I'm getting really frustrated with my current situation.
Me and my ex boyfriend had been together 3 years when we broke up because he wasn't giving me the relationship that I wanted and he wanted his freedom. Since then, we have had 2 hiccups in the first month but we have since had no contact for 30 days.
I went to party last weekend and was pleasant with him- I said hi then continued to greet other people there, and then saw him put his drink down and leave.
Tonight, all of our mutual friends were going to a newish male friends house where all of our friends would be & he asked the person hosting the party not to allow me to come because it would be 'easier for him' if I wasn't there.
I should probably say at this point that the group of friends we have have been friends since we left high school 12 years ago, and for the last three of them I have been in a relationship with my ex so it's not as easy as not going out with my friends or seeing them because I'd have to go out and actually make a brand new set of friends, which isn't easy.
Why is he refusing to see me? Eventually we are going to have to be around each other as its going to make it awkward for our friends. I just can't work out why he doesn't want to be around me; we are 2 months into the break up.
Most Helpful Guy
You broke up so he doesn't want to see you anymore but you're fine with seeing him.
This is because he's still bitter about the breakup. He goes and hangs out with his friends but (the other problem) you both have that set of mutual friends, so it's inevitable that you 2 will see each other.
Him being bitter and all that, lacks any empathy toward you. So he doesn't want to be anywhere near you and it's harder for him to deal with it if he sees you all the time when he hangs out with your friends.
This can go 3 ways as far as I can tell, either he'll have to get his shit together and come to peace with the fact that you 2 have broken up and there's no point in being bitter or resenting you or punishing you by trying to make you an outcast in your own friend group.
Or this'll turn into a whole dramatic fiasco where the 2 of you just end up hurting your friends because they have to choose between you 2.
OR maybe your friends intervene and try to mend things up between all of you and everyone just puts this in the past and accept that this is how things are going to be.
TL;DR Bitterness and resentment. It's a very delicate situation which requires all parties to act out of empathy.
Most Helpful Girl
seems like he isn't over it yet, and maybe he never will be. the friends problem sucks, but at some point one and/or both of you are going to need to make friends out side of the group. because clearly he is going to keep trying to ice you out of things, and being dumped is hard without seeing the other person seemingly "happy," and "over it". you said he wanted his "freedom", but that just sounds like him trying to save face.
I know it isn't fare but maybe giving him a little space and hanging out with your friends when he isn't around could help. As pleased you maybe with how things ended between you, he may still have feelings for you good or bad and need space and time to sort them out.