Why You Should Man Up and Pay For the First Date

Idonthaveausername

Paying for dates has been a hot topic here on GAG and there's been a lot of animosity towards the opposite gender over it. My view is based on a man asking a woman out. If the woman asks a man out, then she is responsible for paying for the first date, but I'd only go on a date with someone who would asked me out, so I'm gearing this towards men.

Why You Should Man Up And Pay For The First Date

Why You Should Pay

You Asked Me Out

If you ask me out, then it is your responsibility to pay for a date. I'm not requesting you to take me to a five-star restaurant, but you better not be taking me to McDonald's either. I enjoy a wide range of food and activities, so you have a lot of options with me. It is your choice as to where we go and how much you want to spend, so we can go to a nice little Mexican restaurant or Disneyland or a picnic in the park, depending on your budget. But you asked me out because you wanted to spend time with me and get to know me, so your choice, you pay.

I Can't Afford It

Why You Should Man Up and Pay For the First Date

I'm not a gold digger. I work 40 hours a week and hard for my money. But I also financially support myself, so I'm broke most of the time. I don't go out to eat in general because I can't afford it. When my friends invite me out to eat, they know they'll have to pay for my portion of it. Some girls (and guys) can't afford extra expenses. (And yes I get that you might be broke as well, but you can take me to a cheap movie that you can afford or cook for me at home if cost is an issue.)

If you took me to a five-star restaurant, I wouldn't be able to pay for it. And if you dropped it on me when the check came that I had to split with you, then I would leave and you'd never hear from me again. It's an insult to "take" someone somewhere that they can't afford and then expect them to pay for it. And that's a dirty move regardless. I wouldn't be able to trust you to keep promises after pulling something like that.

I'm Here With You

This is a date, right? The whole point of a date is two people going out and getting to know each other because we're romantically interested in each other. If you make me split the check, then I might as well sit at my own table because it means you aren't thinking of yourself and me as an "us". If I'm on a date with you, then you should treat me like I'm on a date with you, and not like I'm there by myself. Like I already stated, I don't go out to eat because I can't afford it. That means that if I'm there in the first place, I want to spend time with you and be with you and get to know you better. If I'm putting time and effort into you, then I want you to return the favor. If you don't think "us," then I won't think "us." If you want to separate "us" with the check, then I'll catch your drift, and there won't be any "us" after that.

I'm Worth More Than Your Money

I get that money isn't free and doesn't grow on trees. I work hard for my money and spend it wisely; I'm the most frugal person I know. But if you are going to put more importance on the money than me, then I don't want a relationship with you. I know my self-worth and I know that I'm worth more than your money. If you don't think I'm worth more than money, then I have no problem finding someone else who does. I have plenty of other options than you (including being happily single), so I don't need to deal with you telling me that a few pieces of paper and metal are worth more than me. I don't want to be in a relationship with someone who resents me for the money they choose to spend on me (yes choose, because you chose to ask me out and you chose to want to be a part of my life).

You're Too Stressful

Why You Should Man Up and Pay For the First Date

My childhood was extremely stressful. As an adult, everything I do is to put myself into a position to have a stress-free and fulfilling life. I want to be with a man who can cause me less stress in my life rather than more.

Someone who stresses out about the money it costs for a first date (or the decision to pay in full or split) is too stressful for me. If you stress out about $20-$100, then I can't imagine how much of a wreck you'll be when when we're deciding what house to drop $200,000-$1,000,000 on. What happens when you get laid off at work? If you stress out so much about little financial costs, then I don't want to have to deal with your irrationality when something significant hits. You don't have to be a millionaire to be financially secure. As long as you live within or below your means, you shouldn't need to stress out about how much one meal costs.

I Want You To Impress Me

I want a man to impress me. If you don't impress me, then you're just like every other guy out there. I don't want to be with every other guy out there because there are men who can, want to, and are willing to impress me. I want to be with an exceptional man. I want you to take me out to eat ethnic food I've never tried before or take me to a theme park I've never been to or take me to the art museum so you can show me how much passion you have for 17th century oil paintings. I'm adventurous when it comes to trying new things and I admire passion of any kind. If you can't impress me, then I'm not going to be interested in you. Not paying for my portion of the first date is not going to impress me. And yes, there are non-expensive ways of impressing a girl.

Respect

Why You Should Man Up and Pay For the First Date

This is probably the point that everything boils down to. I want to be with a man who respects me and whom I can respect in return. Paying for the first date shows me that you respect me. By showing me that you respect me, you are commanding respect in return. I would not be able to respect a man who refused to pay on the first date.

I have a good guy friend who takes me out and helped me pay to fix my car, but I can't be attracted to him because I don't respect him as a romantic partner. I can't respect him as a romantic partner because he is 34 and lives with a roommate that he hates--and he even makes enough money to live on his own because he makes twice what I do. He lives with a roommate that he hates because he hates saying "no" to people, so therefore he couldn't tell this guy "no" when he asked him to move in, and couldn't say "no" when they renewed the lease. He is a great guy, but I know that I won't be able to give him the respect he needs in a relationship because I can't respect his pushover nature.

I Have Other Options

I might like you as a person. You might be the most attractive model on the planet. But I have plenty of other options. If I don't want to go out with you because you refuse to pay for the first date, then that's fine. Rejection happens and not everyone is compatible. We just all have to get over that and move on when things don't work out. Don't make the mistake of thinking you're the only option someone has, especially if you know they have plenty of other options.

Your Failed Logic

I have read a lot of reasons on this website for why guys think they shouldn't pay for dates. I understand your reasons, but I disagree with them. Here is why.

I Don't Owe Women Anything

Why You Should Man Up and Pay For the First Date

No, you don't owe women anything. You don't even owe taking them out to dates or you the time of day. But your failed logic here is that we're not talking about you taking all of the women in the world out to dinner. You asked a woman out to dinner, so yes, you do owe her dinner. If you didn't want to pay for your date, then you shouldn't have asked her out in the first place

I Can't Afford 3-5 Dates A Week

I don't want to be with a guy who is a serial dater. If you are going on 3-5 dates a week, then you come off as a lonely guy who can't keep a woman--that is not attractive to me. I want to be with a man who only wants to be with me, not someone who's going to pick me up out of a jailhouse lineup

I agree that 3-5 dates a week with 3-5 different girls can get expensive quickly, but you still chose to go on all 3-5 of those dates. You're complaining about something that you are choosing to do. If you don't want to pay for 3-5 dates a week, then don't ask out 3-5 different girls in one week.

If you can't afford 3-5 dates a week, then be more responsible and stop taking girls on 3-5 dates a week. That's like saying you had to get an abortion because you can't afford birth control and kept having sex anyway (for those of you who don't know, abortions can be very expensive). Nobody is forcing you to go out 3-5 times a week when you can't afford it.

We Are Equals

This is a reasonable reason to not pay for a first date. I agree that splitting is appropriate after the first date, but I'm just not an egalitarian when it comes to the first. A first date is special, so it deserves some special treatment. If you and your date agree to split equally, that's great for you two. I have nothing against you for being okay with that, but I'm just not a girl who would be okay with that.

My view is that you think more highly of me for paying for my portion. I don't want to just be equals. I want to feel special in a relationship, like you want me more than any other girl out there. After the first date, if we take things further, then I'll be happy to spend money on you as well. After the first date, we can split or trade off as much as we need or want to. If you treat me like an equal on the first date, then I'll treat you like a friend and put you in the friendzone where you belong.

I Don't Want A Gold-Digger

Why You Should Man Up and Pay For the First Date

Not all girls who want you to or let you pay for the first date are gold-diggers. Those girls aren't as common as the internet claims they are, and they're easily spotted in-person. If a girl is wearing Coach shoes, has a Bebe shirt, Pink sweatpants, and is carrying a Michael Kors purse, then she's probably a gold-digger. These girls are flashy and usually bitchy and pretentious. A lot of times they think they're better than everyone else and usually have a particular air about them that is pretty obvious. Gold-diggers are easy to avoid.

I'm Tired Of Getting Screwed Over By Women

Alright, I just have to tell you that I feel bad for any guy who uses this one. Have some self-respect, man! If a girl doesn't respect you, then move on. Stop wasting your time with girls who use you, abuse you, and don't love you back. I get that heartbreak is hard and difficult to get over, but don't punish the masses for the crimes of a few. Get back out there and find a girl who will appreciate you.

.

.

.

Well this was long...but it was my first MyTake and on a topic that I've seen a lot of emotional turmoil about. I hope it helped someone who was on the fence with this issue. If you disagree with me, then feel free to insult me all you want in the comments. I couldn't care less about the opinion of someone who doesn't even know me in real life.

Why You Should Man Up and Pay For the First Date

Thanks for reading anybody who did.

Why You Should Man Up and Pay For the First Date
97
24
Add Opinion

Most Helpful Guy

  • pano2012
    I don't have a problem with paying for dates or other things in the relationship. I generally prefer doing that anyway.

    I really don't understand the anger you have received for your opinion. Maybe they perceived the way you put it to be a bit "demanding"? :P But I understand your argument. You don't want to be with a guy who's more concerned about the price of a meal than making you feel wanted. Equality or not, it feels a bit weird to let her pay since you're supposed to protect her. How can she feel safe if you're that selfish with your own money?

    And honestly, if you go on dates 3-5 times a week with 3-5 different women you're probably not that interested in them in the first place.

