How to date when you're scared?

[Anonymous]

I HATE to admit this, but I was in a serious relationship almost 3 years ago and it scarred me. Long story short, he betrayed me in the most cruel way possible and I didn't see it coming. Since then my entire life changed because the way I see everything changed.

I have been in 2 relationships since and although both didn't work out, they didn't hurt me in the way that one relationship did.

I am extremely anxious about being hurt in that way again. I fight to leave it in the past but it's very frightening for me. I am even anxiously convinced that my 2 exes after him may have secretly cheated on me... I'm so paranoid.

I want to date again and live my life even just for fun but I am scared. Any advice please?

Updates

1 y

Guys I realised today that everyone is scared of dating for one reason or another.

I’m going to use my past relationships as skills and knowledge on what I want and I’m just gonna put myself out there again. 🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻

[Pudsmucker]

Sorry to hear that you've had some bad relationships. It's better that they go walking now then if you married them and have some children with them. Then you'll be fighting for child support. And you'll be having to deal with them constantly as it did beat father. A lot of women fall into love traps. My aunt had similar issues as you. She was single after her first divorce. Guy was a turd. Her second husband he would leave her at the house for some time by herself. She also lost her child because of him neglecting her. All I can say is pray as if it all depend the Lord and go and search and study things out as if it all depend upon you. Just take things slowly and approach your dating life cautiously until you feel more comfortable being with the them meaning, going to coffee shop, having a light lunch, never expect to go to a large dinner and expect to have sex. When dating stay in public areas. Sometimes going on double dates. They are quite fun. I hope the best for your future.

[Asker]

Thank you

[Summeroflove]

You’re welcome im sure ir sucks but you’ll find better

[Summeroflove]

So sorry wrong post lmao 🤣

[Pudsmucker]

You're welcome

[Bklynbadboy12]

When your with the right guy the only thing you'll be afraid of is loosing him he'll make sure your happy and content but most of all you'll feel safe with him

[Asker]

Amazing

[Bklynbadboy12]

Your a good woman just give yourself a chance to find a good man. I understand what your saying cause I'm afraid of getting hurt to but each person is an individual so you have to approach it as such. Just because he hurt doesn't mean the next guy will he may love and cherish and comfort you in way you never knew was possible but you have to try it to find out. Good luck beautiful and if you need to talk to me or to get any advice you know how to find me

[Guy13]

If you are not comfortable to get on the Pitch and Risk then do not lace up cleats and uniform... no traveling team for awhile !!! It is devastating to be cheated on but it sounds like you have hit bottom and are where you can let go of the guy who is still controlling from long ago. It is a daily war of thoughts and choosing which voice you will be listening too.

You still have not come to terms with the Cheat, therefore, you have not given all of you in the last two relationships.-This will never work because of your heart knowing you are being dishonest. It eventually all comes out as you have lived it repetitively. "I never felt like she was all-in... something was never quite right-I can't explain it Mom."

I am not talking about hiding or burying your pain but I am speaking too controlling your fears and Risking honestly/truthfully.

[Summeroflove]

I think you need a professional therapist. Sorry that happened

[Asker]

Thank you. I had a therapist a few months ago. It helped tremendously but now I just gotta help myself I guess

[Summeroflove]

You’re welcome sorry I posted under another one

[Summeroflove]

Well sometimes it’s easier said then done. You have to want the help yes. But maybe you need one again maybe not.

I’m sure you’ll find better all the best to you

[Asker]

Thanks

[Summeroflove]

You’re welcome

[HighValue]

Don't date the same type of person/personality again because you are incompatible with them. Also, don't do any casual sex, because that will ensure that actual good guys wouldn't want you in the future and then your only options will be the cheater types that you already know will give you bad experiences in life. Don't date anyone that has a past of casual sex either because they are the same. Don't &have any contact with any exes because that will harm your future relationships.

[Asker]

I’m a virgin lol. Thank you for your advice

[TonyMetal___86]

Most of us are affraid because we had a bad experience in a way or another, does this makes everyone the same? OFC NOT! But we are affraid that such things might happen to us again, some are willing to take this adventure again and some aren't ready to risk themselves again...

When someone has real faith, real principles in life than this person is worth the try only if you know them for a long time to make sure that this person is honest...

I believe that honesty and sticking to your promises and words in any situations and all over the time is the way to success...

[AmeerX]

Try dating outside your ethnicity I suppose. What was common in all three should be listed and then avoid someone who had certain features, may be hairstyle, or names idioms etc. Or star sign.

Most girls I fell for were Scorpio, Pisces and Cancers and all were from affluent society parents offsprings

[Asker]

I’m a Scorpio haha

[AmeerX]

But you are totally different ethnic background.

My point is try to get rid of the pattern

[standardguy]

Do you have faith? Do you believe in God? I think that this is the only ancor you can have in these difficult times. Every man can betray you and women can do the same. There is no guarantee and you have just to forgive the first boyfriend and pray to God that he liberates you from anger and anxiety.

[Asker]

Thank you I did

[standardguy]

(y) :-)

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

Hello there, I'm age 54 and scared to date because I always feel like I'm going to meet the same girls that I always meet at the wrong place, I wish you the best in all you do.

[Asker]

Oh no good luck!!!

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

Thank you !!!

[slatyb]

1. Get some counseling if you can. A counselor could give you specific direction about how to begin a new relationship.

2. Go slow. Don't be too trusting too early.

[collie22]

I understand not wanting to get hurt again. I'm still pissed about it. I'm seeing someone but I'm not letting my self fall in love

[Part2603]

Yeah, stop being a ho. Vet your boyfriends better.

[Asker]

I’m a virgin and every boyfriend I had wanted to marry me.

[Andres77]

Scared or scarred?

[Asker]

Both

[Andres77]

at some point you just have to decide that it's worth the risk again. it's not easy but it's the only way to move ahead with your life.

[Asker]

Thanks. You’re right

[Jamie05rhs]

I like your update! Good for you, Alyssa! :)

[Asker]

Thanks!!

[Jamie05rhs]

You're welcome! :)

[Alex8736]

scared of dating? friends with benefits as well?

[Asker]

Yes. Scared of getting close to anyone because they might betray me.

[Alex8736]

might have to start by keeping things casual

[Asker]

Alright thanks

[Alex8736]

😇😋😘

[Anonymous]

Get over it. You've dated since.

[Asker]

I have a feeling you’re the same anon every time

[Opinion Owner]

No you are that pathetic. Doesn't your mom give you advice?

[Asker]

So you are