3 Reasons Why Dating Is Not A Waste Of Time

[Anonymous]

** This myTake is probably not applicable to those who are happy being single and don't ever want a relationship. And that's fine as long as you're happy :) **

I was terrified of the thought of dating until I went on a first date ...

I've always had a positive outlook when it comes to dating. I was terrified of the thought of dating until I went on a first date with a guy who would eventually go on to be my boyfriend (now ex-boyfriend). Ever since then I've had a complete change of perspective when it comes to dating.

I've had relationships through all forms of dating (friend of a friend, a boy I met in a club on a night out and my current boyfriend I met online). The hardest aspect of dating in my opinion is putting yourself out there. Once you have done that, I believe the follow three reasons are why it's not a waste of time

1. Whether the date is good or bad - you will always have a story to tell

I can't tell you the amount of times I've had a laugh with my friends about this date.

If the date goes well and eventually ends up in a relationship then that's always a good news story to tell. If the date goes bad, then you also always have a story to tell. I went on a date with a guy I matched with on tinder and he left in the middle of the date to cycle to an off-license to buy his cousin alcohol. I can't tell you the amount of times I've had a laugh with my friends about this date.

2. Every date you go tell you more and more what you like and don't like in a potential partner

This one is fairly self explanatory - I think. I went on a date with a guy (also a match on Tinder) who studied the same course as I did in college (he was a year older than me). I thought this was great, we had something to talk about on the date and break the ice with. Unfortunately, it was not what I thought it would be. He proceeded to talk about the course and intricacies of it for the entire three hours. It was at this moment I realized that while I am a biochemist myself, I will never ever date one.

3. It's something to do!

You could end up finding your perfect match, finding out something you don't like in a potential partner or even get lucky for a night ;)

I know right most of us are on lock down with the virus but once this is over and we can all get back to normal (hopefully sooner rather than later), why not consider dating something productive to do? It could change your life. You could end up finding your perfect match, finding out something you don't like in a potential partner or even get lucky for a night ;) It's certainly more productive than just sitting inside on your own.

Are there any other reasons you can think of why dating isn't a waste of time? Or do you have any bad date stories you'd like to share?

[winterfox10]

I agree that dating is a good use of time (or at least not a waste of time). I think that people forget that you need to be getting out there and willing to be vulnerable to find happiness. If you spend all of your life scared of getting hurt, you'll only get hurt.

[mattl338]

Well even if it's a good use of time, I wouldn't make a hobby out of it. I have never gone on a date before and I tend to keep to myself ever since this COVID-19 thing started, but even before it I was always a reserved loner, I don't go up to people and start conversations. Don't get me wrong I do want to find love and find the right girl for me and have been looking for about 3 years, but it's just not my time yet but waiting for it to come to me is the best way to go considering the law of attraction and that if they are interested in me they will find me.

[Ericalovescats]

Dating isn't a waste of time because it's romantic and an opportunity to have fun together 😉. The only people who consider it a waste of time are people who don't want a relationship, people who've been burned or people who are cheap and don't want to pay.

[myTake Owner]

Completely agree! 🙌🏻

[Nik1hil]

Consider me sold!..

[pocketman]

Overall this is true. However, to be complete and accurate there are situations where dating is a waste of time. Consider people who are already in a loving relationship, or those who have no intention of getting into a relationship and just want to have a free lunch. Going on a date with either of those descibed people would be, in my view, a waste of time. Time can be spent better, but to other people it might not be a waste of time because they don't have a better way to spend their time.

[Ericalovescats]

@pocketman All very valid points.

[CasaNorba]

"people who are cheap and don't want to pay"

you'll be surprised how many of these people actually love going on dates. and get bitchfits when you make it official that they have to put in their half

"it's romantic and an opportunity to have fun together"

I see people who mean this do this without dating all the time

[OlderAndWiser]

Every date allows us to practice and develop our social skills and we become a better potential partner with reach experience. Dating also satisfies some of our social needs.

[mattl338]

What do you mean social needs? I don't have many social needs, all I talk to is my friends occasionally and my parents on a day to day basis ever since the COVID19 shit. I've also been in isolation for about 8 weeks and only go out in public when I need something, but that's rare these days. I keep to myself anyway and I'm very reserved and I'm a bit of a loner. Being social was never a need and sometimes it wears me out if done too much and then I start distancing myself from people.

[OlderAndWiser]

@mattl338 Okay, you are a loner, but many of us are not and we do have social needs.

[mattl338]

Fair enough, like what for example?

[OlderAndWiser]

@mattl338 Many of us are satisfied simply being in the presence of others. I live alone. If I go to the grocery store, I rarely engage in conversation with other shoppers and only briefly with the cashier but that amount of contact gives me a feeling of being put at ease. Even a Zoom video conference can have that effect. Of course, there is also a need for intellectual stimulation (in some people) and that can be satisfied with having discussions with others; talking to my two cats is simply not sufficient.

