Why You Should Man Up and Pay For the First Date

Paying for dates has been a hot topic here on GAG and there's been a lot of animosity towards the opposite gender over it. My view is based on a man asking a woman out. If the woman asks a man out, then she is responsible for paying for the first date, but I'd only go on a date with someone who would asked me out, so I'm gearing this towards men.

Why You Should Man Up And Pay For The First Date

Why You Should Pay

You Asked Me Out

If you ask me out, then it is your responsibility to pay for a date. I'm not requesting you to take me to a five-star restaurant, but you better not be taking me to McDonald's either. I enjoy a wide range of food and activities, so you have a lot of options with me. It is your choice as to where we go and how much you want to spend, so we can go to a nice little Mexican restaurant or Disneyland or a picnic in the park, depending on your budget. But you asked me out because you wanted to spend time with me and get to know me, so your choice, you pay.

I Can't Afford It

Why You Should Man Up and Pay For the First Date

I'm not a gold digger. I work 40 hours a week and hard for my money. But I also financially support myself, so I'm broke most of the time. I don't go out to eat in general because I can't afford it. When my friends invite me out to eat, they know they'll have to pay for my portion of it. Some girls (and guys) can't afford extra expenses. (And yes I get that you might be broke as well, but you can take me to a cheap movie that you can afford or cook for me at home if cost is an issue.)

If you took me to a five-star restaurant, I wouldn't be able to pay for it. And if you dropped it on me when the check came that I had to split with you, then I would leave and you'd never hear from me again. It's an insult to "take" someone somewhere that they can't afford and then expect them to pay for it. And that's a dirty move regardless. I wouldn't be able to trust you to keep promises after pulling something like that.

I'm Here With You

This is a date, right? The whole point of a date is two people going out and getting to know each other because we're romantically interested in each other. If you make me split the check, then I might as well sit at my own table because it means you aren't thinking of yourself and me as an "us". If I'm on a date with you, then you should treat me like I'm on a date with you, and not like I'm there by myself. Like I already stated, I don't go out to eat because I can't afford it. That means that if I'm there in the first place, I want to spend time with you and be with you and get to know you better. If I'm putting time and effort into you, then I want you to return the favor. If you don't think "us," then I won't think "us." If you want to separate "us" with the check, then I'll catch your drift, and there won't be any "us" after that.

I'm Worth More Than Your Money

I get that money isn't free and doesn't grow on trees. I work hard for my money and spend it wisely; I'm the most frugal person I know. But if you are going to put more importance on the money than me, then I don't want a relationship with you. I know my self-worth and I know that I'm worth more than your money. If you don't think I'm worth more than money, then I have no problem finding someone else who does. I have plenty of other options than you (including being happily single), so I don't need to deal with you telling me that a few pieces of paper and metal are worth more than me. I don't want to be in a relationship with someone who resents me for the money they choose to spend on me (yes choose, because you chose to ask me out and you chose to want to be a part of my life).

You're Too Stressful

Why You Should Man Up and Pay For the First Date

My childhood was extremely stressful. As an adult, everything I do is to put myself into a position to have a stress-free and fulfilling life. I want to be with a man who can cause me less stress in my life rather than more.

Someone who stresses out about the money it costs for a first date (or the decision to pay in full or split) is too stressful for me. If you stress out about $20-$100, then I can't imagine how much of a wreck you'll be when when we're deciding what house to drop $200,000-$1,000,000 on. What happens when you get laid off at work? If you stress out so much about little financial costs, then I don't want to have to deal with your irrationality when something significant hits. You don't have to be a millionaire to be financially secure. As long as you live within or below your means, you shouldn't need to stress out about how much one meal costs.

I Want You To Impress Me

I want a man to impress me. If you don't impress me, then you're just like every other guy out there. I don't want to be with every other guy out there because there are men who can, want to, and are willing to impress me. I want to be with an exceptional man. I want you to take me out to eat ethnic food I've never tried before or take me to a theme park I've never been to or take me to the art museum so you can show me how much passion you have for 17th century oil paintings. I'm adventurous when it comes to trying new things and I admire passion of any kind. If you can't impress me, then I'm not going to be interested in you. Not paying for my portion of the first date is not going to impress me. And yes, there are non-expensive ways of impressing a girl.

Respect

Why You Should Man Up and Pay For the First Date

This is probably the point that everything boils down to. I want to be with a man who respects me and whom I can respect in return. Paying for the first date shows me that you respect me. By showing me that you respect me, you are commanding respect in return. I would not be able to respect a man who refused to pay on the first date.

I have a good guy friend who takes me out and helped me pay to fix my car, but I can't be attracted to him because I don't respect him as a romantic partner. I can't respect him as a romantic partner because he is 34 and lives with a roommate that he hates--and he even makes enough money to live on his own because he makes twice what I do. He lives with a roommate that he hates because he hates saying "no" to people, so therefore he couldn't tell this guy "no" when he asked him to move in, and couldn't say "no" when they renewed the lease. He is a great guy, but I know that I won't be able to give him the respect he needs in a relationship because I can't respect his pushover nature.

I Have Other Options

I might like you as a person. You might be the most attractive model on the planet. But I have plenty of other options. If I don't want to go out with you because you refuse to pay for the first date, then that's fine. Rejection happens and not everyone is compatible. We just all have to get over that and move on when things don't work out. Don't make the mistake of thinking you're the only option someone has, especially if you know they have plenty of other options.

Your Failed Logic

I have read a lot of reasons on this website for why guys think they shouldn't pay for dates. I understand your reasons, but I disagree with them. Here is why.

I Don't Owe Women Anything

Why You Should Man Up and Pay For the First Date

No, you don't owe women anything. You don't even owe taking them out to dates or you the time of day. But your failed logic here is that we're not talking about you taking all of the women in the world out to dinner. You asked a woman out to dinner, so yes, you do owe her dinner. If you didn't want to pay for your date, then you shouldn't have asked her out in the first place

I Can't Afford 3-5 Dates A Week

I don't want to be with a guy who is a serial dater. If you are going on 3-5 dates a week, then you come off as a lonely guy who can't keep a woman--that is not attractive to me. I want to be with a man who only wants to be with me, not someone who's going to pick me up out of a jailhouse lineup

I agree that 3-5 dates a week with 3-5 different girls can get expensive quickly, but you still chose to go on all 3-5 of those dates. You're complaining about something that you are choosing to do. If you don't want to pay for 3-5 dates a week, then don't ask out 3-5 different girls in one week.

If you can't afford 3-5 dates a week, then be more responsible and stop taking girls on 3-5 dates a week. That's like saying you had to get an abortion because you can't afford birth control and kept having sex anyway (for those of you who don't know, abortions can be very expensive). Nobody is forcing you to go out 3-5 times a week when you can't afford it.

We Are Equals

This is a reasonable reason to not pay for a first date. I agree that splitting is appropriate after the first date, but I'm just not an egalitarian when it comes to the first. A first date is special, so it deserves some special treatment. If you and your date agree to split equally, that's great for you two. I have nothing against you for being okay with that, but I'm just not a girl who would be okay with that.

My view is that you think more highly of me for paying for my portion. I don't want to just be equals. I want to feel special in a relationship, like you want me more than any other girl out there. After the first date, if we take things further, then I'll be happy to spend money on you as well. After the first date, we can split or trade off as much as we need or want to. If you treat me like an equal on the first date, then I'll treat you like a friend and put you in the friendzone where you belong.

I Don't Want A Gold-Digger

Why You Should Man Up and Pay For the First Date

Not all girls who want you to or let you pay for the first date are gold-diggers. Those girls aren't as common as the internet claims they are, and they're easily spotted in-person. If a girl is wearing Coach shoes, has a Bebe shirt, Pink sweatpants, and is carrying a Michael Kors purse, then she's probably a gold-digger. These girls are flashy and usually bitchy and pretentious. A lot of times they think they're better than everyone else and usually have a particular air about them that is pretty obvious. Gold-diggers are easy to avoid.

I'm Tired Of Getting Screwed Over By Women

Alright, I just have to tell you that I feel bad for any guy who uses this one. Have some self-respect, man! If a girl doesn't respect you, then move on. Stop wasting your time with girls who use you, abuse you, and don't love you back. I get that heartbreak is hard and difficult to get over, but don't punish the masses for the crimes of a few. Get back out there and find a girl who will appreciate you.

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Well this was long...but it was my first MyTake and on a topic that I've seen a lot of emotional turmoil about. I hope it helped someone who was on the fence with this issue. If you disagree with me, then feel free to insult me all you want in the comments. I couldn't care less about the opinion of someone who doesn't even know me in real life.

Why You Should Man Up and Pay For the First Date

Thanks for reading anybody who did.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I don't have a problem with paying for dates or other things in the relationship. I generally prefer doing that anyway.

