My ex can't stand to be around me, why?


I'm getting really frustrated with my current situation.

Me and my ex boyfriend had been together 3 years when we broke up because he wasn't giving me the relationship that I wanted and he wanted his freedom. Since then, we have had 2 hiccups in the first month but we have since had no contact for 30 days.

I went to party last weekend and was pleasant with him- I said hi then continued to greet other people there, and then saw him put his drink down and leave.

Tonight, all of our mutual friends were going to a newish male friends house where all of our friends would be & he asked the person hosting the party not to allow me to come because it would be 'easier for him' if I wasn't there.

I should probably say at this point that the group of friends we have have been friends since we left high school 12 years ago, and for the last three of them I have been in a relationship with my ex so it's not as easy as not going out with my friends or seeing them because I'd have to go out and actually make a brand new set of friends, which isn't easy.

Why is he refusing to see me? Eventually we are going to have to be around each other as its going to make it awkward for our friends. I just can't work out why he doesn't want to be around me; we are 2 months into the break up.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • You broke up so he doesn't want to see you anymore but you're fine with seeing him.
    This is because he's still bitter about the breakup. He goes and hangs out with his friends but (the other problem) you both have that set of mutual friends, so it's inevitable that you 2 will see each other.
    Him being bitter and all that, lacks any empathy toward you. So he doesn't want to be anywhere near you and it's harder for him to deal with it if he sees you all the time when he hangs out with your friends.
    This can go 3 ways as far as I can tell, either he'll have to get his shit together and come to peace with the fact that you 2 have broken up and there's no point in being bitter or resenting you or punishing you by trying to make you an outcast in your own friend group.
    Or this'll turn into a whole dramatic fiasco where the 2 of you just end up hurting your friends because they have to choose between you 2.
    OR maybe your friends intervene and try to mend things up between all of you and everyone just puts this in the past and accept that this is how things are going to be.
    TL;DR Bitterness and resentment. It's a very delicate situation which requires all parties to act out of empathy.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • seems like he isn't over it yet, and maybe he never will be. the friends problem sucks, but at some point one and/or both of you are going to need to make friends out side of the group. because clearly he is going to keep trying to ice you out of things, and being dumped is hard without seeing the other person seemingly "happy," and "over it". you said he wanted his "freedom", but that just sounds like him trying to save face.
    I know it isn't fare but maybe giving him a little space and hanging out with your friends when he isn't around could help. As pleased you maybe with how things ended between you, he may still have feelings for you good or bad and need space and time to sort them out.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 18

  • Why do you care? He's an ex. Wait, did you think you can reconcile and ride off into the sunset together and live happily ever after? Smh lmfao Did you think you can be friends? Roflmfao

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    • I don't want to be friends or to reconcile. I want him to not to involve other people.

      I want to know the reason because I want to know whether to pity him or hate him. I was hoping to deal with the break up in an adult way but I'm glad I've made you roll on the floor laughing whilst laughing your fucking ass off

    • Still why do you care at all?

  • He wants to move on and he can't while you're still in his life

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  • This happens when you break up. doesn't matter of it's a week or a few months. You get to a point where you don't want to see that person be it for a while or ever again since said person can be the source of your woes.
    And at the end of the day ex is now your past. So move on with or without him.

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  • Because you are an ex? There doesn't need to be more reason than that. After I dumped my last girlfriend for cheating on me and kicked her out of my apartment I couldn't stand the sight of her. I literally wanted to choke the life out her and feed her corpse to the catfish in the Ohio river when she came back to get the rest of her shit. Obviously simply staying away from her is a better option. As far as mutual friends most of them ghosted her after what she did soon after they found out. Hypothetically if they didn't do that and were all having a party or something they'd just have to make a choice and pick me or her to invite, simple as that. I haven't seen her in 12 years and she could be dead by now for all I know or care.

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  • it's hard to say. when ever there is a brake up people get hurt. give him his space, he'll get over it in time

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  • The relationship ended, not very usually a pleasant thing. And after a short time it still hurts him. He doesn't want to be around you because he doesn't want to be reminded of what he once had. In short, he hasn't been able to move on and can't let go.

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  • Ignore him and dont ask why cause you seem u need a little attention from him and this doesn't lead anywhere. Remember nothing goes the way we want but every one handles situation like this in different way! Your ex doesn't want to be around you accept that and move on try to focus on other things

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  • This is laughable. You gotta be making it up. I've never heard of such a cluster-f.

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  • Mixed feelings = weird situation

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  • He just doesn't want to.
    No residual feelings.
    No deep rationale.
    He just doesn't.

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  • He thinks you're bumping uglies with someone else. for some guys it's hard to comprehend their ex going with others...

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  • he was into you too deep. it's very clear isn't it

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  • He isn't necessarily out to get you. He might simply want to move on, and seeing you might reminds him of being stuck in the past. I know my ex reminds me of a lot of foolery we went through together and of a lot of wasted time.

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  • Maybe he still has feelings for you, and the more he's around you the harder it is for those feelings to go away

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  • she must not want to see you bc its awkqard

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  • Good Lord help her a ex is ex for a reason come on what the fudge.

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  • Your his ex duh

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What Girls Said 6

  • He's your ex. You don't want to see somebody you no longer have a relationship with. He is of the past, you are too. So move on and walk. And if it makes it awkward for your friends, then so what. I'm sure your friends know's what the deal is. If it's too much, then one of you will have to make new friends.

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  • Because you're an ex and the only reason to stay friends with your ex is if you still have feelings for them.

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  • Feel like he just doesn't want to see you because it reminds him of the breakup so he would prefer not to see you until he's fully over you.

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  • He will always hate you. Better to avoid him.

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  • Talk to him

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  • He just doesn't want to or he just wants to forget. As for telling your mutual friends that he seems to not want anyone that you both know involved with u.

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