Why Women Want Men Paying For Dates

As an act of chivalry, men are likely to pay for themselves, and their date. however, times have changed, and although many men still pay for women chivalrously, many women have come to the expectations that the man should be the one paying for the date (especially the first). As sexist as it sounds, the expectation still exists. Here are the reasonings of why women expect men to pay for dates.

Why Women Want Men Paying For Dates

1. They believe that paying shows respect

She'd feel as though you're respectful of her once you pick up the tap. She feels as though you're acting gentlemanly because she knows that she'd rather not be forced into paying, and so she appreciates you paying (even if it's for exploitive, gold-digging purposes).

2. They feel entitled

A very common reason I see nowadays, a woman can feel entitled to you paying for time just as easily as people feel entitled to be able to eat. Of course, many women I've met would disagree with entitled women as well.

3. They don't want to feel as though they're being led on by you

This reason is legit, but still cowardly. If resisting to cater to yourself because you'd feel as though he's leading you nowhere, think about the man. What if by refusing to pay for someone (that you even actually liked), he'd feel as though you don't respect, like, or care about you?

4. They couldn't care about you

Period. If a girl feels as though she doesn't like you, or the date isn't going great, she isn't going to want to pay for herself if she didn't enjoy herself. Personally I'd feel the same way, but I don't usually have a say in this situation here.

5. Feminism

In some countries, feminism is actually needed. Men and women are definitely not equals there, and women are the inferior sex. Just like in the past where feminism was needed in America, feminism is needed in these certain areas, and just as men were paying for women as we weren't equal, women expect men to pay for dates in these countries in this day and age for the same reasons, and it happens to be a reason that I'd be very much willing to oblige.

Women are independent creatures. They aren't weak (like society unfairly claims them to be), and they can certainly handle paying for themselves on a date. However, if you see a woman refusing to pay for herself, it is most likely because of her traditionalist views on the dating world, or it's because of one of the reasons above. I mean c'mon, we're only human.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • When I go out to dinner with friends I always pay for myself. I don't see why a date should be that much different. Even if you don't have a good time and never see that person again well... if you went out to eat alone you'd have to pay for your food right? Paying for yourself means nobody feels taken advantage of. And if the guy insists on paying that is on him. However if a guy I'm seeing chooses to NEVER pay for me, not even on my birthday, then that shows he doesn't give a fuck. Especially if I find out he did (or is doing. i. e we break up and he's seeing someone new) it for another girl. It's all about what their actions mean.

    TBH MOST people if given the choice would not scream "OH NO PLEASE DON'T!" when offered free stuff. I've paid for guy's dinners before and have never had a protest. Also if bars offered "Guy's night" with free entry and drinks then you'd be your ass dudes would be piling in. Not one would be like "I reject the idea of free alcohol! How dare you!"

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    • *bet your ass

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    • Yup lol. He still tried to hook up with me after. Was not happening.

Most Helpful Guy

  • I like how the only excuse women have nowadays for not paying for dates is "tradition" when if it weren't for that, there would be nothing stopping them from enjoying "equality" with men and paying.

    I can understand how it was supposed to be this way a century+ ago when women typically did not have a source of income, unlike men. But the same just does not apply today. In some areas young adult females actually outearn males. Other than the highly convenient "tradition" excuse, there is no reason at all a woman shouldn't at least pay for herself.

    I do not there is a single thing to say that can hide the fact that expecting the man to pay at all times is anything but gold-digging.

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What Girls Said 20

  • I'd have to agree, but I'd also add that blatantly some girls just abuse the tradition to get free shit as well. That way even if the date goes bad they got something out of it.

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  • Good take :) i agree with your points.

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  • I agree with a lot of these actually! Like with anyone, if you aren't enjoying your time, why would it be worth it? And also feeling entitled, it's very easy to get caught up in yourself. It's good to see that this expectation is lowering and it's way more common to see the bill be split or the woman paying. All this has been grown from the gender roles that men are the providers so hopefully it continues to fade out.