    I really don't understand the anger you have received for your opinion. Maybe they perceived the way you put it to be a bit "demanding"? :P But I understand your argument. You don't want to be with a guy who's more concerned about the price of a meal than making you feel wanted. Equality or not, it feels a bit weird to let her pay since you're supposed to protect her. How can she feel safe if you're that selfish with your own money?

    And honestly, if you go on dates 3-5 times a week with 3-5 different women you're probably not that interested in them in the first place.

    As for gold-diggers, I'd just get a prenup. I have no problem providing for her during cohabitation or marriage but if she decides to go after someone else after 3 years, I wouldn't want to have to pay for the rest of my life.

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    • Finally someone who understands everything I wrote without me having to further explain it! Thank you soooooooo much for posting this. You give me hope that there are still real men out there

      I won't deny that I'm "demanding ". I prefer using the term "having standards ", but they're essentially the same thing. A woman who doesn't demand what she wants will get the opposite everytime. I'd rather not end up in the position of having to set my expectations after they've already been failed

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    • Thanks again

      I was beginning to wonder if any guys still paid for dates for a while there with as much backlash I received. I expected a. Decent amount with this site, but I think some people were gung-ho with the hostility here

    • Yeah, I can assure you that pretty much every guy pays. :)

      If he doesn't, just post his pictures online so that other girls know who to avoid dating hahaha.

Most Helpful Girl

  • A lot of this makes sense- and could go for either gender. But some is a bit hypocritical. Why are you allowed to be stressed out by money stuff, but he isn't?

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    • I don't stress out about money. I know what I make can cover my bills and standard of living. I haven't eaten lunch at work the entire year and a half I've lived on my own. My coworkers feed me sometimes because they appreciate me and all the work I do for them, but most of the time the only thing I eat between breakfast 9:00am and dinner 8:00pm is a granola bar. I know I can't afford it, so why stress out about it?

      Just because I'm broke doesn't mean I stress about money. I live at my means. I don't go out on the weekends if I can't afford it or my friends don't want to pay for me. It's I either free or $5 for me to go out

      I agree this goes for either gender. I believe the asker should pay. My lesbian boss who views herself as a beta male agrees me completely. She cracked up laughing when I told her everyone here was calling me entitled because it really couldn't be further from the truth

      He doesn't have to be loaded, just responsible

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    • I get where you're coming from. And maybe you're not actively stressing about money because you are so good at living within your means. But guys can do that too. I think what might be beneficial in your situation is to make your financial situation clear to your date before you go out. That way they'll know that if they choose a pricey outing, they have to foot the bill.

    • Thank you for understanding. I understand some other guys out there are in the same situation I am. I can respect them even more than people who have parents to fall back on. I was being honest when I said he wouldn't have to take me to a five-star restaurant. someone who is frugal and creative would impress me more than some sugar daddy. I'd consider someone who asks a girl out and forces her to pay to not only be disrespectful, but irresponsible and untrustworthy as well. That's the first and last broken promise he'll give me. I definitely will make sure the first man I agree to go out with expects to pay. I'm an outspoken person and I stand behind my convictions, so I won't have a problem making that clear

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What Guys Said 91

  • Let's get something straight: There's nothing "special" about the first date. Typically, two people will agree to go on a date to determine the potential of the person they may possibly consider a boyfriend or girlfriend. Maybe they are even looking farther into the future to determine how compatible this person would be as a spouse. The second date is when it begins to become special as this means you've clearly piqued their interest and that they want it to continue.

    Between the two of us, if you were unable to pay for your meal because you lack $10 - $30 (depending on the meal and locale) to pay for it, then I'm not going to ask you to a second date because clearly you don't have money to take care of yourself. If you expected me to take you somewhere nice and pay for it but you couldn't afford it yourself, then this is really just a sign that you're a gold digger and have a spoiled princess personality, and so you won't be getting a second date either.

    The first date is all about creating good impressions, so while you're expecting the man to impress you by placing you upon a pedestal, you're actually creating bad impressions by expecting such treatment. There's only one type of male who will tolerate this: the submissive male who will actually worship you beginning to end. And these guys tend to worship ALL women just because they're women, so you aren't actually that special to them.

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    • Your points are valid for you. I'm not telling you do date below your social class. If you like middle-class women, then go for middle-class woman whom you're compatible with and will ultimately be happier dating

      I'm not entitled. I pay all my own bills and graciously accept when my friends take me out or buy me food

      I actually added that I wouldn't expect a guy to take me somewhere expensive, just nicer than McDonald's. I have been to some affordable ethnic restaurants that are quite nice and interesting

      I would love being treated like a princess. Putting me on a pedestal would make me want to put him on a pedestal. Anything a man I loved wanted to give me, I return in my own way. I'd like for each of us to worship one another. That sounds ideal for me

  • Oh Geez, this is horrible. This is major entitled princess.

    First of all let me say that by default I will always pay for the first date, and probably every date after that until we are "a couple".

    But the reasoning and entitlement attitude of this take is all wrong. The entire tone is "demanding". The entire tone is "I'm the woman and therefore you have to put me on a pedestal and kiss my ass."

    You say:
    "And if you dropped it on me when the check came that I had to split with you, then I would leave and you'd never hear from me again."

    If I took you out I would plan on paying. But if I found out that you expected me to pay, to the point that you didn't even bring any money with you, then *I* would be the one who would leave and you'd never hear from me again.

    There are girls who don't even bring any money on a date. That's too presumptuous. That's where the line is drawn between traditional courting as a fun game, and entitlement. If you don't even bring money, or demand that the guy pays, it's no longer fun courting, it's entitlement.

    It's really hard to say with limited words just what is so wrong with this take. That's because it's the tone that is so wrong. The tone is major entitled princess. You might find someone to play your game, but you will turn off a hell of a lot of guys in the mean time. But you probably don't care, because you are "all that" and deserve to be treated like a princess.

    You are not a princess. Traditional courting is a game. Two play that game, not just one. If that tradition calls for the man to pay. That traditional also calls for a little grace on the part of the woman. You have completely thrown any semblance of grace out the window.

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    • As a man i expect the woman to offer to pay at least at the third or fourth date, if not then i will just bail out. Because there is no point in dating an woman who doesn't feel the need to reciprocate.

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    • Maybe some day you'll figure it out. I won't even attempt to convince you. I'll just repeat what I said about it being the tone. The tone of this is hard core entitlement. It's not even borderline.

      I'll also repeat that I will always pay for the first day by default. But this take goes far beyond that, well into entitlement. The dates I've paid for, I've never sensed that they felt entitled to it.

      You say you've never been on a date. Not a thing wrong with that, really. BUT, it shows you are going by how you think things should be in your mind, not from real world experience where things flow a bit more naturally without all these expectations.

      Without having any experience, you should at least TRY to understand why so many people are reacting the way they are. It's totally natural to become defensive, everyone does that. But try to learn from it. It's not just whiny guys who are being cheap or using this as an excuse to complain about feminism.

    • I understand the opposite viewpoint perfectly. I simply disagree with it.

      You make good points, but you're still being rude in calling me an entitled princess and telling me this is horrible. You could disagree in a nicer way, you'd come off better

      All of these people being rude and calling me names is exactly why I wouldn't want to go out with someone like that. Calling me entitled when I absolutely am not is absolutely not going to convince me to change my stance.

      If I ever go out on a date, then it will be with a kind, caring man who would be able to disagree politely with me. I'm not going to deal with a man who doesn't know how to fight respectfully. I had to deal with enough judgement and abuse from my parents that I would not tolerate it from a romantic partner

      If anything, my stance has only been reinforced because now I see the true character of guys who refuse to pay for a first date

  • "If you ask me out, then it is your responsibility to pay for a date" Couldn't agree more.

    "I'm not requesting you to take me to a five-star restaurant, but you better not be taking me to McDonald's either" LMAO this is where the entitlement begins.

    "I enjoy a wide range of food and activities, so you have a lot of options with me" Here comes the demands.

    " I don't go out to eat in general because I can't afford it" You can't afford to pay yourself food on a restaurant and yet you demand your dates to be able to do it. What a hypocrit.

    "If you make me split the check, then I might as well sit at my own table because it means you aren't thinking of yourself and me as an "us" Oh yeah fuck equality.

    "If you don't impress me, then you're just like every other guy out there" Same thing can be said about women, and the worst part is that women don't know how to impress men, at least real men.

    "I have a good guy friend who takes me out and helped me pay to fix my car, but I can't be attracted to him because I don't respect him as a romantic partner" This makes no fucking sense, you don't have to be in a romantic relationship with somebody to feel respect for them.

    "I can't respect him as a romantic partner because he is 34 and lives with a roommate" Oh i take that you live on your own, because if you don't, then you can't make such demand.

