Why Women Expect Guys to Pay for Dates

I've noticed that this is a controversial subject here on GAG given that several posts on this subject have been featured in these past several weeks and lots of people who oppose this ideology jump to the conclusion that girls who expect their partners to pay for dates are "gold diggers", "prostitutes", "sugarbabies", etc...Then on the other hand, you have people who believe this ideology because it's how they have been brought up and firmly believe in traditional gender roles since those were dating etiquette rules several decades ago. In essence, they share old-fashioned beliefs.

As per me, I believe that the guy should pay for dates because that's the traditional way to go. I'm also a conservative, old-fashioned kind of girl. Don't get me wrong, I believe that both partners should contribute towards things like household bills, gas, groceries, car insurance, student loans (if one or both partners still owes money) once they're either married or living together. However, based on my viewpoints on traditional gender roles, I believe that dates specifically, should be taken care of by the guy especially if they are still in the courtship process. Although, some exceptions can be made if the guy is currently unemployed or struggling financially. In such situtations, it would be fair for the woman to split the bill or take turns paying. But if he is fully capable of paying, he should definitely pay in my opinion.

I also believe in other chivalrous gestures such as opening doors, picking the lady up, etc...so it's not all about the dates.

That being said, I totally respect opposing viewpoints on this topic because it's all a matter of personal preference and beliefs. However, I strongly condemn the insults stating that old-fashioned, traditional women are "gold diggers" and are "taking advantage" of men because not every girl is out to exploit a guy financially, or pretending to love a guy for the sake of getting free dates.

Indeed, there are women out there who are looking to take advantage of guys for free dates, however that's why you need to get to know these women better so that you can get a better idea of whether they are truly interested in you or just after your $$$. And you probably won't know what their true intentions are until you have spent a significant amount of time together. But, the bottom line is that not every girl who expects their date or partner to pay for dates is trying to take advantage of him.

Why Women Expect Guys to Pay for Dates

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  • I totally understand you and I appreciate chivalry and the fact that it's a gesture. At the same time, I'm an independent woman and have my own cash, so I always offer to split or buy drinks if he gets the meal. I don't want to feel like he is owed something by me and also, it's just a nice thing to do. I think it was more onerous in the past for guys to take the bill, but things are changing. Either way it's fine whether he gets it or we split; I really don't mind.

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What Guys Said 29

  • I think of it as a benchmark because men are competing with other men for her. A woman has more options than just him, and it sends a bad signal if he either can't afford to pay for her meal, or, worse, doesn't want to.
    I once had a very rich girlfriend (well, she was 21, so her family was rich), and she insisted on paying for everything, so I gave up even trying to after awhile. On a trip to Italy, one waiter remarked that even he paid for his girlfriend's meals despite the fact that she makes more money than him. Pretty embarassing.

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  • The guy paying for the girl came from the idea that the guy needs to prove that he is capable of taking care of the girl.
    This was from the idea that once married, the girl would stop working and raise children. So, if the guy couldn't even pay for something as simple as a meal, then he wouldn't be able to support her.

    If the girl is planning on still working when they get married, then the want for the guy to pay becomes suspect.
    It has become a kind of tradition for whoever asks the other out to pay for the date.

    One issue with the old ideas though. If the guy is the one expected to make the first move, ask the girl out, pay for dates, etc, then what effort is the girl putting into the relationship?
    From a traditional religious relationship, they won't be living together until they are married, nor would they be engaging in sexual activities.
    It's one thing to say the guy should lead, but if the guy is doing everything, then the girl is really more of a prize the guy is buying, then developing any relationship.

    Of course, there are things the girl can do, but many just rely on the guy to do everything.

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    • As a female, I don't think there is anything wrong with expecting the girl to practice her traditional gender roles such as cooking and cleaning. Nothing wrong with that. I believe that both partners should work to fulfill each other's needs and compromise. If you really care about your partner, you shouldn't give her a hard time for expecting you to pay for the dates. Notice that I am only mentioning dates. Meaning that the girl should also contribute towards other expenses such as household bills.

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    • The reason a lot of guys think that girls are gold diggers or sugar babbies, is the guy is thinking the girl is only going to repay in sex (or not at all).

      Sometimes, because the guy doesn't really want anything else from the relationship.

      Although, that just means the guy is essentially complaining about the price and is thus, cheap.

    • I couldn't agree more. These guys want to have their cake and eat it too. They're complaining about girls being prostitutes for expecting something in return, yet they probably wouldn't date someone unless they were also getting something out of it, sexual or not. A lot of these guys are in fact cheap.