    As for gold-diggers, I'd just get a prenup. I have no problem providing for her during cohabitation or marriage but if she decides to go after someone else after 3 years, I wouldn't want to have to pay for the rest of my life.
    Is this still revelant?
    • Finally someone who understands everything I wrote without me having to further explain it! Thank you soooooooo much for posting this. You give me hope that there are still real men out there

      I won't deny that I'm "demanding ". I prefer using the term "having standards ", but they're essentially the same thing. A woman who doesn't demand what she wants will get the opposite everytime. I'd rather not end up in the position of having to set my expectations after they've already been failed

    • pano2012

      You're welcome. :)

      And yes, you're having standards. I find that attractive in women. You know what you want and won't settle for anything less. That is a challenge for a man and I like it. :)

      A woman who wants the bill to be split sells herself somewhat short. She's in a way saying that she doesn't deserve being treated to dinner.

    • Lol. I've been told people see me as a challenge and intimidating on multiple occasions

      I agree 100% girls sell themselves short by offering to pay. if

    • Show All

Most Helpful Girl

  • samhradh_leannan
    A lot of this makes sense- and could go for either gender. But some is a bit hypocritical. Why are you allowed to be stressed out by money stuff, but he isn't?
    Is this still revelant?
    • I don't stress out about money. I know what I make can cover my bills and standard of living. I haven't eaten lunch at work the entire year and a half I've lived on my own. My coworkers feed me sometimes because they appreciate me and all the work I do for them, but most of the time the only thing I eat between breakfast 9:00am and dinner 8:00pm is a granola bar. I know I can't afford it, so why stress out about it?

      Just because I'm broke doesn't mean I stress about money. I live at my means. I don't go out on the weekends if I can't afford it or my friends don't want to pay for me. It's I either free or $5 for me to go out

      I agree this goes for either gender. I believe the asker should pay. My lesbian boss who views herself as a beta male agrees me completely. She cracked up laughing when I told her everyone here was calling me entitled because it really couldn't be further from the truth

      He doesn't have to be loaded, just responsible

    • And like I said, I had an extremely stressful childhood and do everything I can to not be a stressful adult. I have permanent scar tissue in my neck from being so tense as a child. Stress can and has made me physically ill. I don't think it's too much to reject a guy for being to stressful for me when I've worked so hard to become the person that I am today. I'm not going to let some random guy who thinks I'm entitled to ruin my life

      And I'll go back to my point about how a guy who stresses out over a $20-$100 meal isn't someone I'd want to decide to buy a $200,000-$1,000,000 house with. I'm thinking long-term, not for "handcuffing season "

    • I get where you're coming from. And maybe you're not actively stressing about money because you are so good at living within your means. But guys can do that too. I think what might be beneficial in your situation is to make your financial situation clear to your date before you go out. That way they'll know that if they choose a pricey outing, they have to foot the bill.

    • Show All

Scroll Down to Read Other Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

2396
  • RJGraveyTrain
    1) You invited me out. Yes, so do your friends, but they often don't pay for all of your shit. If he offers to pay, then that's super nice, but you AGREED to go somewhere where paying for food is customary, you are essentially agreeing to the possibility of having to pay money for food. Having a penis doesn't obligate him to pay nor negate the fact that you should at least be willing to.

    2) I can't afford it. You work hard for your money you say? Guess what? SO DOES EVERYBODY SWEETHEART. Why is your hardwork apparently more valuable than his? If you can't afford to pay for stuff because you live a normal adult life then don't go out on dates.

    3) I want you to impress me! With your money, because God knows actually being a pleasant human being has monetary value, and as a woman you have no obligation to actually show you might be worth such a nice gesture like having someone pay for your meal.

    4) Respect. Lol at this. I'm sorry but if you respect yourself you won't stamp your feet and make up lame excuses for people to have to buy you shit just because you have a vagina. Come on. Self entitlement isn't cute these days.

    5) I have other options. Yeah, they're called sugar daddies or traditional guys. In which case I hope you're into guys who want you to cook, clean and stay at home with the kids.

    I get it, you can prefer guys who pay if you're a more traditional girl. But stop trying to justify it like there is any actual logical reason why a guy should pay for your date. It's sexist, in my opinion to say "you have to be a man and pay for my stuff." Him being a dude has nothing to with anything, proving his worth to you shouldn't require money, and if that puts you off of a guy I wish you the absolute best of luck, because this stuff to me is literally laughable.
    • Ty iam so glad there are normal girls out there like you , unlike the op.

    • I'm so glad there's some disagreement here because life would be bland without it. I am absolutely not entitled. I don't go on dates with guys I know I'm not interested in.

      It's good to know you won't be hogging the guys that I'd give a chance to.

    • Show All
  • lumos
    So you're basically broke because you can't pay for your own shit and end up leeching off of your friends and (hypothetical) dates. And then you turn around and claim that you can't respect a guy if he wants to split the bill, or if he lives with a roommate.
    Dafuq you talking about McDonald's not being good enough for you when you most likely can't even buy a Big Mac for yourself with your own "hard earned money"?
    You sit here and claim that you're worth more than his money but then throw a hissy fit if he doesn't spend enough money on you, or if he wants you to pay for your own shit? If you're worth more than his money, then why do you basically keep saying that he needs to spend x amount of money on you to make you feel like he feels you're worth it? Because all I'm seeing is you saying you're worth a certain amount of money. If you were worth more than his money, you wouldn't give a fuck about what he spends/doesn't spend on you because you would be focusing on his actions and words instead, not his wallet.
    To me it just seems like you want a guy to be your puppet, to pay for your date, to impress you, to bring you to the "right" places and say the right stuff. And wtf are you doing to "pay him back"? Because gracing him with your mere existence sure as hell isn't enough, you're not that special for having a vagina hunty. How is he going to respect you when you're acting all self-entitled just for being a woman?
    "But if you are going to put more importance on the money than me, then I don't want a relationship with you." <- All I'm seeing is YOU putting A LOT of importance on the money.
    "If you make me split the check, then I might as well sit at my own table because it means you aren't thinking of yourself and me as an "us"." Lol. How is it "us" when HE is paying for YOU? Us = the both of us putting in the same amount of effort AND money on the date. Us =/= "you should pay for me because I have a vagina and you don't".
    And lol @ you claiming you have all these options when you've never even been on a date. Get real. All I'm seeing in this take is "hypocrite hypocrite hypocrite". The only one with the failed logic here is you tbh.
    https://m.popkey.co/b3333a/0mrNz.gif</a>
    • Please marry me!

    • tyber1

      @JohnDoe3000 there's like a line of people already ahead of you in that line bud

    • I don't leach off my friends. They give me things because they appreciate me and help them get through hard times in their lives. I accept their gifts graciously

      I absolutely have never thrown a hissy fit on anybody, especially not to a guy who was trying to ask me out.

      I do have plenty of options. I choose not to take them because they're not the right option for me

      This post has nothing to do with genitals. I'm a virgin, so sex is off the table

      A man will respect me for the person that I am and will respect my morals and standards in return. Many people actually respect me more for my morals and standards

      You can call me a hypocrite all you want, but that doesn't make it true. I don't go around expecting guys to give me free anything. If they want to take me on a date, then I expect them to actually take me on a date. Anything short of taking me on a date, and I wouldn't want anything to do with him because that's a sign of someone who breaks promises. I'd require honestly

    • Show All
  • Wonderer89
    I was worried until I read you had never actually had a date and that this whole thing is based on inexperience and naivety.

    First of all; you are not entitled to be given anything. You do not deserve to be treated like a princess on the first date with a new man, because he doesn't know you well enough to give you that status. It's earned.
    Unless you want to go on a "first" date with a man you've know for a long time who believes you to be a good deserving person then this simply isn't fair to expect of a relative stranger. You wouldn't give money to a stranger on the street because they look like they should be treated well so why do you think you warrant it?
    Second; a first date is to get to know someone to see if they are worth pursuing. Your both trying to put your best foot forward and trying to impress the other. Your take reads as though you expect him to dance on a string to impress you and earn your respect, but what are you doing in return? What makes you think you deserve respect when you have done literally nothing but show up with no cash for a free meal?

    Women at first glance are not snow flakes. We do not deserve anything but basic social politeness and respect as a human being. It's when you get to know someone that they become special and treasured, you earn the care that another person gives you.

    To say "you pay for dinner and I'll pay you back in some other thing at an undetermined time" is rude and smacks of privelege you haven't earned. What if the date goes no further? They have outlaid the cost of dinner and you've given nothing back.

    You say if they can't afford to go out for dates 3-5 nights a week then don't go out, but you've said yourself you literally cannot afford to go out at all! Why is that standard any different for you then for them? You should have enough money to pay for your half and if he offers to pay for yours then it's lovely but that expectation is an absolute disgrace, and if you can't mature a bit to see that I'm glad you're already happy to live alone for the rest of your life.
    Because men deserve better
    • tyber1

      On point

    • You have a problem if reading something on the internet makes you worry. I am not naive, but you can go on thinking that if it makes you feel better about yourself

      I never said strangers owe me anything. I said a guy who asks me out on a date should take me out on a date. Making me pay would cause it to not be a date

      I wouldn't go on a date with a guy I wasn't sure I wanted a relationship with. There will be a second date after my first

      There's no difference in standards. I don't go out when I can't afford it. If my friends offer to pay, then I will come, but I don't waste money I don't have. A guy who asks a girl out and takes her someplace he can't afford is bad with money and making a stupid decision. If all he can afford is a picnic in the park, I'd be fine with that

    • Wonderer89

      Just because a guy asks you out doesn't mean he is offering to pay. They aren't synonymous just because you (someone who has never actually dated) believes it to be so.

