Who should really be paying on dates?

If you clicked this, you know exactly what we are gonna talk about. You know this is a hot topic here which causes a lot of debate and things heat up a lot. I know I'll be getting some angry responses as well, but I'll also let you know why it doesn't matter a bit.

Dates should be fun, not frustrating!
Dates should be fun, not frustrating!

I don't like being very strict with this matter. I feel like thinking too hard about it is just too silly and causes more problems. But here is a list of my own thoughts about who should be paying for a date:

1) If it's someone's treat, they should be paying. If I drag him in to this then I am the one who should pay as well.

2) If it's not someone treating particularly then you have options. Do whatever you want as long as it is fair.

By fair, I mean, suppose normally you pay for dates 50-50. But if your partner is a LOT wealthier than you and takes you to that much of a rich lavish place, and/or you're the one who is broke/unemployed or having some financial crisis (it's ok shit happens), it isn't fair anymore that you have to pay such a huge amount of money even if it's just 50%. As long as it is fair for both of you and your pockets, pay however you want, it's completely up to you. (I'll talk more about it later.)

3) Regardless of who is paying or whatever decision you had, even if you're not paying or paying partially, you should bring enough money to pay fully or at least as much as you are able to pay depending on your financial situation. You never know when you might need it. God forbid your partner could have their money stolen on their way or something, or maybe they just forgot their wallet, lol, happens. Where I live such crimes happen a lot and that's when your money could save the date.

4) For me personally, I am okay with everything except him paying all the time. It would make ME feel bad if he just pays for every single date. If you are someone who pays all the time but your partner seems like they would feel happy if they could pay at times too, just let them. If they can afford it, where's the harm? One more unpopular opinion, the guy doesn't have to pay entirely on first date either. At least on first date splitting is just better.

I know that not everyone agrees with me. Here is a variation of opinions I've come across.

> The one who has higher income should be paying for all the dates.

> The money should be split (this has more variations):

>> Both should pay 50-50, equal amount.

>> One should only be paying for the items that they ordered.

>> They should switch/take turns. One pays today, the other pays on the next date.

>> One pays for transport the other pays for food.

>> They can decide a ratio depending on their income/financial condition.

> And of course, men should pay, the old school, classic, traditional style.

> But another group says, women these days are so financially independent, so they should pay!

> Who needs to pay? After you're done eating, just RUN!

I'm just joking with the last bit, but yeah, different people have different opinions, so whose opinion should you really listen to?

The ultimate answer is: yours and your partner's. Both of you may not have the same opinion. Talk to them about it and come to a decision that you both agree on. You could be an independent lady who is capable and willing to pay on dates at least partially, but your man prefers the old way of him taking all the responsibility. Maybe come to a decision that he will be paying but you are gonna pay at times too, maybe keep switching, something you both agree on. Seriously, if you can't decide on that, how on earth will you come to agreement on other things in life? You two shouldn't even be dating if this causes issues.

Does it really matter what others think? I mean, I personally don't like the idea of just the same person paying all the time but it doesn't really affect the sugar babies, they are still milking cash out of their sugar daddies on every single date, and they are both doing fine with it. You could be just calling a sugar daddy bad names or calling out on how they pay all the time ad he could come up with a response like 'Yeah it's my money and I am the one dating this so-called gold-digger not you, got a problem with that?'

And he would actually be right, it's really none of your business. Even if you don't like it (I don't either) can you really do anything about it? I don't think so. Just let them be.

The same way, you should be true to yourself as well. Doesn't matter what your neighbor, or friend, or an anonymous troll on g@g commented on your own personal choice. Again, as long as it does no harm to you and your finances, do whatever you like. You could still be asking people and take suggestions from them, only to end up choosing the opinions that match with yours anyway even if it's like 1% so why bother?

Yes, I just made a myTake to explain this one little simple thing, because some of y'all really have trouble to get this simple thing. Thanks for reading, have fun. All that matters is that you and your partner are both happy. If I missed out on anything let me know.

P.S. In many cultures women don't work or maybe in just some traditional families the girls are more willing to be free of financial obligations and rather be housewives, so they have no income and only then should a guy be paying for all dates. If you are a guy and you aren't fine with that then you wouldn't even be dating a woman like that so don't bother about it.