[mattl338]

Ahhh I see, well I hope because of this COVID 19 shit that you'll still get social satisfaction

[PeterAyre]

Very wise and I agree. I'd like to add that it's important to self reflect and be open to learning. I think gaining more skill and experience is very important. When you come across a good potential partner and you want to put yourself forward with skill and experience. It's preferable to have more rather than less of that. After all you don't want to mess up a brilliant opportunity at the first hurdle. Feel free to correct me on anything.

[OlderAndWiser]

No corrections needed.

[Guy13]

I think I would enjoy dating you and your practicality worldview centered in improvement. You are refreshing.

[NineBreaker]

I'm of the opinion that dating solely for the sake of dating is a waste of time. Again, this is my personal opinion. If someone goes dating particularly just to have fun and pass the time, and makes it absolutely clear that it is the objective, then that's completely fine. Not my thing, but to each their own.

This is one of the reasons that may explain why I cannot relate to any of the points mentioned here.
1. Dating as material for a story: AKA Gossip. AKA a waste of time.
2. Finding out what you like or don't: I know exactly what I'm looking, and dating is one of the ways to investigate if a woman has that.
3. It's only marginally more productive than just sitting at home doing absolutely nothing. For a lot of guys, solitude is bliss. Not that guys don't enjoy going out and dating; but it seems to me that we are far more capable of spending prolonged periods of time by ourselves, such as when tinkering.

I'm sure that these are legit reasons for you, and many others. Personally, they are not for me.

For me, it's a way to find, and learn more about your potential life-long significant other. Other than that. It's an utter waste of time.

[Anonymous]

Of course a woman write this. Yes first dates are not a waste of time for considering:

1. At least 80 percent of the time he asks for the date. Clear sign of interest. You can accept even though you are not that interested. It that scenario you are in a position of power.

2. He does all the thinking and planning on what to do and where to go.

3. 90 percent chance he pays for everything.

4. It’s up to him to initiate and lead the conversation. If you are feeling tired or came to the date in a bad mood you get more leeway to show it. If he feels the same he’s HAS to put on a plastic grin. If he doesn’t his chances of getting intimate are slim to none.

5. Serial dating women are prospecting for friend zone opportunities. The more dates you go on with guys you are not that attracted to, the more opportunities you can turn them into orbiters for your own ends.

Alright what I said above is extremely cynical I admit. But I’ve had the bad experiences of meeting meal ticket bitches and/or women who had zero physical interest but were looking for their next chump (never accepted it long term).

If a girl has zero physical interest in me I rather get a flat out no early. While that rejection stings it’s better than being played along.

[akihon]

And of course you got three downvotes from women no less but not one stood up to give a reasoned argument why you're wrong, in that then they showed they didn't like what you said but couldn't argue it.

[Opinion Owner]

@akihon and that's par for the course for how many of them behave. It hurts their "emotions" but they can't logical fight back. Because their approach is very selfish but they just can't give it up.

Now I've learned a long time ago to keep first date cheap. A cup of coffee, maybe a drink. But never ever a full dinner. Never ever a full night of plans. I have no idea who I am dealing with. Plus with online dating you risk free loaders/catfish girls.

I have invited women over my place for a walk and dinner. Some of them wig out over that and block me out. But a few accepted and I made them dinner, just talked and never tried anything if they weren't interested.

[Opinion Owner]

The only thing women have to do is dress up nice for the date and get all their makeup on. But I've met some that don't even do that. Also it's not like we can dress like we are mowing the lawn. I put on nice clothes, shoes, mild cologne, trim my facial hair, etc.

[akihon]

That I think is the best way and what I do myself, when you look at from a mile away most women are only going in dates to get a free meal or because they are bored and hungry.

A coffee on a Saturday morning is a good start cheap and time to actually talk to each other, it's always amusing though when you get the coffee and they actually can't talk about anything. Not a thing

[Opinion Owner]

@akihon I got a date with a girl to go for a hike this afternoon. The place is close to where I live. It’s simple.

She looks so so in her pics. But tbh I rather spend my time with a semi attractive girl who respects me and my time vs. some princess cunt. But it’s tough when the hot princess says “yes” to the date. Don’t want to miss an opportunity that she might be interested.

[akihon]

Nah to be honest, I've always been more into the plain Jane they often have more to offer, they look good when they dress up but also know they can't spend their lives trading on looks so actually have a personality.

[Opinion Owner]

@akihon true. But it’s good to have someone to get your adrenaline going. But those girls abuse that 95 percent of the time

[akihon]

Yes agreed

[CasaNorba]

amen brother!

the fact that a woman wrote this also says enough about her

[JSmuve]

Eh, your list isn't really compelling reasons to go on dates.