  • I would prefer to pay, but only if the woman does not 'expect' me to. I don't owe her anything.

    I usually do not let the woman pay for the first couple of dates. After that, we gotta split or take turns. If she expects me to pay for ALL dates, then she'd be shown the door.

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    • Yeah, most girls won't verbally tell you. I know I wouldn't. It's just something we kind of hope you follow through with.

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    • Believe me, I know how it feels to be broke. I have been there.

      If I really liked a woman, and wanted to get to know her better, then paying for dates would be a small price to pay if she couldn't split or take turns.

    • I agree 100%.

  • Its not a matter of if the girl is good or bad. Its a matter of principle. You expect the guy to ask you out, take you out, entertain you and pay for the date. That's fine, if the woman reciprocates or is even reasonably fun.
    But most times, guys get nothing in return. I'd rather have the company of a cold fish rather than some of the chicks I've met. They seem to think coming all coked up is some sort of favor to guys. Lol, no thanks. Never asked for it. If you're no fun, how does it matter anyway? Rather, split the bill. Pay for yourself. Unless the guy insists. Guys respect that.
    Traditional values and modern values contradict each other. Choose one and stick to it. You can't have both.

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    • Thank you for your input. As I stated in my summary, I believe in traditional values and thereby, believe that the guy should take care of the dates. What exactly do you mean that most of the time you are not getting anything in return? If you are not getting your needs met in a relationship, you need to end it. But, in most relationships, the guy is getting something out of it's physical or emotional.

      I suggest you talk to women you meet online for about a few weeks before deciding to meet in person and not run the risk of meeting another "coked up" girl.

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    • Used? Why do you think so many men are turning away from serious relationships and marriages? Dating isn't as rewarding as it used to be. I don't blame women. I blame internet dating and to some extent, feminism. In the good old days, people had to work to get to know people, you know read the book instead of judging by the cover. These days, they spend more time on the internet than actually with people.

    • People are turning away from serious relationships nowadays because sex and casual relationships have become so easy to find. People don't follow traditional values anymore such as waiting to get into a relationship or marriage. They will give it up within minutes of meeting someone at a club or a bar.

  • Ahhh, all these newbies not playing the long game.

    If we ignore he fact that you are with a loving partner and best friend... most modern women work anyway, even with traditional values. They end up giving back far more (just in pure money terms) than the peanuts you spend on dates. Dual income is a wonderful thing - your vacations, experiences and life in general is improved by huge amounts.

    It's just something I don't think many guys on GaG have ever experienced. Or these guys are just exceptionally bad at picking girls who can't support themselves.

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    • If you want to label women who are not modern as "peanuts", I guess you can't blame old-fashioned women for calling modern guys "cheap". It's a double standard. The amount of money a woman makes doesn't necessarily mean she is "going to give back more". Believe me. I know a girl who makes around $70-75k a year and she did not spend a dime on the vacation to Cancun she took with her boyfriend who makes about the same as she does. True story.

      I guess you can't blame girls for also wanting to date guys who can afford them and won't complain about it.

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    • @Asker @CactusJuice is a peanut head with a small dick XD Probably another one of those mysogynistic cheap guys who have gotten used and dumped after spending money on dates. No surprise here. Perhaps if he acted a little more mature he would have better luck with women.

    • @babylips14 Supposedly he teaches Nutrition in College. You would think that an educator would be intelligent enough to distinguish the difference between people who overlook a text versus people who don't comprehend reading at all. Especially, since bad readers tend to be horrible writers as well.

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    • Get your ass off to work and fix my stove! lol

  • You told us what you believed, but never made any argument as to why you believe it... Logically why should the guy always pay for dates?
    What if the woman asked the guy out?
    First date I pay because it was me doing the asking (Obviously ;) ) , but after that we are splitting the bill otherwise you a basically saying that I need to pay for your time.
    Because it's traditional isn't an argument...
    Then I think the women should cook and clean because that's traditional...
    The reason that the men paid for things back in the day was because most women didn't work and if they did it wasn't full time... Then it made sense. Now that women work full time and men don't make more money then women does, it doesn't. It's quite simple really.
    Just like women used to do the cooking and cleaning because they didn't work or only half time. Then it made sense. Now that they are working just as much as the men, now it doesn't make sense any longer.
    Can you make a rational argument for why women today should contribute financially to the cost of the date?

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    • should = shouldn't

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    • As for the article you linked... Thank you! This guy actually tries to give some
      arguments for why men should pay, some of them are hilariously inaccurate, but
      at least he is trying.