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CubsterShura is a GirlsAskGuys Editor
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Most Helpful Girls

  • Whoever asked who out should pay, no matter who it is. If it's mother asking her daughter out, mum should pay. If it's a girl asking her girlfriend out, the girl should pay. If it's the guy asking a girl out, then the guy should at the very minimum offer to pay.

    If they hated each other and the outing was a complete failure... they never want to see the other person ever again, then split the bill no matter what.

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    • But what if one just suggested for a date but they both came to a mutual decision about the time and place for it? Because someone has to initiate anyway.

    • Whoever mentioned it first is the person whos asking.

  • People should pay for themselves. No one should feel the pressure to pay for someone's meal on a date. It's a waste if it doesn't work out

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    • It's fine if one is willing to treat. We give gifts anyway right?

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    • At your age most people don't make much money so i understand your position. When both have good jobs, then then the one initiating the date should pay.

    • @Wally48 the mindset doesn't stem from stage of life. It's a principle

Most Helpful Guys

  • People that struggle to answer this question have never been in a relationship, or they dated extremely shitty people (or they're the shitty ones).

    This question doesn't really pop up when you're in a good relationship. You want to treat your woman, and your woman wants to treat you, so you either pay for your own food, or one time you take the bill, next time they do.

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    • Yeah exactly. No matter what your own preference, in the end you adjust according to your partner and your relationship anyway 🤷

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • I’m a more traditional person and I’d rather want the man to pay. I think it’s part of the ‘dating game’ where the man pursues the woman he wants to be with. It’s not about him buying me the most expensive things: it’s about him making the gesture and taking charge of it. I often feel bad when a guy pays for me, but honestly, I’m learning to let a man value me and be a gentleman with me. I’ve been in a relationship where I accepted to pay every other dates and the guy took a little bit advantage of the situation when he was clearly wealthier than me and bragged about having the best scholarship. He didn’t value me enough and I didn’t always feel respected. Anyways, I’ve moved on, but I promised myself not to put myself into that situation again. I just feel more feminine when a man is a gentleman. I can take care of myself and I can pay my own things, but I appreciate it more when the man offers to pay for both of us. I know that I have a lot to offer in a relationship and I know my worth. It’s honestly a dealbreaker if the man doesn’t pay, especially on the first date. I don’t even consider the ‘date’ to be a date and I put the guy in the friendzone at best lol Women nowadays allow guys to treat them like shit. They complain about guys using them for sex, for not committing and for ghosting them when they got what they wanted. They don’t value themselves enough and they are too accommodating. They want to act like men, but it just doesn’t work in dating. Yes, I do believe women are smart and can have a good education and real career + they deserve to be paid as much as men, but feminism beyond that doesn’t make sense. Woman and men can’t be treated ‘equally’. It doesn’t mean that one of us is better than the other: it just means that we are different, but that we can be respected in our differences. To me, you’re not a man if you hit a woman. To me, you don’t respect yourself if you give sex to have a guy commit to you. Yes: these are double standards, but they exist. Since forever. The fact that we have debates about who pays in 2019 is just a proof that they still strongly exist. Anyways, I personally prefer men to pay most of the times. I think women shouldn’t feel bad about it even if they believe that women are intellectually equal to men and can earn money too. As I said, it’s not about the money in itself. It’s about the principle and the man being able to be a man. For guys who disagree with me, it’s your right, but I speak for myself and a guy who doesn’t pay on a date he asked me to loses all the potential to enter a relationship with me. I always have a good spot for a friend tho 😊

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    • I personally think it's good if I pay at times because it is also my own way of showing him that I am not dependent on him and I do appreciate what he does for me. Time changes, and so do many things in life and there's nothing bad about it. You really think there aren't men out there who are paying for all dates but still treating their woman like shit? What about sugar daddies do you feel like they respect their woman a bit? Let her good looks fade a little bit and he would throw her away to find himself a new hot sugar baby.

      If a man truly respects his woman, it will show through his personality regardless of how we choose to pay.

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    • Well yes they’re probably divorced or their dating life sucks 🤷🏻‍♀️

    • Any guarantee that yours will last?

