That's right - FEAR. I'm calling it what it is. I used to be like you. I used to not approach women and say flat out I was interested in them, becuse I was knee-knocking, teeth-chattering, ego-cripplingly TERRIFIED of one thing - REJECTION.
Yeah, I know. I've been there, done that. But you know what? I got tired of being a lonely loser that was always stuck in the dreaded "Friend Zone", and constantly looking from the sidelines while all the jerks and jocks were getting laid left and right.
Now, I'm not saying you have to be a jerk to get laid. You don't.
You can still be respectful to women and yourself while being interesting, engaging, adventurous, and bold. Think about it this way - think about the guys that women think are the "sexiest men on the planet".
Who comes to mind? Johnny Depp, of course. Brad Pitt. Tom Cruise. Now, putting aside what you think about them personally, think about their movie roles. Can you remember any of them playing an out and out jerk? A macho, dumb jock? You can't, can you? However, these men are constantly rated in the top ten of sexy guys by women everywhere.
Let me let you in on their secret. Lean in close, I'll whisper it to you...
ATTITUDE!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's all in their attitude. It's in the way they carry themselves, it's in the fearless, commanding way they approach people, and it's in their entire makeup. They have that "thing" that silently signals to everyone around them, "I'm a man, deal with it."
Sure, they have looks. But being sexy is NOT all about looks. Ask any girl out there. As guys we see hot chicks walking around with fat, balding, middle aged guys and think "what the hell is she doing with HIM?" I'll tell you - that fat, balding, middle aged guy probably has chutzpah you can't even dream of. Woody Allen said it best - "80% of success is showing up". You've gotta PUT yourself in the game if you want to play!
Tell me if this sounds like you:
You're the nice guy, the respectful dude that's always opening doors for girls, remembering their birthdays, sending them cute little text messages to see how their day was, being sympathetic when they're upset...is any of this ringing any bells? Any of this sound like you? Well, if it does, that's exactly why you aren't getting the girl of your dreams. You're probably the same guy that Dream Girl runs to to "talk" when the jock n' jerk guy she was dating steps out on her with someone else or breaks her heart in one of a hundred other ways, yet you're still sexless and single when she runs back to him as soon as HE decides he wants HER back.
So you're sitting there, scratching your head. We've all been there.
You're afraid of women. But really, it's not WOMEN you're afraid of. We're guys. We LOVE women. We love looking at them, we love being around them, we love being intimate with them. What you're afraid of is REJECTION. That's what causes those nervous butterflies in your stomach and makes you clam up when you really want to shout out how you feel.
<br /Well, the number one reason that you're afraid of rejection is that you place TOO MUCH IMPORTANCE on what the girl is thinking. Most guys are so insecure that they'll work out this entire script in their head of reasons why the girl isn't interested or why they shouldn't make a move. You're shooting YOURSELF down! You haven't even given her the chance to reject you, you've already done it. You're afraid of the judgement, you're afraid of what she might think of you, so on, so on.
Well let me tell you another secret.
Ready?
Most girls are FLATTERED when a guy approaches them. Seriously. Even if they aren't interested in you romantically, they'll be impressed and flattered that you chose them. Trust me on this one - it's human nature.
You don't have to be a jerk or a "pick up artist" to go up to a girl that you're interested in, flash a smile, and ask her out on a date. It's really that simple. Really. It's all in your - wait for it - ATTITUDE. If you approach a girl and you're thinking "man she's going to reject me, I'm a loser that plays Dungeons and Dragons, she'll never go for me..." you've already defeated yourself, and that will come across in your approach. But let's say you are a DND player and you play WOW and Magic The Gathering too. Who cares? If that's what you enjoy, flaunt it. Revel in it. Be proud of it.
Using this example - think about it this way - one of the top players of Magic the Gathering has made over $300,000, designed a card, and gets asked for his autograph every time he goes to an event. The creator of Dungeons and Dragons made a cameo in a Futurama episode. And WOW is so mainstream the girl you're interested in probably plays herself.
You see how easy it is to turn a negative attitude into a positive one and get over that fear of rejection? I'm just using a personal example. Find whatever it is that you think is "bad" or "wrong" about yourself, whatever it is that's holding you back from interacting with women, and make it into a positive. It will change your whole approach.
One great way to get over your fear is to start approaching strange women with the goal of getting their email address. I didn't say PHONE NUMBER, pay attention! Getting her email will throw her off. Most girls are used to 2-4 guys a day asking "for their number". But try this.
You're at Starbucks or whatever. You're reading a book. You look up and see a girl with an iPad. She totally absorbed in her reading. So you walk over with a big smile and say "So, you drank the kool-aid too, huh?" She looks up and since you've got a big, genuine smile, she returns it (once again, it's human nature).
That's just one example. The main goal is to pick something ABOUT HER (not something random) and get her talking about it. This isn't "fake" or a "trick". You want to know about her, right? People (not just WOMEN) love to talk about themselves. It's our favorite subject. So get her talking. Then, right when the convo is getting interesting, pop out with - "Oh, say, I have to go. But it was nice meeting you...say, lemme get your email, we can finish talking about Steve Jobs' seven different Mercedes another time..." It's really that easy. The point here is that by talking to a stranger, you have nothing to lose. There's no relationship to ruin - you don't know each other. There's no fear that word will "get around" that you hit on her, cos you don't know any mutual friends. And there's no embarrassment becuase the chances are you'll never see her again if you don't get that email address.
So go for it. Let me know how it goes!
