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How to play the dating game - a woman's guide

itsalyssaagain

INTRO

As women and when we enter the dating realm, we tend to let our emotions guide us rather than our logic.

It's perfectly normal to do that, but it's also vital to master how to 'play the game' and stick to it so that you don't end up with a broken heart...again.

How to play the dating game - a womans guide

The tips I'm gonna go through have been lessons learnt from my previous serious yet unsuccessful relationship from 2 years ago, as well as some things I learned while being single and meeting new guys.

1. BE CONFIDENT

I know they say that you don't have to love yourself in order to be loved, and that's definitely true.

However, you shouldn't enter the dating world if you don't love yourself yet because it's going to be brutal.

You've gotta be confident in what you bring to the relationship - you gotta truly believe that you're sexy, you're beautiful and you're the catch.

How to play the dating game - a womans guide

If things aren't going in your favour, you need to make it clear that walking away doesn't scare you.

I'll repeat that: you must make clear that walking away does not scare you.

If you even hint that you're afraid of losing this guy, he will push your buttons and see just how much he can get away with around you.

Men only put in as much effort as you teach them too.

2. THE 3 MONTH PROBATIONARY PERIOD

How to play the dating game - a womans guide

That's right - until the guy has passed the 3 month period you shouldn't give him sex or decide that he's yours.

People will only exert their best qualities when you first meet them, but other qualities inevitably come to surface within 3 months.

Nobody is perfect and it's important to remember that (you're not looking to date Jesus!), but you have to decide what you will and will not tolerate.

Also, a man who sticks around for 3 months on his best behaviour really does want to be with you.

3. NO RELATIONSHIP - NO EMOTION

Let me put this straight: the moment you involve emotion with a guy you're dating, you have lost control.

Having control is essential to keeping your heart from being broken and making sure that you end up in a relationship you're happy in.

If you catch yourself simping, you gotta listen a little closer to what your mind tells you and force yourself to follow through.

How to play the dating game - a womans guide

I know...it's so hard!!

But remember the last time you let your emotions control you? Did that work out for you? Didn't think so!

4. I'M NOBODY'S GIRL UNLESS HE'S COMMITTED TO ME

I am not your girl unless I am the *only* romantically involved woman in your life - you gotta make this clear to him.

If you suspect that he's seeing other women and that makes you feel uncomfortable, the solution to that is very simple.

I am not yours.

If he really does like you and wants to be with you, he *will* make you the only woman in his life and make that clear to you.

How to play the dating game - a womans guide

5. STAY BUSY

There's nothing more attractive than being with someone who has their own life.

Have your own career, your own hobbies and spend time with your friends/family without the man you're dating.

How to play the dating game - a womans guide

CONCLUSION

Dating is a game and if you don't know the rules, you're in for a disaster.

I know that sounds brutal but it's the truth.

If you don't set out your rules, requirements and boundaries you will be stepped all over.

A man does commit and will commit to the woman he ultimately wants to be with and sees a future with.

If he doesn't commit to you then he never will.

How to play the dating game - a woman's guide
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  • Anonymous
    "A man does commit and will commit to the woman he ultimately wants to be with and sees a future with."

    This is true ^. Be a woman a man will WANT to commit to and you'll be way ahead of a lot of modern women. So many women today don't seem to understand what that means because they see men though the lens of female needs and desires.

    Great MyTake.
    LikeDisagree 8 People
    Is this still revelant?
    • jessicauwa

      How do we get to be that woman. What are the things we need to do., am in a relationship now.. he told me he’s not ready for commitment and he just want to be there for me and I be there for him.. but then he does everything for me and that not really what I want., I want his love and commitment. How do I make him committed?

    • Gene9

      What if he finds you sexually attractive? Does that make him want to commit to you? If no, then why is he jealous of other guys liking you... ?