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  • Honestly, I would like to pay at least my half. Everything above is so true. Yes he can obviously pay and all, I know it. But what's wrong with me paying? My own little way to respect him and appreciate him you see. Showing him that I'm not a fully dependent person. But if he insists posting by himself, it's okay at times. :)

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  • None of that applies to me im just cheap as hell and im always greatful if he pays. I got money so if I HAVE to pay for both of us I will, or if he asks me to pay I can, and sometimes I offer to pay as well. But most of the time he pays, and he doesn't mind. But I never refuse to pay. I'm just willing to save as much money as possible, and it's not just with my boyfriend 😂

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  • True and not true. I personally want the man to pay. I'm not expectant of it, but it would disappoint me if he wouldn't pay.
    I am not a feminist by the way. I'm definitely for equality, but I'm definitely not a feminist. I believe to a certain extent in gender roles. With no gender roles, society is a free for all. Consider me traditionalist or too conservative, but I do like to have a man that dominates to an extent.

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    • If you expect the guy to pay, what do you offer in return? Just curious to know as I see most girls expect the guys to pay but when you ask them what they offer, they don't say much.

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    • Unfortunately, I disagree dear friend.

    • Of course you're not a feminist.. Because true feminism gives independence to women and not rely on men at all. But you can't just say you're for equality and expect guys to pay. lmao. You have no idea what you're talking about.

  • I've actually only ever paid for a guy when he's been my boyfriend, usually I set a system where we take turns. But in dating situations I always paid my half (although I have never been the type during dating to pay for the man's half either)

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  • This is so bs. Like dude you are 17 and you've been on like 2 dates. Sure a lot of women want the man to pay, but just say hell nah and leave and find one of us who actually wants to split it or pay for what we ordered or offer to pay for you as well. Im well aaware of these types of women, but the number of them are getting smaller and smaller.

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    • Tell me how it's bs. I'm ready. Ps, I know you can take a challenge, as I believe I've seen you around before?

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  • Because it's better to get a free meal. And it's better to date a guy who has enough money to pay for dates.
    I'm not saying this is good or right, and you are free to refuse to pay for dates. But women are also free to refuse to date you if you don't pay.

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    • Either a very single life awaits you unless you were to change your traditional, hypocritical, ludicrous views, or an unfortunate heartbreak awaits for boyfriend/future partners that you mooch off of. You are the type of person people would stay away from, and are definitely far from being the most pleasant in comparison. You are by far one of the most hypocritical women I have ever met. Hopefully you're a better person outside of these views, but I hope to never see you again. I will not block you, but your views are very controversial. Good luck in this foreseeable future.

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    • @MrNameless she should be more embarrassed by how selfish she is

    • But I've had an epiphany. It *is* in a guys vest interest to pay. When a girl let's you pay, that's just a sign of things to come, so it can be a great filter to get rid of the gold diggers. The courts are stacked against us men (I do child support, it's my job, trust me here), we need to start screening out the filth in the beginning. Paying for 2 dinners is much cheaper than paying out tens of thousands of dollars because your relationship didn't work out. And if it helps increase your chances of getting laid, all the better, use her body like she used your wallet then toss her to the side to focus on women who are worth dating. I may have to write a myTake on this subject, a sort of public service announcement to spread my message so guys can protect themselves.

  • There are a lot of other ways besides paying for something to show care. I'm ok with paying my half and if he offers to pay, i'll accept. Sometimes I feel bad though so I invite him.

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  • The only reason I want a man to pay on a date is because men still are usually the ones to ask for the date in the first place. I believe the asker needs to pay, or at least offer. If I were the one doing the asking, however, I would expect to pay at least for my half. You don't invite someone to do something and then expect them to pay for it, it's just bad manners.
    After two people have been dating for a while, I think splitting the bill is the way to go. However, a lot of guys still feel emasculated if they don't pay. My boyfriend usually turns me down when I offer to pay for half, but I'll cover the tip or dessert. So that way he feels like "da man" but I'm also contributing. I guess every couple is different so that's something you have to figure out for yourself.

