Paying for dates has been a hot topic here on GAG and there's been a lot of animosity towards the opposite gender over it. My view is based on a man asking a woman out. If the woman asks a man out, then she is responsible for paying for the first date, but I'd only go on a date with someone who would asked me out, so I'm gearing this towards men.
Why You Should Pay
You Asked Me Out
If you ask me out, then it is your responsibility to pay for a date. I'm not requesting you to take me to a five-star restaurant, but you better not be taking me to McDonald's either. I enjoy a wide range of food and activities, so you have a lot of options with me. It is your choice as to where we go and how much you want to spend, so we can go to a nice little Mexican restaurant or Disneyland or a picnic in the park, depending on your budget. But you asked me out because you wanted to spend time with me and get to know me, so your choice, you pay.
I Can't Afford It
I'm not a gold digger. I work 40 hours a week and hard for my money. But I also financially support myself, so I'm broke most of the time. I don't go out to eat in general because I can't afford it. When my friends invite me out to eat, they know they'll have to pay for my portion of it. Some girls (and guys) can't afford extra expenses. (And yes I get that you might be broke as well, but you can take me to a cheap movie that you can afford or cook for me at home if cost is an issue.)
If you took me to a five-star restaurant, I wouldn't be able to pay for it. And if you dropped it on me when the check came that I had to split with you, then I would leave and you'd never hear from me again. It's an insult to "take" someone somewhere that they can't afford and then expect them to pay for it. And that's a dirty move regardless. I wouldn't be able to trust you to keep promises after pulling something like that.
I'm Here With You
This is a date, right? The whole point of a date is two people going out and getting to know each other because we're romantically interested in each other. If you make me split the check, then I might as well sit at my own table because it means you aren't thinking of yourself and me as an "us". If I'm on a date with you, then you should treat me like I'm on a date with you, and not like I'm there by myself. Like I already stated, I don't go out to eat because I can't afford it. That means that if I'm there in the first place, I want to spend time with you and be with you and get to know you better. If I'm putting time and effort into you, then I want you to return the favor. If you don't think "us," then I won't think "us." If you want to separate "us" with the check, then I'll catch your drift, and there won't be any "us" after that.
I'm Worth More Than Your Money
I get that money isn't free and doesn't grow on trees. I work hard for my money and spend it wisely; I'm the most frugal person I know. But if you are going to put more importance on the money than me, then I don't want a relationship with you. I know my self-worth and I know that I'm worth more than your money. If you don't think I'm worth more than money, then I have no problem finding someone else who does. I have plenty of other options than you (including being happily single), so I don't need to deal with you telling me that a few pieces of paper and metal are worth more than me. I don't want to be in a relationship with someone who resents me for the money they choose to spend on me (yes choose, because you chose to ask me out and you chose to want to be a part of my life).
You're Too Stressful
My childhood was extremely stressful. As an adult, everything I do is to put myself into a position to have a stress-free and fulfilling life. I want to be with a man who can cause me less stress in my life rather than more.
Someone who stresses out about the money it costs for a first date (or the decision to pay in full or split) is too stressful for me. If you stress out about $20-$100, then I can't imagine how much of a wreck you'll be when when we're deciding what house to drop $200,000-$1,000,000 on. What happens when you get laid off at work? If you stress out so much about little financial costs, then I don't want to have to deal with your irrationality when something significant hits. You don't have to be a millionaire to be financially secure. As long as you live within or below your means, you shouldn't need to stress out about how much one meal costs.
I Want You To Impress Me
I want a man to impress me. If you don't impress me, then you're just like every other guy out there. I don't want to be with every other guy out there because there are men who can, want to, and are willing to impress me. I want to be with an exceptional man. I want you to take me out to eat ethnic food I've never tried before or take me to a theme park I've never been to or take me to the art museum so you can show me how much passion you have for 17th century oil paintings. I'm adventurous when it comes to trying new things and I admire passion of any kind. If you can't impress me, then I'm not going to be interested in you. Not paying for my portion of the first date is not going to impress me. And yes, there are non-expensive ways of impressing a girl.
This is probably the point that everything boils down to. I want to be with a man who respects me and whom I can respect in return. Paying for the first date shows me that you respect me. By showing me that you respect me, you are commanding respect in return. I would not be able to respect a man who refused to pay on the first date.