    • Anonymous

      @jessicauwa It's not a simple question to answer because every guy is different and the details of what each one wants will vary, but in general if a man is interested in getting married and having a family together, he's going to be looking first and foremost for a woman who has the qualities that will make her a good mate, companion, lover and mother to his children.

      There are a lot of women who consider themselves high value to men because they have a great education, a great job and a great income. Those are things women value in men, but they are relatively unimportant to a man who is family oriented, and most guys looking to settle down and commit are going to be family oriented.

      So what makes a good mother? A sweet, nurturing, kind hearted, generous, unselfish woman who puts her family before her career ambitions. I know many women will consider that a sexist statement, but that's what most good men want in a wife.

      Being able to cook is a big deal. It's something it seems most women aren't interested in today because they consider it part of the "patriarchy". I know more (a lot) men who are good cooks than women my age, which is sad because cooking is a way a woman shows her love to her family, and many women no longer have that skill.

    • Show All
  • DrillBeats
    This is all great advice and I think this should be dating rules for both sexes but only after you decide what you are looking for. Dating is totally different than hooking up. Know your goal and you know your role.
    Like 3 People
    Is this still revelant?

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • Brainsbeforebeauty
    "Dating is a game"- I disagree with that... Well, people do treat it like a game, I disagree that they should... And that's one of the biggest problem with dating now days, that people think it is, that people think it's okay to play with people's feelings/emotions/lives instead of dealing with people without games and with directness, honesty and respect...
    Like 5 People
  • Gene9
    I personally think it's way better to be upfront and honest. Let the guy know how you feel and be straight up with him. Be nice and sweet, let him know what a relationship with you is going to be like. Why on earth would he want to commit to someone who is trying to "sell" him this idea of a great woman, without letting him taste your sweetness? SHOW him what a great woman you are. Dating is not about playing hard to get, it's about showing your nurturing true self to a guy and then respectfully backing away like a women when it's time to move on.

    How will he miss someone who deliberately never invested emotionally in him, what could he possibly miss and want to commit to? I would never miss a guy who played hard to get and ignored my messages and acted busy. I'd miss someone who invested in me, made me blush and laugh and smile.

    So tease him, compliment, support him, have fun and make him laugh, show him your true self. Let him know you like him and give him enough so that he can FEEL your energy and love. And if he then decides (after that 3-4 month mark) that he doesn't want to commit, take it ALL away. Respect his decision and tell him upfront "this is what I am about, and I'll give this to the guy who truly wants it, too bad you're not going to feel this energy ever again. Good luck finding it elsewhere". Then leave, and never look back.

    That way he will LITERALLY FEEL the loss. He will feel the energy gone and he will miss it. He will try to find it elsewhere, ONLY to realize he never will.
    LikeHelpful 5 People
    • I don't know if the 3-4 month mark should be an absolute "yes or no" time for getting a commitment, but otherwise I love your attitude towards dating. The problem is that a sweet girl will attract the wrong guy with her sweetness, and he uses her, then she feels hurt by that and vows to never be sweet to guys again, seeing the sweetness as the cause of her hurt. But then that robs a potential GOOD guy pf the opportunity to be smitten with her sweet side up front, sp he'll only see it if he can peel back all the layers of trauma and resistance and "pain-body" that she presently mistakes for "boundaries". Sweetness and personal boundaries are not mutually exclusive. The trick is to be sweet right up until a boundary is crossed, and only resuming the sweetness if the guy walks back on that crossed threshold.

    • Gene9

      I know exactly what you mean, I AM that sweet girl and I attracted a toxic fboi who used me :( I called him out on it and he was begging with apologies. I left

    • Good for you! And double good for you for not letting that experience sour your sweet heart 😊. You sound like quite the catch!

    • Show All
  • letsbelovin
    Part 2.

