Dating is a game

[Anonymous]

That is how I always knew it. It's always the exact same words I hear from people. It's like dating and game come together like a couple. Just like any game, dating has rules you should go by. There are winners and losers. The one that falls in love first loses while the other one that pretty much put up an amazing effort to not to wins. It's crazy. Really. Nobody wants to lose. That is why some people care so much about winning that they see dating as a game to win when in fact, they're not winning at all. What's the prize? I-did-not-fall-in-love-I'm-so-great-but-I-don't-have-a-love-life award? Perhaps a self-fulfillment that you were able to stop your feelings and at the end of the day you'll realize that oh gosh, I made it! I'm a living robot!

I'm not going to say anything that would offer the best solutions to this dilemma. You know, if "dating is a game to play" worked for someone then it might work for others too.

They say people learn from their mistakes. One doesn't know what he's got until it's gone. If it takes losses and mistakes for one person to realize the right things to do, then maybe, just maybe, seeing dating as a game would be fine. A chase after chase-- he'll chase me but I'm so not gonna lose this game so I'll be tough and hard on him until he gets tired then I'm going to miss him so I'll be the one chasing him now. It could get crazier like Beyonce getting really crazy in love.

I really don't know where I'm going with this but if I'm going to waste some time playing the dating game, I'll make sure that I'm going to win a concrete and reasonable prize and that it's going to be a worthwhile experience.

[OlderAndWiser]

In my experience, people do not spend enough time getting to know each other before they become sexually intimate. "I want to feel good right now" turns into heartache later. Too many people have completely disconnected sex and love and the result is lots of people complaining about dating being a game, true love doesn't exist, and I never feel emotionally connected to anyone.

[zombiebabe]

personally i don't think that dating is a game!! the only ones who consider it as a game are the ones who don't consider it as something important or the ones who are just interested in playing the field (type of person which should NOT be considered while looking for a REAL relationship)

[Ratiocinative]

It is important to not fall in love with someone right away, because how could you? It takes time to get to know a person so if you fall in love right away you're not in love with them you're simply in love with who you think they could be.

I'm sure there are people out there who are very calculating in their dating behavior to "maintain the power" in the relationship, but why would you want to date someone like that in the first place? As a man it's my job to be the leader in the relationship, but I don't use that "power" to take advantage of the woman I'm dating. Obviously it takes some time for the woman to feel comfortable with a man, but if after several dates she's still holding back it is very unattractive, regardless of what the reason is.

Dating does require people to be vulnerable and open themselves up for rejection, especially the woman, but that's just a part of any relationship. Romantic relationships involve the most risk, but they are also the most fulfilling of relationships. You should move at a pace you're comfortable with, but if you let your fears stop you from opening yourself up and being vulnerable you'd probably be better off not dating at all.

[mgbeauty21]

What about love at first sight?

[myTake Owner]

I love this! The 2nd paragraph is totally on point!

[plutosdaughter]

True but some women get taken advantage of if they let their feelings out too soon

[CaptCrisp]

Very glad I read this. Back in high school I had some very cute girls that I was talking to at the time and my friends would all tell me that I needed to learn the game or else all the girls would bail and I'd be a loner... I said fuck your game. My 'game' is that there are no games. I like you, you like me. Lets take it one step at a damn time just like you do with anything else.

This is a pleasure seeking world which leads to lies and manipulation; get good enough at smelling peoples bullshit and your good.

Something I will share with guys out there worrying about their own 'game'... I met this guy once who was great with woman and people in general really. Humble, attractive, assertive, witty, confident.

I hung out with him enough that he finally told me dude, for your age you're on an amazing path. You're going to have great game... I said going to have? What do you mean? Idek what game is...

His response.. "game is being living an interesting, genuine, and meaningful life. Nothing you read online will ever beat the experiences you e lived in life... People will love you and because you don't put woman #1 in your life, they'll always be attracted to you."

Apparently that is game... And I believe it.

[myTake Owner]

That makes sense... thanks!