    "I have plenty of other options" The female population is higher than the male population in any part of the planet bitch, by definition we have many more options than you. Not counting the bunch of guys who turn gay, that leaves even more women for every straight guy out there.

    "I'd only go on a date with someone who would asked me out" And this is probably the reason, as stated on the first paragraph, why you are gonna remain single. And you should actually remain single or date a demanding woman just like you, just so you know what it feels like to date an entitle woman like you JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVE VAGINA.

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    • I've actually never been on a date before. I'm not entitled. I simply wouldn't be able to respect a man who would make me pay on a first date

      I have been self-sufficient and lived on my own for over a year, so yes I can say that

      I'm prepared to be alone for the rest of my life. I wouldn't want to be with the wrong guy

      And I don't use my vagina for evil... i actually don't use it at all... Lol. Why are you yelling at it?

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    • @fuuuark
      Not at all. I can't respect him for why he lives with a roommate he doesn't like and can't stand up to. He is a weak person mentally and a complete pushover. He admitted to me that he likes it when people use him because it shows their true character. He said I'm the only one who doesn't abuse this factor about him

    • @fuuuark
      and I'm a virgin, not a slut, hoe, or prostitute

  • Your not entailed to anything of mine and I am not obligated in anyway to pay for your food nor is it my responsibility to pay for you if we go out nor am I in anyway obligated to "man up for you" what you see is what you get and if you don't like it move along.

    If I choose to pay for you it's because I want to and because as a gentleman I am obligated to. But if anything because of that I don't need to impress you if anything you need to impress me and show me that your worth paying for or even asking out in the first place and since society dictates that I should ask you out and that it is in general the proper thing to do, it's up to you to show me that your worth spending money on or getting to know better.

    Also we are equal in the eyes of the law but that is the extent of it beyond that as individuals we are not equals you could be superior to me or I could be superior to you, who knows *shrugs*

    Also no one goes on 3-5 dates a week nobody that has a full time job and lives on their own has that kind of time or money, most guys would go on probably 2 actual dates a week if that.

    Look I am a old school, old fashioned guy and I have no problem spending money or time with a girl or respecting one but you have to show me that you are worth that and my respect has to be earned I don't give it away and I fully expect that I have to earn yours as well but don't be a bitch about it because if you act like I need to respect you because your a woman or feel your entitled to my respect you will not get it.

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    • Thank you for politely disagreeing with me. All of the rude comments on here have only reinforced my belief that I need to wait for a kind, respectful, loving man.

      I agree woman need to do much better at impressing men. Sleeping around all the time only lowers respect (this from my manwhore ex-neighbor himself).

      I found a post somewhere on this site claiming that a guy couldn't afford 3-5 dates a week with different girls. I included it because that seems to be the mentality of guy on this site

      I don't expect respect for simply being a woman. I simply would expect respect from a romantic partner. Mark Manson, a dating coach asked 1,500 couples married over 10 years what the key was, and the most common thing said was respect. If a guy doesn't respect me early on, he won't respect me and we won't be together in 50 years

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    • she's probably a troll anyway. expecting men to pay just because they are men and then calling someone not agreeing with that sexist? lmao

      Don't feed the troll.

    • @male292 Yeah your right.

  • God, I hate you. Let's begin...

    None of your reasons for wanting a guy make any sense. Even the most naive guy can see it's your just trying to rationalize your desire to have a guy you aren't dating buy you things because you agreed to go on a date with him (again you're not dating) over other guys. you think you should be wined and dined like the woman you are. just say that instead of this crap about how you're here with us. we're there we know you're here with us but the point is so are we. we also chose to spend time with you. it's not all about you.

    no man on this site has said it's about not being able to afford it and yet thats mostly what you say in this. why? because you're trying to embarrass men on here and say we can't afford things when again no one said that. We just don't know why you're worth it when we aren't EVEN DATING YOU!

    and to comment on serial dating... not sure if this was aimed at me but A) girls do this all the time and B) dating for a man is different for a woman. You choose out of your offers to go out we choose based out of the girls who said yes who we actually want to go on a date with.

    Let me explain this to you one last time UNTIL YOU ARE DATING AND UNTIL YOU ARE IN A RELATIONSHIP YOU ARE NOT SPECIAL TO US AND YOUR DESIRE TO BE SPECIAL TO A COMPLETE STRANGER REVEALS HOW LITTLE SELF ESTEEM YOU ACTUALLY HOLD FOR YOURSELF AND SO THAT IS WHY MEN ARE STARTING NOT TO RESPECT WOMEN WHO EXPECT THEM TO PAY FOR THE FIRST DATE

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    • You're not the only person who hates me, so your hate won't affect me one bit. If my points don't make sense to you, then you can ask for specific clarification and I will provide it to you

      Men disrespect women of low self-worth and standards. Contrarily to what you're insinuating here, men respect women of high self-worth and standards. It is a woman's choice whether she wants men to respect her or not

    • ANTI-CAPITALISTA

    • I want you to know, I downvoted this.

  • Now apply everything you said to yourself, would it be agreeable? I'm guessing not. Your with her, yes but she is with you so now where back to square one. She doesn't owe you and you don't owe her so again, where back to square one. If we are equals then the bill should be split and thus back to square one. You believe its the person who does the asking who should pay but then admit you would never ask as is the case of most all women thus making it by default that the man has to pay. Why not just say that then? If I am paying then we are not equals I am independent you are a dependent thats not my opinion but fact. So nothing you said was logical in any way as it does not hold up under any scrutiny. Here is what you say, I want the man to pay because thats what I want. Simple. Not every one will agree but at least you where upfront and honest. However the man can always counter that with "I don't care what you want" or stating that if he has to pay then you have to put out because fair is fair. What your arguing is that you want privilege BUT you don't want any responsibility for it, which is fine but don't act like its some how the mans fault for thinking less of you because of it. Either reciprocate in what ever fashion you are able (their was a time where women would actually show respect and appreciation for their man (imagine that, how times have changed) and that would more then likely be acceptable compensation for most men, or own your selfishness and don't blame men because they are tired of being used. Its really that simple.

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    • Thank you for politely disagreeing with me. I would apply everything to myself if I asked a man out. I do agree that women should impress the men they want to be with. I'm happy being single, so I'd need a good reason to let a man into my life because he'd have to prove that he could improve it, therefore I don't need to ask men out. I started with saying this applies to girls who ask men out too

      And I disagree the whole equal thing on a first date. If one person asks another out, then the asker has more stake in it and more to lose. After the first date you can be equals, but you're not on the first

      I believe that asking someone out on a date means you owe them a date. Expecting your date to pay is not a date

      I'm not blaming men who are tired of being used. I said I felt bad for them

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    • Thank you. I think I will, but I'll have to word it more carefully than this one so people won't take it the wrong way again

      I agree and sympathize that it would be hard for men to reject women enough mass because women could easily find a few or only one guy to go around and we'd still be able to increase the population. Women without self-worth don't realize this power. Not being able to bear his own offspring is a man's greatest weakness. While girls sleep with a guy for one night and can take their children anywhere, men have to invest in women in order to earn fatherhood. And our biased court system allows bad women like my mother to get away with it even when a man has proved his worth and invested into a family

    • Precisely. And you are welcome.

  • You are from the old school. Most guys your age are not old school.

    And the fact is, avoiding gold diggers is way up there in terms of reasons not to pay for the first date, and your objections to that don't hold water. Yes they have a 'particular air', and they are VERY common! A lot of guys have been burned, and those guys aren't going to listen to you.

    Modern guys, my dear, ALSO have options, it's not like 20 years ago where you'd be frozen out if you didn't pay for the girl.

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    • You're absolutely right that I am old-school. My parents tried the new-school approach of divorce court, and my childhood would have been much more tolerable without it. My parents divorced when I was 18 months old, so I had to observe what a marriage was from TV. I watched a lot of Disney movies as a kid, so that really should be expected

      I can't agree with you more that most guys my age aren't old-school, but that's why I'm not attracted to them. I had my first kiss and crush this year with a 27-year old man. Modern guys can have all the options they want except me

      Maybe some guys can't spot gold-diggers as well as I can. But I already said I feel bad for them. I have been told that I'm both very good at reading people and difficult to read. Most people live up or down to my expectations. It's rare someone breaks my impression or expectations of them. (Like how I expected some people to insult me over this MyTake, it's the caboose there, hanging out with Pooh)

  • nope... sorry princess but im done pretending women should have special treatment, if she isn't willing to pay half on the first date then I won't be there.

    Why should I pay when I have no idea we will click afterwards?

    Im so sick of this selective equality BS, and have been much more successful dating wise since I've taken this stance.