    3. NO RELATIONSHIP - NO EMOTION
    I'm a logical and pragmatic person, but even so I still have emotions, it's humanly impossible to not have emotions, unless you're a complete psychopath of course 😜

    It's not emotions that get us into trouble, it's expectations. If we expect things to be a certain way and they end up not being so, it's always met with disappointment. That could be something relatively minor, which would be annoying, or it could be something quite substantial, which could lead to grief.

    It's also a matter of acceptance, accepting things as they are. For instance, if you're very attracted to a fella you've just met and go on a date, and it turns out by the end of the night he's just not into you, it's no one's fault, it's just how it is and needs to be accepted as such. Obviously it wasn't meant to be. Next please! 😉

    If I was dating someone who had no emotions, or showed no emotion toward me, then I'd be thinking, this ain't gunna work. She obviously doesn't care for me so why waste my time with her when I could be putting my energy into finding someone who does. By withholding your emotions for fear of a relationship failing and breaking your heart, will only end up as self-fulfilling prophecy, the relationship will fail before it even starts.

    Having emotions is not about losing control, you're not a Vulcan (Star Trek reference), having expectations and not understanding acceptance is losing control. That includes accepting your emotions.

    4. I'M NOBODY'S GIRL UNLESS HE'S COMMITTED TO ME
    See number 2 above

    5. STAY BUSY
    Agree with that. Be aware though, this doesn't mean being completely wrapped up in your own stuff and ignoring his interests. And it probably goes without saying, participating in things together and having common interests is paramount for a healthy relationship.

    Apart from that, you may not be interested in some of what he likes, but that doesn't mean not caring about the fact that he likes it and ignoring him or switching off if he wants to share it with you. This could lead to him thinking that you don't care about him that much. Obviously not a good thing. It applies equally to both as well of course.

    CONCLUSION
    There are naturally a lot of gray areas when it comes to dating, what works for one may not work for another, it can be helpful to have guidelines though.

    If you're full of expectations when meeting someone that may lead to disappointment because said expectations aren't fulfilled. This equally applies throughout the term of a relationship. It might sound a bit hard to grasp, but if you look back at your own experiences and really think about it, you'll understand what I'm talking about.

    Also, being in acceptance of the fact that things may not work out as you had hoped will make handling the situation much easier for you. Acceptance can be a hard notion to appreciate, but once you understand it'll give you better peace of mind. Also accept that your values may not be in tune with the other person's you're dating. Don't go into anything thinking that you can change someone, if you think like that, be prepared for disappointment. They will change if they want to.

    Understand that if whatever happens is meant to happen. To appreciate that too may be a bit of a philosophical leap. If you're not sure what I mean, it's worth looking into it.

    One other thing worth mentioning, is listen to your instincts. We can be far more intuitive than we give ourselves credit for some times. Our instincts can tell us quite a lot, if only we're more open to trusting them 😊
    Like 2 People
    • My post was too long in its entirety so I split it up, but couldn't post it all here. If you want to read the first bit check it out here... (replace the "dot" with a ".")
      girlsaskguys dot com/share-your-take? id=68429

    • The correct link to the first part of my response is this one below (still working out the nuances of this site :P)

      (replace the "dot " with a ".")
      girlsaskguys dot com/relationships/a68429-my-response-to-how-to-play-the-dating-game-a-woman-s-guide-by

  • ImJustSomeGuyLol
    I came in thinking "oh no, here we go again", but I actually agree!
    Well done on this 🙌
    This is a good list, ladies if you are truly looking for a quality man this guide is one to remember.
    LikeDisagree 2 People
  • Adam1978
    Only #2 is sound advice the rest is a good recipe to never get anything to last. You will probably never reach the 3 month limit since you are not giving the guy anything worth staying around for. So if you catch something it's a low value man who lack options and is so desperate that he ignore the lack of response.
    Like 1 Person
  • Nazgol
    This may all be well & true, but I think you're essentially telling girls to be something they're not. To turn off their heart & emotions, to be somebody else that they're not. You're telling them not to be a human and not feel things? Does that sound reasonable to u?
    LikeDisagree 2 People
    • Nazgol

      If you ever feel things, I'm sure you understand how hard it can be to stop, right?

