The Value of You

[PANDAmonium]

Loving oneself is a hard thing for many people to come to terms with and I feel that many people never truly appreciate themselves and who they are.

Let me preface this all by saying that this is a topic I have struggled with for a very long time and, to be completely honest, it is something that I still struggle with to this day. But that does not render me incapable of knowing how important it is to appreciate what I have to offer.

Now to dive right in

For most of my life I have lived for other people. I have put other people ahead of myself because I've believed that I was incapable of finding happiness due to the circumstances that have surrounded me my entire life. This has led to me being something of a doormat for people who I ha

ve called my friends. Now granted they haven't all used me intentionally, but there have been people who have used me because they've known they could and that I would do nothing to protest because the way I saw things was this - if I was incapable of finding happiness, then at the very least I could help to bring happiness to others. And that was my mantra, and to a degree, it still remains my mantra.

Everybody has their own reasons for being the way they are but let me try to explain why I am the way I am. I've felt that I am incapable of finding happiness because it's just always seemed so unattainable. Since I was young, I've had to watch my mom go through pain on a level that few people can really understand and I still don't. Watching her everyday of my life go through the pains of everyday activities is a hard burden for anyone to bear. But along with that, I've watched other members of my family destroy themselves with alcohol and lies - squandering relationships because that's how they are. I've seen family members who've been affected by war and so I've been stripped of knowing who they were prior to those ex

periences. I am the way I am because I feel that since I can't even begin to fix my family - can barely even speak to them about these issues - how will I ever be able to fix and truly love myself? And that is why I took to helping others find happiness because I found that I could and that I was, for the most part, pretty good at it.

The problem with this all is that by living my life for other people's happiness, I only exacerbated my own issues and drove myself further behind the veil of sadness and hurt that I myself had put up. And it is so very tiring to be down about yourself all the time and yet never tell anyone about it because you feel that they won't be able to help. I would have probably remained this way for a long time had I not met someone who clearly struggled with this issue as much, if not more, than I had. They made me truly think about this and they made me want to work on it.

Because while I said before that I felt that I was incapable of finding happiness I never once felt that I wasn't deserving of happiness. Because I am, I am deserving of happiness. Everybody is, but in order for that to come about I have to come to terms with the fact that I do matter. I may not be perfect and I may not be able to fix everything but I do matter. And that is I what I hope to impart to those of you who take the time to read this. Take a look in the mirror and look at yourself. We are who we are and regardless of whether or not there are things in your lives that you need to change you still matter. And if you feel that no one else in the world cares about you there should always be at least one person who does and that person is you.

[kambo_trick3y]

There's a lot of truth here, and this take very much reflects something I try to preach here on GAG.

I see people here who have absolutely NO self-esteem and no self-strength, yet for some reason, despite all this low confidence, they try and find and give their love to someone else, and through doing this, attempting to find someone to complete them.

This is impossible. No one can complete you, cause in order to find someone that completes you, that can only mean that you YOURSELF was an INCOMPLETE person to begin with.

YOUR self-esteem, YOUR self-strength WARPS the reality around you. It changes your perception of EVERYTHING.

Say your significant other comes home late. A strong person will know that your SO simply had a late day from work. A weak and mentally insecure person will think they are being cheated on because they are unattractive and unlovable. It happens EVERYDAY.

If you DON'T love yourself, how can you give something to someone that you don't even have?

Love is just like any bridge, you need TWO STRONG and STANDING structures in order to make one, not one strong and standing structure, and the other one crumbling and falling over depending on the tough one for support all the time. A bridge cannot exist if it's going to be like that.

[PANDAmonium]

Well said kambo

[Anonymous]

Beautifully heartfelt, as always.
I wish I could see my value. I am working on it, of course, but sometimes I feel it's difficult to see myself as anything other than what those hate-colored lenses have revealed.
I have to figure out a way to punch myself in the face and break those glasses, haha!

Thanks for this :-)

[Hannah591]

Good take! I feel like sending it to my boyfriend who does things for others all the time and only recently has he noticed he's been neglecting his own needs and happiness. He's ultimately caused himself to go into depression and has lost his spark for life. I'm encouraging him to spend time alone to think things through because he's always so busy, he never has "me time".

[PANDAmonium]

Im glad you liked it, just remember that if you do show this to him or bring it up with him that this is not something that changes instantly or overnight. It is a long slow process you just need to be there for him when he needs you.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for this, it is so encouraging, it could have been me you were writing about, because i can relate to this. I have always put other people happiness before my own, and it was always at a cost. I have self worth now, but i dont believe i can ever be happy, all my choices and decisions are behind me now, and i have paid the price for
making the wrong ones. sometimes i have this
deep ache in my heart , which causes me so mch
emotional pain, no one knows because no one understands. I actually cried reading it, because it mirrored my life and how i feel so much

[Stacyzee]

<3 Thanks for sharing your story.

It's great you realize that in order to be happy you have to fulfill yourself with love and attention.
Achieving happiness is a work in progress but knowing where to start is the beginning journey.

[PANDAmonium]

Ah but the first steps often seem insurmountable. BUt thank you for reading it.

[Stacyzee]

Words are always simpler than actuality.
We all know what we have to do... then comes the hard part... actually
getting it done.
You'll get there some day.
It's a whole process and doesn't happen overnight.

[PANDAmonium]

Si. I know.

[PANDAmonium]

One day ill get there.

[Stacyzee]

Yessss :)

[AmberDawnxo]

Love this. Needed this right about now too. The thing is though once you realize you need to love yourself more and feel that you do matter. How do you get that accomplished and help you find that within yourself? In order to love yourself. Anyone have anyways or tips to help out? Would really help. Thanks, and lovely post !!

[muspelhem_3]

This was really nice, honest and humble. I like that. Some takes are more... 'you should be this way, you should be that way'. But yours isn't. Thank you. I don't doubt that you're good at helping people, this take proves it.

You definitely are valuable :) Good luck with working on stuff.

[a_lizete]

Thanks for writing this. Literally I was just crying about how I'd been dealt a horrible deck of cards in life and I really needed this so thanks so much for writing this

[PANDAmonium]

glad it helped!

[fiego]

@ PANDAmonium This is a phenomenal myTake, thank you very much for sharing it.

[PANDAmonium]

Thanks for taking the time to read it!

[fiego]

@PANDAmonium I'm now following you and looking forward to your future myTakes.

[angelwithin]

Thank you for this amazing post. Everyone needs to hear this from time to time. I know I needed it, so thanks. =)

[Findesemana]

Good point, I think selfishness is normal, to some degree.

[PANDAmonium]

Normal and honestly necessary to a certain extent just for your own health and sanity.

[youknowitt]

There will always be a doormat to replace me. :,(

As long as its not me. Done with that crap.

[Keyspirits]

The pain in ma heart..

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=6fg-p8KPWbk

I look so pitiful :c

[Olgaxxx]

I wish there were more inspirational people like you 😍😍 I love your take 👍

[bellatrixbella]

You hit the nail on the head. Very well said admire your willingness to share what is the truth that so many of us fail to understand because of the way we have been conditioned.

[ThatBritishLad]

Uggggggggh.
That's the minimum character count met, good.

[JackKerouac77]

I DIG IT!!!

[PANDAmonium]

Glad you liked it!

[Anonymous]

I relate too well, this made me tear up!

[SecretSomeone]

There is non.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for sharing