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    • I prefer traditional gender roles

      I'd only agree to go out with a guy I clicked with. I've only ever clicked with one guy, and I knew he was special when I saw him standing on the sidewalk

      You absolutely shouldn't pretend anything. If you don't believe it, then don't do it

  • I should tell you to shut the hell up... but a little phrase in the beginning stopped me. This is based off of a guy asking a woman out. Still, this take should have ended after that Adam Sandler pic. Because everything after that is pure bullshit. My second to the last paragraph will sort this all out.

    I like your little irony here
    "I'm not a gold digger. I work 40 hours a week and hard for my money. But I also financially support myself, so I'm broke most of the time. I don't go out to eat in general because I can't afford it. When my friends invite me out to eat, they know they'll have to pay for my portion of it. πŸ€” (anyone hear a shovel?)"
    So you aren't a gold digger but everyone has to pay for you... right?

    So what do you think guys are? An ATM? We dont work 40 (or more) hours for our money or financially support ourselves? any girl with this kinda mentality can kiss the darkest part of my ass. She ain't for me no way then. I make mine, you make yours, but i should spend mine while you keep YOURS? then after YOU decide to either leave or stay, most of the time leave...
    I had that stupid ass mentality when i was younger, trying to impress, spending hundreds on one date, just to say something she found "offensive" and vanished. Free food, free outing, free everything... fuck that. If im paying she doesn't get to pick the where. If she doesn't like where i pick, fine, she can pick, but she will be paying for her shit herself. I have a budget too, and my budget was for where i picked.😎
    The only thing i spend now is TIME. Everything is agreed upon mutually and so is the check.☺️

    I know this is geared towards men, and believe me, men dont mind paying cuz 97% of the time they hand out the invite. But being EXPECTED to pay, thats a little shitty. its funny because I've heard girls say things on dates like "dont think you are getting 'any' tonight"... hell, if i ain't getting any neither are you, here's your half.
    Its shitty to be expected to do something just because something else was done. and its girls that utter lines like those that require the most expensive dates.

    Guys like me have found way to go on dates without "asking" the girl on a date. So, everything goes 50/50 from then on out. I pay when i do the asking but its gotta be a hell of a girl and to be honest, those kind of girls are few and far between.

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    • I'm not a gold-digger. I don't take advantage of my friends. They invite me out because they appreciate me and want to spend time with me. I don't ask them to pay for anything for me--they do it because they want to. And I graciously thank anybody for giving me anything. I don't expect anybody to give me anything--people give me things because they're decent and want to help me out

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    • Being weird in the right way is one of those hoops he'd have to jump through. If he could satisfy my kinks, then I'd satisfy his. But preferably we'd have the same ones

    • yea, preference almost always doesn't happen. thats why compromise exists... plus... you didn't answer the question...

  • When did paying for a date become synonymous with showing respect to a woman? I used to pay for dates, but I got badly burned after paying for first dates and later finding out that she had little to no morals or value and it would be impossible to see a relationship in the future. Too many girls out there are just not worth paying for, there aren't that many classy ladies who deserve the classy dating style.

    Besides these modern days, women always try hard to prove they can do whatever a man can do, they don't need our money, and are always trying to compete with us, a lot of ladies even earn far higher than men nowadays. Maybe when I find a classy traditional lady, it would be a different story, but for now I'm sticking to splitting the bills until I see she has enough character or personality worth my time.

    I also have many girls dying to get a date with me because I am a high quality guy, and as much as I'd like to pay the bills, these modern days call for a different approach of doing things.

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    • Yes! Finally someone whose opinion I can respect

      Paying for women used to be synonymous for respect. it's not anymore because most girls prefer to devalue themselves by having no standards and sleeping around. You're absolutely correct that most girls out there aren't worth paying for on the first date. Classy ladies are equally as hard to find these days as real men

      There's no reason you should waste your hard-earned money or time on women you're not compatible with or who don't respect you back

      High quality people are a rare commodity these days. That's why we're so valuable. People who can't live up to our expectations are jealous and resentful

  • "If you don't think I'm worth more than money, then I have no problem finding someone else who does. I have plenty of other options than you (including being happily single), so I don't need to deal with you telling me that a few pieces of paper and metal are worth more than me."

    Precisely. That goes both ways. Not just the way that benifits you.

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    • I agree with that completely. I don't want guys to waste their time with me when I know we're not compatible. I'd be glad if someone I wasn't compatible with moved on from me and found what he was looking for somewhere else

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    • So if you can't pay for the first date because you are broke then should I expect you to ever pay. Or will it be a 90/10 split. Let me guess you'd make up for it by doing things that every other girlfriend does for their boyfriend. Please. Hustling a bar owner for free drinks, mooching free meals off friends, conning a pushover to fix your car are not earning them. You are the very definition of entitled. But you won't ever see it that way. So again good luck.

    • No. We would trade after that if he preferred it. Buying me dinner would free up extra money to spend on him

      I was referring to my position in life. I am financially independent and have been for over a year. I spend my money wisely. I don't eat lunch at work because I can't afford it. My coworkers feed me sometimes and take me out because they appreciate everything I do for them at work and as a person, and also because I'm a great person to hang out with

      I resisted allowing my friend to help me pay to fix my car. It was more than I expected and I was ready to swipe my card, but he told the mechanic to spit it in half. He insisted on helping because he's a nice guy, knows I've had a lot of misfortune in life, and enjoys helping people out financially because he makes more than he needs. I'm not the only one he helps out

  • you're pathetic, and you dont deserve special treatment. I wish i could see you in the future after you have failed to find a man who is willing to do that for you, and you are starting to get desperate as you hit the wall (30+)

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    • I'm perfectly OK with being alone for the rest of my life. I've actually never been on a date before because I don't need someone in my life who won't improve it.

      Would you mind giving me a wall to bang myself into? I prefer the pretty red brick ones with contrasting ivy growing up it

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    • Neither gender is better than the other, but the rest is sound

      I don't pity girls who think they deserve better than they're willing to earn either

    • wrong, men are definitely better than women, its been proven many times in different ways, we just avoid talking about it because its "sexist" and controversial.

  • But you see darling, you aren't worth nowhere NEAR my money, I also have other options and I also want YOU to impress me.

    You could have impressed me by acting like you are NOT in fact the center of the universe, but you didn't.
    THAT is why you did not get paid for.

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    • I agree that a woman needs to impress a man just as much as a man needs to impress a women. That's apparent in different ways

  • I wonder what would happen if I were to write a MyTake on "Why a woman should woman up and put out on a first date" and came up with all sorts of ridiculous arguments to rationalize it, such as "I'm worth more than your virginity", "you should impress me" and "you're paranoid if you think men just use you for sex."

    Wanna bet I'd be called a sexist, chauvinist pig?

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    • You sexist, chauvinist pig!

      (I meant that as a compliment)

    • Go ahead. Nobody is stopping you and you're entitled to your own opinion. I'd enjoy reading a sensible take on that

    • I actually want you to do that. I will pay you, i will create questions and always select your opinion as MHO. Please do it.

  • But are you not a gold digger if you're broke and only go out when someone else pays? That's the definition of gold digger. You then call women who can ACTUALLY afford nice things... gold diggers rofl. Surely if they have that stuff, they don't need a man's money.

    Dafuq is that logic lol?

    So you had a stressful childhood, can I ask if you had a father figure growing up?

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    • No because I graciously thank my friends for taking me out. I mostly get free drinks from the club anyway because the owner has a thing for me. My friends pay when it's slow and he's not giving out anything free. Half the time I don't even drink. A night out costs me $5.

      No woman who buys her own things is a gold digger. That's the opposite of a gold digger because they've earned what they've bought

      I didn't know my father until I was fifteen. I lived with him for three years. He was just as worthless of a piece of shut as my mother. I haven't talked to him in three years or her in six. I moved halfway across the country to get away from them. Best thing I ever did for myself. I only have three relatives that I'm on speaking terms with

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    • ''they appreciate me'' with your attitude i doubt it. They probably think you are mentally disabled.

    • @Jamesol1
      *Reinforcing my belief *

      They tell me a the time how brilliant I am, so I'm pretty sure they don't think I'm mentally retarded

  • Sorry but i dont agree on most of this. "You asked me out"? "I want to be impressed"? "I can't afford 3-5 dates a week"? Your logic system seems like a bitchy rude bimbo girl's logic. We are equals. Wonen are also hunters. If you can't afford it then get a job kid. Lol. Sorry but all this sounds childish.

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    • I have a job. All of my money goes towards bills to keep myself alive and off the streets

      I'm not expecting guys to ask me out. I simply would expect them to pay if they did

      I read a comment on this site about a guy saying he couldn't afford 3-5 dates a week. I wasn't pulling that our of thin air

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    • Your first paragraph changed it all. Nice. I thought you were saying you just "expect" guys to pay the whole time. It ok to accept if the guy says "ill buy you a drink" , and after he does you tell him about your house and cooking but will be damn rude to just wait him to pay. Plus when i mean a guy is in search, i dont mean he's desperare. Anyways.