      It's 100% a double standard. If YOU can't afford to go out then don't! Mooching off your friends every single time doesn't mean you can afford to go out, and mooching off a guy for a date is the exact same thing.

      I have no problem if a guy wants to pay, its generous and kind and I appreciate it. But the difference is that there is absolutely zero expectation of that happening.
      A date does not equal a relationship, a date is a toe in the water to see if you want to swim in their pool.

      The fact that 98% of responses have explained this and you're still refusing to see you could be wrong is amazing

    • Show All
  • PlacentaSalad
    Let's get something straight: There's nothing "special" about the first date. Typically, two people will agree to go on a date to determine the potential of the person they may possibly consider a boyfriend or girlfriend. Maybe they are even looking farther into the future to determine how compatible this person would be as a spouse. The second date is when it begins to become special as this means you've clearly piqued their interest and that they want it to continue.

    Between the two of us, if you were unable to pay for your meal because you lack $10 - $30 (depending on the meal and locale) to pay for it, then I'm not going to ask you to a second date because clearly you don't have money to take care of yourself. If you expected me to take you somewhere nice and pay for it but you couldn't afford it yourself, then this is really just a sign that you're a gold digger and have a spoiled princess personality, and so you won't be getting a second date either.

    The first date is all about creating good impressions, so while you're expecting the man to impress you by placing you upon a pedestal, you're actually creating bad impressions by expecting such treatment. There's only one type of male who will tolerate this: the submissive male who will actually worship you beginning to end. And these guys tend to worship ALL women just because they're women, so you aren't actually that special to them.
    • Your points are valid for you. I'm not telling you do date below your social class. If you like middle-class women, then go for middle-class woman whom you're compatible with and will ultimately be happier dating

      I'm not entitled. I pay all my own bills and graciously accept when my friends take me out or buy me food

      I actually added that I wouldn't expect a guy to take me somewhere expensive, just nicer than McDonald's. I have been to some affordable ethnic restaurants that are quite nice and interesting

      I would love being treated like a princess. Putting me on a pedestal would make me want to put him on a pedestal. Anything a man I loved wanted to give me, I return in my own way. I'd like for each of us to worship one another. That sounds ideal for me

  • lualesca
    "If you ask me out, then it is your responsibility to pay for a date" Couldn't agree more.

    "I'm not requesting you to take me to a five-star restaurant, but you better not be taking me to McDonald's either" LMAO this is where the entitlement begins.

    "I enjoy a wide range of food and activities, so you have a lot of options with me" Here comes the demands.

    " I don't go out to eat in general because I can't afford it" You can't afford to pay yourself food on a restaurant and yet you demand your dates to be able to do it. What a hypocrit.

    "If you make me split the check, then I might as well sit at my own table because it means you aren't thinking of yourself and me as an "us" Oh yeah fuck equality.

    "If you don't impress me, then you're just like every other guy out there" Same thing can be said about women, and the worst part is that women don't know how to impress men, at least real men.

    "I have a good guy friend who takes me out and helped me pay to fix my car, but I can't be attracted to him because I don't respect him as a romantic partner" This makes no fucking sense, you don't have to be in a romantic relationship with somebody to feel respect for them.

    "I can't respect him as a romantic partner because he is 34 and lives with a roommate" Oh i take that you live on your own, because if you don't, then you can't make such demand.

    "I have plenty of other options" The female population is higher than the male population in any part of the planet bitch, by definition we have many more options than you. Not counting the bunch of guys who turn gay, that leaves even more women for every straight guy out there.

    "I'd only go on a date with someone who would asked me out" And this is probably the reason, as stated on the first paragraph, why you are gonna remain single. And you should actually remain single or date a demanding woman just like you, just so you know what it feels like to date an entitle woman like you JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVE VAGINA.

    • I've actually never been on a date before. I'm not entitled. I simply wouldn't be able to respect a man who would make me pay on a first date

      I have been self-sufficient and lived on my own for over a year, so yes I can say that

      I'm prepared to be alone for the rest of my life. I wouldn't want to be with the wrong guy

      And I don't use my vagina for evil... i actually don't use it at all... Lol. Why are you yelling at it?

    • lualesca

      "I've actually never been on a date before."
      Not surprised.

    • Why? I'm a beautiful women. I get asked out all the time. I haven't gone on a date because I'm not going to use a guy or less him on if I know he's not the right one for me. I'm happy being single, so a guy would have to prove that he could improve my life if he wanted to be a part of it

    • Show All
  • NearlyNapping
    Oh Geez, this is horrible. This is major entitled princess.

    First of all let me say that by default I will always pay for the first date, and probably every date after that until we are "a couple".

    But the reasoning and entitlement attitude of this take is all wrong. The entire tone is "demanding". The entire tone is "I'm the woman and therefore you have to put me on a pedestal and kiss my ass."

    You say:
    "And if you dropped it on me when the check came that I had to split with you, then I would leave and you'd never hear from me again."

    If I took you out I would plan on paying. But if I found out that you expected me to pay, to the point that you didn't even bring any money with you, then *I* would be the one who would leave and you'd never hear from me again.

    There are girls who don't even bring any money on a date. That's too presumptuous. That's where the line is drawn between traditional courting as a fun game, and entitlement. If you don't even bring money, or demand that the guy pays, it's no longer fun courting, it's entitlement.

    It's really hard to say with limited words just what is so wrong with this take. That's because it's the tone that is so wrong. The tone is major entitled princess. You might find someone to play your game, but you will turn off a hell of a lot of guys in the mean time. But you probably don't care, because you are "all that" and deserve to be treated like a princess.

    You are not a princess. Traditional courting is a game. Two play that game, not just one. If that tradition calls for the man to pay. That traditional also calls for a little grace on the part of the woman. You have completely thrown any semblance of grace out the window.
    • lualesca

      As a man i expect the woman to offer to pay at least at the third or fourth date, if not then i will just bail out. Because there is no point in dating an woman who doesn't feel the need to reciprocate.

    • @lualesca
      I tend to agree with you. I don't like putting a number on it. But I think by the third or fourth date it's time to start loosening up a little. If by then if she doesn't at least make an offer then I'm going to start questioning her motives.

    • I'm not entitled. I'd love for a man to treat me like a princess. I'm not going to mess with a man whom I can't respect

      I'm only talking about the first date. We could so something else afterwards if it worked better.

      Just like you can't respect a girl who doesn't bring money to a date, I couldn't respect a man who made me pay. Having different definitions of respect doesn't make anyone entiteld

      I've actually never been on a date because I've never met a man I wanted to go on a date with. You're exactly right that I don't care, but for a different reason than you're accusing me of. I wouldn't want a man to treat me like a queen, and I'd treat him like a king in return. I simply require a man to act like a king before I'd be willing to treat him like one

    • Show All
  • Phoenix98
    Your not entailed to anything of mine and I am not obligated in anyway to pay for your food nor is it my responsibility to pay for you if we go out nor am I in anyway obligated to "man up for you" what you see is what you get and if you don't like it move along.

    If I choose to pay for you it's because I want to and because as a gentleman I am obligated to. But if anything because of that I don't need to impress you if anything you need to impress me and show me that your worth paying for or even asking out in the first place and since society dictates that I should ask you out and that it is in general the proper thing to do, it's up to you to show me that your worth spending money on or getting to know better.

    Also we are equal in the eyes of the law but that is the extent of it beyond that as individuals we are not equals you could be superior to me or I could be superior to you, who knows *shrugs*

    Also no one goes on 3-5 dates a week nobody that has a full time job and lives on their own has that kind of time or money, most guys would go on probably 2 actual dates a week if that.

    Look I am a old school, old fashioned guy and I have no problem spending money or time with a girl or respecting one but you have to show me that you are worth that and my respect has to be earned I don't give it away and I fully expect that I have to earn yours as well but don't be a bitch about it because if you act like I need to respect you because your a woman or feel your entitled to my respect you will not get it.

    • Thank you for politely disagreeing with me. All of the rude comments on here have only reinforced my belief that I need to wait for a kind, respectful, loving man.

      I agree woman need to do much better at impressing men. Sleeping around all the time only lowers respect (this from my manwhore ex-neighbor himself).

      I found a post somewhere on this site claiming that a guy couldn't afford 3-5 dates a week with different girls. I included it because that seems to be the mentality of guy on this site

      I don't expect respect for simply being a woman. I simply would expect respect from a romantic partner. Mark Manson, a dating coach asked 1,500 couples married over 10 years what the key was, and the most common thing said was respect. If a guy doesn't respect me early on, he won't respect me and we won't be together in 50 years

    • Phoenix98

      Of course.

      Mhmm.

      Well it's true for the most part for just everyone in general.

      While that is true you can't expect respect to just be given to you, you have to earn it, just like he does. If someone just gives it to you, then it isn't real respect.

    • I can agree to that as well. I wouldn't go out with a man I couldn't respect, so I'd already have showed him I respect him in some way or another before I agreed to go out with him

    • Show All
  • pavlove
    God, I hate you. Let's begin...