Firstly, not all bad dates lend themselves to funny stories that you can laugh at later. I imagine a lot of them make you regret your decision to go on the date and cringe at how poorly it went.

With the second point, yes, you do get a better idea of what you like/don't like, but you also have the burden of rejecting people that you don't feel compatible with. That's not a pleasant experience, unless you're one of those people that avoids it by forgetting the person exists, which is even worse.

Thirdly, if your reason for dating is because it's "something to do" then I'd feel bad for the person going on a date with you. No one wants to hear "I'm here because I don't have anything better to do with my time." Ouch.

And all of the above are dependent on your ability to even get dates in the first place. That's not a privilege that all of us have the luxury of experiencing for whatever reasons.

Dating isn't a waste of time, though. But if done for the wrong reasons, then it could be a waste of someone else's.

[Daniel3035]

That’s great love. Except your a woman you have no shortage of options sign up to tinder you’ll get 50+ guys in days or less a guy signs up what happens? Maybe 3 girls in a week if he's lucky good looking or not doesn’t matter. Dating isn’t a waste of time easy for you to say. It is when your a guy because you girls love to play mind games and give mixed signals etc if we approach you then you act as if “and? Is that the best you have pathetic” you hold all the cards here. And let’s say we find that 1 in 100 girl who is genuine AND single AND you like her she plays the long game of hard to get she wants to take it slow how do we know she’s not a player who’s there to waste our time. So actually for you girls it’s easy us guys dating really is a waste of time when any genuine girl takes forever and any second she could turn out to be fake all this in odds stacked against us with her probably having 100 guys on her thats if she’s single if We like her if she’s genuine and don’t forget it has to be mutual as well she has to like us plus all these things.

[Lman3000]

Thing is I have no problems with none of this, Thing is no one finds me interesting enough to spend time with, hell girls rather spend their time trying to attract a mate that they themselves don't even know is taken or not and go out there way to learn more than actually give someone who is clearly trying a shot, It's a giant circle jerk of nonsense and stupidity I tell ya, Before I get blasted I just say this, Isn't the point of dating is meeting new people and seeing if you even connect cause if ya just look at person and just say eh he looks boring or he's not my type that just defeats the purpose of dating, Admit it people are too stupid to figure out how to date one another and this shit is not worth any effort.

[myTake Owner]

Yes I probably should have been more clear in that in the take but what I was getting as is to go on a date regardless of whether someone “looks boring” or something else as it is to see if you have a connection with someone.

[Lman3000]

Hmm at least someone can kinda see where I'm coming from, Well back to being a lost cause, good luck with the whole advice gig maybe it'll actually help someone

[Katebfun]

I don't think dating is a waste of time. It's all perception in the way you look at it in my opinion. I enjoy meeting new people because they are a reflection of who you are at the moment you attract who you are not what you want. then there's the contrast and it shows what you want and don't want and what are deal breakers for you. but dating in general can be frustrating if you're actively pursuing it because you're going to be disappointed and let down and ghosted possibly. It's best just to be friends meet people in person and just let it flow and go from there and something will happen in time.

[FlirtWithMeeee]

One huge one you did not mention is that you can learn from the experiences, grow as a person, and better yourself. It's not just about finding Mr. Right/Mrs. Right because the truth is, if you're not right within yourself that Mrs. Right/Mr. will just pass you by. Unfortunately, I say that from experience.

[myTake Owner]

That’s true, I could’ve mentioned that in reason 2. Thank you!

[FlirtWithMeeee]

Yeah, that's what I was thinking too 😁

[FlirtWithMeeee]

Uhhhh that emoji didn't come out right 😂🤣

[myTake Owner]

No worries 😂

[jgibsonian1986]

Honestly, it depends who you date and why.
First off you can't technically waste time. Anything you do costs time and in the end you can only judge thst you could have spent your time doing something better. Weather or not you gain success you spent not wasted your time. The idea of waiting it is from inefficiency.

Ex. Let's say I spend 6 years of my life getting to know someone in hopes of marrying only to in the end have the relationship turn abuse towards me and end up causing much mental stress.
Fact of the matter is is no matter what hardship you go through you learn from it or you crumble. I could have spent my theoretical time in school getting a degree and thst may have been considered by some more effective and less wasteful, but the lessons learned cannot be bought any other way than by giving your time.

For me I think it's a waste of other people's time to date me, but not a waste to date in general.

[Futureboy]

The issue with me is getting a date to begin with. I try so hard to impress women but because my looks hold me back and women these days do not want to see through my major flaw. Even if we do have very similar tastes and values.

