“You have to be cruel to be kind,” that's dating expert Kezia Noble's motto when it comes to her clients. She has a no nonsense attitude that has led her to be the leading dating expert for men. Her honest advice combined with her outspoken, extremely direct feedback has earned her the name of “The Bitch With A Heart,” a name she completely embraces.
Since 2009 — the year she started her own company — Kezia has helped over 18,000 men overcome their fears with her bootcamps and Master classes. The goal of these is to give men the techniques and skills to maximize their success rate with women.
Not only is Kezia a world-renowned dating expert she is also a best selling author of “Noble Art Of Seducing” (a guide to pulling any woman you want), a regular newspaper and magazine columnist as well as a guest expert on TV shows across the world.
Kezia talked to us about her methods, what guys can take away from her bootcamps, how men can improve their self-esteem and if men really need to act like douchebags in order to get a girl:
1. When did you decide to become a pick up coach? And why?
Kezia Noble: I was head hunted in 2006 by a PICK UP company, who had heard about my honest and direct advice. It seemed there were hundreds of thousands of men out there who had been searching for an honest insight into the female mind for a long time, and I believe I fitted into the role of a female attraction expert for men quite easily.
2. Why do they call you the “bitch with a heart”?
KN: Because my intention is for guys to get results, and if that means I have to be harshly honest in my feedback and tell them the truth that most women are too ‘nice’ to give them, then so be it. I believe you have to be cruel to be kind sometimes, and I also make sure that my clients are very aware of my reputation before they book me. My teaching methods are not for everyone, so if a guy wants wishy washy dating advice, and to stay in comfort zone for even longer, then I tell him to go somewhere else.
3. What can men expect to take away or learn from your boot camps?
KN: How to overcome limiting beliefs, how to destroy approach anxiety, how to talk to women, flirt with women and ultimately seduce women. It is important that my clients on my courses don’t just learn about what women want, but to focus also on what they want, and what their goals and principles are too. The process is very organic and all the skills and techniques I teach can always be applied in ways that remain congruent with each one of my clients own personality.
4. Have you ever had a hopeless client? Someone you just couldn’t help?
KN: I have certainly had some challenging cases, but the bigger the challenge, the more I relish the process! The biggest challenge is when a client is not ready to change. He might book a session with me and even sign u to my 7-day Mastery program, but if deep down he has no real desire to change then just going through the motions of attending a session or a course will not give a guarantee him significant results.
5. What separates you from other dating experts/pick up coaches?
KN: Most female dating coaches in my opinion don’t give the direct, no-nonsense and hard-hitting advice and feedback that men tend to respond well too. My aim is to get my clients results, NOT for them to like me or think that I’m a nice person. I want them to leave my session with a new perception, a new feeling of confidence that has endurance, rather than just a quick confidence boost.
I get straight to the point, and I’m honest from the word go, and I feel that a lot of other dating coaches can go round the houses to get a point across because they want the client to ‘like them’ too much.
6. Does your goal change from client to client or is it the same for all of them?
KN: I ask each of my private clients or my 7-day Mastery course clients what they wish to specifically focus on and what their own personal goals are before we get to work.
On a boot camp, because we have around 7-18 men attending each workshop, the skills and methods cover the most common sticking points that men face when it comes to attracting women such as: Approach anxiety, running out of things to say too quickly, failing to make a positive impact, weak body language and the inability to take the interaction from a platonic level to a more seductive one.
7. What holds men back when it comes to dating and relationships?
KN: Fear. Most men have a deep-rooted fear of rejection, and that fear stops from them either approaching a woman at all or taking the interaction to the next level, hence why the world is full of men locked up in the dreaded friend zone. A fear of rejection can effect every single aspect of an interaction, which is why men (and women) seem to attract people they are not interested in more than people they ARE interested in.
8. How can men with low self-esteem improve their confidence?
KN: By building up more and more positive reference points. The more they go out and put their new found skills and knowledge to the test, the more comfortable they will feel with making mistakes, and the more immune they will become to rejection, as a result from that they will get more and more results, and it’s those results (no matter how small) that will build up their confidence. People need HARD evidence that they CAN do it and that they won’t blow up into a million pieces if a women rejects them. A lot of dating/confidence coaches prefer to teach their clients ‘positive affirmations’ based techniques, but I believe that until you can actually see real and tangible results then it’s all just castes in the air.
9. Do men need to act like douchebags in order to get/keep a woman's interest?
KN: NO! Men need to convey strength, confidence and at times they need to take charge, but this can all be conveyed without having to be a douchebags.
Being cheeky and cocky, and not taking crap from a woman is indicative of a confident male personality. A woman has to respect the man before she can be attracted to him, and building this respect never requires a guy to be cruel, unfair or hurtful to woman ever!
10. What honest advice would you give to men who have trouble coming out of their shell (those who have a hard time speaking and flirting with women)?
KN: Firstly if he was naturally an introvert, then I wouldn't encourage him to ‘come out of his shell’ I would show him how to use that introverted nature to his advantage, by coming across as the strong silent type. If he has a deep rooted desire to be an extrovert, then I would show him hot to get out of his comfort zone by either throwing him into the deep end and doing some social exercises that would put him in the spotlight of certain social situations and environments. This would get him to used to taking center stage and once he had got over that initial fear and awkwardness, he will be able to adjust himself in order to get to the sweet spot that works for him.