I have a good guy friend who takes me out and helped me pay to fix my car, but I can't be attracted to him because I don't respect him as a romantic partner. I can't respect him as a romantic partner because he is 34 and lives with a roommate that he hates--and he even makes enough money to live on his own because he makes twice what I do. He lives with a roommate that he hates because he hates saying "no" to people, so therefore he couldn't tell this guy "no" when he asked him to move in, and couldn't say "no" when they renewed the lease. He is a great guy, but I know that I won't be able to give him the respect he needs in a relationship because I can't respect his pushover nature.
I Have Other Options
I might like you as a person. You might be the most attractive model on the planet. But I have plenty of other options. If I don't want to go out with you because you refuse to pay for the first date, then that's fine. Rejection happens and not everyone is compatible. We just all have to get over that and move on when things don't work out. Don't make the mistake of thinking you're the only option someone has, especially if you know they have plenty of other options.
Your Failed Logic
I have read a lot of reasons on this website for why guys think they shouldn't pay for dates. I understand your reasons, but I disagree with them. Here is why.
I Don't Owe Women Anything
No, you don't owe women anything. You don't even owe taking them out to dates or you the time of day. But your failed logic here is that we're not talking about you taking all of the women in the world out to dinner. You asked a woman out to dinner, so yes, you do owe her dinner. If you didn't want to pay for your date, then you shouldn't have asked her out in the first place
I Can't Afford 3-5 Dates A Week
I don't want to be with a guy who is a serial dater. If you are going on 3-5 dates a week, then you come off as a lonely guy who can't keep a woman--that is not attractive to me. I want to be with a man who only wants to be with me, not someone who's going to pick me up out of a jailhouse lineup
I agree that 3-5 dates a week with 3-5 different girls can get expensive quickly, but you still chose to go on all 3-5 of those dates. You're complaining about something that you are choosing to do. If you don't want to pay for 3-5 dates a week, then don't ask out 3-5 different girls in one week.
If you can't afford 3-5 dates a week, then be more responsible and stop taking girls on 3-5 dates a week. That's like saying you had to get an abortion because you can't afford birth control and kept having sex anyway (for those of you who don't know, abortions can be very expensive). Nobody is forcing you to go out 3-5 times a week when you can't afford it.
We Are Equals
This is a reasonable reason to not pay for a first date. I agree that splitting is appropriate after the first date, but I'm just not an egalitarian when it comes to the first. A first date is special, so it deserves some special treatment. If you and your date agree to split equally, that's great for you two. I have nothing against you for being okay with that, but I'm just not a girl who would be okay with that.
My view is that you think more highly of me for paying for my portion. I don't want to just be equals. I want to feel special in a relationship, like you want me more than any other girl out there. After the first date, if we take things further, then I'll be happy to spend money on you as well. After the first date, we can split or trade off as much as we need or want to. If you treat me like an equal on the first date, then I'll treat you like a friend and put you in the friendzone where you belong.
I Don't Want A Gold-Digger
Not all girls who want you to or let you pay for the first date are gold-diggers. Those girls aren't as common as the internet claims they are, and they're easily spotted in-person. If a girl is wearing Coach shoes, has a Bebe shirt, Pink sweatpants, and is carrying a Michael Kors purse, then she's probably a gold-digger. These girls are flashy and usually bitchy and pretentious. A lot of times they think they're better than everyone else and usually have a particular air about them that is pretty obvious. Gold-diggers are easy to avoid.
I'm Tired Of Getting Screwed Over By Women
Alright, I just have to tell you that I feel bad for any guy who uses this one. Have some self-respect, man! If a girl doesn't respect you, then move on. Stop wasting your time with girls who use you, abuse you, and don't love you back. I get that heartbreak is hard and difficult to get over, but don't punish the masses for the crimes of a few. Get back out there and find a girl who will appreciate you.
Well this was long...but it was my first MyTake and on a topic that I've seen a lot of emotional turmoil about. I hope it helped someone who was on the fence with this issue. If you disagree with me, then feel free to insult me all you want in the comments. I couldn't care less about the opinion of someone who doesn't even know me in real life.
Thanks for reading anybody who did.