  • It really shows class when a girl can at least offer to pay her own meal. It doesn't matter who asked who on the date. If you accepted to go on the date then you should know what you signed up for. Not even offering to pay your side of the bill implies that your time is more valuable than the other person's and that's not the right tone to set on the first date especially. I'm talking about normally priced meals... not expensive gourmet food. Do you treat your S/O like your best friend? If so, then why would you apply a different standard to them when it comes to paying the bill? You should be in it together. Sure some girls even go so far as to say that they feel more attracted to a guy that pays the bill and maybe it's part of our biological disposition (men being the providers and females the nurturers). But I myself am looking for someone that's a little more enlightened and looks for equality in all aspects of a relationship, including the start of one. It's 2019. Men aren't the sole providers anymore. Share tasks. Take turns. Be in it together.

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    • I feel the same. I am a student and don't earn yet and until I do I will be fine with my man paying since he does work, but once I start earning as well I honestly wouldn't like it anymore.

  • You are an excellent girl, I agree with your thoughts. I like fairness, sharing, reciprocating. It should feel like the two people care about each other, share, treat, help work together. that's better than some old rules for back when women had no resources.

    Sanity is important, keep within your budgets and what is reasonable for the level of dating you are at. Splurge where you like. Noone wants to feel used, nor obligated, those are negative feelings.

    why are people so bitter?

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    • I don't get it either, why people don't get this simple thing. Funny thing is, I have never been on an official date to a restaurant for my age obviously. Just shows that you don't need experience, you need common sense to understand things like payment on dates.

    • How did you get to editor so fast?
      There is a power issue between m/f that some of it... but solvable i think. Hope you get a fun date sometime soon.😊

    • I have no idea. I don't even write that many myTakes.

  • Whoever is inviting me if a friend invites my out I'm expecting him to pay or at least offer to. If he didn't or its just a casual day out I normally pay for the drinks & he'll pay for the food vis versa. Overall if I'm fine paying like that and he as well then we keep the same routine.

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    • Yeah if it's his invitation/treat I'd expect him to pay but I would still bring money with me juuuust in case.

  • I’ve never had a problem with this. I am always surprised when it comes up.

    Every date I’ve ever been on the girl has offered and insisted to pay. She at least pays her part, or we went 50/50 or she wanted to pay for the appetizers or w/e.

    I never argue with her. I believe it’s best to let her have the agency to make her own decision with her own money. It’s a respect thing. It’s about respecting and acknowledging her as a person and an individual.

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  • Of course both, what makes people think that a guy can afford to pay for everything?
    Such stupid and ridiculous stereotype.
    Always both should pay for their own meal, UNLESS the guy offers to pay for it all and treat her when they BOTH agree upon it and not do it without talking about it... Or also offer paying a part of her bill.
    Money is no joke, and people think it is since they think guys should pay the bills of the dates... Hell no.
    50 50 is not a good idea either, what if the girl took a 150$ worth of food and he only took 30$, so he now has to pay an extra 60$ of his pocket? Nope. She took it she pays for it, otherwise you lack education in manners and very selfish.
    What the heck is wrong with people? What if the guy has a birthday to a family member or something just as important and he has just enough money to pay for his own meal, if he pays for the entire date expenses, he's done for. Stop being such inconsiderate holy heck.
    Again, if the guy offers to pay, then this OBVIOUSLY means he can afford to do that, until then, it's one person to himself.

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    • Ahhhh calm down calm down!!

      Yeah in the end anything is good as long as it's fair and you both agree on it 😊

    • Good point. I think it all should be discussed prior. Always bring money just in case.

  • I like the fact that you're emphasizing that there isn't a one-size-fits-all solution. And that the key is to communicate with your partner and find an equitable solution. As opposed to some ready-made approach that really doesn't work in all situations.

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    • There is no one size fits all. Especially never in relationships. People are different and they make different couples with different advantages and different problems.

    • Exactly. The only thing that is universal are principles. But those never dictate a positive course of action.

  • We'll assume that the guy does the initial asking and pays for the first few dates. After that, anyone old enough to go dating should be able to work out some plan, whether alternating, he pays, the richer pays, they do things that are free - whatever works.

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    • I don't even need that initial assumption of him paying. It's fine if he doesn't.

      But of course I'd love it if he does but it's still not necessary.

