might be cheating going on… I asked him about it and he seemed honest but I’m not sure who to trust.

Would you consider these characteristics/things to be a sign of potential infidelity?

• Wasn’t defensive when confronted, willing to talk about it with me the entire night
• Gave me his social media passwords
• Gave me his phone to look through
• His mom told me that he was home Sunday morning and he spent the rest of the day (of the supposed wedding) with me
• Came over the next day because I asked to talk about this again, he listened and answered all questions
• Got pissed at his ex and completely sided with me, because she has a habit of posting old photos of them

Some red flags 🚩:

• The photo of the wedding has the date of last Sunday (but then why would he be willing to take photos with her knowing that she’ll post them online, and he knows I can see her posts)
• The wedding ceremony was held early morning to noon. His mom left his house at 11 and he only came to see me at 1:30 PM
• Her ex’s friends also reposted the photo on their accounts (but his ex used to post old photos of them acting as if they were still together)
• Last year he was caught still talking to his ex, but he has sinced changed and cut her off (from what he’s shown me the past year)