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The REAL Answers to "Who Should Pay?" When Dating (Page 2)
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I've said the exact same thing. you are the only other person i've seen say it though. ESPECIALLY #1, never got the eating for a first date. it's the opposite of what id want to be doing. before during and after.
great take!!!
:-)
Right?
Also, I have the kind of physique where you can literally SEE when I've eaten a big restaurant meal (very tall and very slender -- I literally look noticeably "softer" and dumpier after I eat lots of food at once). Not even kidding, lol...
Quite apart from the whole feeling-too-full-to-get-frisky thing, that's not exactly conducive to feeling sexy ahahah
Thanks for the kind words <3
yes defiantly, free is best, but i expect if both have the money the check should be split, but if she doesn't have money than i have no problem paying, but only if its on a second date because she can ditch me on the first, and i dont go to fancy restaurants ether, buffets are better.
Sorry, disagree completely on here.
My expenses are my expenses, yours are yours.
No drama, very simple.
Saying things like "other person will get it next time" is really just hoping in disguise that the one who paid will offer to do so again, and again.
Or that your "next time" will be when you go out for $5 ice cream as opposed to the $100 dinner that he just paid for you.
I'm honestly surprised for the amount of praise you got for this, because I think the sentiment you are gravitating towards in the second part is very clear.
There is no such thing as splitting expenses before you are sharing a house and having kids.
And saying things like "If you have to literally split bills every time... this says more than you think about the health of your relationship" is just emotional blackmailing.
To put it bluntly, if I met somebody who would suggest that financial policies are a reflection of the health of the relationship.
They would get dumped on the spot.
"Saying things like "other person will get it next time" is really just hoping in disguise that the one who paid will offer to do so again, and again.
Or that your "next time" will be when you go out for $5 ice cream as opposed to the $100 dinner that he just paid for you."
^^ ... nope lol
So much nope.
You must have had some VERY bad experiences in relationships with "users"... because this is not how the huge vast majority of people would read these interactions (even here on GAG, where people are *much* more jaded and cautious about relationships than randoms in the general population).
Splitting checks every time ISN'T "simple". It's factually more complicated than just having one person pay, with the understanding that the other will just get other stuff (and/or has already gotten other stuff). And it's... well, it's petty.
That's what it is. It's petty.
It says a LOT about the character of the person involved.
Dude, I am exactly the same way with my friends, too, so this is
hardly "emotional blackmail" lol. If I go out with one or two friends, one of us will just get the whole check -- with the exact same sort of implicit understanding. (If it's a huge group, I might still put the whole thing on my card, but of course THEN people will start chipping in cash for their part.)
Also, you're funny dude. I've literally never eaten a dinner in my entire life that cost more than $25, and I don't drink alcohol at all ever. So, if anyone would be playing the advantage game for a $100 dinner, it would be the other person, not me. 😂😂😂
Let's agree to disagree.
For the record I don't mind treating people when I want to, but someone who calls me "petty" for literally not paying for their expenses just doesn't belong in my world.
Because really, that is all it is and I'm surprised you don't see how ridiculous that sounds.
I agree. I never understood why a guy would want to take a girl they just met to an expensive restaurant for a first date anyways. It's just awkward and makes you really vulnerable to being used.
"It's just awkward and makes you really vulnerable to being used"
I mostly agree, although, honestly, I don't even see why someone would WANT to "use" you for a meal... no matter how much of a gold-digger they might be.
I mean... it's not like you can keep a meal and keep wearing it? I don't get it.
Like, srsly don't get it. It could be the coolest restaurant in town, and it could be "free" (for the person not paying)... and that STILL wouldn't make it worth the awkwardness. Nor the sheer waste of time -- I could be doing other shit with that time, y'know?
(Unless you had a heartless user who just liked expensive food THAT MUCH... lmao)
They do exist...
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=qAhO5SLF9Ck
Also if a guys keeps going on dates that lead nowhere , over time he end up wasting a lot. It's just not nessesary. Especially considering the same girls he feels like he has to wine and dine have probably hooked up with or dated guys who didn't spend a fraction of what he is.
baha that's hilarious... I didn't watch it all the way through (I just jumped to various random points -- same thing I do with all youtube videos over 45 seconds or so), but, I did see the part where she talks about spreadsheets. Spreadsheets! ahahah
@redeyemindtricks Right. It's not like most women who are out there dating are literally starving because they can't afford food in the first place. I don't get why someone would want to suffer through the potential awkwardness if the date doesn't go well.
@Tenseven IKR? I mean... I can't imagine anyone liking food THAT much... and the "see and be seen" factor doesn't seem to apply, since that obviously hangs on who you're seen with as well.
I COULD see this having some non-zero value if, say, she was a marketing professional, and she was "practicing" her ability to schmooze with all kinds of random guys.
Like... if she could carry the conversation through a whole date with a guy she had no intention of ever seeing again, then, she could KILL IT at sales, or marketing, or PR or whatever.
Right?
I'm probably giving her too much credit, but, at least that could be a constructive use for this sort of thing...