  • Back in my day (oh, no, I finally said it! I’m offially old 😱) the guy always paid - it was expected. Now that I am back in the dating world I see a mix of expectations from the girls I have dated. Some subscribe to the “old rules” while others are happy to split things. It makes sense to me that, if I invite you to do something, that I’m planning to pay (and vice versa, though I do expect that). ... by the way the 50/50 has been alternating who pays.

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    • Old is gold 😂 pay however you like. You're alive so you belong in this age as well.

  • I have decided that the woman should pay the first date in regards to online dating.

    That is actually what taking a stance looks like.

    It is not saying whatever floats a persons boat and whatever makes them feel safe and secure and lets them be true to themselves...

    Those guys are pussies!!!

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  • Lets just be blunt, no woman will pay. Every woman makes up excuses so she can get out of paying while acting as if she is being "fair" that's all this is. Like when you hear women say "the person who does the asking out should do the paying", they know damn well that this is going to mean the man will ALWAYS have to pay, because women don't ask out men (it happens but its rare). Just like when they say "we should split it", knowing fully that the guy will not allow that because if he does she will consider him cheap and their will be no second date (I've seen so many questions from women who admitted to offering to pay then getting pissed off when he accepted the offer and decided not to date the guy). So again, lets just cut all the bullshit out right away, he will pay, he will almost always pay (unless your in a long term relationships in which case she will some times pay in order to claim equality even though he will still be carrying the bulk of the payments). Now, who should pay? Well, here is the thing, if you want a traditional guy he should pay. Their is a reason for it, women want to know you can support them and this is a way to show that. HOWEVER, this comes with a very important caveat, if he has to be traditional (and lets make no mistake about it, this is the overwhelming majority of women who go this route.(yes I know every woman is going to tell me this isn't the case even as they actively do this very thing they will claim not to do)), if he has to bare his "masculine responsibilities" then you as a woman absolutely must bare your "feminine responsibilities". None of this "I'm progressive and being traditional is sexist. . . if its women who are expected to be traditional." crap. If he is traditional and you expect him to take on those responsibilities, your cooking, your cleaning, your having sex with him when he wants it, your appreciating him and your letting him take the lead PERIOD. IF however you believe that traditionalism is "oppressive", for what ever reason, then by extension he is allowed to be nontraditional i. e. you ask him out, you split the bills and you do so happily, you do not expect him to be a "strong" man to protect you, you protect yourself, you don't let him "take care of you", your grown ass woman and your going to do that yourself. That's the issue here, its not who should pay, its women refusing to do the things that warranted the man paying to begin with while also demanding that he do all the things he is expected to do as a man for no reason other then you have a vagina and might let him see it from time to time. That's the issue, either your both traditional or your both non traditional. But of course we all know that women (yes not all women blah blah blah (says the women who absolutely are one of those women)), will not allow this (as per all statistical data showing this to be the case), but that would resolve the issues before they began. So who pays depends entirely on what your doing, what your giving and what your ideological beliefs are.

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  • In my personal case and Idont know if you agree or not I work this way.

    If im asked out the first time, the guy who wants to see me should pay for both of us.
    Second date, as a retribution for him paying me the first time, I pay him therefore I invite him.
    Third date and beyond, each one pays what each one orders, unless the guy insist on paying I let him pay, I let him do the gentleman duty. Im not going to start fighing him like a feminist that I could pay
    because Im independent and blah blah blah. If a guy insist in paying you, let them do it, I dont see why it has to be a big deal.
    But also if you keep hangin out with the dude you could also offer to pay from time to time so he can see you arer also doing an effort to pay.

    I dont believe in going dutch like 50/50 beause if one of them ate more than you, why you have to pay for more food if you did noit even eat it in case the bill comes with some amount that is a lot and you ate less but since u h ave to split 50 /50 you may end up paying more, so it is better to pay for the food you actually order.
    Anothr exception of if a woman or man should pay for the other one, is birthdays or special occasions,.

    For instance son Im going otu with a guy I like and I owe h im a belated birthday invitation so when the day will come, I will invite him beause I alreayd told him weeks ago that I will do.

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  • The problem seems to be that "kids" are trying to rationalize this way too much. Paying for a date is not a point of honor. I don't care if a woman asks me out, or not. I'm going to insist on paying for the date, IF I accept to go. But I'm 33, not 17. I THINK, anything less is disrespectful to the woman, but again... I'm old school. You want boys to be men? Let them pay for a freaking date !!

