Approach Dating Like It's a Game of Poker


This is in response to a previous take that compares attracting girls to a game of poker. I’ll continue this analogy and provide some alternate perspectives on the matter.

Approach Dating Like It's a Game of Poker

1. Probe Betting

In poker a probe bet is a small wager used to gather information from your opponents. When it comes to girls, it can save you a lot of trouble to start with smaller efforts. If she doesn’t show any interest then it may not be worth your while to continue pursuing her. If she shows interest then you can step up your game and put in more effort, making larger investments.

Ex: if you can’t get a girl to even engage in a conversation with you then perhaps it’s time to cut your losses and move on to someone else who will give you the time of day.

On the other hand, you don’t want your efforts to be too small or else they won’t be effective. Repeatedly looking at a girl and sitting close to her, somehow hoping that she can read your mind and approach you first, isn’t going to work and may even creep her out.

Approach Dating Like It's a Game of Poker

2. Pot Committed

In poker you’re pot committed when you’ve invested so many of your chips that you’re inclined to call any further bets made by your opponents. You don’t want to put in too much effort at the beginning because that sets a precedent.

Ex: you go all out on the first date, spending a lot of time and money on a girl. Sure, that may attract her but now she may expect the same level, or even a higher level, of effort on future dates and interactions. If you can’t keep doing that, if it isn’t sustainable, then perhaps it’s better to start off small. If she’s interested with small/moderate efforts then by all means shower her with love and affection. If not, then maybe it’s time to pull out (…I’m sure there’s a sexual joke in here somewhere). This will save you time, money, and sanity that you can use for other girls who are more interested.

Between points 1 and 2 my message is to not start off too small or too large, but to start somewhere in the middle, an average of who you are and what you bring to the table.

3. Risk, Reward, and Probability

Getting a girlfriend can be considered a high reward, but the probability of doing so can be very low. So there are two ways to go: you can put in a few high risks (i.e. high levels of effort) or many smaller risks (i.e. low levels of effort). The latter option is like playing the lottery – you put in a series of small investments hoping for a large pay-off. Dating can be a numbers game and sometimes you have to keep interacting with girls until you find the right one. However, if you do this, putting in a series of small efforts, then you’re leaving a lot of the outcome to chance. You can have more influence over the outcome if you use your skills man, and not leave everything to sheer dumb luck. That’s why I like playing poker over games of chance ;)

Now when I say skills, I mean whatever you can use to attract a girl.

Know your strengths – use them.

Be aware of your weaknesses – downplay them.

Approach Dating Like It's a Game of Poker

4. Don’t Represent

In poker representing is when you act like you have a hand that you don’t actually have in hopes of winning the pot. In the original take, it is suggested that you act like someone else to meet a girls standards. For example, if she likes bad boys then act like a bad boy, even if you aren’t one. Personally, I don’t think you should change yourself drastically to meet a girl’s standards, rather you should find a girl whose standards you meet naturally. This would work out better for both people.

Pretending to be something you’re not can be an effective strategy if you’re just looking for a one-night-stand, but if you’re looking for something longer term then it’s a dumb-ass play.

Approach Dating Like It's a Game of Poker

5. You Can’t Study Without Material to Study

The original take suggests that you have to study a girl in order to get her. I disagree with this for three reasons:

-you have to already be close to a girl in order to have information to study.

-studying a girl can be very creeping and off-putting.

-this piece of advice is too results oriented. If you’re truly interested in a girl then you should want to get to know her.

6. Have Fun

Win or lose, just have fun along the way.

Approach Dating Like It's a Game of Poker

Let me know if you agree or disagree with these strategies for dating. It could be interesting to see a counter counter-take.

Approach Dating Like It's a Game of Poker
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  • Anonymous
    Agreed. Just kinda reinforces the whole never put all your eggs in one basket phrase or diversify your bonds.

    Even if you feel close to someone and you invest all your energy into them and have nothing else, once it ends you are fucked (emotionally that is)
    Like 2 People
    Is this still revelant?

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What Girls & Guys Said

  • Tony1974
    Good post; spot on. I would only add, don't start playing poker until you have an end game in sight. Dating takes $$$ and stamina; pace yourself. Life isn't an all you can eat buffet. Sometimes the best move is no move at all.

    Just because you can doesn't always mean you should... Remember, discretion is the better part of valor.
    Like 1 Person
  • yellowmamba024
    Pretty much. Millennial women and feminism makes dating so much harder than it was 10 years ago. Back in the days, online dating and Tinder weren't even needed. In these 5 years, men constantly go to online dating in hope to feel less lonely.

    I don't want to get too off topic here. Offline dating seems to require some strategy now. I have been doing what OP wrote. It's just that most women I have encountered so far are not worth the effort.
  • Saoirse_Nua
    I was pleasantly surprised, I wasn't expecting it but that take made a lot of logical sense.
    Like 1 Person
  • TheInvisibleMan
    I approach it like poker: I don't have a good partner but I have a good hand
    Like 2 People
    • mits777

      hand of the gods may the gods bless the hands

  • TheOneAndOnlyBart
    You're right, dating is a lot like poker. I fail miserably at both.
  • Blitzkrieger
    Nice take.
    Like 1 Person
  • MissSakura
    thanks for sharing..
  • Anonymous
    So... fold a bad hand and wait for a better one? :P
    That really sucks for everyone without the pre-requisite skills and looks.
    Like 1 Person
    • Sometimes you can semi-bluff. You got to look at your potential too and girls may also find ambition attractive.

  • Anonymous
    If dating is like poker then I have a 2-7 off suit hand.
  • Anonymous
    Women are sick. They make such a good thing into a "game"...

    Fuck dating!!