    None of your reasons for wanting a guy make any sense. Even the most naive guy can see it's your just trying to rationalize your desire to have a guy you aren't dating buy you things because you agreed to go on a date with him (again you're not dating) over other guys. you think you should be wined and dined like the woman you are. just say that instead of this crap about how you're here with us. we're there we know you're here with us but the point is so are we. we also chose to spend time with you. it's not all about you.

    no man on this site has said it's about not being able to afford it and yet thats mostly what you say in this. why? because you're trying to embarrass men on here and say we can't afford things when again no one said that. We just don't know why you're worth it when we aren't EVEN DATING YOU!

    and to comment on serial dating... not sure if this was aimed at me but A) girls do this all the time and B) dating for a man is different for a woman. You choose out of your offers to go out we choose based out of the girls who said yes who we actually want to go on a date with.

    Let me explain this to you one last time UNTIL YOU ARE DATING AND UNTIL YOU ARE IN A RELATIONSHIP YOU ARE NOT SPECIAL TO US AND YOUR DESIRE TO BE SPECIAL TO A COMPLETE STRANGER REVEALS HOW LITTLE SELF ESTEEM YOU ACTUALLY HOLD FOR YOURSELF AND SO THAT IS WHY MEN ARE STARTING NOT TO RESPECT WOMEN WHO EXPECT THEM TO PAY FOR THE FIRST DATE
    • You're not the only person who hates me, so your hate won't affect me one bit. If my points don't make sense to you, then you can ask for specific clarification and I will provide it to you

      Men disrespect women of low self-worth and standards. Contrarily to what you're insinuating here, men respect women of high self-worth and standards. It is a woman's choice whether she wants men to respect her or not

    • ANTI-CAPITALISTA

    • I want you to know, I downvoted this.

  • Tdieseler
    I should tell you to shut the hell up... but a little phrase in the beginning stopped me. This is based off of a guy asking a woman out. Still, this take should have ended after that Adam Sandler pic. Because everything after that is pure bullshit. My second to the last paragraph will sort this all out.

    I like your little irony here
    "I'm not a gold digger. I work 40 hours a week and hard for my money. But I also financially support myself, so I'm broke most of the time. I don't go out to eat in general because I can't afford it. When my friends invite me out to eat, they know they'll have to pay for my portion of it. 🤔 (anyone hear a shovel?)"
    So you aren't a gold digger but everyone has to pay for you... right?

    So what do you think guys are? An ATM? We dont work 40 (or more) hours for our money or financially support ourselves? any girl with this kinda mentality can kiss the darkest part of my ass. She ain't for me no way then. I make mine, you make yours, but i should spend mine while you keep YOURS? then after YOU decide to either leave or stay, most of the time leave...
    I had that stupid ass mentality when i was younger, trying to impress, spending hundreds on one date, just to say something she found "offensive" and vanished. Free food, free outing, free everything... fuck that. If im paying she doesn't get to pick the where. If she doesn't like where i pick, fine, she can pick, but she will be paying for her shit herself. I have a budget too, and my budget was for where i picked.😎
    The only thing i spend now is TIME. Everything is agreed upon mutually and so is the check.☺️

    I know this is geared towards men, and believe me, men dont mind paying cuz 97% of the time they hand out the invite. But being EXPECTED to pay, thats a little shitty. its funny because I've heard girls say things on dates like "dont think you are getting 'any' tonight"... hell, if i ain't getting any neither are you, here's your half.
    Its shitty to be expected to do something just because something else was done. and its girls that utter lines like those that require the most expensive dates.

    Guys like me have found way to go on dates without "asking" the girl on a date. So, everything goes 50/50 from then on out. I pay when i do the asking but its gotta be a hell of a girl and to be honest, those kind of girls are few and far between.
    • I'm not a gold-digger. I don't take advantage of my friends. They invite me out because they appreciate me and want to spend time with me. I don't ask them to pay for anything for me--they do it because they want to. And I graciously thank anybody for giving me anything. I don't expect anybody to give me anything--people give me things because they're decent and want to help me out

    • I don't think anything of men unless they prove something to me one way or another. Money in a marriage is for everyone involved, wife and husband and children. Someone who won't provide for a first date of his choosing can't be trusted to provide for his wife and children

      My whole point is that the man should pick because it's his choice where to go. I wouldn't tell him where to take me

      I'm a virgin, so sex would be off the table on a fist date. I'd only go on a date with a man who respected this about me and wouldn't waste the time of someone who wanted sex

      I agree that quality men and women are hard to find these days. If you go out with me and don't make it clear that it's a date, I would be upset because I hate when guys I think are friends suddenly spring it on me that they're trying to get with me. You have to assume romance to receive it

    • Tdieseler

      You must be a heck of a person then, or have some either extremely generous or rich friends. Over where im at, people are pinching pennies so hard people dont even wanna go for activities anymore.
      I have to say i walked into this take already irked, i absolute HATE it when people use the phrase "Man up"... just another term created by females to poke at the male ego to manipulate males into serving them, just a guilt trip. That shit doesn't work on me, once a female tells me to "man up"... i usually do the exact opposite... fuck em. You dont see me going "woman up"... no female has the right to tell a male what a male should do as i stated here:

      www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a33290-show-me-your-man-card-the-key-to-emulating-our-forefathers-part-i

      Because when we tell a female what a female should do, 10 times out of 10 she laughs in our face and does whatever.
      if a man wants to pay, he will, if he doesn't then oh well, after all, women wanted equality right? welcome to the effin Matrix. :)

    • Show All
  • hellionthesagereborn
    Now apply everything you said to yourself, would it be agreeable? I'm guessing not. Your with her, yes but she is with you so now where back to square one. She doesn't owe you and you don't owe her so again, where back to square one. If we are equals then the bill should be split and thus back to square one. You believe its the person who does the asking who should pay but then admit you would never ask as is the case of most all women thus making it by default that the man has to pay. Why not just say that then? If I am paying then we are not equals I am independent you are a dependent thats not my opinion but fact. So nothing you said was logical in any way as it does not hold up under any scrutiny. Here is what you say, I want the man to pay because thats what I want. Simple. Not every one will agree but at least you where upfront and honest. However the man can always counter that with "I don't care what you want" or stating that if he has to pay then you have to put out because fair is fair. What your arguing is that you want privilege BUT you don't want any responsibility for it, which is fine but don't act like its some how the mans fault for thinking less of you because of it. Either reciprocate in what ever fashion you are able (their was a time where women would actually show respect and appreciation for their man (imagine that, how times have changed) and that would more then likely be acceptable compensation for most men, or own your selfishness and don't blame men because they are tired of being used. Its really that simple.
    • Thank you for politely disagreeing with me. I would apply everything to myself if I asked a man out. I do agree that women should impress the men they want to be with. I'm happy being single, so I'd need a good reason to let a man into my life because he'd have to prove that he could improve it, therefore I don't need to ask men out. I started with saying this applies to girls who ask men out too

      And I disagree the whole equal thing on a first date. If one person asks another out, then the asker has more stake in it and more to lose. After the first date you can be equals, but you're not on the first

      I believe that asking someone out on a date means you owe them a date. Expecting your date to pay is not a date

      I'm not blaming men who are tired of being used. I said I felt bad for them

    • You said the person who asks out should pay but then as you and I both pointed out no woman has the intention to ask out a man ergo the man pays. So just say that the three biggest problems with your take and with this argument in general is that 1. Telling a man to man up and do what you want him to do is just absurd. Thats like a man saying women should just woman up and have sex with a guy without any expectations what so ever. No thats absurd, your telling a man to just give up his money and his effort to essentially hope at some point in time he may get something in return but probably not. Thats a piss poor investment, one which women would not make or argue that they should make. 2. Its lies, your statement is that you want to be equal while arguing why you should get a special privilege (him paying for your meal). No, either you are equals and you pay for your share and he his or your not equals and he pay and you submit to him.

    • 3. The one sidedness and quite frankly rather narcassistic aspect of the situation that being he should have to give up his money for you while you and every other woman gives nothing in return. I am not going to hand my money over simply because a woman demands it, whats in it for me? Thats the part you and women who make this argument constantly ignore, the fact that we are motivated by self interest and giving away my money to a woman may be in her self interest but it is not in mine. What is in it for me? Women are telling men that we are equals. . . except where they have to actually woman up and act like a woman and to give back to the man. Its like demanding a loan but arguing that you shouldn't have to pay it back. No one is going to agree to those terms.

    • Show All
  • martyfellow
    You are from the old school. Most guys your age are not old school.

    And the fact is, avoiding gold diggers is way up there in terms of reasons not to pay for the first date, and your objections to that don't hold water. Yes they have a 'particular air', and they are VERY common! A lot of guys have been burned, and those guys aren't going to listen to you.

    Modern guys, my dear, ALSO have options, it's not like 20 years ago where you'd be frozen out if you didn't pay for the girl.
    • You're absolutely right that I am old-school. My parents tried the new-school approach of divorce court, and my childhood would have been much more tolerable without it. My parents divorced when I was 18 months old, so I had to observe what a marriage was from TV. I watched a lot of Disney movies as a kid, so that really should be expected

      I can't agree with you more that most guys my age aren't old-school, but that's why I'm not attracted to them. I had my first kiss and crush this year with a 27-year old man. Modern guys can have all the options they want except me

      Maybe some guys can't spot gold-diggers as well as I can. But I already said I feel bad for them. I have been told that I'm both very good at reading people and difficult to read. Most people live up or down to my expectations. It's rare someone breaks my impression or expectations of them. (Like how I expected some people to insult me over this MyTake, it's the caboose there, hanging out with Pooh)

  • alphadoggystyle
    you're pathetic, and you dont deserve special treatment. I wish i could see you in the future after you have failed to find a man who is willing to do that for you, and you are starting to get desperate as you hit the wall (30+)
    • I'm perfectly OK with being alone for the rest of my life. I've actually never been on a date before because I don't need someone in my life who won't improve it.