    • Everyone seems to have taken it that way

      I've never accepted a drink from a stranger, including the only man I've ever been attracted to. I don't lead guys on thinking they're going to get something they're not out of me. Especially sex because I'm still a virgin

      I tell everyone about my cooking and sewing and art. They're my passions, so I feel everyone who wants to get to know me should know how I feel about these activities. And I know watching a woman cook releases the love hormone oxytocin in a man's brain. I wouldn't never abuse this power that I have as a woman, but would certainly use it to impress a man whom I could love and respect

  • So you say you have lots of options, yet by your own admission you are a 21 year old virgin whom has never been on a date? Either you are lying about these options, or you are an entitled little princess that overvalues her worth, and men would do well to avoid you. Let me tell you something, women have more sexual value then men, but women have far less dating value your worth and continue with your entitlement complex, you will end up alone and only be considered good for a quick shag.

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    • *You over value your worth

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    • When something is a mutual want, it isn't an exchange, the sex in the relationship should be a mutual want, if it's not and still executed then its obviously prostitution. When benefits are mentioned it excludes mutual benefits.

      You haven't yet, but this whole mytake says you will mooch when given the chance, and you mooch of your friends. Wait 5 years and see how many options you have for long term relationships with you attitude and seeming aversion to sex.

    • You have read that paper haven't you? Pretty much what i would have said. Men only require (as in need, not want) things that should be mutually beneficial, while women often require things that benefit only them to get into a relationship. hypergamy!

  • When you said, "But you asked me out because you wanted to spend time with me and get to know me, so your choice, you pay" and then said, "The whole point of a date is two people going out and getting to know each other because we're romantically interested in each other" did you mean he should pay because he's the one interested and wants to get to know you? Then you said you're both romantically interested in each other. Does the guy pay because only he wants the date? I don't understand.

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    • Pretty much. Whoever asks pays for the date they offered to take someone on. A woman who asks a man out should pay for him. This applies to gay and lesbians relationships as well where both partners are the same gender

      I would only go out with a man I could respect and was romantically interested in, but I will only ever be romantically interested in a guy who shows me his romantic interest in me first. I am perfectly happy being single, so a man would have to prove he can improve my life for me to agree to go on a date with him.. Otherwise we're friends or aquaintances

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    • I know there are some guys who pay for dates to try and take advantage of a girl, but much like gold-diggers, these kinds of guys come with other warning signs. Guys like that are why I never let strangers buy me drinks.

      It might not be foolproof, but it certainly helps narrow down the guys who are interested in me

    • I think getting to know them personally, despite whoever pays, is how you'll really know.

  • Allow me to ask you this. How likely is it for a girl to ask a guy out that they wouldn't mind paying for? As for most guys that pay for girls, they aren't doing so to impress you. They are most trying to be a gentleman since they like you enough to ask you out on a date. If you, the girl were to ask a dude out, I highly doubt that would would expect him to pay for the first date, since you already like him. In my experience men must initiate all first dates with any woman that he is interested in. If a man pays for the woman to impress her on the date, he is going out with you for the wrong reason, and he made the mistake of not impressing you before the date, in which he would have had the chance for the woman to pay for her own time and enjoyment. Surely you would never expect a guy that you like to pay for you and himself, so since he did not impress you before the date, build up attraction between you two, appear to be a self respecting man that wouldn't waste time on an insignificant girl who expects the guy to pay for the date even when the odds of hooking up are hurting him by paying, you're going to expect him to pay for you every time. That's simply because you sense that he values you more than you value him. More experience dand self respecting men would never submit to paying for a woman that he would probably never see again for very obvious reasons. Women may or may not know this, but this is why women would only be inclined to pay for self respecting men, the men that they would actually like to see again. Same rules apply for both genders, and this is another reason why men pay for dates: to see the woman again. Unfortunately most men are at a disadvantage with many male/female double standards such as who gets to pay for dates. It is already highly unlikely that the girl would initiate a first date even if she is interested in someone, so why MUST a guy pay for your time just because he decides to initiate the date and treat you like the receptive woman that you are portraying yourself to be?

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    • Im also fully aware that I'm in the mist of a post carrying fully grown adults, so please spare me the unsatisfaction on holding back genuine thoughts only because I'm under 18 years of age

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    • Yes. If a guy wants to take me out, but then doesn't pay for the costs he incurs on a date of his choice, then it shows that he doesn't want to put any effort into keeping me around and that he doesn't want me to respect him. I also view a man paying as a reason for his woman to respect him. I see a guy who doesn't pay as one who isn't demanding respect himself

      I'd want a man to stick around and provide for his wife and children. If he isn't responsible enough to cover his own expenses on the first date (yes his expenses because he chose to ask a girl out) or won't put effort into the "impress me" stage of dating, then he doesn't have qualities that will last during a long-term relationship

      The price doesn't matter. I said in the first paragraph he wouldn't have to take me to a five-star restaurant. All I'd expect is for him to cover the expenses on a date of his choice as well as taking me on a respectable date. Cheap ethnic food can be a very affordable date and respectable

    • Cool, glad I got your point of view.

  • I agree with everything, what RJGraveyTrain said!

    If we were to man up, then you should woman up too and spread your legs tonight for us. It's traditional, remember?

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    • Traditional women wait for sex. I'm still a virgin, so yeah, I'm traditional

      Modern women are the ones who spread their legs on the first night. I have more self-respect

  • I will only pay for a woman if we both sign a contract agreeing that I am guranteed sex after dinner and that you don't blow me off for some other dude 😊.

    Deal? Other than that pay for your own shit you ponse. If you don't like what equality brings then get back in the kitchen.

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    • I absolutely wouldn't blow a guy off for another. I believe in monogamy. I'm a virgin, so the sex thing wouldn't be guaranteed

      I would love to cook for a man I could love and respect, release some oxytocin in his brain for me

  • "The one who invites pays"... Okay
    "That's why I never invite, they should invite ME".
    baha yeah they should. You are the one with a pussy so I guess we all shall lower our heads and praise your holy, oh so holy vagina.
    lol the only reverence you will get from me is a gtfo here with that garbage. You are surely paving yourself a bright path to be living in your 30's with a bunch of cats. I hope they pay for your food by then. ttyl

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    • Actually I plan to have 17 cats by the time I'm 30. Being a crazy old cat lady is my goal. I don't date. I wrote this Take as a hypothetical scenario for if I ever found a guy I considered worth dating.

      I would rather you not worshipped any part of my body. Thank you

  • Sorry princess, you're not entitled to a free meal. Pay your own shit because your time is no more valuable than mine. If us guys are culturally forced to take the initiative to get a date with you then you need to pucker up and pay for your own shit on the first date.

    Otherwise, if you think guys should pay for the first date because they asked you out, then you should fuck them on the first date. Fair is fair right? /sarcasm

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    • I've actually never been on a date and I'm a virgin, so none of that is going to happen anytime soon. Why do you assume I'm a princess? I live on my own and am completely self-sufficient. I work hard to support myself

      And I know I'm not entitled to a free meal. If I can't afford dinner, then I go to bed hungry. When someone give me something for free, I'm always gracious

  • Or, the man can stay home and not interact with women.
    He gets to keep his house, his retirement savings and his future income. He will not have to pay child support, or spousal support.
    He will also be much less likely to be be accused of sexual harassment, or become the target of a fake rape allegation.

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    • Yup. That is always an option.

      Unless most girls these days, I'd never falsely accuse someone of trying to rape me. That's mostly from girls who have had regrettable one-night stands. I'm a virgin, so I don't even fall into that category

  • "I have other options"
    "I want you to impress me"
    "I'm worth more than money"
    "You're too stressful"

    LOL. Entitled much? This is why most men don't even bother with women anymore, they just expect things to be handed to them because they're "Worth it" or because they need to be "Impressed."

    I don't care about impressing anyone, if you want to be impressed go date Daddy Warbucks, Annie.

    As for being worth it? How the fuck do I know you're worth it if it's the first date. At the most I'm paying for coffee and/or a drink and that's it. If there's a second date then maybe it'll be a step up but y'all need to build a bridge and get over yourself. No one's entitled.

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    • I don't mess with men because I know they won't treat me right

      Aaaaw. I loved Annie as a child because I looked just like her and always hoped some nice man would adopt me. Thank you for reinforcing my fantasies

      You'd know I was worth it if you met me in person. There's no way to prove it over the internet, and frankly no use

  • I'm glad I live in a place where it's normal to split the bill. But then again I'll never ask out a spoiled princess like OP anyway.

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    • Which country are you in? I'm in Europe and splitting the bill on first dates is the norm here, not an exception.