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    • Time is changing and in the new generation, women are paying as well. 😊

    • And you miss the point entirely. MEN are now saying that " if women want equality, they SHOULD pay for a date if they ask the man out". Should. That's the operative word. Or, they "should" pay if a man asks them out, but the woman makes more money? So now you encourage men to expect this if they're financially unable to support a date. They should be fine about asking with no expectation of paying, because the girl knows they can't? Look, I don't have a problem with a girl asking me out, or insisting that SHE pay for the date IF she asked me out. What I DO have a problem with, are "men" who "assume" that just BECAUSE SHE asked you on a date, you can expect a free ride. It's NOT gentlemanly... it's disrespectful. What if a girl is being flirtatious and says "why don't you take me to lunch sometime", and the boy says "ok, I will... let's go tomorrow". Should he "expect" her to pay because she made a move to get together? My point is... I may be find with a girl paying under the right circumstances... but I will NEVER be ok thinking that "she should pay", if I've been out with her. And furthermore, I think guys who "assume that", are wimpy ass losers.

    • You're right. I find it hella rude to just sit on your ass and expect your partner to pay. Even for a woman who is financially independent I don't like the idea of expecting the guy to pay all the time. I know some dudes are pretty salty about it, that's why one shouldn't be dating salty people.

      For me, a guy is good enough if he can afford a family, and I don't really think you need a lot of money for that if you're wise with your spending.

  • I’m over this debate. Honestly it doesn’t matter. If he wants to pay I let him, if he doesn’t, I’ll pay for mine.
    It’s really not that hard.

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  • In general, both. If I'm certain I'm going to go on more dates, like with a boyfriend, I prefer to take turns.

    If it's not a date, if one person is obviously richer than the other, I'm more inclined to say that person should pay - if I'm having dinner with my dad he pays, if I have dinner with my little brother I pay.

    If one person asks the other out, it makes sense for them to offer to pay, but splitting or going Dutch should always be an option.

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  • Lets be real. If I guy wants to have any success in dating, he will pay. Sure, you'll find the odd woman who offers to pay her half and means it. The rest who offer do so as a test. So fellas, if you want any kind of relationship, pay for the lady. Doesn't mean you have to like it. Just accept it.

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    • Ahaha yes those testing women. I think getting rejected by them is dodging a bullet TBH

    • I've had multiple second dates and relationships with girls who paid for themselves and some who fought to pay for me... lol. Can't say I entirely agree. In my life I've paid for a girl on the first date one time and it was the worst first date in my entire life lol. Swift punishment is good, because I never did it again and have only had positive experiences since.

  • I don't mind paying for both of us, but I guess most men would feel uncomfortable with that. So I'd say we split unless he wants to pay for both of us. I don't mind anything.

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    • What man would let you pay for the bill and why do you feel like you should pay just let us take care of you with certain thing's lol.

    • Yeah some men really like to pay by themselves. I'm fine with that as well but not letting me pay at all for once, or making a big scene out of a situation when I had to pay, it's too much.

  • I feel like both parties should bring their wallets expecting to pay for themselves, but whoever invites should offer to pay

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    • Yeah no matter what one should be prepared to pay full. You never know when you need it

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    • @Nathansixfootthree you seriously comparing Cinderella with real life? Go back to watching Disney cartoons and talk to us when you grow out of it.

  • I think people should pay for themselves on dates, I don't get why someone should be pressured or expected to pay for someone else's meal.

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  • Wow.

    Simple answer: the people going on the date should discuss it and do what works for them.

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    • Yeah definitely 😂 this is the simple thing that doesn't get into many people's minds and I really hope none of them online are really as lunatic in real life.

  • Your take is funny and very reasonable points. :) there should be open communication between the dates about this matter. It is truly up to them. Personally, I would prefer to pay my own way to keep things neutral and see how it is going with that person. But if my date insists I will respect that. Dont want to deflate his generous nature.

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  • For me I say each pay their own way the first time so nobody feels obligated or used.
    Then I only pay my own way until she pays for me first to show that she isn't the very common selfish kind of woman that thinks of a man as an ATM. then we'll take turns or each pays for each other now and then. But until she shows she isn't one of the common greedy selfish ones then I won't pay for her.
    If she tells me she thinks I should pay because I am a man, that would be the last time I see her.