[Anonymous]

Dating IS a game. It's really easy to explain too.
1. The players: A person who wants something. A spouse, sex, free meals, just not being alone, an escape, ego boost
2. The goal: Get what you want without getting F'd by the other players
That's when all the weird rules start coming in.
Guys if you want quick sex don't be her friend.
Girls if you want a husband don't give it up so easy make him work for it.
Never text 3 times in a row or you'll look desperate.
Look hard to get like you have a lot of options it makes them want you more.
It's all bull crap though. They're all made up. If you look at all these things what's really happening is attempting to manipulate others to give you what you want. And that's the nature of the dating game. Manipulating others while defending against manipulation and heartache. Many people play the game and don't even know they're playing. These are the girls crying about not finding their Prince Charming and the guys getting "friend zoned". Many people have such a positive view of themselves they aren't even aware that what they're doing is manipulation. Others know it's manipulation but believe it's justified. Some people even continue to play as a married couple which often leads to divorce. Funny thing is no body wins until they decide to quit playing. No body wins until you get rid of this idea that you have to get what you want in order to be happy. No body wins until you start accepting people for who they are rather than who you want them to be. No body wins until you start focusing on who other people are and not who they could be to you.
I don't date. I just live and let life happen. I make mistakes, I meet people, I have fun.

[Kiran04]

This is why dating sucks ass. People treat it like a game when it ain't. Dating is just the inevitable precursor to a relationship. Dating is how you test out whether the two of you mesh and can tolerate one another long enough to even attempt a relationship. It tests your dimensions of capability, and most importantly, it tests your capability of holding a successful relationship. If all of those tests pass, then you stop dating and become a real couple. If they don't, then you go back to the drawing board and date someone else. If you treat it like a game, then you've already failed one of those tests yourself, so you'll never get a real relationship ever. Stop playing games. It's dumb and the person playing is always the loser. Stop being a loser.

[Sara413]

I think this is a very immature view on dating and relationships. To me, dating is not a game and it never has been. I didn't date much in my teens and early twenties because I was not interested in a serious commitment at that point in my life. In the last few years I began dating as a means of finding a partner for life.

I think it is immature and inconsiderate of the people who you are dating to consider it a "game". If you "win", then that person "loses" and that really isn't cool. How about viewing other people as PEOPLE with valid feelings and desires, rather than as objects to play around with?

[myTake Owner]

Indeed immature. And some use winning "the date game" as their whatever booster but they're really not gaining anything.

[CincinnatiRedsfan]

I don't agree with dating being a "game." Primarily because I don't believe in dating "rules"(everyone is different.) Also, just because you score a date, doesn't mean you're a "winner" and just because you don't date, doesn't mean you're a "loser."

[myTake Owner]

True

[CincinnatiRedsfan]

@Take Owner Well thanks for agreeing with me here, but if you agree with me, then why did you write this "myTake" about dating being a "game"? Just curious.

[myTake Owner]

It was just my observation. I'm not claiming that it really is a game.

[CincinnatiRedsfan]

@Take Owner Ok, I see now. The title just made your viewpoints misleading, that is all.

[myTake Owner]

Yeah, I realized that when it's posted already. Haha

[BiffWebster]

the games people play will just depress you. You either want to be with somebody or not. Why over complicate it, play hard to get, and over analyze text messages. Date because you genuinely want to know more about this person, to then proceed in building a relationship.

[GreatPerhaps]

Agree with this a 100%

[myTake Owner]

Thanks! Right on point! :)

[BiffWebster]

-_- getting sick of the crap... its pointless

[sheabutter]

I think dating is what you make of it. If you see it as a game, then it is. I don't see it as a game so much as a chance to get to know someone and see if you're compatible enough for a relationship romantic or not. If either party is rejected by the other, people may take it personally. Good or bad, it is a learning experience. It is not a game for me because I choose not to see it as a game because I don't have the energy or willpower for that drama and also because I figure things will work out as they should whether I find someone or not.

[kittykatbrat]

UP front serial dater right here who has NEVER wanted to "bench myself" in a relationship.

ie: Love to ME = TOTAL self delusion & monogamy to ME = Totally UNnatural

MY view based on MY experience/s is that dating, like everything in life, has its ups and downs.

I personally make NO EMOTIONAL INVESTMENTS in ANYONE x 10000000000!!!

Everyone has their own "game" + own rules + own standards... myself included.
Its about either a mutual acceptance of these OR an instant parting of ways.

When complications arise, I simply and politely cut my losses and keep moving
forward without EVER looking back.

My life definitely isn't for everyone but DOES suit me puuuuurfectly :P

[plutosdaughter]

I wish I could do that

[kittykatbrat]

@plutosdaughter

There is MUCH personal demonization from "society" living life this way as no one understands or accepts it.. You have to be strong enough not to crumble underneath the constant daily judgement and haters, which also include your own family members and eventually, most men you leave behind.