    • It’s absolutely fine to feel things but you need to distinguish between your emotions and your logical thoughts. Before the 3 month period comes to an end, you need to make sure that you’re led by your logic when making decisions around this person. Like I said, as women, we’re usually guided by our emotions but that can lead to a broken heart. We need to protect ourselves, take care of ourselves and only reveal our emotions to a man who’s earned it.

  • monorprise
    Letting your emotions lead you is like using 80's DOS in 2022. Sure it can be fun in all and do some basic work but it is dangerously outdated and poorly suited to the world you live in today.

    Your emotions are literally 10s of thousands of year out of date and were evolved to lead you thou the life of a cave woman/man.
    Which is to say living in a small hunter/gather group of maybe 20 mostly related people moving place to place with occasional encounters with similar groups. The rules they are evolved to depend upon simply don't exist anymore.

    It doesn't understand modern complex work because it didn't exist. It doesn't account for modern contraceptives because it didn't exist therefore having sex isn't enough, you won't just end up with kids nor can you count on the related other group members to help you if you did.
    It doesn't deal with modern mobility, so being a lazy slob is a real problem.
    Nor can it handle modern populations and diversity, so people don't know you and won't deal with you, and like you will likewise find their relationships more expendable.

    So its logical to instead treat dating as it suppose to be an interview and evaluation process. If it takes more than a comparatively small amount of time and resources your missing the point.
    You don't have enough years in life to spend many years figuring out who is best suited for the remaining years.

    Dating is not an end on to itself but a review process to get to the next step called life where your actually doing something to further life like create a family.
  • SomeGuyCalledTom
    Sounds like "Avoidant Attachment Style: The Handbook". If you're this paranoid about getting dicked around in dating, that you feel the need to put all these compensatory mechanisms and narcissistic self-talk in place, then maybe you're just not ready to date again. You can exercise personal boundaries and self-worth without turning your dating life into one big Battlefield for psychological control.
    Like 3 People
    • Edit: maybe "narcissistic" is a stretch, but it seems like you're bringing some unresolved stuff from your own life into this generalised approach you're advocating for other women.

  • KelleyNice
    I agree will all except confidence and I agree with confidence to a limited extent. Success and confidence are for all practical purposes one and the same. A 7 girl will always have confidence with average guys because with them, if she chooses, she is always successful. However, she cannot have confidence with a nine because unless it is a one-night-stand, she is never successful. Therefore, unless a girl is chasing a guy out of her league, confidence is a factor.
    LikeDisagree 2 People
  • Oigit
    So here is a question. How long have you been dating around and have you never had a serious relationship? Because it seems like a lot of serial daters are quick to offer advice, but their advice and rules or idea if how dating should work are coming from a flawed source. Because they never really found someone that is willing to commit to them and the advice they give is the same advice they can't fallow themselves.
    Like 1 Person
  • Wsx2wsx2ws
    Ok I want to thank you for that. I came in curious of what mumbo jumbo was going to be spouted off. But this is some head strait, cut to the chase, get your act together, and stop being a Disney princes stuff.

    Its how NOT to play the game. The control game. I think I am gong to send all the girls who ask those relationship questions about why the guy did this or that here.
    • Yay!!! You understood my point. I don’t support games at alllll but I do support knowing what you want, voicing it in the beginning stages and being straight to the point. It helps avoid problems and getting into a relationship with the wrong person.

  • KirbyFan246
    "Men only put in as much effort as you teach them too."
    I agree, this is the part of the team effort women are responsible for, they allow for the relationship to continue. Women need to know what they want so that the man can work with their wants and needs.

