I want to date people.
I want to LOVE people. And I do. But, as soon as they ask that one question for me to be their girlfriend, I feel like chains have been tied around my neck. Countless excuses jump out of me. "My parents would kill me!" "I'm not in a good place right now to date." "We aren't close enough." "Our friendship is more important." "I'm trying to focus on school."
And so many more.
I want to date them. I dream of being held by a dreamy guy, looking into each others eyes with romantic gleams. It's just suffocating to be in a relationship. What if I fall in love with someone else? What if I stop loving them? What if I accidentally cheat?! WHAT IF THIS IS ALL A MISTAKE?!
I love flirting. I like the feeling of sexy whispers, holding hands, and sneaking kisses with mischievous smiles, because for a few hours, we're each others.
But, for a lifetime? That's scary.
I want to date people! But I'm terrified! I've dated one person in primary school, and immediately broke it off. I feel suffocated, scared, and possessed.