1. Dates give you confidence and help your social and comucation skills.

2. Have a fun day out with someone new and a way to escape the day to day grind.

3. Potentially fall in love with someone and make a connection that could last a long time.

[coastisclear]

More women will say yes to dates than you give yourself credit for. But you need to keep your guard up for ones who try to take advantage of you. If they sense you are not confident in your position (and they have razor intuition for that) and they are confident in theirs you will get screwed 9 out 10 times (meal ticket, friend zone, etc). However if she really likes you she will give you leeway.

A woman’s interest level cuts through EVERYTHING. What I’m angry about is women encouraging other women on here to go on dates with guys they have no interest in just to have a paid for “experience”. That’s complete bs

[mattl338]

Women these days are not the type you can randomly approach and say "hey you're beautiful, want to go on a date sometime?" That's not how it works, they will most of the time say no because they do not know you, this is common sense. Also love is very rare and it takes a lot of work, going on a blind date will decrease the chances of having a shot at both people falling in love exponentially and it is a very poor way of finding love. The proper way to date is to become friends and get to know a girl, and just see how things go from there and if you two eventually start developing feelings for each other as you learn more about each other and develop a bond. Love doesn't develop on multiple dates, going into a date with the intention of dating is how most breakups and divorces happen. Relationships will last much longer by taking things slow and not going into things with the intention of dating but just seeing how things go and if you two start creating a bond and a connection and then start developing feelings, this is the best way to ensure that you won't get into a relationship that will fall apart or separate.

[mattl338]

@coastisclear I agree with almost everything you said besides "More women will say yes to dates than you give yourself credit for." because yes that's half true, but also not. You cannot just randomly approach a woman and ask to date, that's not how it works and you will get rejected 95% of the time, because very few women will date a random stranger they have not had a conversation with first before asking. Most women do not like blind dates, because they are very ineffective for finding love, because love is not as simple as asking a girl to date and then falling in love. It's about creating a connection and a bond first (being friends) and seeing how things work out, and it's also about trust, because they are a stranger, they don't know you or your background, women are very distrustful these days and so you will have to earn their trust, and if you are the same way, then they will also have to win your trust. This is to ensure that you won't get hurt and fucked over, and it's one of the smartest ways, there's nothing wrong with being friends first and taking it slow, this is often how people find true love, by being friends with them and then over time something sparks and they start developing feelings. This is one of the best ways to ensure that your relationship will last a really long time or even your whole lives, rather than 1 to 15 years.

[coastisclear]

@mattl338 when I was your age I used to think the EXACT same way. I was more idealistic back then. To be fair what you are saying would work in a perfect world.

But I have to warn you. I have never in my life been able to begin a relationship with a woman as friends first. I wanted it to be that way just as you described above. But whenever I tried friends first I got “friends only” 100% of the time without fail.

Now I’ve gotten older and want to settle down with somebody I find myself revisiting that approach. But it’s tough.

My only advice to you is to be optimistic but not be naive. You will be tested by women and most do them don’t even realize they are doing it. You want to do right my respecting them. But they will do you wrong by disrespecting you (friendzone) if you are not careful.

But I wish you the best of luck. The best years of your life are coming up and I hope you enjoy them.

[mattl338]

@coastisclear Thank you I appreciate that. Just for the record, I'm not naive, trust me. I don't let anyone manipulate me, use me, and I pay careful attention to the person I'm talking to most of the time, so if she's testing me, I'll know it. I do have to ask you though, what should I do then instead of try to begin a relationship as friends first? I'm not sure if you misunderstood me but what I meant by "be friends first" i just mean don't go into it with the immediate intention of dating because from what I've experienced, that's a turn off if you go into it with the intention of dating them rather than take things slowly like starting out as friends and seeing if feelings develop depending on how much of a connection you two feel and how much time you spend with each other. I meant take things slow is all.

[mattl338]

@coastisclear Also I don't know why they should test me, I don't know what you exactly mean when you said "women will test you" because that's never happened to me, we've just had fun and enjoyed talking and never got the feeling like she was testing me, because if I did, then I would probably start questioning their intentions, get slightly uncomfortable, and things would probably become awkward. I don't know what your meaning of testing is but that sounds like her testing me would just make things very uncomfortable and awkward because we should both just enjoy spending time together.

The way I see it, I don't understand why I should be "tested" because I find it childish rather than being cautious, because it can make the other person uncomfortable, it certainly would for me because it's really unnecessary and I don't like getting the feeling like she doesn't trust me, I can understand if her not trusting me yet is always a thought, but if she exerts that energy of not trusting me by testing me I'll be uncomfortable pretty quickly and might distance myself, because it's not necessary to test me as if I can't be trusted. I used to test people but I stopped because I didn't want them to feel uncomfortable and sometimes they did and I could tell.