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  • I just pay and I open the car door for her too.
    Whatever, I don't go on that many dates.

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    • Classic! I'm sure plenty of women love it but I'd feel terrible if I do nothing haha

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    • Lucky? I'll make him the LUCKIEST man in earth!! I get a lot of hate from guys due to my sassy attitude but all I do is not choosing to give my heart out to everyone!

    • Good for you, you sound like a giving person who has good character.

  • I think people should decide what works out for them in a dating or relationship dynamic. Everyone is different.

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  • If it is a dinner date, everyone pays for what they themselves ordered.
    To me personally, it is kind of inappropriate to expect the other person pay a sum that you have full control over.

    As far as expecting the other person to pay in general or feeling the need to pay for the other person, that I view as reflecting negatively on both people's characters and insecurities.

    As for "it's my treat", I view that negatively depending on the circumstance.
    I would only accept it among friends, family and someone I'm already in a committed relationship with.

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    • Well, I find nothing wrong with paying for your partner's food! Like c'mon, partner. We could do that but for them right?

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    • If you genuinely want to treat someone you care about, then sure, there is nothing wrong with paying for them.
      I would, of course, gladly pay for my partner, friend or family member if I wanted to take them somewhere I know where they will enjoy themselves.

      But the issue is, if the date is with someone you have just started dating, a first date even, how genuine can your desire to treat them really be?

      I firmly believe that most people who believe in the "traditional" way of paying on the first date, that is- "men always pay", are motivated by insecurity.
      The men simply do not want to be perceived as inadequate, because they have been taught that "real men pay".
      While the women suffer the other end of the same insecurity- they perceive themselves as inadequate because the man was not willing to pay for them, in spite of what they were taught.

      That is why I think the tradition is unhealthy and disingenuous, and why I always hope my date is clear-minded enough to see it in a similar way.

    • Some people split on first date now.

  • Both. Take turns. If I ever meet a girl who expects and keeps on taking... SEE YUH

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    • If I was a guy I wouldn't like a girl who expects me to pay either, unless she's really poor or something.

  • Who's going on a date in the first place. I pay for myself when I go with friends.
    I m waiting (arranged marriage)

    I don't know why the guys who can't pay make girlfriends.

    First, learn to earn, at least, for feeding yourself.

    And then do whatever you want.

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  • Its a mutual thing, whatever feels natural. If I feel inclined to pay then I will, but if she offers to pay as well I'm not going to object.

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    • Same. It's good to have mutual agreement and I don't like the idea of one person paying all the time unless it's for a good reason.

  • One should only be paying for the items that they ordered.
    The best option. I can pick what I order so I can calculate the price beforehand.
    They should switch/take turns. One pays today, the other pays on the next date.
    What we are doing now. We pay in turns.

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  • Both pays what they take. Then at the third date, you choose.
    Never pay for everything on the first date, because you never know if there will be a second date, or if the other just want you for free stuff.
    Second date, same reason. If someone is really interested in you for you, he/she can wait a few dates

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  • My boyfriend paid for the first few dates, he didn't want me to pay, though I always brought enough money to pay for myself. He eventually let me pay for part of our third date but even now, he still likes to get the bill and I sometimes slide a tenner into his pocket (which sometimes covers most of the bill or just my portion), which he is reluctant to accept but it's because I feel bad. But his monthly wage is probably more than double compared to mine!

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  • When my boyfriend and I both go out he usually pays, I do sometimes pay depending on the situation. We never do half and half. When I go out for something I’ll usually bring him something back in which I pay and vise versa. I personally like our setup, but I’m sure they’re are some people who wouldn’t agree.

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  • If you ask them out you are obligated to pay but they have the right to pay half if they wish.

    If one person has a higher income - I guess you mean much higher - then they also probably have more expensive tastes. This does not mean they have to pay all the time - see my first paragraph.

    If you never ask the guy out or offer to pay for anything the guy will know you’re greedy and or just using him. Assuming he’s had some experience in my opinion

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    • Some guys just never get laid and they give all their money to one woman they find. No seriously though. Some dudes themselves are so desperate that they become ATM booths.

  • I always offer to split and pay for myself but men always flip out and get angry with me and don’t let me.
    I’ve literally had a guy snatch my wallet and money from me so he could be the one paying.

