Why It Pays To Be Mean

There's a lot of Romanticism surrounding the Bad Boy and the Jerk. Good Guys and Nice Guys can't seem to figure out logically why these types are more sexually attractive and like any one, it's hard to just accept the fact on blind faith that that's "just how it is." Why is it how it is? Just explain it to me and then I'll stop complaining about it! Ok.

Why It Pays To Be Mean

There is an element of male attraction that isn't discussed much or, at least, isn't discussed to the degree that it should. That's DOMINANCE. Behind every attractive man, is at a top level, dominance. There is also emotions and sensitivity but this is secondary. Furthermore, men who base their attraction methods primarily on emotions fall into a series of problems. Emotions change day to day...on any given day he may "feel" the love for the girl and other days be phoning it in and "boring." on other days, she may be "feeling" him but then, on another, ghost him because she's just not "feeling it anymore." Further, emotions require trust and comfort. These things need to be built over time. Women, in general, don't want to sleep with a man they just met recently if it's an "emotions" thing, but let them around a guy who comes off as really dominant to them and they will be begging HIM to have sex. Again, good guys can relate to that moment where a girl they've been "wearing down" for weeks to months suddenly decides to sleep with a guy she met at a party. What the hell...

So, to circle back to the beginning, the bad boy is a guy who does bad things and this is very dominant. Further, even if a guy doesn't do bad things if he acts like a jerk this is dominant because he is not respecting her feelings or even showing her any affection at all but, rather, the reverse. He is not puffing up her self confidence he is directly attacking it. For a girl who doesn't know who she is or what she believes in, this can be deadly, but any woman at all a man who can be a little mean at times is dominant.

This is not to be confused with "negging" an often times transparent attempt to flip the script by teasing/insulting the girl. It is similar in action but not in goal. In negging, you are throwing a "word bomb" hoping to land somewhere that gives you an advantage. When you're simply exploring your dominant side, you say things to take control of her mentally.

And this is the reason it's not often discussed. Dominance is about taking control. To dominate:

have a commanding influence on; exercise control over.

be the most important or conspicuous person or thing in.

(of something tall or high) have a commanding position over; overlook

I'm not saying this right that this is sexy to women, but it is logical and has a lot of evidence in nature. As an intellectual person, I'm the last to want to reduce us to primative creatures but the point is one can more or less easily accep that women want to be dominated by men sexually. Not all men, but being dominated is itself sexy. This is why football players are such an easy sell why chronic video game players are a hard sell. It's the perspective that one is dominant and the other is passive/weak and would not be capable of being dominant that determines a large part of the initial attraction. It is why that douchey guy who isn't even that built or good looking gets a ton of girls. The perception that he would dominate her sexually if they got in bed together.

So then let's say you can connect to your dominant side. You know the part of you that likes to lead, to command, to exercise control over a girl and even though you've repressed it ever since you were a little boy and were told that it was wrong, you can still whip it back out. You can't just be dominant to every woman you meet. (Though being dominant with a lot of women you meet to some extent can be helpful to build it in as a habit.) This is because a woman's desire for dominance is sexual and sexuality is inappropriate in many areas in life. It's kind of like the big dick conundrum. You have it and you know it would be attractive if a girl saw it, but you would be risking a lot whipping it out in the middle of starbucks or even wearing basketball shorts thin enough where it's outline could be clearly detected.

Thus, why some guys have so much success just "being mean." Mean is dominant-light. It's telling a girl to move out of your way. It's telling a girl you're hanging out with your friends tonight and she's not invited. It's telling your coworker that she's going out for drinks with you after she finishes her report. It's little things which come from the idea that you are the man and that she, on some level, wants you to tell her what to do.

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What Girls Said 1

  • i hate mean people


What Guys Said 2

  • And it even works for getting elected President...

    • Exactly! Trump doesn't apologize to his people blames democrats. Paul Ryan apologizes to his people, media and his own people crucify him for failing to get it done

    • Talking about health care reform *

  • The key is to just not be a doormat. You don't have to go into full on jerk territory to do that. You have to be willing to disagree and actually say it to the girl though. She'll get pissed and maybe call you a jerk because that's their go to during an argument but it doesn't actually make you a jerk.


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