[coastisclear]

@mattl338 women test men to see how centered and masculine he is. Most of them do it subconsciously. For example they might go silent on you for no reason. They will always say they are “busy” but unless someone is in the hospital, traveling overseas or stranded in the wilderness there is no way they missed your text or call in the last 24hrs. If you didn’t get a response in 24hrs it’s because they intentionally ignored it. Many guys will try texting again because as men we are used to taking ACTION to get things done. But if you text more than twice she will see you as needy. In those scenarios you need to resist contacting them for at least a week. Most of the time they will contact you after a few days. If they don’t that’s a very bad sign.

But you HAVE to make it clear you are interested early. That doesn’t mean being an aggressive creep. But is going for a kiss on at least the second date. Also if she talking or complaining about other guys that’s a huge red flag you are friend zoned. I used to think it meant she was happy to see me as the better alternative. But it’s a 99 percent chance she sees you as a harmless “friend”. Not good.

My advice is to google Corey Wayne and get his book. I like your optimism. But I just don’t want see you get strong feelings for a girl, put in lots of effort, hope, money and time courting her and then having her screw your over in a heartbeat because she falls heavy for an aggressive asshole. This will happen. And for some reason women get worse in their early 20s. For some reason 18 to 19 yr girls are more fun and open minded. But just a warning. Google Corey Wayne

[mattl338]

@coastisclear Not to be standoffish with how I say this, but whether that's a way of her testing me or not, that's not how I roll, if a girl ignores my text and is avoiding me, then fine, I'll go find someone else, because her testing my masculinity and how "centered" i am to me is childish and immature, I don't believe in doing that, we both should be adults, if we like each other, lets see how it goes, playing games like ignoring my text won't work with me, I will just simply stop talking to her then and assume she's not interested, that's how anyone would think afterall, I don't fall prey to childish mind games. She should be seeing me because of my personality, not my masculinity, and if she is seeing me because of my personality, then testing me like ignoring my texts and calls and playing games with me won't ever happen, any reasonable woman would agree with me on this I think, doesn't this make the most sense?

Also I am terrible at my own feelings and I am very in control of what I say and especially my emotions most of the time, in the past I often came off as standoffish and I do not admit early that I'm interested because that's a bad idea, they will think I am rushing things, so I avoid that mistake, trust me i used to be a person who did show I was interested early on and I got ghosted or it just didn't end well, so I stopped. I am a very reserved person who doesn't make myself vulnerable that easy because people have often taken advantage of me being an open book.

[mattl338]

@coastisclear A kiss on the second date? Okay if that's not rushing things, I don't know what is then. Maybe the 4th or 5th date depending on how much me and them talk to each other but I am not doing it on the second date, because even she will think that's rushing things but on the second date to me is rushing things, I've never kissed a girl before, I will only kiss them when we're dating or after quite a few dates depending on how I feel about them and if me and them definitely have potential, same with sex, which by the way I am also a virgin. I'm not saving my virginity until marriage, but I'm not going to give it to a girl I don't trust either. But I am not quick to become vulnerable to a girl out of protection.

Based on my perspective and feelings about what you said, what do you think about what I said? I'd like to continue this discussion so I can possibly learn more from you and what you think about my perspective on this kind of thing

[mattl338]

@coastisclear Also one more thing, if I meet a girl who falls heavily for an aggressive asshole, he can have her lol That's not a girl that's worth it and tbh that's very toxic if she fall in love for an aggressive asshole and falls out of love with me or some bullshit love trangle happens. If that were to happen I won't even entertain the love triangle, I'm not fighting for a girl who doesn't fight for me or won't pick me when we were together first before the aggressive asshole came along. This would apply even more so if she ended up cheating on me, I'd throw her away quickly without remorse.

[coastisclear]

@mattl338 are Christian or adherent to another faith? Nothing wrong with being a virgin. I wish I didn’t lose mine so fast the way I did (at 16). But also had insecurities about scoring “man points”. I wasn’t the most popular kid in school and I thought that would up my game. But I regret how it was done and who I lost it to (promiscuous neighbor girl).

What you are saying about “not kissing until the 4th or 5th date” is going to leave you very vulnerable to friend zone bs. The exception would be if you are a saving it for faith reasons. But that’s not your thing you are going to be in for some real pain down the road. I just don’t want you falling in love with some girl and have her telling you “how nice and sweet” you are just got watch her jump in bed with some f*ckboy 30 mins after talking to him. I’ve seen it happen way too many times.

I had my chance to the do the honors on a beautiful 18 yr old girl who had a huge crush on me in college (I was 21). I was in between her legs kissing her. She was both scared and excited. But I stopped. I told her it wasn’t right to do it a dingy dorm room and I wanted to make it special.

Well she definitely lost it alright. To some random asshole a month later. She just HAD to tell me all about it because I was such a “caring friend”. I really thought I would be next but at that point I was never.

Just be careful with who you fall for. You might really believe she respects your chivalry and maybe she does find it cute. But she can also find it timid and boring. You don’t want to be in that scenario. It’s a most horrible feeling in the world. You get punished for doing the right thing.

