Why does she keep going back to her ex?

Met a girl and we got along great. Found out from mutual friends she even had a crush on me. I didn't make a move because she had a boyfriend. She didn't tell me that, I found out from another one of our mutual friends. I ask her about the boyfriend that she forgot to mention to me and she tells me he stood her up all the time and wasn't very good to her and they really didn't have much in common. She started to make some moves, being much more flirtatious and even told me she wanted to kiss me but couldn't because she was still with this guy. I told her that I was interested but made it clear I wouldn't do a thing while she was with another guy. We hung out some more and her boyfriend just seemed to stop calling her or didn't even want to hang out with her. She was still making it clear she was interested in me. To be honest I started to fall for her.

One day she tells me she broke up with her guy. I thought "Alright this is great, I'll make my move in a few days. " I didn't want to just jump in right there and ask her out. About 5 days pass and she is back with him. Once again she doesn't tell this directly to me but to another friend. I confront her and she tells me that she basically told him she didn't want to date him exclusively. I looked at her blankly and told her that it sounded like she was working things out with him and that I was pretty sure she had just used me until he could come around again. She denies it , gets pissed, and even starts telling people she in no way was leading me to think it was going to be anything more than friendship. My friends tell me they know that is bullshit. I stop talking to her. I mean altogether. If I see her out I don't say a word. She then asks me if we are friends anymore, that she really misses her friend. I tell her that I can't be her friend because to be honest it went further than that for me. That if I spend more and more time with her I'm just going to have more and more feelings for her and I don't think I can go back to just friends and it's just hurts to much to be around her. This seems to bother her to no end. A friend of ours tells me she was almost in tears because of it. This almost makes me break, I mean I really have feelings for this girl,but I stand my ground. She starts leaving me alone.

A few weeks go by and she breaks it off with the guy again. Once again doesn't tell me but tells a friend. She even starts talking to my ex about me and my ex, yes we are still friends, thinks we would be good together. She doesn't know I know any of this and ,once again, starts asking if we can be friends again.

Does she not get what I told her about how I felt? I mean I was as honest as I could be about it. Why would she think it would be any different now that a few weeks have passed? I told her that I didn't hate her ,that I just felt used. Why is it so damned important to her that I be her friend when she knows I feel more for her than just friends? This girl is driving me nuts!


Most Helpful Girl

  • Well obviously you're confused. Who wouldn't be. Here are a few possibilities that could help answer your questions:

    Possibility Number One:

    Well, she really does like you. She just found stability in her old boyfriend and that's why she got back together with him. She always wanted to be at the very least, friends with you, but you pushed her away when telling her that you wanted to be more than that. She got more intrigued with you by saying that (because girl's are weird like that). Then broke it off with her boyfriend, realizing what a mistake she made. Now, she wants to be friends with you again, so maybe later she'll have a shot with a romantic relationship later on.

    Possibility Number Two

    She always wanted to be just friends. She thought that she might have a thing for you, then decided that it was just a friend type of thing. Sometimes for girls, it's difficult to explain our feelings. We don't know if we like a guy as a friend or more than that. It's hard to tell, and maybe this was one of those times for her. Now that she broke up with the guy AGAIN, she either A) found out that she actually does have feelings for you or B) really wants to be friends because you're a great guy.

    Possibility Number Three

    She's confused and needs someone to be there for her. Lucky boy, she chose you! Through everything, she knew that you cared for her. She knew that you were there for her. Now, when she breaks up again, she wants you to put her shoulder on. You may not like that, but it is just another idea being put out there.

    Possibility Number Four

    She is an evil conniving self-centered son of a bitch. She's using you. No doubt about it. She wants you only for the physical part of the relationship and doesn't like you for anything more than that.

    Possibility Number Five

    She wants both you and her Ex-Boyfriend/Boyfriend. This could also be the case. She might want to be with you, but she still has feelings for this other guy. Now that she broke up, she might have made up her mind, and want to be friends with you. She might be thinking that friendship could lead to a relationship. She was just confused and now everything is clear.

    Possibility Number Five


    Okay, now, that I'm finished with all of the possibilities, which sounds most like her?

    Maybe that will help you answer you questions.

    I don't know this girl, so it's hard for me to say, but from your descriptions of her, I would go with Possibility Number Two. She might have been confused about her feelings, and now she has come up with an answer to them. Whether it's A) or B), I'm not sure.

    Well, I hope this helped. Message me when you find out anything!!

    • My friends ,that are girls, say 1 or 2/a are probably my answer. Part of me says she is worth any risk I could take, the other says don't be played for a fool again. She has friends that she has known much longer than me so why not cry on their shoulder?

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 1

  • She sounds like one messed up girl! If you can't handle being friends with her, then stay away from her. It sounds like she is very confused about everything. If she realized that the best relationships on built on friendships, you guys would have it made. I almost wonder if she didn't get back with the ex to test the waters with you-to see if you'd get jealous. Know matter what you decide to do, be careful and good luck to you.


What Guys Said 1

  • Sadly I don't know what to tell you I'm in the same situation except I stuck around you are clearly much stronger than me I couldn't just 4get about her but I'm in almost the exact same situation it sucks cause I want more than friends and her ex is an asshole who doesn't deserve her

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