    Also, Bravo, this entire guide is valuable.
  • VanillaSalt
    i didn't like the 3 month thing but otherwise all the points were spot on. Im not waiting 3 months to sex it up and im not dating multiple people dont i won't get it somewhere else... Sorry but 3 months without putting outs asking a lot. Ide wait a month maybe 2. If she ain't put out by then she's not interested... And im pretty sure im patient.
    Disagree 1 Person
    • If a girl really waits 3 months with men there's no way she's had sex with more than 1 or 2 guys. So i mean got to be patient, maybe she's even a virgin. Seems reasonable. But im with you if she's got some numbers i wouldn't even wait past the 2nd date tbh.

    • Even as a virgin Ide expect something if she’s serious within a month or 2. I understand her dilemma but I have my own needs and I’m devoting myself to her while seeing her so yeah.

    • I mean im a huge man ho but id wait even longer personally and have no issues about it. I don't know what the big deal is.

  • Pohjolan
    So dating with no emotions and no sex for 3 months?

    You know most men would manage to figure out at least by month 2 that she isn't really that much into them.
    LikeFunny 4 People
  • Ghostluck
    Sorry, but women who are always "busy" get ghosted. Also, if a woman makes it clear to me that walking away doesn't scare her, then I will see if me walking away scares her. Either way, I don't need a, "You had better act this certain way with me or I walk." My response would be, see ya. I met a woman like this once, I told her we were going to mix well, she was drop dead gorgeous, but she thought her looks were a tool, I showed her very fast her looks didn't mean shit to me. She responded in a text, "You ain't shit anyway."

    It was good to know how she really felt and made it all that much satisfying to break it off with her.

    You may think you have men figured out, but let me be clear, you don't have a damn clue.

    What do men want? It's really f'ing simple, be in to me as much as I am you... if not, see ya, I'm out. I don't need your threats of walking or expectations... that doesn't fly with us guys. Starting a relationship isn't as complicated as you make it sound. Some of us guys just don't play that complicated shit.
    Like 1 Person
  • Jamie05rhs
    I agree with #2 and #3.

    #4 is a Catch-22.

    Also, "Men only put in as much effort as you teach them too.". I also agree with this; but you have to tell them verbally (or in written form). Don't assume that they know what you want without telling them.
    Like 1 Person
    • Jamie05rhs

      Oops- I forgot to correct your spelling. Lol

  • Kaamraj
    The problem is that women make rules for alphas and break them for betas.
    LikeFunnyHelpfulDisagree 6 People
    • The problem is that people still take that alpha beta platypus whatever bs seriously.

    • @This_Is_My_Opinion8 And this is why your wife/girlfriend will be fucking another guy behind your back. Some people never learn.

    • @Lookingforthetruth some people never learn I agree. Because people like you make zero logic.
      No really tell me what is your logic to randomly believe that my wife will cheat on me. What concrete evidence you have of that? Aside from baseless speculation?

    • Show All
  • Reaper1985
    for number 2 this is exactly why I don't engage in hookup culture or one night stands. typically won't have sex with someone until we've been steadily dating for 90 days and/or in a exclusive committed relationship.
    Like 1 Person
  • TheSpaceGnome
    If you approach relationships in such a combative and cold way, you are going to fail to get a good guy.

    Dating is not a game, and without emotional investment and signs she values us and cares for us, any self respecting guy will lose interest.

    Also confidence doesn't matter, hobbies matter, but only because you need to have the same hobbies as your date to be compatible with him, and it's not 3 months until all the negatives pop up, it's 3 years.

    Any woman who follows your "be an emotionless robot who plays mind games" advice, is a walking red flag, and deserves nothing but a solid pass from a guy who is ylooking for real love.

    Wtf is wrong with actually being someone's friend? it's the only real way to develop a genuine romantic relationship.
    LikeDisagree 7 People
  • TheFlak38
    How to play the dating game: ignore all female advice. They make rules for betas and break them for alphas. They are whores by nature and will never admit it. Dating is just a rigged game.
    LikeDisagree 5 People
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