I wish young guys could hold off on sex thinking that the girl will fall in love with him because he actually really cares for her. But never in my life has that worked nor have I ever seen it work. Only exception is for Christianity or Islam beliefs. But not for “I love you and let’s wait to make it special” beliefs.

[coastisclear]

*18 yr old girl was a virgin. VERY beautiful one. I respected her and as it turned out no good deed goes unpunished.

[coastisclear]

You will see LOTS of women fall for aggressive assholes in the next few years. Just a warning. Women mistake their aggression as strong masculine energy. They want the CHALLENGE of trying to “change him”. Even the good girls who get in deep conversations with and convince you they would never do that... will still for fall for them. It’s hardcoded in their DNA. The 18 yr old told me that “I know this guy (the one she lost it too) is going to hurt me and cheat on me. But I JUST have feelings for him”. I remember throwing up in my mouth hearing that. She was supposedly very Christian too.

So expect the unexpected. If it doesn’t bother you to see a girl ditch you for some aggressive dbag... great. That’s awesome. But you will see it happen more than once i promise you that.

[mattl338]

I understand and thank you for your advice.

Well I can understand that but why does it have to be on the second date? That’s absolutely too soon, it’s only the second date and we have hardly known each other. Also I’m not Christian but i do believe in God. also im not worried about a girl jumping in bed with a fuck boy 30 minutes after talking to him, and like i said if she is that reckless and doesn’t care who she sleeps with, id prefer to date someone who’s more mature and reasonable and isn’t going to treat me like an afterthought, which there are more of those women than you think, I don’t think love is that bleak and grim. I feel like those women you are talking about were just immature and reckless and generally aren’t worth a long term serious relationship and you just found the wrong women, this is not how most women are I think. I will admit I could try more things and change my mindset a little bit but like i said im not desperate enough to stick with a women who will jump in bed with an asshole she barely knows over me, because like i said if that happens, she can have him and she can go fuck herself, karma will get her. Those kinds of women aren’t worth it and you should just let them go and move onto someone better. Although maybe I misunderstood what you meant, im not sure. But again I avoid these women who fall for aggressive assholes but that doesn’t mean i have to become an aggressive asshole myself in order to get women because that’s not who i am or how i was raised and who i am is not chivalry, its called being a good person and i am very good about ignoring and avoid dating girls who cheat on their boyfriends, fall for aggressive assholes and leave their boyfriends, and all of that. I have met many girls who are not like that, believe me or not, i have. I know these women seem like they outnumber good girls, but they don’t. Also it’s not in their DNA like you said, everyone is different, plenty of girls are loyal and great and i know a lot.

[mattl338]

Also I feel like it’s unfair to generalize women as how you described them to be because there are plently of wonderful genuine girls who would date you and wouldn’t hurt you or use you or make you out to not even be an afterthought. If i misunderstood you please correct me

[coastisclear]

@mattl338 I got to say that talking to you is so nostalgic. Very reminiscent of how I thought about things at 18. Again you have some most intense years of your life in front. Find me a lamp and take me back! Lol.

Anyway everything you said above is optimistic and respect your optimistic view on the world. That in itself is attractive to many women and decent people in general. But I’m going to be honest out of respect. You are naive. Not because you are stupid or childish. No, you are naive because you are young and inexperienced.

I want you to do this immediately today. Go to amazon and order “how to be a 3% man, winning the heart of the woman of your dreams.” by Corey Wayne. You can get it cheap used or on kindle. It’s also free on audible audiobook. Read or listen to it at least 10 times.

Also if you got the money look on eBay for “doc loves dating dictionary”. It’s more expensive but it was revolutionary when I first read it at 25. His approach completely changed my game. I started getting more dates with attractive (some very attractive women) in my mid/late 20s. I got a lot of action back then. Not proud of it but not compared to how I was treated early not ashamed of it either. Both guys are not there to turn you into a fake a**hole (women can see that anyway) but helping you avoid mistakes that really turn them off.

Just do it. They aren’t Gods. But they know more than me and definitely more than you.

[coastisclear]

If all goes well you will find a like minded girl in the next few years (going to college, in college?). That’s the best case scenario. But I’m concerned about getting your heart broken. Right now what you are saying is logically correct. But attraction isn’t a choice. Again you and the girl you meet will have no choice in feeling attraction or lack thereof. When then happens logic tends to fly out the window. People get stupid. I know I got stupid. I still get stupid time to time. But I know how to handle it better (not perfect but better).

[coastisclear]

But if I can reconnect with you 2 years and find out you got an awesome girlfriend I will take pride in knowing that. Also if I find out you avoid a major mistake I will also feel relieved for you.