      Would you mind giving me a wall to bang myself into? I prefer the pretty red brick ones with contrasting ivy growing up it

    • tyber1

      "I've actually never been on a date before" and the whole world is shocked. *Shocked* I tell ya.

    • you're gonna be miserable, most women cannot handle being alone in the long run.

    • Show All
  • Death_of_rats
    nope... sorry princess but im done pretending women should have special treatment, if she isn't willing to pay half on the first date then I won't be there.

    Why should I pay when I have no idea we will click afterwards?

    Im so sick of this selective equality BS, and have been much more successful dating wise since I've taken this stance.
    • I prefer traditional gender roles

      I'd only agree to go out with a guy I clicked with. I've only ever clicked with one guy, and I knew he was special when I saw him standing on the sidewalk

      You absolutely shouldn't pretend anything. If you don't believe it, then don't do it

  • Kuraj
    But you see darling, you aren't worth nowhere NEAR my money, I also have other options and I also want YOU to impress me.

    You could have impressed me by acting like you are NOT in fact the center of the universe, but you didn't.
    THAT is why you did not get paid for.
    • I agree that a woman needs to impress a man just as much as a man needs to impress a women. That's apparent in different ways

  • Joti_Harrison
    When did paying for a date become synonymous with showing respect to a woman? I used to pay for dates, but I got badly burned after paying for first dates and later finding out that she had little to no morals or value and it would be impossible to see a relationship in the future. Too many girls out there are just not worth paying for, there aren't that many classy ladies who deserve the classy dating style.

    Besides these modern days, women always try hard to prove they can do whatever a man can do, they don't need our money, and are always trying to compete with us, a lot of ladies even earn far higher than men nowadays. Maybe when I find a classy traditional lady, it would be a different story, but for now I'm sticking to splitting the bills until I see she has enough character or personality worth my time.

    I also have many girls dying to get a date with me because I am a high quality guy, and as much as I'd like to pay the bills, these modern days call for a different approach of doing things.
    • Yes! Finally someone whose opinion I can respect

      Paying for women used to be synonymous for respect. it's not anymore because most girls prefer to devalue themselves by having no standards and sleeping around. You're absolutely correct that most girls out there aren't worth paying for on the first date. Classy ladies are equally as hard to find these days as real men

      There's no reason you should waste your hard-earned money or time on women you're not compatible with or who don't respect you back

      High quality people are a rare commodity these days. That's why we're so valuable. People who can't live up to our expectations are jealous and resentful

  • Blueeyes81
    "If you don't think I'm worth more than money, then I have no problem finding someone else who does. I have plenty of other options than you (including being happily single), so I don't need to deal with you telling me that a few pieces of paper and metal are worth more than me."

    Precisely. That goes both ways. Not just the way that benifits you.
    • I agree with that completely. I don't want guys to waste their time with me when I know we're not compatible. I'd be glad if someone I wasn't compatible with moved on from me and found what he was looking for somewhere else

    • Blueeyes81

      So you are worth more than cash but your potential boyfriend is not? He shows respect by paying and you show respect by being a leech? You hold your date to standards you yourself can't even live up to. So how is any of that showing respect in any way, shape or form? To me this whole take came across as princess syndrome where you feel entitled to certain things simply because you have a vagina and a pleasant demeanor. Best of luck in getting that first date and even more luck getting a second.

    • No. If I loved a man, then he would be worth more to me than all of the money in the world

      I'd expect him to pay for the first date, but I'd give him everything after that, all that and more. I'd give him things money can't buy

      I'm not entitled. Everything that I have is because I earned it

      I certainly don't have princess syndrome. I'd want to be treated like a queen in a relationship, but I'd treat him like a king in return

      I'm a virgin. My vagina has nothing to with this

      I've had plenty of offers, but all ones I can refuse. I'm happy being single. I'd only go out with a man if he could prove that he could improve my life.

    • Show All
  • SpecialAgentStone
    I wonder what would happen if I were to write a MyTake on "Why a woman should woman up and put out on a first date" and came up with all sorts of ridiculous arguments to rationalize it, such as "I'm worth more than your virginity", "you should impress me" and "you're paranoid if you think men just use you for sex."

    Wanna bet I'd be called a sexist, chauvinist pig?
    • Tony1974

      You sexist, chauvinist pig!

      (I meant that as a compliment)

    • Go ahead. Nobody is stopping you and you're entitled to your own opinion. I'd enjoy reading a sensible take on that

    • lualesca

      I actually want you to do that. I will pay you, i will create questions and always select your opinion as MHO. Please do it.

  • Cosytoasty
    But are you not a gold digger if you're broke and only go out when someone else pays? That's the definition of gold digger. You then call women who can ACTUALLY afford nice things... gold diggers rofl. Surely if they have that stuff, they don't need a man's money.

    Dafuq is that logic lol?

    So you had a stressful childhood, can I ask if you had a father figure growing up?
    • No because I graciously thank my friends for taking me out. I mostly get free drinks from the club anyway because the owner has a thing for me. My friends pay when it's slow and he's not giving out anything free. Half the time I don't even drink. A night out costs me $5.

      No woman who buys her own things is a gold digger. That's the opposite of a gold digger because they've earned what they've bought

      I didn't know my father until I was fifteen. I lived with him for three years. He was just as worthless of a piece of shut as my mother. I haven't talked to him in three years or her in six. I moved halfway across the country to get away from them. Best thing I ever did for myself. I only have three relatives that I'm on speaking terms with

    • tyber1

      "No woman who buys her own things is a gold digger. That's the opposite of a gold digger because they've earned what they've bought"

      But you just further proved that you aren't earning things. You just added fuel to the argument that you're taking advantage of people for free stuff.

    • @tyber1
      I appreciate and accept gifts from people. They know I won't be able to pay them back, but give to me anyway because they appreciate me. I never ask for charity. My friends give it to me because they're decent people and understand how hard I work (we're all coworkers, so I make their jobs easier for them).

      Everything I have is because I've earned it. I'm broke because all of my money goes towards bills to keep myself off the streets

      I've never been on a date because I'm not going to take advantage of guys I know I'm not compatible with. I'm definitely not a gold digger

    • Show All
  • cavmanier
    When you said, "But you asked me out because you wanted to spend time with me and get to know me, so your choice, you pay" and then said, "The whole point of a date is two people going out and getting to know each other because we're romantically interested in each other" did you mean he should pay because he's the one interested and wants to get to know you? Then you said you're both romantically interested in each other. Does the guy pay because only he wants the date? I don't understand.
    • Pretty much. Whoever asks pays for the date they offered to take someone on. A woman who asks a man out should pay for him. This applies to gay and lesbians relationships as well where both partners are the same gender

      I would only go out with a man I could respect and was romantically interested in, but I will only ever be romantically interested in a guy who shows me his romantic interest in me first. I am perfectly happy being single, so a man would have to prove he can improve my life for me to agree to go on a date with him.. Otherwise we're friends or aquaintances

    • cavmanier

      What's the reason or logic why the asker would pay though? Does the asker supposedly want to go on the date more? Is the person going doing them a favor so the money is incentive or like a bribe to go?

    • A relationship is a PARTNERSHIP, not an entitlement program. Neither side should expect compensation for spending time with their partner. Do you how fucking absurd that sounds?

    • Show All
  • Lopezz1999
    Allow me to ask you this. How likely is it for a girl to ask a guy out that they wouldn't mind paying for? As for most guys that pay for girls, they aren't doing so to impress you. They are most trying to be a gentleman since they like you enough to ask you out on a date. If you, the girl were to ask a dude out, I highly doubt that would would expect him to pay for the first date, since you already like him. In my experience men must initiate all first dates with any woman that he is interested in. If a man pays for the woman to impress her on the date, he is going out with you for the wrong reason, and he made the mistake of not impressing you before the date, in which he would have had the chance for the woman to pay for her own time and enjoyment. Surely you would never expect a guy that you like to pay for you and himself, so since he did not impress you before the date, build up attraction between you two, appear to be a self respecting man that wouldn't waste time on an insignificant girl who expects the guy to pay for the date even when the odds of hooking up are hurting him by paying, you're going to expect him to pay for you every time. That's simply because you sense that he values you more than you value him. More experience dand self respecting men would never submit to paying for a woman that he would probably never see again for very obvious reasons. Women may or may not know this, but this is why women would only be inclined to pay for self respecting men, the men that they would actually like to see again. Same rules apply for both genders, and this is another reason why men pay for dates: to see the woman again. Unfortunately most men are at a disadvantage with many male/female double standards such as who gets to pay for dates. It is already highly unlikely that the girl would initiate a first date even if she is interested in someone, so why MUST a guy pay for your time just because he decides to initiate the date and treat you like the receptive woman that you are portraying yourself to be?
    • Lopezz1999

      Im also fully aware that I'm in the mist of a post carrying fully grown adults, so please spare me the unsatisfaction on holding back genuine thoughts only because I'm under 18 years of age

    • Thank you for putting real thought into this. If you look at my profile, you'll see that o don't think she means anything either

      In MyTake, I clearly specified that the asker should pay. If a girl asks a guy out, she pays. This applies to gay and lesbian relationships where both partners are same gender

      Most girls are too scared to ask guys out, so that is much less likely, yes. I don't ask guys out because I'm happy being single. My first date will be with a man who will improve my life

      I certainly wouldn't expect him to pay everytime, only if he wants to. By offering a first date, you are making a promise to provide, impress and pay for that date. Not paying is breaking a promise. I'd need trust in a relationship, so this would e the only promise a guy would break on me

    • And most of these "full-grown adults" here aren't mature enough to be real men or women

    • Show All
  • Izumiblu
    This seems way overly complicated...