[plutosdaughter]

It takes me a long time to get over someone I'm taking 6 months to a year. I end up getting emotionally invested when my intention at the beginning was never to but when they hurt me it hurts me because I get resentful and angry. I wish I could cut my losses quicker like some people do. I admire people who can move on quickly

[kittykatbrat]

@plutosdaughter

What is it exactly that makes you emotionally invest in the men you date?
Know that I ask purely because I have never felt the need to, so don't understand it..

[plutosdaughter]

*i meant to say I'm talking 6 months to a year

[plutosdaughter]

It's not that I date the guy it just starts off as nothing serious and that's what I wanted was to have fun but then I end up catching feelings as they call it

[kittykatbrat]

@plutosdaughter

But HOW do you "catch feelings" for these men and WHY?
Please be specific as I am trying to understand but still can't atm.
Apologies

[plutosdaughter]

I talk to them and I get emotionally I edited in them. They are respectful and nice and I end up thinking they care about me and then when they tell me they don't want a relationship or when they say something mean I realize that they did not care but it's already too late by then because I fall for them before I find out they don't like me so it hurts when they verbally abuse me and I end up miserable as hell

[kittykatbrat]

@plutosdaughter.
Ty for your explanation... greatly appreciated :)

U and I are very different. people
ie: I have many deep conversations with every man I date + am forever treated like a queen by each of them, yet still don't feel attached, even when the sex is totally amazing.

Many who know me well + my own family, say that I am heartless but I personally think this untrue.

I just feel very easily physically & emotionally smothered by people so always can't wait to get away from them to be completely alone.

I really need this solitude as my life is very social, often to the point where I have public panic attacks, more and more lately.

Much happiness to u xo

[plutosdaughter]

*emotionally involved not edited oops typo

[plutosdaughter]

I get told I am selfish and I get told I don't reveal my true feelings. I'm not very social I have friends but I prefer to be alone. I don't fall for guys a lot but when I do I put all my energy into it and fall hard. I have met good guys of course but I don't stay in relationships long. I usually am the one that dumps the guy.

[plutosdaughter]

I think women are stereotyped to be clingy, emotional, wanting a commitment and to be attached.

[plutosdaughter]

I noticed that when I don't want to be with someone I get a lot of guys talking to me or gravitating Towards me. I have met a lot of good guys who respected me too it's just I ended the relationship out of lack of interest

[kittykatbrat]

@plutosdaughter

I have to be social for work in ALL possible ways.
On my own time, I just want to switch that component off.
Tbh, I am yet to meet another grrrl who is a serial dater like myself.

I hope you find exactly what u want.

I luuuurve your GAG user name by the way :)

All stereotypes and generalisations DO have some elements of truth

Peace xo

[plutosdaughter]

Yea they do
Thanks

[plutosdaughter]

There are some people on this site that might slut shame you if you piss them off lol. Or they will just call you a slut if they are mad. But oh well this is the internet I guess

[JaysunFet]

Yeah kitty, you again, I would fuck you then get rid of you just as you expect. The point of a relationship. You may pay for dinner my drinks and dinner also. I would not need any revelation into such men that hold anger towards you for not wanting a commitment. The point of our date is to establish this. So while you are competing to get me to fall for you I have already made a mental note you are just a temporary fuck and just some pussy, nothing more. Does that go down well with you? 😘

[JaysunFet]

You at this point have lost any effort I make towrds fluffing your heiress.

[kittykatbrat]

@JaysunFet (laughing. loudly)
Your opinion is noted and appreciated as always.
TY for stopping by.
Peace out with smiles dude xo

[kittykatbrat]

@plutosdaughter (smiling)
People are entitled to their opinions.
This will never change who I am and how I will live my life.
Keep smiling xo

[JaysunFet]

@kittykatbrat call me! 💯

[JaysunFet]

@kittykaybrat 😂😘

[JaysunFet]

@kittykatbrat 😂😘 YW!