Nobody taught me the ropes about women at your age. Nobody. Both my parents taught me to kiss girls asses growing up (my dad got dominated by mother). Just a bad role model. I had to learn the hard way. I want young guys like you better prepared for what’s coming.

[mattl338]

I don’t think I’m naive I’m just looking for a serious long term relationship with a girl who will love me for who I am and won’t hurt me or choose someone else over me while we’re dating or play with my feelings and is mature and isn’t reckless. That’s it. Im not looking to get a ton of dates or get laid all the time. I think you’re just not understanding what im looking for that’s all. I know Im young and have a lot to go but that doesn’t mean i dont know anything, and i think you’re underestimating me a little bit. But besides that, again i think what you haven’t considered is the type of women that you attracted when you were my age which lead to a lot of pain, I haven’t met any women that are like how you’ve described and a lot of women would find what you’re saying offensive to their character because you’re essentially saying that all women are controlling and will jump on an assholes dick without a second thought and break a good guy’s heart and that they require a certain kind of skill to master or something. Which is completely asinine when AS I SAID, there are A LOT of women who are NOT like how youve described and are actually GREAT people who would make great serious long term partners who aren’t whores. Also I’d advise you stop condescending me by insinuating that what I’m saying is just me being optimistic and naive, however THAT IS THE TRUTH. Whether you like it or not. Not every woman is a controlling whore who doesn’t care how a guy feels. Again, EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT AND NOT EVERYONE IS AN ASSHOLE INCLUDING GIRLS. It would shock you how many wonderful women there are who aren’t girls who act like high school teenagers who jump on an assholes dick. Even if they were that way, they wouldn’t be worth dating now would they? Again stop condescending me because im 18. I know more than you think, I don’t know everything but I’m not naive. I’m telling you what the reality is, and how you view women is a little misogynistic.

[mattl338]

I appreciate your hospitality but how your coming off is very condescending to my sensibilities

[mattl338]

Again I don’t know if I misunderstood what you think and what you’re saying but please correct me if i am because im 50% sure im getting you wrong. I can’t tell if you’re saying women are naturally girls who jump onto an assholes dick and are reckless or if you’re giving simple dating tips to help me get a date and that a lot of girls aren’t awful and will hurt me. Please elaborate on what you mean

[mattl338]

Because again im 50% sure i completely misunderstood what you really meant

[mattl338]

I also don’t mean to come off rude or aggressive.

[coastisclear]

@mattl338 I WANT you to get into a long term loving relationship. I think it would be great if you can take things slow first. I definitely think it’s possible.

But the early stages are crucial. The books I recommend aren’t about turning you into a manwhore. Doc Love especially promotes long term loving relationships. I recommended that to help you because it definitely helped me.

You don’t have to take that advice. I don’t care. But as older experienced guy looking from the outside I’m seeing some things. No offense. You can take my advice or leave it. But I had a similar outlook as you do at 18. I absolutely feel head over heels for an extremely beautiful girl at 22 (she was 21). By FAR the most beautiful girl (and smart) I have ever met in my life. I had the same approach you are thinking (friends first.). She liked me too but I screwed it all up big time back then. She ended up meeting and courting her future husband right in front of me in a personal training certification class. But while this was going on she still kept talking to me. I thought meant I still had a chance. But I was completely fucked and in the Mariana Trench of the friend zone. But I didn’t even know the term “friend zone” back then. If I had better game back then (which Corey Wayne and Doc Love teach) things might of worked out differently. It might of not worked out but I could look back knowing I respected myself better.

Now I’m not saying that will happen to you. But she wasn’t an isolated incident. I want to give you knowledge to be better prepared.

And yes not all women are whores, chase assholes, etc. I’ve met a few decent ones myself. But you need to be on your guard.

Pls check out those books. Way better advice than what I can offer you in GAG. Again you can do things your way. But these authors are no fools. And it’s not about just getting laid. It’s about finding true love.

[hellacray]

You say it as if it's easy for everyone to get a date. Haha and who are you trying to convince?

I'm sure most people have gone on at least knedate before. I don't think it's really necessary to try and convince people to start dating.

Also I can think of many reasons why dating is bad. Obvious reason is that it's a waste of time and money.

The girl can treat you badly and drive you insane. She can be using you to get what she wants. In my personal experience women tried to use me to get my homework answers or the textbook that I bought.

And then like I mentioned before not everyone can just get a date. Took me like 3 months before I got a match on Tinder when I used it and then she unmatched.

Yeah dating to me is a waste of time. I've had like around 7 dates and they all sucked.

[myTake Owner]

Not trying to convince anyone of anything. This is just my take on it. If you don’t like it, then don’t read it 😊

[hellacray]

Ugh... How would I know if I like it or not if I don't read it?

[Wheresthebooze]

haven't you heard of tinder? Or you can just ask people out until you get a date? Also, dating can lead to strong relationships and love. Unless you want to only have meaningless relationships, but not everyone is you.