      His first argument the make-up and underwear argument.
      That would apply if she used up each item of make-up for one date... she doesn't
      And for the clothes with H&M and other cheap store, I am usually wearing more expensive clothes
      than she is... She has more clothes than me yes, but my clothes usually cost a lot
      more which is why I have less... Do you really need 15+ pairs of shoes, 20+ dresses or
      15+ pairs of jeans? If men expected this, their would be a point, but they don't
      women just likes shopping.

    • His Second argument: Men still make more
      Well yes if the guy makes more than the girl then obviously he should pay more
      Just like if the girl makes more she should pay more... Quite simple
      As for the whole paygap stuff... Men make more than women because
      1. they work more hours and 2. Women choose lower paying jobs

      His third argument
      This isn't really an argument... Then what about the women?
      Is quality over quantity not a concern here?

  • I can understand where you are coming from and don't have anything against your beliefs, but when you state the following, it leads me to believe you don't understand the guy's viewpoint or how determined some girls can be to get their free food. (Just to be clear, I think it's a very small number of girls who take advantage of guys as mentioned in OP's post)

    "Indeed, there are women out there who are looking to take advantage of guys for free dates, however that's why you need to get to know these women better so that you can get a better idea of whether they are truly interested in you or just after your $$$. And you probably won't know what their true intentions are until you have spent a significant amount of time together."

    I feel wholeheartedly that most guys are willing to pay for the first date or are at least fine with paying for the first date. It's when girls don't seem appreciative of the fact that he did pay for the date that guys start to feel used. And (in my opinion) that is when guys start to feel like they are owed something (Not me, I just cut my losses and move on). I disagree with the assertion that spending more time with her will reveal her true intentions because she could easily get into the situation where they are just friends and yet the guy still is paying for what he thinks are dates, when the girl knows full well that she isn't romantically interested in him.

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    • I'm a firm believer that you need to get to know someone in order to figure out their true intentions given that people can be good liars and deceivers. I wouldn't be surprised if a gold digger volunteered to pay on the first and second date only to play a role and never pay again. I think that spending time with someone also tells gives you a better idea of whether the woman sees you as a friend or not. You have to judge based on her actions and body language.

      It happens, but it's a risk you have to take. It's no different than sex for women and risking being used for it.

    • That's a perfect analogy with the sex for women. And you're right, everyone just has to reevaluate their situation/relationship with that person every once in a while because it won't be apparent at first. Unfortunately, we (men and women) only realize that we are being used in hindsight instead of in real time.

  • If she expects me to pay I expect her to show some cleavage. There's no such thing as a "free lunch".

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    • There's nothing "free" going on if she's offering you boyfriend benefits. This is assuming you are in a relationship. If this is a first date, it's a risk you have to take given that there is no way of knowing what her true intentions are, that early on.

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    • If I say "purple monkey dish washer" how do you rebut that? You can't because it's nonsense, just like what you said is nonsense.

    • What I just described to be boyfriend benefits is nonsense? hahaha XD

      At least you tried.

  • One thing you need to understand is that sex and money are intertwined.

    Marriage for example is not about love or sex. It is a business partnership for which the operating agreement is defined by the government. Meanwhile, married couples tend to think mostly about having sex with each other and no one else (theoretically) because of the existence of the business partnership, which again is about money.

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  • This has nothing to do with traditional versus modern, but all to do with responsibility. You are an adult and responsible for your own finances. So grow up and take action of your life.

    If she expects me to pay, I stand up, throw my share onto the table and go. Gold diggers get pruned remorselessly.

    Also, my time is usually MUCH more valuable than hers (objective fact), and I want MY much more valuable time back with interest. If anything at all, she should pay me...

    As I have said previously, up to now, I have NEVER payed for her expenses when dating. I am simply a high value male who keeps his purse close his chest. Actually, I have to date never had to say anything about splitting the bill, too.

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    • Religious values, political values, traditional values, etc... All influence the way we behave and act on a day to day basis. Expecting someone to Pay for dates has nothing to do with irresponsibility, but rather desiring chivalry and wanting my needs reciprocated. Relationships are a two-way street and if you expect to get boyfriend benefits, you need to also to fulfill her needs in return. Otherwise, you're doing exactly what you accuse us of doing---taking advantage. If you don't want to pay for a woman's dates, don't do it. Just be aware that you're probably not going to get many calls or texts back after that first date given that most women are traditional and will assume you are not interested in them.

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    • If you can't even respect a woman by putting her before your pennies, she certainly isn't missing out on anything by losing you. There are plenty of good-quality men out there who respect their women and put them before a couple of dollars in their pockets. No woman wants a cheap guy like Ebenezer Scrooge.

