I literally cannot face my ex even though I’m with someone new. Is that normal?

[Anonymous]

I’ve been with someone new for about a year now and I’d say things are getting serious. But I still cannot face the thought of ever facing my ex or bumping into him. Like I don’t know if that would shake me up or something.

Is that normal?

Yes it’s normal.

No it’s not normal.

You shouldn’t be bothered about bumping into your ex.

[BadApple69]

No one knows here what you went through with your ex…. The way you are talking makes it sound like there was trauma and /or abuse. That would be something hard to get past. If it wasn’t like that then you are making a bigger deal out of this then needs be.

[Miristheiss]

You aren't over your ex.

Your boyfriend would probably bail if he really knew your ex still had a hold over you.

[Nikki1989]

The thought of an ex seeing you with a new partner can bring on a kind of social anxiety for some people.

[Asker]

But I’m the one with a new partner, not him

[Asker]

Oh sorry I misread that. Yeah I suppose I’m anxious about him seeing me with a new partner

[avery58]

I'm not sure. I think it may be normal to feel weirded out by it on some level though.

[DishLady]

What's so important about "facing" your ex anyway? No reason to do that.

[Screenwriter]

Feelings are feelings, but I'd want to explore the "why" of this. Do you have the ability to talk to a counselor about this reticence? Did you break up with him, or did he break up with you? This might be the source of some of your trepidation. Was there some violence in your relationship?

And why would you think you'd ever run into him, anyway?

Discussing it with a professional for a few sessions might calm you down about this "possibility."

I saw someone who I ended a friendship with months ago a few days ago at work. She was an odd person, which is why I had to cut off relations with her. However, she was all sweetness and light as if nothing had transpired between us that was negative. I kept my answers short and curt, never engaged with her, and she finally left. Luckily I was working and busy. I didn't look at her.

You do NOT have to engage with your ex in any manner other than a neutral hello. You do not have to ask after him or introduce him to your new SO. Say hello and walk away. It's clear you would not enjoy seeing him if you ran into him again, and you owe him nothing of your energy.

Say hello and then, "Excuse us, we have errands to run".

It doesn't matter what he does or does not think. The fact is HE DOES NOT MATTER in your life. Just as that woman does not matter in mine. You do NOT want to re-establish any sort of connection. You do not have to be civil, social or polite. Be BRUSQUE and dismissive.

He is your ex for a reason.

[OneViewpoint]

It's somewhat normal to be apprehensive about bumping into an ex. It'll be uncomfortable for everyone. But you're dealing with a "You" problem. Face it. Deal with it. Get past it. That ex is your past. It happened. It's not gonna unhappen. Put that baggage down on the side of the road of life and walk on. You're with someone else now.

[ProbablyClueless]

It sounds like there's some serious unresolved conflict there. I would recommend taking a serious look at your present situation to figure out if the tension you're feeling about your ex is impacting your current relationship.

[Anonymous]

Depends one of my exs was verbally abusive and cheated on me so I couldn't imagine running into him even thought that was 7 years ago and im now married but I have another ex who I wouldn't care if I saw him

[jazzy34]

This may be a weird question, but why did you and your ex break up? The reason may be why you can't face him.

[tulgablake]

yes its normal then you still have fillings for your Ex

[DeeDeeDeVour]

He's an 'ex' now.

Leave him in your past.

[NotLongKindaGirthy]

What are you afraid would happen if you ran into your ex?

What's the nightmare scenario you're trying to avoid?

[Flower7]

Just don’t be around him. Why would that even happen?

[slatyb]

I hope to never see my ex-wife again. The last time was at our child's wedding.

[leahzrc]

I ran into 2 of my exes in public with another guy it was weird but it happens

[RingOfFire]

https://www.youtube.com/embed/NRY3aKx8bKg

...

[anon1903]

Oh yeah. Sometimes people of the past leave nothing but scars

[Dargil]

If you broke up with her, yes. That's what guilt does.

[WhitneySnow]

That’s normal

[blackeagle007]

I wouldn’t want to face my ex at all

[Anonymous]

I think it's normal.