Yeah, I know. I've been there, done that. But you know what? I got tired of being a lonely loser that was always stuck in the dreaded "Friend Zone", and constantly looking from the sidelines while all the jerks and jocks were getting laid left and right.
Now, I'm not saying you have to be a jerk to get laid. You don't.
You can still be respectful to women and yourself while being interesting, engaging, adventurous, and bold. Think about it this way - think about the guys that women think are the "sexiest men on the planet".
Who comes to mind? Johnny Depp, of course. Brad Pitt. Tom Cruise. Now, putting aside what you think about them personally, think about their movie roles. Can you remember any of them playing an out and out jerk? A macho, dumb jock? You can't, can you? However, these men are constantly rated in the top ten of sexy guys by women everywhere.
Getting Over Your Fear
- Take pride in your strengths!
- Stop worrying about what she's thinking
- Ask for her email address instead of her number
- Get her talking about herself
- Approach a stranger - what do you have to lose?
Let me let you in on their secret. Lean in close, I'll whisper it to you...
ATTITUDE!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's all in their attitude. It's in the way they carry themselves, it's in the fearless, commanding way they approach people, and it's in their entire makeup. They have that "thing" that silently signals to everyone around them, "I'm a man, deal with it."
Sure, they have looks. But being sexy is NOT all about looks. Ask any girl out there. As guys we see hot chicks walking around with fat, balding, middle aged guys and think "what the hell is she doing with HIM?" I'll tell you - that fat, balding, middle aged guy probably has chutzpah you can't even dream of. Woody Allen said it best - "80% of success is showing up". You've gotta PUT yourself in the game if you want to play!
Tell me if this sounds like you:
You're the nice guy, the respectful dude that's always opening doors for girls, remembering their birthdays, sending them cute little text messages to see how their day was, being sympathetic when they're upset...is any of this ringing any bells? Any of this sound like you? Well, if it does, that's exactly why you aren't getting the girl of your dreams. You're probably the same guy that Dream Girl runs to to "talk" when the jock n' jerk guy she was dating steps out on her with someone else or breaks her heart in one of a hundred other ways, yet you're still sexless and single when she runs back to him as soon as HE decides he wants HER back.
So you're sitting there, scratching your head. We've all been there.
You're afraid of women. But really, it's not WOMEN you're afraid of. We're guys. We LOVE women. We love looking at them, we love being around them, we love being intimate with them. What you're afraid of is REJECTION. That's what causes those nervous butterflies in your stomach and makes you clam up when you really want to shout out how you feel.
<br /Well, the number one reason that you're afraid of rejection is that you place TOO MUCH IMPORTANCE on what the girl is thinking. Most guys are so insecure that they'll work out this entire script in their head of reasons why the girl isn't interested or why they shouldn't make a move. You're shooting YOURSELF down! You haven't even given her the chance to reject you, you've already done it. You're afraid of the judgement, you're afraid of what she might think of you, so on, so on.
Well let me tell you another secret.
Ready?
Most girls are FLATTERED when a guy approaches them. Seriously. Even if they aren't interested in you romantically, they'll be impressed and flattered that you chose them. Trust me on this one - it's human nature.
You don't have to be a jerk or a "pick up artist" to go up to a girl that you're interested in, flash a smile, and ask her out on a date. It's really that simple. Really. It's all in your - wait for it - ATTITUDE. If you approach a girl and you're thinking "man she's going to reject me, I'm a loser that plays Dungeons and Dragons, she'll never go for me..." you've already defeated yourself, and that will come across in your approach. But let's say you are a DND player and you play WOW and Magic The Gathering too. Who cares? If that's what you enjoy, flaunt it. Revel in it. Be proud of it.
Using this example - think about it this way - one of the top players of Magic the Gathering has made over $300,000, designed a card, and gets asked for his autograph every time he goes to an event. The creator of Dungeons and Dragons made a cameo in a Futurama episode. And WOW is so mainstream the girl you're interested in probably plays herself.
"Most girls are used to 2-4 guys a day asking for their number. Getting her email will throw her off. "
You see how easy it is to turn a negative attitude into a positive one and get over that fear of rejection? I'm just using a personal example. Find whatever it is that you think is "bad" or "wrong" about yourself, whatever it is that's holding you back from interacting with women, and make it into a positive. It will change your whole approach.
One great way to get over your fear is to start approaching strange women with the goal of getting their email address. I didn't say PHONE NUMBER, pay attention! Getting her email will throw her off. Most girls are used to 2-4 guys a day asking "for their number". But try this.
You're at Starbucks or whatever. You're reading a book. You look up and see a girl with an iPad. She totally absorbed in her reading. So you walk over with a big smile and say "So, you drank the kool-aid too, huh?" She looks up and since you've got a big, genuine smile, she returns it (once again, it's human nature).
That's just one example. The main goal is to pick something ABOUT HER (not something random) and get her talking about it. This isn't "fake" or a "trick". You want to know about her, right? People (not just WOMEN) love to talk about themselves. It's our favorite subject. So get her talking. Then, right when the convo is getting interesting, pop out with - "Oh, say, I have to go. But it was nice meeting you...say, lemme get your email, we can finish talking about Steve Jobs' seven different Mercedes another time..." It's really that easy. The point here is that by talking to a stranger, you have nothing to lose. There's no relationship to ruin - you don't know each other. There's no fear that word will "get around" that you hit on her, cos you don't know any mutual friends. And there's no embarrassment becuase the chances are you'll never see her again if you don't get that email address.
So go for it. Let me know how it goes!
Most Helpful Opinions