Good take.
'Buying' a girl for the price of a meal? Sounds cheap.
'Buying' a girl for the price of lots of attention , respect, complicity and pleasure together sounds better but of course, "time is money" for some.
@jacquesvol I doubt these guys are getting that much out of the girl, for the price of that meal. (More directly... I STRONGLY doubt they're fucking on that date.)
@redeyemindtricks Some people have hopes and illusions.. not always the right ones, of course. 😃
@jacquesvol lol xx
I'm sorry but I don't want to go hiking on a first date. I would rather wear a red dress with my favorite pair of red high heel pumps and look dolled up.
I'm more of an "indoor enthusiast" too -- and ahhhh how I love clothes -- so, I'm pretty much with you here. But, trying to cover everyone's bases.
Red dress huh? Daring...
@redeyemindtricks Spoken like a true, mature adult. This is how it's done in the real adult world. ❤️❤️❤️❤️
haha "mature adult"... ya know, sometimes I actually stop and reflect on the idea that I'm responsible for the lives and well-being of my three little human beings, and I kinda freak out a little bit.
I used to be more worried about failing at motherhood, since I didn't really have any role models (my mother died when I was 2, and all of my living close relatives were male)... until I realized that all of the other new moms were "winging it" just as much as I was ahah
I actually feel more like a kid now than I did as an actual kid, tbph. I had to grow up pretty fast, since we all had to pitch in to make ends meet -- and, on top of that, I was dealing with manic-depression, and my brothers and I had to bury a couple of our friends. So yeah, sometimes I feel less "mature" than I did when I was fifteen ahha
But, yeah, coming from those humble beginnings, I do get... highly amused when people are all worked up about this kind of shit
@redeyemindtricks I am so sorry to hear about your ma. 😞 Obviously you've grown up to become a mature lovely person despite the hardships.
Hell, I know what you're saying too. I'm STILL winging it at the motherhood department and my kids are old enough to fend for themselves (ehh for the most part) and if you ever wanna compare 40s immaturity tactics with me, you're on girlfriend! 😉
baha yeah we should do that sometime
I'm wearing silver chrome glitter lipstick in an ombré fadeout rn, at seven thirty in the morning, so I win the first round of immaturity <3 <3
No way, are you serious? I'm not even dressed yet but here's one for ya... I just asked my little one "who do you like better? Mommy or $&@&$?" (Ex hubbby's gf). Hahaha!
Gotta make sure I'm #1, ya know? I do it as a joke really but I'm sooo immature sometimes.
Well, I don't operate on a 24-hour sleep/wake cycle. Some days -- like today -- 7:30AM is right in the middle of my "day". Other times it's right in the middle of when I'm sleeping.
I'm going back to short hair sometime soon (I think you saw the other question where I wrote this) -- mb this weekend, even. Once I do that, I'm totally gna go even MORE all-out with the crazy lippy designs.
(I'm trying to work out a way to do actual *chrome* lips -- like, so shiny that they actually reflect stuff. I can get it to happen, but the chrome-ness goes away as soon as my lips touch each other. so still #goals)
@redeyemindtricks chrome lips! Saaaweeet.
Post a pic (just of the chrome lips if ya wanna) sounds interesting. I'm not as adventurous as you nor would my job go for that either. Sigh...
Total #goals is something like this:
s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/.../...e35f4c31a2.jpg
Right now I can get it to look a lot like this (except with a fade-out/ombré so it's more like a gunmetal color on the outside)
s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/.../...0a04b81813.jpg
That look ^^ I can get with a base of lip primer, then normal lipsticks, and then MUFE's star powder on top of it.
I don't know whether the star powder is actually *supposed* to go on lips... but it lasts for an INSANELY long time (like 16 hours -- including eating and drinking some stuff, as long as it's not hot and sloppy food).
The missing ingredient is the super lacquer-y chrome finish. I don't know how to get that. If I try topping it off with any sort of shiny gloss, then the star powder just goes for a swim and ends up caking at
the bottom of the lip line.
Apparently, though, the collective minds of Pinterest and Insta don't know how to get it either (and neither do my friends who are mua's -- at least they can't get it to last longer than a photoshoot).
MUST FIGURE OUT... lol you got any ideas?
If i can actually figure out how to achieve perfection here, I will obvs pm you a photo of it <3
Well good luck my dear! Love your sense of adventure!
Not sure what you could use that is actually not toxic 😳 I'm more of a redneck gun freak than a fashionista. Lemme think tho... this is interesting.
loool
basically I just need to figure out a way to anchor the star powder/metallic dust better, so that it doesn't go swimming if there's a gloss layer on top. If I can figure that out, then WORLD DOMINATION BBY.
I have chrome nail polish coat, but that won't work either, because it won't flex with mah lipsies.
Although this is where I have to put in a plug for this ridiculously awesome nail polish from a relatively local (Las Vegas) company:
www.ilnp.com/ultra-chrome-nail-polish.html
fuuucckk so addictive
Yeah I can see your dilemma. Hmm.