    • No You fucked the traditions, now if you are paid less for the job. You will change colors and jump to feminism stuff but in reality you don't want equality. You want special treatment.

  • So if I pay for the date I'm guaranteed sex, yes?

    What? No? Oh so why am I buying her again?

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    • Escorts charge for their time. Why not just buy an escort since that's the same thing I'm doing by buying her time?

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    • Love doesn't exist. I've never experienced it. I've heard it exists but never having experienced it I don't think it's real.

    • Kinda. And in this case i can see why more men start going MGTOW. I don't blame them for it. It's for the best generally.

  • As a man, I feel very offended by this. If the man and the woman are still getting to know each other, there is no reason for the man to pay for any of her stuff. Only after they decide that they love each other should the man pay for some of her things, to make up for her handicap of being a woman who can't work as hard as a man, who has to take care of the kids, or whatever, AFTER the woman has proven that she is not just a gold digger. And about the door opening and picking up, I ALSO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE THAT. The man and woman have to take turns making chivalrous gestures. It is very important for me that the woman gives me those gestures as well. Otherwise I won't feel as loved if I am always the one doing the gestures

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    • Most women will assume that you're not interested, simply because most men are willing to pay. I understand your rationale, but most women will expect you to pay.

    • Then I'll just explain it to them ha

  • Sure. He needs to show intent. If he's too weak or broke to do that you're never gonna go for him anyway. LOOOOOSSSSERRRRR. :)

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  • I can't put links with my lvl but search for Matthew Husseys video "Who should pay on first dates?"
    Everything you need to know and insight in what men (not all) think about it,

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  • I'd like if women took more initiative with initiating with men. Men paying is another sign of men pursing women. That power is wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy too far stacked in favor of women. Aren't men desirable too? The current dynamic doesn't suggest it. Think about if from our position: how would you like to HAVE to pursue men or you'd never date? How would you feel if men were conditioned from childhood to ignore showing attraction to you? Think about what that'd feel like.

    The most common reason women want men to pay is because girls wants to feel desired. Like I said though, the courtship period is stacked towards men to show interest as opposed to women.

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  • I don't pay for women that don't belong to me officially.

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  • Up to date #3, I'll pay. After that, it'd be nice if she offered.

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  • Nice MyTake

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  • It's a trending worldwide

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  • Can you give reasoning for it that isn't just you getting what you enjoy from men?
    Like, is there a justification of this that we would call fair? Just curious.

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    • Expecting the woman to cook and clean is pretty fair.

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    • *over paying for dates.

    • "men can easily have sex without the emotional attachment, unlike most girls can, so you don't really have a argument there. Perhaps only a single-digit percentage will be hurt after not hearing from a girl"
      1. I vehemently disagree with that.
      2. Prove it.
      3. Would it even matter?
      So would I be an asshole for not calling back?

      "most men"
      I don't think you speak for most men. They don't want that, as I explained earlier.

      "Because this isn't just what I want."
      That's what I meant. I meant for you to say 'this is what I want' on behalf of women. Which brings us back to my original comment, you can't give reasoning for this that isn't just you (women) getting what you enjoy from men. Yet for some reason you're trying to justify it to me as if there's some kind of moral high-ground here for you.

  • Because they're entitled and or spoiled gold diggers.

    Remember boys, it's all about the $$$!

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    • You're absolutely right. Only "boys" not men, uphold that mentality.

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    • Wanting to date someone who can afford dates is not called "leeching" off. It's called desiring financial stability and wanting a normal traditional relationship. Money is very important in a relationship and if you can't afford to pay for dates, what makes you think you can afford to build a family? Putting personality before wealth is not "leeching off". It's called being a traditional human being. You can argue back and forth all day long, but it's not going to change.

    • Gold diggers and bitches love money. For women like you money is the most important thing in finding a partner. Or should i say finding a sugar daddy.
      More money spent means you want him more. It's like betting for the money hungry gold digger. There is also probably a magic number in which the financial victim has to spend as a minimum in order to impress money hungry leeches. Money truly controls some females in this aspect.

  • A man is stupid if he pays for a woman on the 1st date. A real man never lets another woman take advantage of him except in bed. He should only pay for dates when it's his girlfriend.

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    • That's your opinion, but remember that most women expect you to pay on the first date and will be turned off by that kind of attitude.

    • It's called not letting another woman walk all over me.

    • I think women would feel the same way about having sex with you without courtship.

  • You are gold diggers otherwise you wouldn't expect men to buy you everything.

