Am I using someone to get over my ex?

[Anonymous]

Me and my ex sort of ended stuff but we have a pretty on off relationship. We've been together for 4 years and he was my first. I miss him a lot it hurts just about everyday I'm having a really hard time with moving on tbh I think it's cause we're so unpredictable I don't know if this is really the end or not. We were together about 2 weeks ago and he still calls me his love and we are still pretty close but we haven't really spoken since leaving me kind of confused about us. I started seeing this other guy in February, me and my ex had a little confrontation and I got really drunk and had a one night stand with this other dude. No lie sex with this other guy is amazing, almost some of the best I've had. I don't usually go back for seconds with a one night stand but with this guy I've gone back about 4 times. I don't like him in any way and I think I'm really just into the sex stuff. He knows my ex and their sort of acquaintances who hang out occasionally and he told me since he and I started seeing each other he keeps being mean and rude to my ex, which makes me feel bad. I'm scared he might catch feelings too because apparently he's been seeing me around campus for years and was always drawn to me. He said he told all his friends about me and their all happy for him but I really just see him as a chance to not think about my ex as much. He also doesn't think me and my ex can stay apart for long, and that is partly true, like i get why hed think that. In the moment I don't think of him but because it's purely physical I find myself missing my ex even more. On one hand I wanna be celibate and heal but on the other hand I want to keep seeing this other guy because of how good he makes me feel lmao. I'm scared the situation will get messy and I'm also scared he'll tell his friends about me and they'll start seeing me as a hoe. I really feel so conflicted I also really miss my ex.

[Anonymous]

Let’s be real, if you were genuinely worried about him catching feelings and potentially hurting them, you would stop. You just don’t want to, because feeling better is more of a priority, and to me that’s pretty messed up. I think the morality in you knows it too.

On a personal level I don’t think this one night stand is someone to worry about in that way. Finding you physically attractive and considering you someone to be in a relationship with are two entirely separate things, and he seems to already believe there’s no romantic potential as you might go back to your ex.

I think it’s just the principle, which is that it isn’t right to use people, just in general. Do unto others as you’d want done to yourself, and I doubt you’d want to be someone’s rebound. I actually think you’d be best served as a single person, cutting both men loose and healing on your own. You’re only two weeks out of a 4 year relationship and already under another man because you have no idea how to feel better on your own. You should take time to redefine your identity, reflect on your relationship, why it ended and if your ex is someone worth trying again with if he comes back.

[Metalbarbie]

It's a rebound nothing wrong with that. Whatever it takes for you to move on. keep yourself busy as well with other things

[JesseP1nk]

What are you smoking? :D Nothing wrong? I know for women it is difficult to see other perspectives so i make it easy on you.- Imagine you start to see someone and you have feelings towards him and he drags you along with you 6months to a year and then say "I just was in rebound relationship with you because i wanted to get over my ex - i just used you as a condom and now get the fuck out my life."

[genericname85]

well you're not a "hoe" but your way of coping with break up is definitely not fair for the other person and i think you feel bad about it, cause you know that you're doing a terrible thing to this innocent person.

like don't get me wrong. break up is shitty and hard to deal with. but does it justify what you're doing to this person who has nothing to do with that? the least you can do is be honest with this person.

[AviatorTom]

Look up the word REBOUND SEX in urban dictionary.

[Asker]

Lmao yeah I think that's what it is. Does it ever work though Like do you eventually get over them?

[AviatorTom]

Yes you do. After my divorce (it was amicable after 20 years but still hurt), I dated a few women, not interested in a relationship, mostly for sex. After a few years, I met my SO and we have a 7-year-and-counting relationship. I sometimes think about my ex-wife (we have 3 grown kids) but I'm happy in my SO relationship.

[PeachyPie93]

Yes you are just using him since you don't care if you hurt him or not. Since you keep going back, and you don't see him as boyfriend material. You only care about yourself because you should be staying alone and not messing with other peoples feelings while you work on your own.
You say you are scared it will get messy? So have you been up front and told Mr. 4 night stand that you only like him for hookups and nothing more? I seriously doubt it or he wouldn't be growing feelings for you.
You also say you are scared he will tell his friends and they will see you as a hoe? If you are scared to been seen that way why are you literally being a hoe? LMAO

[Seinna]

Maybe this new guy could be good for you, but you won't know that as long as you're still thinking about your ex. You need to sort out the situation with your ex, get a full closure, make sure there's no way and no chance of fixing it and get a definite rejection to your face so you lose all hope. Only then you can move on. If you can do it relatively quickly - like within 2 weeks max, then keep seeing that new guy because he knows what's up. Then you can determine if it's possible for YOU to catch feelings - which women often do if they're having sex with someone, often even after the 1st time. If you can't sort out the mess with your ex then at least be honest with the new guy and see what he wants to do about it... because YES, you are using him and that's not cool.

[DextroShade]

TL;DR

She belongs to the streets!

[JesseP1nk]

"they'll start seeing me as a hoe" ? - Dont be a hoe then 🤷

[Anonymous]

Yes, you are. Just remember... karma is a bitch!!!