    Really simple, until someone is in a long term relationship, the invitee pays. It's just respect, thats how you treat a guest.

    If its really that big of a deal to you that you insist on splitting costs at every meal then you and i aren't compatible. Its a money management thing. Im not going to sweat every last dollar or meal, i dont want to be around someone that will, it just doesn't work for me. This isn't a judgement of who is better or worse, right or wrong, its just what i prefer. In a relationship things should roughly balance out, but im not going to keep a ledger, im not going to sit down at every meal and tally up the costs to figure out who owes what. Not gonna happen. so if this is important to you, do us all a favor and let us know up front. Some women will be fine with it, others won't, save us both a regrettable night out and lets filter beforehand.

    Who needs to go out 3- 5 times a week? I mean really, if you can't afford it, dont go, you shouldn't be going unless you can pay whether or not you actually end up paying.
    • Bandit74

      How do you recomened the guys phrases it if he wants to let them know upfront?

    • Izumiblu

      @Bandit74 Fair question, im not really concerned by it, it wouldn't offend me no matter how you put it. It wouldn't make me upset or anything like that short of you being insulting to me... you know like "hey bitch be sure and and bring some cash"... that probably wouldn't go over so well. Just treat people with respect and expect the same in return, though we both know you won't always get respect, but then you just found out one more person you wouldn't be compatible with anyway so consider it a success.

    • Bandit74

      "hey bitch be sure and and bring some cash"
      Lol, darn that was actually my first choice =.=

      Seriously tho, I agree that it is probably better to find out if it's going to be a problem sooner rather than later, but I don't know how to phrase it in a way that doesn't come across as awkward or confrontational :/

    • Show All
  • Hopefuldreamer8
    So because you can't afford to pay for yourself, you expect everyone else to? You seem extremely entitled. I'd hate to be your friend if I knew I had to pay for you too while we went out. You're a grown woman and you should be able to take care of yourself. This isn't just about guys having to pay for you, you think everybody should pay for you just because you don't make enough. You are a gold digger.

    • I don't expect anyone to pay for anything for me. My friends and coworkers give me gifts because they're decent people, respect me for all I do for them, and want to help me out because they know how hard I work. I have plenty of friends that I'm not in need of your friendship. I do take care of myself. I am financially independent and everything I have is because I've earned it. This MyTake is about how there are more important things than money. I don't expect men to buy me anything. I simply expect that when I start dating, man will cover the cost he incurs for the date of his choice. I make enough to support myself because I know how to live within my means. I don't make enough money to buy lunch at work, so I don't eat lunch, because I'm responsible. I can't possibly be a gold-digger because I've never taken money or bribes from men or ever taken advantage of a man. I have never been on a date because I have enough respect not to lead them on. I can't possibly be a gold-digger

  • Luci92
    This is complete bullshit, females like you make the rest of us look bad.
    SPLIT THE GODDAMN BILL and be done with it already.
    • you'd think that'd be a logical thing by 2016, right

    • Luci92

      @Deconstruction Yeah ikr? Even paying for what you eat... like it's fking logical.

    • You're absolutely right. Women with standards make girls without standards look terrible

    • Show All
  • fuuuark
    So you say you have lots of options, yet by your own admission you are a 21 year old virgin whom has never been on a date? Either you are lying about these options, or you are an entitled little princess that overvalues her worth, and men would do well to avoid you. Let me tell you something, women have more sexual value then men, but women have far less dating value your worth and continue with your entitlement complex, you will end up alone and only be considered good for a quick shag.
    • amphet11

      *You over value your worth

    • fuuuark

      Yes that's what i meant, *if you over value your worth an continue your entitlement complex, you will end up alone. This site sucks for mobile, writing sentences that don't make sense.

    • I do have plenty of options. I prefer to be single because I enjoy being single and I'll only let someone into my life who can improve it. I see people on here complaining about their problems with insecure girls who don't value their own worth, so be my guest if you want a stressful, makeup -breakup relationship with an insecure girl

      I don't have an entitlement complex. I work hard for the things I have. Everything I have is because I earned it. I don't mooch off other people. I graciously thank anybody who give me anything for free

    • Show All
  • JustCallMeLeon
    Sorry but i dont agree on most of this. "You asked me out"? "I want to be impressed"? "I can't afford 3-5 dates a week"? Your logic system seems like a bitchy rude bimbo girl's logic. We are equals. Wonen are also hunters. If you can't afford it then get a job kid. Lol. Sorry but all this sounds childish.
    • I have a job. All of my money goes towards bills to keep myself alive and off the streets

      I'm not expecting guys to ask me out. I simply would expect them to pay if they did

      I read a comment on this site about a guy saying he couldn't afford 3-5 dates a week. I wasn't pulling that our of thin air

    • So you're saying just because you can't afford paying for dates, guys should pay your share too? And yes. A guy searching for a girl can't afford paying every time. Its ridiculous. Plus if you think this way then you are viewing yourself as an object that people have to pay in order to date.

    • Not at all. I would simply expect him to pay for the first date if he asked me. We can trade off after that. Since I can't afford to take him to dinner, I'd fix him a nice one at home instead

      I don't understand all of this searching for someone that everyone does. If you see somebody you like and are attracted to, then ask them out. But searching is a definite turnoff to me because it means you're desperate for emotional connection and not secure enough in yourself to be independent

      I view myself as a person whom I would've admired as a child. I don't view myself as an object. And I already said that I'm worth more than money. I would only be compatible with a man who agreed

    • Show All
  • Mrwoo99
    I will only pay for a woman if we both sign a contract agreeing that I am guranteed sex after dinner and that you don't blow me off for some other dude 😊.

    Deal? Other than that pay for your own shit you ponse. If you don't like what equality brings then get back in the kitchen.
    • I absolutely wouldn't blow a guy off for another. I believe in monogamy. I'm a virgin, so the sex thing wouldn't be guaranteed

      I would love to cook for a man I could love and respect, release some oxytocin in his brain for me

  • bedroomdweller
    "The one who invites pays"... Okay
    "That's why I never invite, they should invite ME".
    baha yeah they should. You are the one with a pussy so I guess we all shall lower our heads and praise your holy, oh so holy vagina.
    lol the only reverence you will get from me is a gtfo here with that garbage. You are surely paving yourself a bright path to be living in your 30's with a bunch of cats. I hope they pay for your food by then. ttyl
    • Actually I plan to have 17 cats by the time I'm 30. Being a crazy old cat lady is my goal. I don't date. I wrote this Take as a hypothetical scenario for if I ever found a guy I considered worth dating.

      I would rather you not worshipped any part of my body. Thank you

  • WalterRadio
    Yes, the guy should absolutely pay for dates. If the guy can't afford it, then the girl needs to find a different guy.

    One thing you touched on that I will add to, the value of time.

    Too many women who do not know what money is, because they've never had it, also have no concept of the value of time. If your date makes $400k/yr and is showing you a world you could only dream of, then you had better be on time. His time is far more valuable than yours. There are people trying to get ten or fifteen minutes of his time all day, every day, and if he sets aside a few hours for you, realize that means something. Some of those people would literally pay you for your slot. Keep that in mind.

    I have never had this problem with women who are in difficult college majors (like chemistry) or those in graduate school (like pursuing an MD or PhD), but for others, it is not obvious to them. They also have no idea that if they are more than a few minutes late, the date is over and they will never get a second chance.
    • Thank you for posting your honest opinion. I've seen enough from you on this site to realize that you and I come from two extremely different worlds, but we only have a lot of the same views that I wouldn't necessarily expect

      I absolutely agree that a woman needs to be on time to her date. That's part of how she can impress her man, and he should feel disrespected if she is late

      I however disagree that your time is more valuable than hers simply based on you making more money. I believe each person should view the other person's time as having as much value as their own in order to develop and maintain a healthy relationship.

      But I understand your view here is because you value women who make a lot of money higher than women who don't. I'd be a girl you'd only want to qualify as worth having sex with due to my income level. That disrespect is why we would never be compatible. I need a man who respects everything about me, especially what I manage with my financial position

    • "what I manage with my financial position"
      One of the things I often do with women who are financially struggling is to sit down with them and get them on the right track with detailed financial advice, that I specifically make for their personal situations.

      One of the big differences between rich people and poor ones, is that the former know how to manage money, and the latter lets it flow through their fingers. Rich parents usually teach their kids how to manage money. Poor parents don't know themselves.

      I can't take an average 20 year old college student and teach her how to become a millionaire by 35, but I can for by the time she is 50.

      What I teach is not worth the just value of a few meals and trips, but can be worth hundreds of thousands of dollars over their working careers.

    • No, the man should not absolutely pay for dates. There are no absolutelys. The only absolute is that you are sexist and think men should be in money power and pay.

    • Show All
  • Unit1
    I agree with everything, what RJGraveyTrain said!