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    • It's not that you like the guy to pay (that's just a preference, just like I like a girl to give me a shoulder massage more than I like to give one to her), but it's the way you try to justify it with logic. You say your hard earned money is worth more than his, that you can be impressed by money, that you think the one to ask should pay but that you'll never be the one to ask, that you have other options as if he doesn't... @RJGraveyTrain already deconstructed it all in more detail.

    • I would love to give a man I loves a shoulder massage. I'd love to massage every part of his body if he enjoyed it.

      My money isn't worth more than his. Money isn't worth much to me once you've paid all your bills. I'd view a man as more important than my money as well. I'd give the perfect guy for me everything I have as well

      I'll never ask a guy out because I'm not looking for a relationship. I can make myself happy and can live happily successful, fulfilling life all by myself

      I'm not impressed with money. I'm impressed with what a man can and is willing to do with his money. I thought my point about me being worth more than money got the point across that I'm not obsessed with it, but everyone here seems to be taking it the wrong way

      Her opinion has nothing to do with mine. People who agree with her are compatible with her and incompatible with me. I disagree with her completely

  • Your opinion and view should be respected Yes and so does the opinion and view of every other person that shows respect. And I personally think your views are not that bad, what I don't agree with is the heading. Something more along the lines of "why you should pay when you ask him or her on a date" seems more fitting in reality. I say that because in reality everyone is equal at the moment. From your perspective It seems you would agree even in terms of personal believes, written law, unspoken law, etc, in America. So why assume that the guy should always ask the woman out? That should also fall away, yes guys do because we are "natural hunters" or because it's natural, or expecpected, or because we want to Impress, and please keep in mind that I personally also agree with me paying and making first moves and and and. But why judge the people that do or expect it the other way around? Why focus on why the guy has to pay. It seems fair that every person should drop their expectations of men and woman in general, and focus on a man or a woman and go for what your personal preferences are. Instead of saying why men should pay, say why I want a man to pay for me. And in return we should respect your values. My point? The answer to this question in my mind is if a woman asks a man out she should pay, if a man asks a woman out he should pay unless you have less than original or very detailed expectations then you should discuss it with the person you want to date or who wants to date you beforehand. Peace.

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    • Thank you

      I used the words "Man Up" in the title specifically as clickbait to get people to read it. This is my first MyTake and I honestly didn't expect anybody to read it due to how long it is

      I'm happy being single, so a man would have to prove that he can improve my life in order for me to want him to be a part of it. This means he would have to ask me out. I agree that women should be more comfortable asking men out, but most are too scared. I have considered writing a MyTake on why men should ask girls out that outlines the main reasons why girls are too scared. Part of this is because it is more socially acceptable for a guy to be rejected than a girl. But I wrote at the beginning that I believe all women who ask men out should pay for the first date

      If someone disagrees with me, they are welcome to voice it, but insulting me isn't going to change my mind. My beliefs have only been reinforced as guys who refuse to pay for dates are judgmental, immature, and rude AF

  • I always pay for all dates, including the first date. But the thing is, the reason why I do this isn't out of traditional roles or chivalry -- it's because I worry that the woman is going to be like the asker. The asker is the type of person who would stiff the waiter on the tip and for some reason, I find that incredibly embarrassing.

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    • I wasn't asking a question. I wrote an opinion on a hot topic

      Why do you assume I would stiff a waiter? Many of my friends and relatives work or have worked as waiters and waitresses. I always tip 20% when I do go out to eat. Just because I can't afford to go out to eat very often doesn't mean I stiff my servers

      There's nothing wrong with feeling embarrassed when you're with someone who doesn't tip well. Not tipping your servers is rude, and people who don't are not respectable

      I wouldn't be able to respect a man who didn't tip well. Tipping well and treating people in the service industry kindly is a respectable thing to do and proves that you're a good person of quality, integrity, and Morals. I would consider you to be someone respectable who mans up

  • Yes, the guy should absolutely pay for dates. If the guy can't afford it, then the girl needs to find a different guy.

    One thing you touched on that I will add to, the value of time.

    Too many women who do not know what money is, because they've never had it, also have no concept of the value of time. If your date makes $400k/yr and is showing you a world you could only dream of, then you had better be on time. His time is far more valuable than yours. There are people trying to get ten or fifteen minutes of his time all day, every day, and if he sets aside a few hours for you, realize that means something. Some of those people would literally pay you for your slot. Keep that in mind.

    I have never had this problem with women who are in difficult college majors (like chemistry) or those in graduate school (like pursuing an MD or PhD), but for others, it is not obvious to them. They also have no idea that if they are more than a few minutes late, the date is over and they will never get a second chance.

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    • Thank you for posting your honest opinion. I've seen enough from you on this site to realize that you and I come from two extremely different worlds, but we only have a lot of the same views that I wouldn't necessarily expect

      I absolutely agree that a woman needs to be on time to her date. That's part of how she can impress her man, and he should feel disrespected if she is late

      I however disagree that your time is more valuable than hers simply based on you making more money. I believe each person should view the other person's time as having as much value as their own in order to develop and maintain a healthy relationship.

      But I understand your view here is because you value women who make a lot of money higher than women who don't. I'd be a girl you'd only want to qualify as worth having sex with due to my income level. That disrespect is why we would never be compatible. I need a man who respects everything about me, especially what I manage with my financial position

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    • It is good that you live within your means, however you don't know what happiness is.

      You have accepted that you can't do anything you might want, and your acceptance makes you content. That is a good place to be. It means you do not have envy or any number of bad emotions.

      Being content by not wanting to do something because you know you can't do it is not the same as being happy because you can do anything you want.

      I got the craving for original fish & chips, so I went to London (it is just not the same in the US). A beautiful $90,000 car drives effortlessly, a cross between a 5L Mustang and a Lincoln Continental, and is very safe. So I wrote a check. If I need to go to a meeting 100 miles away, I get in my plane, and look down at LA traffic jams for scores of miles while flying overhead at 200mph.

      I have lived from being poor to being rich and everywhere in between. Happiness begins above $300k/yr.

    • You life is insane. Thank you for sharing.

      I guess I'm happy with being content then.

  • Why is it assumed that the asker pays for the date? He could be jobless and rather just hang out or be thankful there's a woman that breaks the mold and pays.

    Why does money need to be on a first date? Maybe they can date where no money is needed.

    Well, most people may think you pay for yours and I pay for mine.

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    • I included that option in MyTake, but most people seem to have skipped over it. If all he can afford is a picnic in the park, then I'd find that equally as romantic as a five-star restaurant. Having a guy take me out to a place he couldn't afford would be a turnoff for me because that means he's irresponsible with money.

      I'm financially independent and live on my own. Everything I have is because I've earned it. A guy who has debt or lives above his means is irresponsible. Responsiblity is an attractive trait

      If a guy wants to take me to a date where no money is needed and still have it be romantic and impress me, then he gets bonus points for being frugal and creative

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    • Incompatible because I'd want a man to stick around and provide for his wife and children. Someone who doesn't put effort into providing for me on the first date can't be trusted to stick around and support me and his children 20, 30, 50 years form now

    • What about a woman that provides for her family?

  • Show more from Guys
    61

What Girls Said 23

  • 1) You invited me out. Yes, so do your friends, but they often don't pay for all of your shit. If he offers to pay, then that's super nice, but you AGREED to go somewhere where paying for food is customary, you are essentially agreeing to the possibility of having to pay money for food. Having a penis doesn't obligate him to pay nor negate the fact that you should at least be willing to.

    2) I can't afford it. You work hard for your money you say? Guess what? SO DOES EVERYBODY SWEETHEART. Why is your hardwork apparently more valuable than his? If you can't afford to pay for stuff because you live a normal adult life then don't go out on dates.

    3) I want you to impress me! With your money, because God knows actually being a pleasant human being has monetary value, and as a woman you have no obligation to actually show you might be worth such a nice gesture like having someone pay for your meal.

    4) Respect. Lol at this. I'm sorry but if you respect yourself you won't stamp your feet and make up lame excuses for people to have to buy you shit just because you have a vagina. Come on. Self entitlement isn't cute these days.

    5) I have other options. Yeah, they're called sugar daddies or traditional guys. In which case I hope you're into guys who want you to cook, clean and stay at home with the kids.

    I get it, you can prefer guys who pay if you're a more traditional girl. But stop trying to justify it like there is any actual logical reason why a guy should pay for your date. It's sexist, in my opinion to say "you have to be a man and pay for my stuff." Him being a dude has nothing to with anything, proving his worth to you shouldn't require money, and if that puts you off of a guy I wish you the absolute best of luck, because this stuff to me is literally laughable.