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    • So you say that because men ask, you want them to pay?

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    • @tyber1 And by the way the reason is when you invite someone, you don't know if they are broke or not. Hence why you at least offer to pay, so that way nobody is put in an awkward position. Of course if they have the money, they really should offer to pay their part. But you always have the option of not inviting them out again if they are chronic moochers.

    • Fair enough

  • I used to always pay my share and insist. However, I've come to realise that sometimes the guy genuinely wants to do the things they consider "manly", which includes paying for my stuff sometimes and fixing things around the house that I could do. It's like an old school traditional way of thinking that is buried deep inside guys' heads.

    So now, if they want to pay, i let them. otherwise, i'm super happy to pick up my own tab.

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  • Well, done on your myTake! Now, take me to Red Lobster. You're paying. *-*

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  • Well wouldn't a woman paying for a man also show that she respects him?

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    • Not quite. It's that they believe that paying shows respect, and that's not necessarily true. There are many ways to show respect to a woman, much better ways, before a date. As for a woman paying for me, I wouldn't believe that she respects me, since she could be paying out of courtesy. If she were to offer to pay for him however, it does show that she actually likes the guy, but you know.. that never happens with this belief in play.

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    • @Justinaveragedude
      Still the kids got paid.

    • If they lived on a farm, no, it was part of living on a farm. If they where seasonal farm families who traveled a crossed the US finding jobs on farms during different harvest times, no the mother or father was given all the wages for the family. If you where hired as a farm hand, yeah you got paid, if you where lucky and really good at your job you might even make 60 cents a day. But you tended to hire adults who could work more harder then the children.

  • idc . fancy or Mc's . he pays 1st date .
    for that he gets my attention and my companionship
    if i like him he gets something more than that

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  • I can't find a loophole. All points make sense!

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  • lol that policy works if food out is good, I like imagine if people would go picnic baskets to go if that even possible anymore. sharing a meal is also good policy?

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  • Well written

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  • As far as i know, it's what American women expect.

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  • I can't find 1 thing in your take I agree with.

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    • I'm sorry to hear that

    • I will pay my own way unless he insists on paying. With that said there are many who think the guy should pay regardless of income.

    • Well lucky for you, I'm not referring to you or any other woman who is content with paying for herself, splitting the bill, or paying for the guy. I am referring to any woman who expects a guy to pay. I've never said that women want men to pay. I say that those who do fit into these categories. You're an exclusive. Does that change your opinion?

What Guys Said 33

  • Pretty good. Especially the entitlement bullshit. From the time these girls can walk they've been told how special and pretty they are, that they deserve the very best and should have WHATEVER they could possibly dream they could want. And that they are better than, smarter than, and more entitled to anything and everything than boys. We've raised a whole generation of entitled snowflake princesses. :)

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  • That's why you make the first date like a walk in the park with ice cream. Most you'll spend is 6 bucks, no anxiety since your at a restaurant (some people are really insecure with how they eat, for privacy) plus you won't have to talk over people and if there are sensitive topics that come up, you don't have to worry about eavesdroppers. Also why spend a lot on a restaurant when you may not go on a second date.

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  • Chivalry is a meme that needs to die, or at least be re-worked. It undermines a woman's sense of equality, either placing her on a pedestal or making her feel like she's different-- needing to be treated differently...

    I'm not saying there's anything wrong with being nice, paying for dinners in full, or even holding a door open for someone; but being expected to do it every single time? That's taking advantage of someone's kindness for granted. And chivalry has made that seem perfectly normal, when I don't think it should be.