    If we were to man up, then you should woman up too and spread your legs tonight for us. It's traditional, remember?
    • Traditional women wait for sex. I'm still a virgin, so yeah, I'm traditional

      Modern women are the ones who spread their legs on the first night. I have more self-respect

  • chigurl33
    I don't like anyone paying for me unless you took me out somewhere and I can't afford it. I actually had to pay for a friend once since he only had his atm on him and their pos wasn't working... luckily I had some cash on me. Money isn't such a big issue that it makes or breaks relationships for me.
    • chigurl33

      I think I'm most offended with the phrase 'man up' aactually... I've been wondering what put me off about the whole article

    • I specifically used those words for the title as Clickbait because I wanted people to read it. A lot of people won't read things online with a lot of words in them, so I had to give people a reason to want to read it. I didn't really think anyone would comment here because they wouldn't actually read it, but I got more than I expected. Lol

      Personally I think paying for your lady is a manly thing to do. Paying for your date is respectful and respect is the number one key to a long-term relationship

    • chigurl33

      It just boils down to love languages... I'd prefer you spending a few fun hours with me anyways over buying me dinner. You make your money, you keep it. If you ask, the least I can do is pay for my food. But that's just my opinion.

  • cth96190
    Or, the man can stay home and not interact with women.
    He gets to keep his house, his retirement savings and his future income. He will not have to pay child support, or spousal support.
    He will also be much less likely to be be accused of sexual harassment, or become the target of a fake rape allegation.
    • Yup. That is always an option.

      Unless most girls these days, I'd never falsely accuse someone of trying to rape me. That's mostly from girls who have had regrettable one-night stands. I'm a virgin, so I don't even fall into that category

  • TMarissaWL
    Hahahaha girl you're going to be single for life with your ridiculous self-entitled views
    • I'm perfectly happy being single. I don't need anyone in my life who wouldn't improve it.

      All of this nonsense of people assuming I'm not single by choice is funny. I have more options than anybody I know

    • TMarissaWL

      Yea and guys have options too. More so than they have ever had in... pretty much forever. The moment they get a semblance of a gold digger (even if you're not), they will peace it

    • I'm glad for it. I don't want a guy who isn't willing to put effort into me. That was basically what this while thing was about. That would make us incompatible and neither of us needs to waste our time on the other. A guy who isn't willing to put effort into me on the first date isn't going to be willing to put effort into me 20, 30, 50 years down the road. I'm interested in a long-term relationship, not hooking up for "handcuffing season "

    • Show All
  • Deconstruction
    TLDR;

    Why I believe I am entitled to anything I want, without having to give things in return.

    Way to be an entitled bitch.
    • I would give a guy everything I could if I could love him and he could love me. I will definitely make my first date worth it for a guy. I've been saving it for the perfect one

  • Derpyy
    I've been invited on dates plenty of times. Sometimes they offered to pay, sometimes they didn't. Who cares? Like, seriously, why does this matter? I pay for my own stuff (when they aren't super insistent), and I prefer it that way. I don't want the other person to be thinking all night, "Man, I hope she isn't TOO hungry tonight. I don't have much on me. I just really wanted to see her, but I happened to be hungry too..." Why? Because they didn't come to spend all their hard earned money on me. They invited me because they genuinely wanted to spend time with me. That shouldn't have a price tag on it. I will always prefer to go dutch, be they friend, family, or lover.

    If this "social norm" was somehow regulated, you can't bet I'd rarely invite anyone out! My interest/respect should not be gauged on how much money I throw in your face. I'm not a sugar mama.
    • Thank you for politely disagreeing with me. If more posts on here were like yours, I might consider revising my stance. But I've seen the true colors of guys who make girls pay on dates today and that has only reinforced my beliefs

      I think you should pay if you want to and shouldn't pay if you don't. It sounds like you've got what you want worked out and are happy with it, so that's great for you

    • Derpyy

      Hm. But if you don't pay because you don't want to, then why can't he have that say as well?

    • I've never been on a date before. I wouldn't pay because it would help rule out guys who aren't going to put effort into me. Relationships are hard work and you have to put an exorbitant amount of effort into one if you want it to work out in the long term. A guy who doesn't pay on the first date is proving he doesn't have what it takes for the long-haul

      He absolutely has the choice. I don't ask guys out, expecting a free meal from them. By asking me out, he is making the choice to pay for whatever date he wants to take me on. If he doesn't want to pay for me to go on a date with him, then he can choose not to ask me out in the first place. I wouldn't feel like I was missing out on him because this just means we wouldn't be compatible, and we could both move on to better people for ourselves

    • Show All
  • TheRebelReturns
    "I have other options"
    "I want you to impress me"
    "I'm worth more than money"
    "You're too stressful"

    LOL. Entitled much? This is why most men don't even bother with women anymore, they just expect things to be handed to them because they're "Worth it" or because they need to be "Impressed."

    I don't care about impressing anyone, if you want to be impressed go date Daddy Warbucks, Annie.

    As for being worth it? How the fuck do I know you're worth it if it's the first date. At the most I'm paying for coffee and/or a drink and that's it. If there's a second date then maybe it'll be a step up but y'all need to build a bridge and get over yourself. No one's entitled.
    • I don't mess with men because I know they won't treat me right

      Aaaaw. I loved Annie as a child because I looked just like her and always hoped some nice man would adopt me. Thank you for reinforcing my fantasies

      You'd know I was worth it if you met me in person. There's no way to prove it over the internet, and frankly no use

  • BertMacklinFBI
    you had to bring mcdonalds into it.

    tf is wrong with mcflurries?
  • JohnDoe3000
    I'm glad I live in a place where it's normal to split the bill. But then again I'll never ask out a spoiled princess like OP anyway.
    • Which country are you in? I'm in Europe and splitting the bill on first dates is the norm here, not an exception.

    • @SpecialAgentStone

      Netherlands and it's the same here.

    • Why do you assume I'm a spoiled princess? I've actually never been on a real date before, so it's not like I'm mooching off guys anyway. I've had lunch with a few coworkers and taken a few free drinks here and there, but I haven't agreed to the whole romantic date thing yet

      And like I said, you're not my type anyway. I have plenty of other options, so your post won't keep me up at night

    • Show All
  • TylerAaron921
    Wow. I'm betting with an attitude like that you get a lot of second dates. "I financially support myself"? Reality check, guys have bills to pay as well.
    • I've never even been on a first date. I'm sure I'd easily manage a second of if I ever tried a first one out

      I never said anything about men not having their own bills. I respect men who pay all of their own bills more than those who boars with their parents or a roommate

  • Words_and_Wisdom
    Sorry princess, you're not entitled to a free meal. Pay your own shit because your time is no more valuable than mine. If us guys are culturally forced to take the initiative to get a date with you then you need to pucker up and pay for your own shit on the first date.

    Otherwise, if you think guys should pay for the first date because they asked you out, then you should fuck them on the first date. Fair is fair right? /sarcasm
    • I've actually never been on a date and I'm a virgin, so none of that is going to happen anytime soon. Why do you assume I'm a princess? I live on my own and am completely self-sufficient. I work hard to support myself

      And I know I'm not entitled to a free meal. If I can't afford dinner, then I go to bed hungry. When someone give me something for free, I'm always gracious

  • Itsmeyay
    Your opinion and view should be respected Yes and so does the opinion and view of every other person that shows respect. And I personally think your views are not that bad, what I don't agree with is the heading. Something more along the lines of "why you should pay when you ask him or her on a date" seems more fitting in reality. I say that because in reality everyone is equal at the moment. From your perspective It seems you would agree even in terms of personal believes, written law, unspoken law, etc, in America. So why assume that the guy should always ask the woman out? That should also fall away, yes guys do because we are "natural hunters" or because it's natural, or expecpected, or because we want to Impress, and please keep in mind that I personally also agree with me paying and making first moves and and and. But why judge the people that do or expect it the other way around? Why focus on why the guy has to pay. It seems fair that every person should drop their expectations of men and woman in general, and focus on a man or a woman and go for what your personal preferences are. Instead of saying why men should pay, say why I want a man to pay for me. And in return we should respect your values. My point? The answer to this question in my mind is if a woman asks a man out she should pay, if a man asks a woman out he should pay unless you have less than original or very detailed expectations then you should discuss it with the person you want to date or who wants to date you beforehand. Peace.
    • Thank you

      I used the words "Man Up" in the title specifically as clickbait to get people to read it. This is my first MyTake and I honestly didn't expect anybody to read it due to how long it is

      I'm happy being single, so a man would have to prove that he can improve my life in order for me to want him to be a part of it. This means he would have to ask me out. I agree that women should be more comfortable asking men out, but most are too scared. I have considered writing a MyTake on why men should ask girls out that outlines the main reasons why girls are too scared. Part of this is because it is more socially acceptable for a guy to be rejected than a girl. But I wrote at the beginning that I believe all women who ask men out should pay for the first date

      If someone disagrees with me, they are welcome to voice it, but insulting me isn't going to change my mind. My beliefs have only been reinforced as guys who refuse to pay for dates are judgmental, immature, and rude AF

  • Prof_Don
    Many guys support themselves too, and you expect them to carry your financially as well?