Nail polish on the lips! Haha! Ok, I had a friend years ago when we were in our early 20s that did this. Yeah, it didn't work for her then and we still laugh about it but in this case I see what you're tryin to get at.
And even tho I'm part redneck hick I do enjoy some of the finer thangs in life. Like having my nails/toes constantly polished (hey, I was blessed with great lookin hands and feet--gotta be proud of something). I am sooo gonna get one or 10 of those chrome colors you just sneakily turned me onto. Just take my $$$
ahha I wish I had a discount code or something for ya, but, at least you'll be supporting a local LV business (I lived there for a few years, so I feel that extra little bit of stewardship lol).
Hey, even *I* pay full price for those little fuckers, and I hardly pay full price for *anything* cosmetics wise. (: Def worth it.
I lived in Vegas for awhile too years ago. Sure has changed since then.
Sooo gonna buy some of that shit.
Finally, someone else who thinks the first date should be free. I'm 16, haven't had a job yet, where the heck am i gonna get the money to pay for dinner? Brilliant free ideas too, great myTake overall!
Thank you <3
Brilliant take - I totally agree with "Go With The Flow" premise for how to pay for later dates but the free/cheap first date is just a fantastic idea
Thank you!
This is awesome.. There is another article on here called "Men, this is why we won't date you" that makes women sound like selfish entitled children. On my wife and i's first date we went dutch, Partly because i didn't have much money at the time.
ahah my first few "dates" with my husband didn't even get out of the bedroom. (We had about 15 hours together when we first met, and then we were long-distance for over a year... and you can probably imagine what happens when someone as oversexed as me has to wait 4-6 weeks to see someone again)
Lol we were already talking about marriage by the time we went on anything resembling an actual date together.
Our first actual "date" was to a children's playground in a public park, at 2 or 3 in the morning (= when there was no possibility of actual children appearing on the playground). That didn't cost anything, and it was fun.
I have always kind of had this idea that if I'm doing the inviting I'll be doing the paying and vice versa. However the dates that cost nothing but time between two parties have always been the best kind.
"However the dates that cost nothing but time between two parties have always been the best kind."
^^ Indeed.
Beautiful!! I agree. by the way vanilla dude and I broke up!!! Dating scene... here I come!!
Thank you <3 And good luck!
I tried so hard... but it just wasn't worth it!!
Welcome.
I agree!! People make such a big deal out of who should pay it's ridiculous.
Yeah. Bad sign for resolving similar issues later in a relationship.
Things I have to look forward to again since I'm back in the dating scene I guess but gives me a few ideas and pointers, but nice take though😊
Thanks!
No girl is going to fuck you if you make her ready for her long awaited first date only to climb mountains and won't spend a single penny.
Guys should start by paying (generally) and then they could share.
"No girl is going to fuck _you_ if..."
Careful with yr pronouns there.
If a girl wants to fuck you, she wants to fuck you. Buying her dinner isn't going to ignite her sexual desire for you... lol
In fact, I'm just gna go ahead and declare -- based on my own experiences, and those of my girlfriends, and those of guys like my little brother (who's bedded hundreds of women) -- that a woman will be *less* likely to fuck you after a first date where you've thrown lots of money around.
Girl have standards. (As your teammate and a lot of other girls say)
You cannot use "If". If a girl wants to... If she already wants to fuck me, what's the point in reading this take then. This is bound to happen one way or another. Duh!
Not saying to spend a lot and showing her money power. It's surprisingly so hard to fit a simple thing in your mind lol
That's a brilliant idea.
Exploring, why didn't I think of that?
It's super fun. Unless you live in some tiny-ass town, there are *definitely* tons of little hidden treasures right in yr own backyard, so to speak.
I live in a big city and always try to go out with friends and explore when I can.
Never thought of doing that with a girl though since I don't really know a cool place to go and wouldn't want to feel lost.
Well, the whole point of exploring is that "feeling lost" isn't really a thing... right? I mean, getting lost is kinda the whole point.
Lol I guess that could work
I wish you were running for president, i'd vote for you in a heartbeat. You are like the smartest most amazing women on this site.
I salute you ma'am
Wow! Thank you for the kind words <3
You are really welcome. I admire women like you. You go! :)
🙋🏽 I'm all up for fun spontaneous connection driven first dates, especially outdoors one
#mmhmm <3
Finally a sensible take on this subject. Well done!
Thank you.
you know I was thinking @redeyemindtricks I was thinking why have a dinner date at home
You meant "why NOT have a date at home", I presume?
That's a cool idea too, although not every woman is going to be comfortable going over to yr place right away before getting to know you a little better.
yeah that's what I meant
thanks by the way @redeyemindtricks
Hey after reading this I just have a question... is it okay to invite a girl to the beach on our first date together? Will it be obvious to her that I want to see her in a swimsuit?
What's the deal? Can you give first date advice or not?
You're a boy, she's a girl. It's pretty much taken for granted that you would like to see her in a swimsuit. (:
The beach is awesome!