1 mo

How guys should overcome a negative mindset with regards to dating!


This is mostly based on my experience, So for the last 8 months, I kept playing the victim to a failed relationship. It filled my head with all these negative thoughts like I am undateable, that I was the problem. But these last few days, I realised feeling sorry for myself is just consuming time I can use to put myself back out there. Sure, I've only dated one woman in my life, but that's not cos I was undateable, it's cos I only ever approached one in my life.

1) In reality no one is undateable. Dating comes down to one simple concept, and in simple economic terms i.e. "Risk and Reward". You can't get the girl, if you don't take the chance. I've seen numerous guys (yes, for years I was one of them) sit and pine over a girl and are too scared to risk telling her how they feel, well I got news for you... She is not psychic. Now this leads to the second point.

2) This is also sort of based on the "risk and reward" concept i.e. Fear of rejection. Sure, rejection sucks, but be a man and take it like a champ. But you only do that if you get rejected right. I mean sure you fear rejection so most guys don't approach a woman cos they let this fear control their actions. But how do you know you going to get rejected. Basically, like girls aren't psychic, guys aren't psychic. My advice on this point, suck it up. Take the risk.

3) Now comes my favourite point. This is what people refer to as looks. This creates a lot of insecurity especially with guys. It causes us to doubt ourselves, makes us contemplate whether we are good enough for her. Now I state the obvious, without surgery, this can never really be changed. But it can be improved. And improvements are relatively easy and cheap. These range from hygiene, to how we dress, but ultimately, our looks are determined by our confidence. A guy walking with his head and shoulders down is far more unattractive than a guy with good posture (head up high, back straight) and walking with a smile on their face. Good posture, provides several health benefits, but most importantly it gets you seen. And believe it or not.. Confidence speaks far more than what your physical features say. (Unfit guys with bad posture check athlean x videos on YouTube on correcting posture, only takes about ten minutes a day, my suggestion.. Wake up ten minutes early and do the exercises if you got no time during the day)

Sure we all get nervous at times.. But suck it up.. Go for the approach. If you rejected, take 5 minutes and feel sorry for yourself then move on. Don't stroke her ego by holding on to it for longer than this.

#Be dateable.

How guys should overcome a negative mindset with regards to dating!
How guys should overcome a negative mindset with regards to dating!
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Most Helpful Guys

  • Twalli
    I've often said the beat pickup line is "Hi I'm (insert name here)". 9/10 she will respond. Once that happens you can ask her about her day or what she likes. I can't tell you how much you can learn in about 2 minutes if you ask the right questions.
    Is this still revelant?
  • Daniel3035
    This is great advice don't get me wrong but the major issues for me is none of these it's this... https://www.youtube.com/embed/DZTIbHIsIYwhttps://www.youtube.com/embed/IU7vwi0Oodk
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Most Helpful Girls

  • Romi93
    This was great! Awesome change in mindset
    I just got out of a failed relationship as well, so this came at a great time.
    Got any other advise?
    Is this still revelant?
    • Enochian

      From what I went through, I learnt a lot and will always try to help. If ever, you just need someone to talk to, feel free to drop a message. I'll advise as best I can 🙂

  • You are dateable and you are worthy of love 🌹
    Good take and wish you the best.
    Is this still revelant?

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What Girls & Guys Said

  • Truthatanycost
    It's strange... I never see guys putting this much effort and worry into discovering their life purpose...
  • MzAsh
    Great take! Guys like you will get the success you want.
  • Pettifog
    Too much work. I'll just die alone.
    Who's dating during this pandemic anyways?
  • anon1903
    This is so helpful! :3
  • Gwenhwyfar
    You’re right
  • Peleplax
    Really touching bullshit.