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    • I wasn't going off on men. I was trying to give some helpful advice as to why the asker of a date should pay for the date they ask for. I only posted this because it's a hot topic right now and a lot of people seem to be experiencing emotional turmoil over it. I actually didn't expect anyone to read it because of how long it is, so I'm very pleased with all of the conversation it's encouraged. I was expecting some hostility, just not to the degree that it presented itself. I'll be sure to word my future MyTakes better to avoid any confusion about what particular things mean

      We'll agree to disagree. Best of luck to you as well

    • Likewise, happy holidays.

  • I was worried until I read you had never actually had a date and that this whole thing is based on inexperience and naivety.

    First of all; you are not entitled to be given anything. You do not deserve to be treated like a princess on the first date with a new man, because he doesn't know you well enough to give you that status. It's earned.
    Unless you want to go on a "first" date with a man you've know for a long time who believes you to be a good deserving person then this simply isn't fair to expect of a relative stranger. You wouldn't give money to a stranger on the street because they look like they should be treated well so why do you think you warrant it?
    Second; a first date is to get to know someone to see if they are worth pursuing. Your both trying to put your best foot forward and trying to impress the other. Your take reads as though you expect him to dance on a string to impress you and earn your respect, but what are you doing in return? What makes you think you deserve respect when you have done literally nothing but show up with no cash for a free meal?

    Women at first glance are not snow flakes. We do not deserve anything but basic social politeness and respect as a human being. It's when you get to know someone that they become special and treasured, you earn the care that another person gives you.

    To say "you pay for dinner and I'll pay you back in some other thing at an undetermined time" is rude and smacks of privelege you haven't earned. What if the date goes no further? They have outlaid the cost of dinner and you've given nothing back.

    You say if they can't afford to go out for dates 3-5 nights a week then don't go out, but you've said yourself you literally cannot afford to go out at all! Why is that standard any different for you then for them? You should have enough money to pay for your half and if he offers to pay for yours then it's lovely but that expectation is an absolute disgrace, and if you can't mature a bit to see that I'm glad you're already happy to live alone for the rest of your life.
    Because men deserve better

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    • On point

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    • Hahaha, that was savage xD :D

      Well, hope you liked them cookies :>

    • My friends share their cookies with me all the time. And I can bake my own anytime I want. They're better fresh out of the oven anyway

  • So you're basically broke because you can't pay for your own shit and end up leeching off of your friends and (hypothetical) dates. And then you turn around and claim that you can't respect a guy if he wants to split the bill, or if he lives with a roommate.
    Dafuq you talking about McDonald's not being good enough for you when you most likely can't even buy a Big Mac for yourself with your own "hard earned money"?
    You sit here and claim that you're worth more than his money but then throw a hissy fit if he doesn't spend enough money on you, or if he wants you to pay for your own shit? If you're worth more than his money, then why do you basically keep saying that he needs to spend x amount of money on you to make you feel like he feels you're worth it? Because all I'm seeing is you saying you're worth a certain amount of money. If you were worth more than his money, you wouldn't give a fuck about what he spends/doesn't spend on you because you would be focusing on his actions and words instead, not his wallet.
    To me it just seems like you want a guy to be your puppet, to pay for your date, to impress you, to bring you to the "right" places and say the right stuff. And wtf are you doing to "pay him back"? Because gracing him with your mere existence sure as hell isn't enough, you're not that special for having a vagina hunty. How is he going to respect you when you're acting all self-entitled just for being a woman?
    "But if you are going to put more importance on the money than me, then I don't want a relationship with you." <- All I'm seeing is YOU putting A LOT of importance on the money.
    "If you make me split the check, then I might as well sit at my own table because it means you aren't thinking of yourself and me as an "us"." Lol. How is it "us" when HE is paying for YOU? Us = the both of us putting in the same amount of effort AND money on the date. Us =/= "you should pay for me because I have a vagina and you don't".
    And lol @ you claiming you have all these options when you've never even been on a date. Get real. All I'm seeing in this take is "hypocrite hypocrite hypocrite". The only one with the failed logic here is you tbh.
    https://m.popkey.co/b3333a/0mrNz.gif</a>

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    • Please marry me!

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    • Respect is about paying for your own shit and not being entitled and expecting the guy to compensate you for spending time with him.

    • @lumos Dammit. You roasted her.

  • This seems way overly complicated...

    Really simple, until someone is in a long term relationship, the invitee pays. It's just respect, thats how you treat a guest.

    If its really that big of a deal to you that you insist on splitting costs at every meal then you and i aren't compatible. Its a money management thing. Im not going to sweat every last dollar or meal, i dont want to be around someone that will, it just doesn't work for me. This isn't a judgement of who is better or worse, right or wrong, its just what i prefer. In a relationship things should roughly balance out, but im not going to keep a ledger, im not going to sit down at every meal and tally up the costs to figure out who owes what. Not gonna happen. so if this is important to you, do us all a favor and let us know up front. Some women will be fine with it, others won't, save us both a regrettable night out and lets filter beforehand.

    Who needs to go out 3- 5 times a week? I mean really, if you can't afford it, dont go, you shouldn't be going unless you can pay whether or not you actually end up paying.

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    • How do you recomened the guys phrases it if he wants to let them know upfront?

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    • @redeyemindtricks @JohnDoe3000

      I would actually be really appreciative of a guy that went to a little bit of trouble to do something little different that didn't cost anything. That would get my attention far more so than just buying dinner or something like that.

    • ^^ Mmhmm.

      Special >>> expensive, any day.

  • Hahahaha girl you're going to be single for life with your ridiculous self-entitled views

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    • I'm perfectly happy being single. I don't need anyone in my life who wouldn't improve it.

      All of this nonsense of people assuming I'm not single by choice is funny. I have more options than anybody I know

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    • @Lopezz1999
      Everything you just said there is exactly why I wouldn't ever ask a guy out. There are too many guys who have wasted their lives with actually entitled and mentally and emotionally abusive women who have let themselves get destroyed. I would never want to waste myself on a broken guy. I'd need a real man who can see past all this ridiculous BS in the world of what dating has turned into

      The majority of society tries to break me down all the time, just like people on this site. But I know I'm the only one who's ever had my back and is the only person who can make myself happy. I'd need a real man who can respect me and my beliefs rather than accuse me of doing or being something that I'm not

      Seeing how most men treat a girl with standards and values has only proved to me that I'm better off keeping them to myself than wasting them on broken men who won't be able to appreciate me

  • This is complete bullshit, females like you make the rest of us look bad.
    SPLIT THE GODDAMN BILL and be done with it already.

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    • you'd think that'd be a logical thing by 2016, right

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    • Clearly you (and most people on GAG) think differently than I do. I consider it to be having a standard

    • Alright.
      Not worth arguing about.

  • I've been invited on dates plenty of times. Sometimes they offered to pay, sometimes they didn't. Who cares? Like, seriously, why does this matter? I pay for my own stuff (when they aren't super insistent), and I prefer it that way. I don't want the other person to be thinking all night, "Man, I hope she isn't TOO hungry tonight. I don't have much on me. I just really wanted to see her, but I happened to be hungry too..." Why? Because they didn't come to spend all their hard earned money on me. They invited me because they genuinely wanted to spend time with me. That shouldn't have a price tag on it. I will always prefer to go dutch, be they friend, family, or lover.

    If this "social norm" was somehow regulated, you can't bet I'd rarely invite anyone out! My interest/respect should not be gauged on how much money I throw in your face. I'm not a sugar mama.

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    • Thank you for politely disagreeing with me. If more posts on here were like yours, I might consider revising my stance. But I've seen the true colors of guys who make girls pay on dates today and that has only reinforced my beliefs

      I think you should pay if you want to and shouldn't pay if you don't. It sounds like you've got what you want worked out and are happy with it, so that's great for you

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    • Not falsely, she's logically correct.

    • @lualesca
      There are plenty of ways to get to know someone and show your romantic interest before going on a date. I have fixed all of the serious issues in my head, so you're incorrect and probably the one with issues yourself

  • So because you can't afford to pay for yourself, you expect everyone else to? You seem extremely entitled. I'd hate to be your friend if I knew I had to pay for you too while we went out. You're a grown woman and you should be able to take care of yourself. This isn't just about guys having to pay for you, you think everybody should pay for you just because you don't make enough. You are a gold digger.