    Whoever asks someone to go out for dinner should at least offer to pay for their guest, that's just good manners, you don't want to extort people out of their money.
    Another thing is the invited party should at least offer, or insist, to pay for themselves, and be prepared to follow through with it if they must.

    Men and women take chivalry gestures for granted too often, effectively undermining the whole point of being nice to someone.
    And I'm not saying it's true for all women, because there's certainly some good souls out there who appreciate things people do for them...
    For instance, me and my fiancee have always split our bills on everything straight from the start -- something she initially asked of me actually. That doesn't mean I won't go out and buy her a milkshake, or pay for a dinner date sometimes, but she'll always find a way to do something nice back for me in return like pay for my movie ticket... We keep hitting the tennis ball to each other's court, perpetuating good deeds with good deeds.

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  • The girls on G@G lie about not expecting the man to pay for dates, especially the first date. Most of them expect and want the guy to pay.

    "Despite changing times, old dating customs die hard: A study found that 77.4% of people in a relationship believe men should pay the bill on a first date. This sentiment is true for both genders"

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    • Oh I definitely agree here.

    • Men are brainwashed to do so.. And like the idea of tips in america, you're damned if you do and damn'd if you don't.

  • So damn true! Fantastic mytake!

    I'd add number 6: WHO WOULD DENY A DATE WITH A FREE MEAL AT NO COST OF YOUR OWN PURSE?

    and number 7: She wants to be taken care of, not because so he proves, that he can but because she can't take care of herself :P

    The truth hurts butts! Go on and let out the reaction, which are the downvotes! idc.

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  • So in other words, if you're dating a woman swayed by feminism, who still holds men to traditional standards, you're dating a hypocrite.

    I expect to pay - In fact, I insist.
    And if her response to that is inconsistent with her values, that's usually the last date.

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  • Well sorry to say I do0n't really care I'm still gonna pay and that's that.

    I don't even do it for them I just do it because it's how I am I do it for men and women. If I take you out then I am going to pay, it's my responsibility.

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  • 6. Women are cheap. Some women accept and go on many dates to avoid cooking or paying for dinner so naturally are upset if they have to pay their way. Think about it how much would thry save if they had a date 4 or 5 days a week.
    In the past I purposely stiffed a few women who were cheap like this or a crappy uninterested date by going to the bathroom but really leaving the restaurant.

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  • When girls here say that they don't expect the man to pay for the first date, there is no reason in hell to believe them. Most of them will upvote takes like this but MORE girls will upvote takes which tell us why the man should pay. It's more like saying- "Oh I'm a feminist but I want men to pay on the first date because it's such a turn on."

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  • One factor I think gets missed out is that guys do most of the asking out.

    I don't see the issue with the one who sets up the date pays, especially the first few dates.

    I doubt most women would think that the guy should pay for her just as a reward for having tits, and I think very few women would ask a guy out for coffee and expect him to pay for her.

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    • That's right. Women who ask men out definitely wouldn't expect him to pay for her nor feel entitled because they're women. However, many women do feel entitled because they feel as though they paid to look great (makeup and dress), and so you must pay because she paid to look good. That's an example of entitlement, but I still agree with you.

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    • My issue isn't so much of me paying, but the entitlement that comes along with it, and that I get judged if I don't "act like a man" and do all the planning and paying, or else I'll be looked down upon on a woman that makes just as much as me.

    • @MrNameless Yup, sure. It implies that her time is worth more than yours, it's understandable.

  • the last two are wrong but the rest of them I agree. I'm no expert on these matters but most women I've heard talk about this subject say that if the date wasn't going well they would pay just to get the date over with.

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  • If I ask a woman out, I'm going to pay for the date. If she asked me, well then maybe we'll split it. Then again, if I ask another dude if he wants to get a beer with me, I'll probably pay for that too.

    I know a lot of guys are butthurt about the whole "who pays" issue, but I largely consider it a trivial matter.

