Yesterday I posted the question "Single men over 40, would you rather be with a beautiful clueless girlfriend or a successful independent woman?" And I was surprised of the amount of misunderstanding associated with why women choose to become independent.
It seems like everything nowadays has to be reflective of certain groups' agendas. So asking a simple question like that brings up ideologies, perceptions and whether I am a feminist man-hater. However, that's not why I am sharing this take for. I actually want to express my thoughts on why women chose to be successful and independent over relationships when they are in their twenties. And before you pull your guns out please try to read it to the end.
Women choose to be independent or successful for so many reasons and it is very rare that the reason is to emasculate men. I honestly believe it is never the case considering the choice normally is made very early in her life when she is17-25 years old.
Believe it or not, we often early-on figure out that we need to lift ourselves and families out of poverty or get them out abusive or difficult circumstances. That's when we decide to study hard and we work day and night so we can make it happen. We are caregivers who made the choice to protect our mother, sisters, and brothers. And now we continue to do so with those who are too young to protect themselves. We stood by our families’ well-being emotionally and financially, so we actually know how to be kind and strong despite how ugly the word outside can get. And we do it with a smile. Yes, surprisingly the decision process did not involve hating a man. It involved a necessity and a survival need.
So yes, we didn’t spend our teenage years partying, flirting with boys, living in social media, or did drugs and alcohol. We didn’t spend our twenties jumping from one guy’s lap to another. Or thinking what shoe will give me value, or what cutie will ask for my number. No instead, our twenties were lost in one or two long terms committed relationships because we value what family or love is about.
And some may have thought that owning her own car and her own house will give her dignity so she doesn’t have to sleep in some dude’s house fearing of living in the streets. Again no, we didn’t live with anyone for his money or because we needed a roof over our head. And we don’t have children as well most of the time. Not because we don’t care about our fertility or hate having kids. But in real life you sometimes you can’t have it all. So we sacrificed. We rejected in many cases love until we made sure that it is not selfish to love, and that no one will get impacted by our decision to take the risk in loving somebody.
Sure some of us chose to become successful and independent because they have a desire to pursue dreams, passion, fulfill a purpose, or even contributing back to the economy (and by doing so we create jobs for others both men and women). And we don’t hate men. Because in our journey to success and independence, some good men supported us and believed in us. Some, of course, tried to take advantage of us, blackmailing us using our circumstance to threaten our jobs or being demoted. But when we refused to take the easy way and sleep around, they accused us of being unwanted and undesirable and still lost jobs just because we didn't bend to their sexual needs. Yes, we did not take the easy money and never gave away our self-value to a sugar daddy or a male boss. We took the hard way working day and night so we can say no, reject, and fight. And you know what, we do it with grace, kindness, and a smile on our face. So those who depend on us find strength in our strength. So we do it and keep quiet. Even if our hearts deep down were tired, broken and alone trembling in fear. As we mastered the art of being independent and strong while being afraid, lonely and uncertain at heart at times.
Please don’t come here saying independent women are this and that. Don’t throw hatred and call names and accuse someone you don’t know. Be humane in your responses and show that you are better than these rude, hard-headed, ignorant, bossy, unwanted independent women you claim them to be. Not all women or men are a simple extreme of evil or good. No one actually is. And there is no absolute independence from the other gender period.
Link to the original question:
Note: I understand that my question failed to address the character and values of a woman that can swing a man's decision. Also, it tends to indirectly classify a huge diversity of human beings into two simplified groups.
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