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    • I don't expect anyone to pay for anything for me. My friends and coworkers give me gifts because they're decent people, respect me for all I do for them, and want to help me out because they know how hard I work. I have plenty of friends that I'm not in need of your friendship. I do take care of myself. I am financially independent and everything I have is because I've earned it. This MyTake is about how there are more important things than money. I don't expect men to buy me anything. I simply expect that when I start dating, man will cover the cost he incurs for the date of his choice. I make enough to support myself because I know how to live within my means. I don't make enough money to buy lunch at work, so I don't eat lunch, because I'm responsible. I can't possibly be a gold-digger because I've never taken money or bribes from men or ever taken advantage of a man. I have never been on a date because I have enough respect not to lead them on. I can't possibly be a gold-digger

  • in some ways we'd better off paying for our own food so we don't have to give the obligatory blowjob before getting dropped off so that's why i'm not paying to take a man out never have never will

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    • I'm a virgin, so obligatory blowjobs are a no-go. That's even worse than a guy inviting you out on a date he won't pay for

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    • keep dressing the way you feel like dressing and you'll meet someone who values that kind of dress... you want a guy who values what you value that's called haveing common interest... i was influenced or became interested in styles that weren't so good for me and i learned a bitter lesson... i wouldn't want you to go through that and i want you to know it's okay to have your values and nothing wrong finding a man who values what you vale and most important respects you... don't ever forget this... respect is the most important critera in a relationship supercedes anything else you can think of looks $$$ organ sizes, dress... i'm sure your a great girl but just keep your head up and continue to believe in yourself and your values

    • Thank you for your advice and sharing your experiences. I'll definitely keep believing in my values

      You're absolutely right about respect. I recently read an article involving over 1,500 couples married 10+ years who said trust was the main key to a long-term relationship

  • I don't like anyone paying for me unless you took me out somewhere and I can't afford it. I actually had to pay for a friend once since he only had his atm on him and their pos wasn't working... luckily I had some cash on me. Money isn't such a big issue that it makes or breaks relationships for me.

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    • I think I'm most offended with the phrase 'man up' aactually... I've been wondering what put me off about the whole article

    • I specifically used those words for the title as Clickbait because I wanted people to read it. A lot of people won't read things online with a lot of words in them, so I had to give people a reason to want to read it. I didn't really think anyone would comment here because they wouldn't actually read it, but I got more than I expected. Lol

      Personally I think paying for your lady is a manly thing to do. Paying for your date is respectful and respect is the number one key to a long-term relationship

    • It just boils down to love languages... I'd prefer you spending a few fun hours with me anyways over buying me dinner. You make your money, you keep it. If you ask, the least I can do is pay for my food. But that's just my opinion.

  • He may have asked you out, but you agreed to go, which suggests that you're at least somewhat interested in him. Nobody is forcing you to be there. Why should he pay for your company? What are you, a prostitute? If you weren't ready to pay for your food, you shouldn't have gone to eat. The fact that you went with a guy doesn't change anything.

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    • I've never agreed to go on a date, so no I haven't been interested in anyone. I turn down guys I'm not interested in. I haven't requested anybody pay for my company or time nor have I accepted the offers I've been given. I'm a virgin, not a prostitute. I don't go out to eat unless people offer to pay because I know I can't afford it. I've never gone with a guy

      It doesn't sound like you consider a date to be a special occasion. I don't go around sleeping with every guy who tells me I'm beautiful. I would only go out with someone I was very interested in and could see myself with long-term. So yes, going out with someone on a date would be much different for me than going out with my friends. And my friends pay for me anyway because they love to hang out with me, so it doesn't make sense to expect anything less from someone trying to court me

  • I agree with your main point, but you are majorly hypocritical when you start putting girls down who wear certain brand names. And what's wrong with McDonald's? I've been to a Burger King with a guy on a first date and it was great. Of course guys have to bring something to the table, but you sound like a complete gold digger. And talking of which - putting a Latin girl like that as a poster for gold digger? Not cool.

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  • This makes me mad just reading and I'm FEMALE

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  • You sound REALLY entitled...

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  • To know that like 99 % of the time it's men who ask the women out and decide which restaurant he want to go if he ask for 50 / 50 I would take it as a I don't want to see you again.

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  • You're beyond stupid, or just a jerk and a gold-digger.

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    • That's your incorrect assumption of me

      You are the one being a jerk with you unnecessary name-calling

  • I disagree!!

    I'd never pay for a guy in a first date, regardless if I asked him or not , and I'd never let him pay for me either. After a first date you may not be sure if you want to see that person again, so it's best to pay your own share of the bill then neither feel obligated to one another. You then don't feel you owe the one who did pay.

    Neither can be accused of being used as a " meal ticket" for the night. I think both people should pay their own way until a relationship develops.

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    • Thank you for politely disagreeing with me. And I agree with your points when geared towards modern dating like online. However, I wouldn't ever go out with a man unless I wanted a relationship with him. For me, my first date will be the start of a relationship. I'd have to respect and know enough about a man to accept going out with him, so we wouldn't be perfect strangers. And I wouldn't go out with someone who would accuse me of using him as a meal ticket. That's immature behavior, and I'd need a real man.

      I've never been on a date before, so I've never used a date as a meal ticket. I'm not the entitled princess everyone here is saying that I am. I can't possibly be a gold-digger if I've never taken advantage of a guy before

  • Seriously? This guy doesn't know you when he first asks you out - you're not special to him yet. Stop being entitled.

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    • Most guys don't know me when they first ask me out, but some do. I'd never go on a date with a stranger. I'd have to know enough about him to respect him and want to make him a part of my life. I've been on a date before because I haven't met the right man. I'd only go out on a date with a man who saw me as special.

      I'm not entitled. I don't take advantage of guys I know I'm not compatible with. Everything I have is because I've earned it

  • man up? thats how you define manliness? another vagina that puts her self on a pedestal and gold digs her way through the dating field... .

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    • Yes, I do consider paying for your date a manly thing to do

      I'm a virgin. my vagina has nothing to do with this

      I'm not gold-digging my way through the dating field. I've never even been on a date because I refuse to go out with someone I know I'm incompatible with. I'm not a gold-digger, and I'm not even a part of the dating field

  • You sound like a narcissist.

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    • That's what most people here have said. I've actually had a psychiatrist say I'm not a narcissist, not even close. My father is a narcissist, so yes, I know the qualities of one

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    • It seems as if you feel like you have to justify everything and have a response to everything someone says about you.

      You have feelings of insecurities and inadequecy and you know it. What else had your psychiatrist said? Because i don't believe you were fully sent off as perfect or normal because even if your mother was 'paranoid' and 'schizophrenic', something would have still triggered her to achieve such a reaction. Where there is smoke, there is fire.

      Also, this is a very unlikely combination? A woman with paranoia and schizophrenia marrying a narcissist? Surely the father MUST have triggered the SHIT out of his partner? How would a marriage eventually happen?

    • @QooLipBite
      I'm responding to anyone who posts on my thread because I have conviction in the things I say and integrity in following through with the things I start

      He was a narcissist when they married. He had a schizophrenic break when I was an infant. As I wasn't old enough to know either of them before her break, it is my belief that he drove her to it. Her father is also a paranoid schizophrenic, so she had he genetic predisposition for it

      I will agree that my childhood was extremely unlikely, but so was having life on Earth. The truth can be stranger than fiction

      If you doubt the extent of her insanity, you can read the 200+ page case file that CPS filed for my immediate family. Several pages bear the quote "I'd rather drive my children off the pier than ever let them see their father again" 1998. She also told the judge my father is a James Bond villian who can read minds

      My mother is pure evil

      I have plenty of self confidence and am secure in my thought processes

  • On the first date with my boyfriend I told him that since he already mustered up the courage to ask me out the least I could do in return is to take care of the bill. He got extra brownie points for respecting my wish and letting me and not trying to prove his masculinity by conforming to 1950s gender roles. A real man knows he's a real man and doesn't need to prove his masculinity with ridiculous things like that.

    Oh, he also turned out to be the most generous and awesome boyfriend I ever had.

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    • That's great for you. I'm glad you found someone who can make you happy. If you want to pay for the date, I don't see anything wrong with your decision

  • I think this is ridiculous.
    Men still give their surname to their children just because "it's traditional and makes me feel good"
    And want women to pay for their first date?
    Hey... don't be hypocritical lol

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    • Not all men want kids so that's a fairly weak argument.

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    • Good luck with that. Hope you'll find someone to man up.

    • @brain5000 she's young, even though she's older than me. I can surely expect this type of thinking

  • Good take. It's the simple fact that guys on this website are whiny cry babies and think that women are always out to get them. With all the guys I dated I have NEVER heard any of them complain about paying for the first date. In fact, the guy I'm with now said he would be MORE THAN HAPPY to pay because he loves me. I even asked to pay and he INSISTED. It goes to show how these internet guys are. They are super super fucking petty about a 30 dollar meal when it shouldn't even matter that much!

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    • Thanks. And good for you. You're lucky you found a real man.

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    • Thanks for posting here before everyone else came in. Their false assumptions and name-calling have only reinforced my view. Guys who don't pay for dates are not only disrespectful, but they're also rude AF

      Forget about them. I knew this would be a controversial topic for this site, but the reaction is much more hostile than I expected. I guess most guys can't handle a girl with standards. Kind of funny considering they complain about wanting virgins all the time. Well virgins have standards that they can't meet either. They really shouldn't even bother in the first place

    • Thanks for the support Take Owner.

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