[Anonymous]

I don't feel like dating is a game. I feel like there are guys and girls out there who love to play the field but those are the ones you need to try and filter out
Then the genuine ones are all about finding whether your both compatable
Remember what you find appealing in a relationship may be completely different to another persons and that's okay. It may seem like people win or lose because apart of dating is trial and error which means getting hurt but at the end of the day I don't think its a game I just think everyone wants something different so it's about finding someone as close to what you want as you can :)

[xbutterflykissesx]

I totally agree with you it's no game

[Opinion Owner]

Thank you:) I can see why people would think its a game because my generation especially has been taught to believe that but it's really not at all. I feel like some make rules like wait 3 days to call or treat em mean to keep em keen but that's a small minority. Anyone who's actually been out dating awhile will know to just be themselves no matter how that comes across :)

[PiuBelloAmante]

Dating shouldn't be a game, it should be an experience
to have fun, love and laugh
i dont like dating as a game, because there are winners and losers, why can't everyone win?
Why should people who fall in love 'lose'

Thanks for the MyTake

[myTake Owner]

Exactly 😊

[Anonymous]

There was one relationship where I felt I didn't have enough of a girl's attention, so I tried to play it hot and cold. It was very stressful, discouraging, as I wondered what was going on, if she was losing interest, if I said something wrong etc.

Then my current relationship with a girl that really liked me back, we don't hold back at all how much we liked each other through our emotions and reactions, yet never saying the 4-letter L word. There is a little bit of stress trying to keep up with all the little gestures we do for each other, but there is no doubt that we cared for each other, that we were willing to go the extra mile, that we were always on each other's mind. I think that's more fun than any game.

[plutosdaughter]

What do you mean by were you speak as if you are not in a relationship with her anymore

[Opinion Owner]

Oops. Lol that's a bad habit of mine when I try not to assume too much and end up subconsciously using past tense. After all, what happened in the past must be true, but what will happen now/in the future is still unknown.. So I don't want to say "She is or she will behave that way".

[notanexpert101]

You first probably need to forget what the rest of the people you know think (which it seems you are already on your way to doing), and then potentially move beyond this thought process? Are you planning on "Dating" for the rest of your life? Or do you intend to have more in your life? IMHO, If so - don't play games... and don't play with others who play games... Wish you the best.

[myTake Owner]

Thank you! That makes sense. :)

[Anonymous]

What I think is stupid how some people see dating and sex as a competition like how some guys think the man who fucks most women is the best or dates the most women is the best. Just like friends, it's not about the quantity of friends you have but the quality of friends.

[Anonymous]

I'm starting to think that reading dating guides on the internet is becoming increasingly useless. I mean, just look at this one! DATING IS NOT A GAME, for christ's sake! Dating is something that's supposed to be taken naturally, not artificially. You're the reason there's lots and lots of single, but qualified, people. Life is naturally hard, and you want to make it even harder? For christ's sake...

[ThisDudeHere]

^This

[pavlove]

Obviously you're not being literal by saying she's responsible, but you sound so whiny. Stop talking about how tough it is. At least she's trying to figure it out and find solutions. You just complain about how "hard" life is.

[Opinion Owner]

@pavlove
I'm referring to people who think like her. Stop thinking so literally ahah

She's figuring out solutions to a fictional problem, she's not doing that great of a thing.
I'm not complaining about "Life being hard" and crying about it. I'm just saying that life is harder if people make it so. I also (truthfully) said that dating is supposed to be a natural thing and not a "game", like she's implying. I'm also appealing to people's good sense and take things the way it should be, but obviously you're just reading what supports your argument.

Seriously, stop arguing for the sake of it. It makes you look stupid.

[Anonymous]

I guarantee that the problem you are having is that you haven't considered what a man gets out of a relationship (which is presumably what you wanted) in today's world.

The answer is none.

So unless you are able to find/make an incentive for a guy to stay around, then you'll just have to keep crying.

[Alistar]

You can look on it as being a game; but you can also look on it as being an interview albeit with a different set of rules from a job interview.

You are being judged.

Who in their right mind enjoys that?

[Terrell456]

Save the games for the playstation and xbox. This is why dating isn't fun. Thankfully, I'm married and don't have to deal with these games.

[JaysunFet]

This article is total bullshit and you should not compete to see who falls first. That is unhealthy in dating. Dumbasses.

[myTake Owner]

This is just an observation. I'm not claiming that dating is a mere competition.

[JaysunFet]

Sorry for being rude. The point of dating is to come to agreement. You should enjoy your date whether it's just get to know, just sex, or a dedication. Go to your date (dates) with the same intentions assumed of the other person and therefore learn what they are looking for as you have talked about.

[JaysunFet]

I read your observation and insight to unorthodox feeling.

[abundantlyrich]

It is a game if you can't a risk being genuine and accept a loss.