[hellacray]

And maybe you should read my whole answer before commenting buddy.

[lifelearner011]

I cherish all the positive aspects you just mentioned. However I have to let you know, not every person out there chooses "not to date". A lot of variables play: culture, context, life stage, status, compatibility, etc.
Dating is not a waste of time. But not everyone has the privilege to date in the society we're living.

[Jamie05rhs]

How would someone not have the privilege to date? Just curious.

[lifelearner011]

@Jamie05rhs I wanted to share it privately, yet I'll post it here. Well, before the Covid this way is my "life phase" routine: Doing my intership/practice from 8-3 and continue with lectures and gradschool work from 5-11pm. During weekends I'm doing research as part of my responsabilities. I take care of my "physical" health by eating right, exercising very early and mentally from staying close to my family, friends and congregating with a spiritual community during Sundays evening. I've been doing this for 4 years now, (I'm 27 years old) and have been studying since I entered college. Yes, I've been courted, yes guys have flirted and of course I've felt attracted towards some of them. Yet that is not everything when you are "long term oriented" I'm not into ONS and as well I have some traditional values. I'm Christian and believe in intentionality, love, trust and faith in everything made. Maybe that has made it a "privilege", is not the same to date whoever passes in front of you than dating a person with whom you can vision yourself in the future.

[Jamie05rhs]

@lifelearner011 Thanks for sharing that. All of this sounds like you're doing very well and you're on the right track for great success in life. So I congratulate you for that!

As far as the dating goes, though, I don't see why you can't go out with one of those guys if you like him and are interested in him. It would definitely be a "privilege" for him (though that wasn't really the definition of the word that I was thinking of when I asked the question. I guess I was more referring to the concept of "privilege" as in having benefits and opportunities that others may lack.)

[crazy8000]

Both yes and no.

Total waste of time!
1. Dating just for the sake of dating.
2. The other one wants it and you see nothing gonna become from it.
(Have better things to do that's more important)

Not waste of time!
1. Mutual interest in each other for something that is more than just a meeting.
2. Potential something more than just a meeting.


Yes I have gone on dates you try to promote.
Total waste of time and energy.
To many energy vampires and unpleasant characters with and without severe mental issues.
Leading on people is mean.
Give falls hope with someone that didn't have any chance to begin with with what they are after is leading on and wrong on to many levels.
People aren't someone's entertainment un less they want to be.
Pity dating is mean.
...

[snappysierra]

Totally agree with you. All I got where pity dates or guys that where either just very desperate for a relationship having no attraction what so ever to me , or they wanted to forget an ex

[Jack9949]

As someone who’s lived most of my life alone, it would certainly be better with another person. Trust me you don’t understand the importance until you’ve been deprived of it. However you can still occupy your time in other ways as I mostly have... but the picture just isn’t complete of course.. if you don’t have anyone to share those moments with.

[Celtero]

Bruh... if it's not for "those who are happy being single and don't ever want a relationship"

then who is it for? Or are you just preaching to the choir?

And no offense, but "it's something to do" is never a great reason.

'Hey, hit yourself in the head with this hammer.'
'Why?'
'It's something to do.'
'Right, good point. *THWACK*'

[IU_092]

😂😂😂 hilarious

[PeterAyre]

Exposure. Meet more single women, increase the chance of finding a good potential partner. @Futureboy mentioned it. Chance, it's a numbers game. @OlderAndWiser hit the nail on the head with regards to development. Also, I would caution the author to not paint all biochemists with the same brush.

[JohnOliver64]

The only reason I haven't dated is just my fear of being hurt. I've had plenty of terrible times trying to even share my feelings with someone without them hurting me in some way. I know its not really an excuse for being so afraid of something normal for so long, but you do have a point in it. It really isn't a waste of time and I'm hoping to learn how to feel like I'm in love with someone again

[Lliam]

The point of a date is to have fun, not to share your angst. Being all vulnerable with a stranger is a turn off.

[mattl338]

@Lliam Im very rarely vulnerable with anyone. So that problem of "being all vulnerable with a stranger is a turn off" isn't a problem for me. :)

[sensible27]

Just as a rebuttal, if you have interests and passions that are not common your chances of finding or just stumbling upon a partner that you like decrease exponentially. It's a normal distribution graph and bieng on the ends of it is not really preferable if love is important to you.

[mattl338]

Exactly, you're exactly right. Your partner's interests and passions and values being mostly similar to yours are absolutely essential, don't sell yourself short.

[CasaNorba]

1. this is only good if you are some sort of crowd-pleaser begging for attention and approval.

2. yeah sure wish it could stop there and wouldn't require so much expenditures in the long run

3. there are millions of other things to do out there that are far more meaningful and beneficial than dating.