    The power of division is a real thing! Splitting the bill means nobody feels financially obligated to one another.
    • I absolutely do not expect a man to carry me financially. I a financially independent. if a man I loved wanted me to keep my job, I would, but if he preferred to have me keep house and doll myself up for him everyday when he comes home from work, I'd oblige him in a heartbeat

      I agree most people should split after the first date if that's what both sides desire. A relationship consists of two people providing for each other. Some people might have a different direction of provision than others--nothing wrong with that

      I wouldn't go out with a man who felt like paying for me was an obligation. I don't want to be in a relationship with someone who stresses out about little costs. I'd only go on a date with a real man who wanted to pay for me because he respects me and wants to love and take care of me

  • brain5000
    In a rare and unlikely turn of events, the original post is a sad reflection on the state of humanity, while the comments give me hope for humankind.
    • brain5000

      Also, I would never date someone who tells me I need to "man up"

    • I'm glad I indirectly helped rekindle your hope for mankind. I haven't had faith in humanity since... oh wait -- I've never had faith in humanity. Oops

  • yotes-of-472
    Why is it assumed that the asker pays for the date? He could be jobless and rather just hang out or be thankful there's a woman that breaks the mold and pays.

    Why does money need to be on a first date? Maybe they can date where no money is needed.

    Well, most people may think you pay for yours and I pay for mine.
    • I included that option in MyTake, but most people seem to have skipped over it. If all he can afford is a picnic in the park, then I'd find that equally as romantic as a five-star restaurant. Having a guy take me out to a place he couldn't afford would be a turnoff for me because that means he's irresponsible with money.

      I'm financially independent and live on my own. Everything I have is because I've earned it. A guy who has debt or lives above his means is irresponsible. Responsiblity is an attractive trait

      If a guy wants to take me to a date where no money is needed and still have it be romantic and impress me, then he gets bonus points for being frugal and creative

    • Why does he have to have money? Why can't you pay since you're the one with money and responsible?

    • If he takes me somewhere that costs money, then he has to pay. If he can come up with a respectable date that doesn't cost any money, I'd be fine with that. He'd even get bonus points for being creative and frugal

    • Show All
  • RedThread
    I think whoever offers to take the other person out should either pay or they can split the costs regardless of gender.

    If not then...
    https://i.imgur.com/60URcg8.gif
    • If you read MyTake, you'd see that I agree this applies to women who ask men out as well. The person who asks is responsible for taking their date on an actual date. This applies to gay and lesbian couples as well, not just men asking women out. I geared this towards men because I don't ask men out

      Rorshack is my second favorite comic-book-turned-movie antihero. Of course Deadpool is my favorite

  • Chico_brah
    Some dudes might praise you girls and put you on a pedestal solely because of that. Certainly not me. You aren't to be privileged or to of earned my respect because you're a girl. Paying for a girls date is insinuating that she is doing you a favor. No, we are both adults. I'm observing you too. You have to work to impress me as well.

    Can't stand the entitlement. There are plenty of dumbass disgusting whores at my university that will never get the time of day from me. If you reject them, then they ask if you are gay. Lmfao. Nah bitch, you got rejected because you're fat and smoke weed all day.

    For those reasons, I will not pay for you food. Be a fucking adult and pay for your own shit. You are not entitled to my money and you are not a fucking princess. You'd be lucky to receive a text from me..
    • I thought you liked banging sloots all day?

      That money you got from the government for school was technically my money, because I'm a taxpayer

      I do pay for all of my own shit unless someone offers to give me something. I consider asking someone out on a date to be offering them a free date.

      LMFAO. I have a healthy weight and have never smoked weed. I don't get rejected because I don't ask guys out. I'm the one who' does the rejecting

    • Chico_brah

      "I thought you liked banging sloots all day? "

      So yes, I have a girlfriend now. If having sex prior to terminates any validity in my opinion, then I would like to ask the question as to why and how.

    • Chico_brah

      "I do pay for all of my own shit unless someone offers to give me something. I consider asking someone out on a date to be offering them a free date."

      Yes, but let's discuss what you said if they don't "offer" you free shit... You stated that you wouldn't look at him as a "real man" So that offering in your head, is an obligation, thus you are expecting someone else to pay for your shit. If he doesn't pay for your meal... then isn't real man to you. That sort eliminates the definition of "offer"... wouldn't you say? That in itself is an 'obligation'. Men in your eyes, have an obligation to pay for your shit... This isn't that hard to logically grasp here. So you being a woman, feel that you are inherently deserving of the privilege and special treatment of men buying your meals... with the only variable being that you are a woman. That by it's very definition, is entitlement. You can't just make up the definitions of words as you go to make it fit your narrative.

    • Show All
  • Righttobeararms83
    This harks back to when women used to put out when a guy bought her a steak dinner. Your take didn't give any good reason why a gay pay, its 2016 not 1950. Its sexist to expect a guy to fulfill an expected gender role. To be honest if an adult woman couldn't pay for her half of a meal im not sure I would date her.
    • You're entitled to your own opinion. I agree that you should want a girl who is compatible with you. If being able to pay for her half of the dinner is compatible with you, then go find some rich bitch who's right up your alley

      I'm a virgin, so there is going to be no sex on the first date, sorry

    • Actually I don't have to find a rich bitch any more than yoy have to find a rich geezer. Im already married. That's good hold on to your virginity until you find the guy yoy will marry, virgin women are more likely to marry.

  • genericname85
    in my opinion there´s a distinction between "inviting" somebody and "asking somebody out". what you said counts for "invitations" by my definition not for dates.
    • Thank you for respectfully disagreeing with me. That's what this whole hoopla of people going around insulting everyone is about. We all have different views of what a date is, entails, and isn't. There's nothing wrong on any side for someone having a different view. Variety is the spice of life

    • i mean i´d still try to pay for her but i´d kind of hope that she wants to split the bill. that´s kind of a partner test for me xD if she doesn´t even try to split the bill, she fails :P it´s not about the money. it´s about the message.

      i know that more conservative people expect a guy to pay on the fist date and i see why. i don´t see it as a bad thing but it´s just not my preference.

    • I understand your view. If you want a relationship with a girl who is your fiscal partner, then it makes sense that you'd want her to split the bill

      I don't care how much money a guy makes and I don't consider money to be an important factor in a relationship. All I ask is that he loves within his means and can spend his money responsibly

      I agree that it' about the message, not the money. You and I differ on the messages we want

      You're entitled to your preference and you shouldn't have a problem finding a girl in today's world who is willing to meet your expectations

    • Show All
  • JulieXO
    He may have asked you out, but you agreed to go, which suggests that you're at least somewhat interested in him. Nobody is forcing you to be there. Why should he pay for your company? What are you, a prostitute? If you weren't ready to pay for your food, you shouldn't have gone to eat. The fact that you went with a guy doesn't change anything.
    • I've never agreed to go on a date, so no I haven't been interested in anyone. I turn down guys I'm not interested in. I haven't requested anybody pay for my company or time nor have I accepted the offers I've been given. I'm a virgin, not a prostitute. I don't go out to eat unless people offer to pay because I know I can't afford it. I've never gone with a guy

      It doesn't sound like you consider a date to be a special occasion. I don't go around sleeping with every guy who tells me I'm beautiful. I would only go out with someone I was very interested in and could see myself with long-term. So yes, going out with someone on a date would be much different for me than going out with my friends. And my friends pay for me anyway because they love to hang out with me, so it doesn't make sense to expect anything less from someone trying to court me

  • jp612612
    I always pay for all dates, including the first date. But the thing is, the reason why I do this isn't out of traditional roles or chivalry -- it's because I worry that the woman is going to be like the asker. The asker is the type of person who would stiff the waiter on the tip and for some reason, I find that incredibly embarrassing.
    • I wasn't asking a question. I wrote an opinion on a hot topic

      Why do you assume I would stiff a waiter? Many of my friends and relatives work or have worked as waiters and waitresses. I always tip 20% when I do go out to eat. Just because I can't afford to go out to eat very often doesn't mean I stiff my servers

      There's nothing wrong with feeling embarrassed when you're with someone who doesn't tip well. Not tipping your servers is rude, and people who don't are not respectable

      I wouldn't be able to respect a man who didn't tip well. Tipping well and treating people in the service industry kindly is a respectable thing to do and proves that you're a good person of quality, integrity, and Morals. I would consider you to be someone respectable who mans up

  • mostwomenshouldstfu
    No McDonalds? You don't like Mcflurries? Most of the fried crap is bad for you but their sugared treats are generally as good as store bought.

    Not that big of a friggin deal, but for first dates with someone I hardly know, I prefer a modest lunch or something not over $10 per person so if the girl wants to pay her portion, she can. But she doesn't have to. I've heard some girls feel uncomfortable accepting stuff from guys they don't end up liking and taking them somewhere above their paygrade on a first date can put them in awkward positions (I'd feel same way if roles were reversed). So I like to give options if we are strangers. And if she is a gold digger, I'll probably pick up on that, pay for the d*** meal if she won't, and do a better job of screening who I ask out next time. And maybe give her a slight rebuke for her two faced behavior. Ask to get a good picture of her too.

    Plus if a girl can only have a good time in upscale restaurants and can't relax with a guy in a park for free, she's probably not for me. Nothing wrong with preference. Date is about making a girl feel relaxed, as you said, not stressed out. Create an obligation free environment so she can be herself.
    • I agree with everything you said. I love McFlurries, but McDonald's isn't a respectable date for adults. (Teenagers yes). I'd find a picnic in the park romantic

      I've actually never been on a date before. I'm not going to use guys for dates if I know we're not compatible

      I've never been to a fancy restaurant because I grew up poor (and still am). The nicest place I've been was a sushi restaurant, and it gave me terrible indigestion. Honestly, I'd probably feel uncomfortable in a 5-star restaurant, but I'd still be impressed if a man took me to one