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    • I never once said that guys should buy women everything. This mytake focuses on paying for dates only. It's up to both partners to decide who will pay for what else as far as bills and other household expenses go, if you are both living together.

    • Ok so why do men put in most of the work during the initial dating process which includes paying? All that stuff you said doesn't mean anything until you establish a long lasting relationship. I don't understand why so many of you women wait until the guy throws all his cards on the table before you throw your's.

    • Again, this is just how traditional gender roles work. You have every right to be against it and find women who are modern, and who would be more than happy to pay for your dates. Of course, only a small percentage of women would do that, but they're out there!

  • Id do either not even sure why i'm reading this im nearly 25 and iv all but given up on dating.

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  • Times have changed, rules have changed, expectations have changed. These days there is no right thing to do that everyone will accept or agree on. We believe in more freedom now. No more traditional roles. The man is not expected to be the main moneymaker and payer. The woman is not expected to be a housewife. Do whatever you think is best for you because it's your life. If you can find a partner that matches your beliefs, good for you. If not, look elsewhere or be an individual and take care of it yourself.

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    • I agree that there is no right or wrong way to approach dating. It's up to you to decide what's best for you and find a partner who best matches your ideals. There are plenty of people who follow traditional roles like me, and there are plenty of people who are more modern. However, you shouldn't insult or disrespect people who uphold different beliefs. It's no different than having certain political stances where Conservatives and Liberals clash. Neither party is right or wrong.

  • If you say it's traditional, well so is women staying in the kitchen and not being able to vote. Just go 50-50

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    • I actually don't think there's anything wrong with expecting your woman to cook and clean. I would be more than happy to do those things. As far as voting, it's a constitutional right that was denied to women because they were considered to be inferior and far less intelligent than men given that they were uneducated. It had nothing to do with wanting to follow traditions, but rather exercising "good judgment" by allowing those who were intellectual decide what was best for our country back then. The same reason applied to African-Americans who were not allowed to vote because they were uneducated as well.

  • "As per me, I believe that the guy should pay for dates because that's the traditional way to go."

    Ah, OK. So I assume you also believe the woman should "put out" because the guy pays for everything, right? I mean, that's the traditional expectation, so if the fact that "it's traditional" is your only justification for expecting guys to pay, you can't have it both ways.

    Sorry, but this female double standard bullshit has got to stop. You women want to have your cake and eat it too and it's getting really fucking old.

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    • What's your definition of "putting out"? Sex after the first date? Traditionally, women wait until they are in relationships and some religious women wait until they are married to have sex. Having sex without commitment is not traditional, it's a modern thing done by a percentage of women. Not all.

    • I also don't believe in girls asking guys out. So it's not like I want to "have my cake and eat it too".

  • Ok, but when guys want women to be traditional it's frowned upon. So basically dating has become only beneficial to women.

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    • Can you give me an example of a traditional female role? I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting a woman to handle the cooking and cleaning.

    • Also for men to take charge, and do more of the domestic stuff. I am okay if women expect men to be traditional, but when they don't want to do anything in return that's an instant turn-off

    • I believe that any relationship is about fulfilling each other's needs and compromising. I don't see anything inherently wrong with expecting a woman to play her part in a relationship. It's up to both partners figure out what their needs are and if one partner finds that his/her needs are not being met, he/she has the right to end the relationship.

What Girls Said 5

  • I always offer 50/50 and I've been on a few dates so far > so far nobody took me up on the offer, the guys always seem willing to pay for the date. I don't know maybe I just date nice guys. I think once going out with a guy starts becoming a regular thing , you should talk to him about it and arrange something that works for the both of you

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    • It's expected to offer. But most girls don't have the intent of paying

    • @MrNameless just out of curiosity ,, what do you do in those cases where the girl doesn't even bother offering? Do you think of the girl any differently?

    • I never offer to pay, but there have been instances where I offered and the guy didn't accept.

  • in my opinion you can either be traditional or not, but not selectively traditional only when it benefits you. This goes for girls and guys. I see women who expect men to pay for everything but aren't willing to take care of their man like a traditional woman, and men who want a traditional woman but sleep around and/or refuse to step up to the plate to financially support a traditional woman. Consistency is the key.

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  • Lol being a house girlfriend he pays for everything. I must be a bad person or gold digger for doing this.

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  • I just made a similar post, I wouldn't expect every date paid for by a man. But in the beinging most women like to feel secure and know that they have a potential man that doesn't mind taking her out. No woman wants to be with a selfish or cheap man its a natual turn off.

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  • sexist

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