    I feel like it should be talked about beforehand. Like I feel like it’s a sweet gesture but it causes resentment and it’s always held over a persons head.
    I honestly want to just pay for myself going forward tbh. I don’t want a thing held over my head.

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  • Each person should pay their own way on at least the first few days

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  • Totally should alternate. I pay in full one date, then he pays in full the next. I feel weird splitting!

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    • The last date I went on, I wanted to pay fully, since the guy made a 30 minute drive to see me. He was shocked when I said I like to alternate paying in full.

  • Hm idc tbh. He pays i pay it doesn't matter really. I dont usually go on dates that require a lot of money or anything.
    Tbh tho id prefer if he pays because id just feel special , not every single time i mean in special occasions.

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  • Date wise, whoever invites... Granted, I was once asked out (she also picked the place) and when the bill arrived before I could say a word she asked whether I was buying for both of use... or if we were going dutch. I told her dutch. I felt it poor form to even ask me to pay for us after 'she' invited 'me' out.

    I agree with another poster, offer to contribute, but allow the invited to offer and do not assume they will. If they do not, remember you are the one who invited them out. Expect to pay for both your 'guest' and yourself. Her approach... A total turn off.

    Equally bad, if you ask someone out and while doing so insist on paying, ordering for both of us then go to pay only to have your debit card declined. Thus stiffing the one you asked out with the bill. Also poor form.

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  • I'm starting to think that the less attractive person should pay. Because they're wanting sex with the more attractive person

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    • Did you just make attractive people prostitutes?

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    • Awwwww... shaming language? Childish of you.

    • Well if you say stuff like girls are prostitutes then I guess being childish is still much better. At least children don't view women as sex objects or prostitutes.

  • It is more polite I suppose for the man to be paying. I honestly don’t see how any of this is a big deal. I feel like this website does the complete opposite of what it’s supposed to do

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    • What opposite? I am doing what I am allowed to do here. Sharing my own take on this matter. I gain nothing by faking my opinion, instead I might write a poor myTake and get my editor status removed.

  • Both should pay for their own half of the date, regardless of who asked whom out. That's only fair since it is almost always the guy who has to ask. If a woman has a problem with that, it's good for her to make it known early on so the guy can decide if she's the kind of person he even wants to waste any more time on.

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    • Like I said, I don't believe that one single rule applies to everyone.

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    • So what would you do if you're taking your broke/poor girlfriend to a highly lavish place (let's supposed you are filthy rich)?

    • I'm talking about early in the dating process, when many women feel they are entitled to have the man ask them out AND pay for the date. My point was that it shouldn't matter who asked the other person out; both should pay their share, regardless.

      In an established relationship it doesn't matter so much.

  • I see lots of opinions and excuses from men/boys about who should pay the bill.

    The man should want to pay the bill, regardless of who asked who out.

    Your own sense of dignity should tell you that, lots of boys on here need to grow a pair and man up

    Letting the woman pay or splitting the bill, shows no class

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  • I highly agree when you said the wealthier toner should pay and that it’s up to the couple to decide. I’ve been use to men paying because they’re insistent but I have paid my share sometimes in my first relationship because we were both college students

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  • Splitting the bill, or taking it in turns if it's a regular thing is what I've always gone for.
    It's the simplest way to do it.

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  • What difference does it make? If I want her, I won’t only pay for her meal. I’ll buy her a car, and anything else her heart desires.
    I make money and work only to provide to my family. And if I’m serious about her and she has my trust, everything I can offer is at her disposal.

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  • It's simple. Men pay on the 1st date and from there on out both people communicate and pay based on what they want to do.

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  • stealing is always an option, no one can complain about paying then

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  • Why is this even a question? You already the answer.

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  • I think both peopple. Say the date is dinner and a movie - then one pays for dinner, the other pays for the movie. fair is fair

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  • You fought for equality. Now your getting it. Pay for your own half

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    • I swear I will when biological men can get pregnant.

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    • Ahhhh now we're talking. And what about the extra expenses that girls have to spend on for a date? Forget periods and childbirth, at least when men will spend as much money, time and effort to get ready for a date as women do that's when I'm gonna pay exactly half including irrational numbers.

    • Definitely not paying for you two 😂😂😂

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