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  • women are weak, and regardless of social constructs specific to each country, biologically they are inferior to men. nothing can really change that, and this is why they are hypergamous, and thus they demand more from men than they can offer back to him, and this includes paying for her in various ways.

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    • Hm, I'll have to look further into this.

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    • No, being biologically weaker isn't that much of a big deal in a western society. Just because they tend to be over the average man, doesn't make them inferior in every other way. Don't ever understimate women or anyone really.

    • @MrNameless wrong, it makes a difference because we are more durable and can more more and for a longer period of our lives, most of the heavy physical labour most women are not fit enough to handle that. Because of women being significantly biologically weaker than men and mentally weaker as well they are unable to handle the same responsibilities that men carry, being conscripted to war is just one of those things. There are so many things which women need which are payed for by the welfare system which is sustained by mostly male tax money. Women do not deserve the same authority as men because they cannot bear the same responsibility. period.

  • Sorry this is bad, have you actually been on real dates dates? I can't see how these are realistic at all.

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    • They sole reason why a woman would potentially want a guy to pay is because she wants to date a guy who is willing to provide for her. If he pays on the date it shows that he is capable of doing that. Not all women want that type of guy either, I think it's about 50/50, maybe even less. Maybe the ones who are looking for a partner like that are actually weaker and less independent than men.

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    • No, I'm just saying I don't think your reasons are accurate. I'm not saying it's right or wrong

    • Very well then.

  • If I feel the woman would appreciate the gesture, I would pay for some dates. But to avoid being used, the FIRST date would be dutch. We each pay our own separate tab.

    Now if she didn't have a job at the time of the first date, or if I made way more money than her, then I would pay for her.

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    • I agree with you all the way. It's hard to convince women to pay for the first date without looking "cheap." I hate it. It's a lose lose situation.

  • Didn't realise so many women on this website were gold diggers, lol. But I shouldn't even be surprised.

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  • If she isn't my woman I'm not spending a dime on a woman that isn't mine.

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  • They are prostitutes, that's why, a women won't sleep with a man without him spending money in some way.

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    • lol some are, some aren't. There are still good women out there.

    • You know, it's funny you would say this. It is well established that women will generally do pretty much anything for a price. It's simply a matter of establishing what that is. I didn't believe it myself, I was MUCH MUCH older than you before I figured this out.

      And the masculine concepts of honor and loyalty are pretty much non-existent in a woman's mind. They can and will justify any action they deem to be 'what they want'. The term is 'solipsism'. It's simple biology. You can't fight mother nature. You can try, but you'll never win out.

  • When I was dating I always paid because that was what I was most comfortable with. I don't mind either way. As long as she and I both agree on it.

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  • Why women want men paying for dates? They want a free meal.

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  • In situation where women have to pay money, they will play the weaker sex card saying men should be a gentlemen and pay. But when they want to get benefits that men are getting, they will use the men and women are equal. Seen too much of this crap.

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  • They need a deposit just in case things don't work out. You're getting played possibly as a man every time you pay.

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  • What I tend to do is go for a coffee informally, and see if we click. If we do then I'll pay the first date and split anymore after that.

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  • 6. Free meal

    lol

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  • It's tragic that in this day and age that many women (and worse, men) hold on to these old fashioned traditions when it benefits them, when its totally irrelevent in western society, and women can clearly support themselves on their own (which is a good thing obviously) today,

    Women these days are independent and driven, and focus more on their careers and don't want to be housewives like their moms. Most can't cook nearly as good as them (neither do most men) and are getting married much later, but its hypocritical to expect men to hold on to the same old fashioned gender role traditions if they themselves aren't holding to them.

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  • What about "saving money"? Because as far as I am concerned if someone is paying for my food... that's awesome!

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  • The person who made the plans should pay. Most likely its the guy.

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  • Because theyre pitiful, worthless scumbags who demand to have the upper hand.

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  • Is it because they're cheap? It's because they're cheap isn't it?

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  • I don't mind paying, as long as the girl appreciates me

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